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The vagina has more than eight thousand nerve endings

But, it’s still not nearly as sensitive as Reddit.

What did theta say to eight?

Your belt is way too tight.

Eight of the Supreme Court justices, except for Ginsburg, went out on a killing spree, executing everyone they came across.....

... they were Ruthless

What's the worst thing about twenty eight year olds?

They all have to share a room at Jeffrey Epstein's apartment

I needed a password eight characters long

So i picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

What has eight legs and barks?

Two dogs.

An eight year old girl went with her father to the office on take your daughter to work day..

As they were walking around the office, the young girl started crying and getting very cranky.

Her father asked, ''what's wrong sweetie?''

As his colleagues gathered around, she sobbed loudly: ''Daddy, where are all the clowns you sad you worked with?''

Putin scored eight goals in that exhibition hockey game. Apparently he has an incredible slap shot...

... if you don't let him score, he slaps you and then shoots you.

Everyone knows why six is scared of seven. It’s because seven eight nine..

But do you know why Seven eight nine?

Because your supposed to eat three squared meals a day

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A fly is flying across a river back and forth...

Every time it reaches one of the river banks it drops eight inches. A fish in the river sees the fly and thinks to himself, "when that fly gets low enough I'm going to jump up and get that fly". A bear sees the fish and thinks to himself, "when that fish jumps up to catch that fly, I'm going to go c...

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At age 13, Little Johnny was blessed with an eight inch penis.

And three years later, that priest went to prison.

A Jewish guy goes into a confession box. "Father O'Malley" he says, "my name is Emil Cohen. I'm seventy eight years old. Believe it or not, I'm currently involved with a 28 year old girl, and also, on the side, her 19 year old sister."

"We engage in all manner of pleasure, and in my entire life I've never felt better."

"My good man," says the priest, "I think you've come to the wrong place. Why are you telling me?"

And the guy goes: "I'm telling everybody!"

A healthy human can grow up to eight feet

But most only have two.

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An elderly man stopped my eight year old in the park.

An elderly man stopped my 8 year old at the park. He had been watching him play and pulled him aside to question him.

He said, "I can't believe what you're doing! You're running around, eating candy bars with filthy hands, and then jumping off the monkey bars, you are gonna get seriously inj...

Do you think Germans can count past eight?

Nein

A lorry has just overturned on the M6 loaded with Vicks vapour rub.

Police have said there will be no congestion for eight hours.

What do you call eight rabbits walking backwards together?

A receding hare-line.

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(My Dad told me this one) So two eight-year-olds wake up one morning, deciding they're old enough to cuss...

So their mama calls them down for breakfast, and asks, "Little Johnny, what do you want for breakfast?"

And Little Johnny says: "Alright, bitch, I'm thinking I want a motherfucking biscuit!" And mama *backhands* Little Johnny hard as she could, knocking him to the floor. She kneels down and l...

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When I was eight my grandfather told me...

There was this small pond in the woods and above it a fly was buzzing back and forth.

On the edge of the pond was a frog. The frog thought to itself, “If only that buzzing fly were a little lower I could hop up over the pond and eat it for my lunch.”

On a branch in the tree next to th...

How many are eight Wizards of Oz?

One Wizard of Cups

In eight grade my gym teacher gave me a D.

That's how I got an A.

There's eight of us here

We'll need ten to start the cancer experimental treatment. Let's get tumor people.

Why was eight afraid of seven

Because seven was a registered six offender

What do you call an eight-thousand pound gorilla?

Sir

Two eight year old boys are chatting...

Boy 1: 'I found a used condom on our patio this morning.'
Boy 2: 'What's a patio?'

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My eight year old nephew said he had a joke:

“What did the ant say to the other ant?”
“I dunno, what?”
“Nothing, ants communicate using pheromones, not speech.”
“Yeah, that’s not really a joke kid.”
He was quiet for a moment, and looked at the ground. “It’s an ant-y joke, asshole.”

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What does a ninety eight year old cock taste like?

... depends

A guy was admitted into a hospital where they found eight plastic horses in his stomach...

He is in stable condition now.

Would you like the pizza cut into eight or twelve slices?

Just eight, I don't think I could eat twelve!

My eight year old sister asked me what my unlucky number was

"2009"

So, a female friend asked me for my honest, unbiased opinion of her...

...on a scale from 1 to 10. I looked her up and down and said, quickly, "You're an eight." I think she peed a little.

I have a really healthy sleep schedule. I sleep at least eight hours a day

And at least ten a night.

I have eight hands and four heads what am I?

A serial killer

Eight year old tells funniest joke

My eight year old cousin told me this one:

Why was Beethoven mad at his chicken?

Because he kept saying Bach Bach Bach

Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Can I get you anything?”

“Yeah”, reply the bytes. “Make us a double.”

I made this joke up when I was eight. I'm very proud of it.

What's in the wardrobe?

Narnia business.

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Little Johnny is back

The teacher asked the class to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate', not 'fascinati...

I've heard like eight cancer jokes today...

If I hear another one it's gonna benign

If I put eight cats in a row...

Do I have an octo-puss?

What walks on eight legs until the age of one, four legs until the age of twenty, and two legs after?

The Weasley twins

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"in order to save the world from the giant eight-arsed monster, we have to send a big robot to lick one of its bum holes - in particular, the third one in from the left calf" "that's quite a...

...Specific Rim"

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Charlie Sheen has a kilo of coke and five hookers, he does two eight balls and sends one of the hookers home, what does Charlie Sheen have?

AIDS, Charlie Sheen has AIDS.

Who did King Arthur leave in charge of watching his eight electrons?

Sir Valence!

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A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fucking appendix out!"

My friend said that if you drink the fluid from a magic eight ball you could tell the future.....

He said that he was going to die, he died

I've been married for eight years and I still get head weekly.

My wife would kill me though if she knew how much I was paying for it.

What do you call a terrorist with eight legs?

An Iraqnid.

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What's the best part of having sex with twenty-eight year olds?

There are 20 of them.

A powerful tornado tore through our town last night. So far, eight bodies have been found.

Plot twister. It only damaged the graveyard.

A man was found dead eight years after committing suicide

Sort of proves his point, doesn't it?

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Two young brothers, eight and seven years old, are playing video games.

The older boy says: At breakfast tomorrow, we should say a cuss word!

The younger brother agrees and they go to bed that night giggling with excitement.

The next morning, their mom says to the older brother: What do you want for breakfast?

The boy replies: Aw, hell, gimme some C...

A black guy was holding his eight-month-old baby

A black guy was holding his eight-month-old baby while his wife was in the kitchen fixing lunch. The baby murmured, "mother."
The guy gets all excited and hollered to his wife, "Hey, the baby just said half a word!"

Q) I have ten arms, eight legs and 22 feet. what am I?

A) A liar.

What has six eyes, four wings and eight legs?

Two chickens and a goat.

I can't stand those eight-legged freaks.

Or as they're more commonly known, "quadruplets".

I've been playing video games since I was eight years old.

I should probably go and have a shower.

There are thirty cows and twenty eight chickens. How many didn't?

Ten of them.

Bros Vs. Hoes.

A woman doesn't come home one night. The next day she tells her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The husband calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it.


A man doesn’t come home one night. The next day he tells his wife that he had slept o...

An owl was investigated as a suspect in the serial murders of eight random individuals in under a year

But the case went cold after repeatedly insisting it didn't know the victims' names.

Eight-Ball

I was playing eight-ball in the pub last night....

I was about to take a shot when my mate said, “Watch the black.”

I replied, “Why, is he near my jacket again?”

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The Queen of England is taking a tour of an American hospital when she spots a patient furiously masturbating through an open door.

Her Majesty: "What's going on here? This is absolutely appalling."

Nurse: "Actually, Your Highness, it's for medicinal purposes. This patient has a very serious condition, and if he doesn't orgasm at least once every eight hours, his testicles will swell and cause fatal clotting."

Her ...

How can a man go eight days without sleep?

No problem , He sleeps at night.

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Eight dwarves are in a tub, feeling happy

Happy got out now they're all fucking grumpy

I asked my Wife “Am I the only one you’ve been with?”

“Yes... but I’ve had some sevens and eights.” She replied.

Scientists removed the right half of a man's brain...

...and then, they asked him to count to ten. The man counted, "two, four, six, eight, ten."

Then they put the right half back and removed the left half, and again asked the man to count to ten. The man counted, "one, three, five, seven, nine."

The scientists then removed both halves of...

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During his physical examination, a doctor asked a man about his physical activity level.

He described a typical day this way:


"Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain.
I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles.
I got sand in my shoes and my eyes.
I avoided standing on a snake....

What has eight arms and tells the time?

A clocktopus

Shoutout to the popper from my Xmas dinner

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What do you call a group of eight cowards?

Octopussies.

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I was surprised to see my eight year old son looking at me as I exited the shower.

Shocked and nude, I thought quickly to avoid an award moment with my son.

"Son, someday I promise your dick will be as big as mine." I said making the best of the situation

The son looked wide eyed at my fatherly penis; and promptly ran off screaming...

"Mommy, mommy, daddy's ...

A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner grocery picking out a large size box of laundry detergent...

The grocer walked over and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.

"Nope, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog."

"But, you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, i...

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An old Jewish man was finally allowed to leave the Soviet Union, to emigrate to Israel.

When he was searched at the Moscow airport, the customs official found a bust of Lenin.

Customs: What is that?

Old man: What is that? What is that?! Don't say "What is that?" say "Who is that?" That is Lenin! The genius who thought up this worker's paradise!

The official laughed...

My eight year old niece told me this. I think it's pretty funny!

An elephant is passing by an apple tree, and he spots a monkey up there. He asks the monkey,

"Hey monkey, what are you doing up there?"

*"I'm gonna eat bananas now."*

"Stupid monkey, you are sitting on an apple tree!"

*"Stupid elephant, I got bananas in my pocket."*

I’d like to be eight again.

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she’d like as a gift. “I’d like to be eight again,” she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, he rose early,...

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A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun.

Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. "Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dr...

Ninety-eight percent of lawyers...

give the other two percent a really bad name.

What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?

Four guys watching a football game.

What do you call an eight-legged insect holding a magnifying glass?

A spy, duh.

Deadly eight iron.

Two buddies were playing a round of golf and off the seventh tee Brian sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball.

After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the l...

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A man sees a sign outside a house: 'Talking Dog For Sale'

'Talking Dog For Sale'....He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.
The man sees a very nice looking Black Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"Do you really talk?" He asks the dog.
"Yes!" The Labrador replies.
After recovering from the sh...

Old German joke

An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, “The soup is cold."

His astonished mother exclaimed, “Son, I’ve waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven’t you spoken befor...

Son asked his dad “Dad, what is an alcoholic?”

Dad replied “You see those four trees over there? Well an alcoholic would see eight.”

“Dad, I only see two trees”

I went to the shops to get eight cans of sprite.

But when i was walking back i realized Id only picked 7 up

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How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know yet but it has to be more than eight because my basement is still dark.

A zero and an eight are walking in a desert...

and the zero asks the eight "aren't you too hot with that belt on?"

Learned this when I was eight, still one of my favorites.

A blonde a brunette and a redhead are walking along a fence on a beautiful sunny day. They are walking through some tall grass when the redhead finds a baseball sized rock.

"what should I do with this rock?" the redhead asks the other two.

"Throw it over the fence" they both reply. <...

I tried to train several baby cows to drink coffee.

But only one calf in eight did.

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