Everyone knows why six is scared of seven. It’s because seven eight nine..

But do you know why Seven eight nine?

Because your supposed to eat three squared meals a day

Whats good about dating twenty eight year olds?

Theres twenty of them.

There's eight of us here

We'll need ten to start the cancer experimental treatment. Let's get tumor people.

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An elderly man stopped my eight year old in the park.

An elderly man stopped my 8 year old at the park. He had been watching him play and pulled him aside to question him.

He said, "I can't believe what you're doing! You're running around, eating candy bars with filthy hands, and then jumping off the monkey bars, you are gonna get seriously inj...

Do you think Germans can count past eight?

Nein

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A fly is flying across a river back and forth...

Every time it reaches one of the river banks it drops eight inches. A fish in the river sees the fly and thinks to himself, "when that fly gets low enough I'm going to jump up and get that fly". A bear sees the fish and thinks to himself, "when that fish jumps up to catch that fly, I'm going to go c...

I needed a password eight characters long so I picked...

"Snow White and the Seven Dwarves".

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When I was eight my grandfather told me...

There was this small pond in the woods and above it a fly was buzzing back and forth.

On the edge of the pond was a frog. The frog thought to itself, “If only that buzzing fly were a little lower I could hop up over the pond and eat it for my lunch.”

On a branch in the tree next to th...

How many are eight Wizards of Oz?

One Wizard of Cups

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(My Dad told me this one) So two eight-year-olds wake up one morning, deciding they're old enough to cuss...

So their mama calls them down for breakfast, and asks, "Little Johnny, what do you want for breakfast?"

And Little Johnny says: "Alright, bitch, I'm thinking I want a motherfucking biscuit!" And mama *backhands* Little Johnny hard as she could, knocking him to the floor. She kneels down and l...

What did the zero say to the eight?

Nice belt.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

At age 13, Little Johnny was blessed with an eight inch penis.

And three years later, that priest went to prison.

What do you call an eight-thousand pound gorilla?

Sir

What do you call eight rabbits walking backwards together?

A receding hare-line.

Why was eight afraid of seven

Because seven was a registered six offender

In eight grade my gym teacher gave me a D.

That's how I got an A.

Two eight year old boys are chatting...

Boy 1: 'I found a used condom on our patio this morning.'
Boy 2: 'What's a patio?'

A guy was admitted into a hospital where they found eight plastic horses in his stomach...

He is in stable condition now.

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What does a ninety eight year old cock taste like?

... depends

A lorry has just overturned on the M6 loaded with Vicks vapour rub.

Police have said there will be no congestion for eight hours.

Would you like the pizza cut into eight or twelve slices?

Just eight, I don't think I could eat twelve!

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My eight year old nephew said he had a joke:

“What did the ant say to the other ant?”
“I dunno, what?”
“Nothing, ants communicate using pheromones, not speech.”
“Yeah, that’s not really a joke kid.”
He was quiet for a moment, and looked at the ground. “It’s an ant-y joke, asshole.”

If I put eight cats in a row...

Do I have an octo-puss?

I have eight hands and four heads what am I?

A serial killer

I have a really healthy sleep schedule. I sleep at least eight hours a day

And at least ten a night.

Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Can I get you anything?”

“Yeah”, reply the bytes. “Make us a double.”

Scientists removed the right half of a man's brain...

...and then, they asked him to count to ten. The man counted, "two, four, six, eight, ten."

Then they put the right half back and removed the left half, and again asked the man to count to ten. The man counted, "one, three, five, seven, nine."

The scientists then removed both halves of...

My eight year old sister asked me what my unlucky number was

"2009"

Eight year old tells funniest joke

My eight year old cousin told me this one:

Why was Beethoven mad at his chicken?

Because he kept saying Bach Bach Bach

I've heard like eight cancer jokes today...

If I hear another one it's gonna benign

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Charlie Sheen has a kilo of coke and five hookers, he does two eight balls and sends one of the hookers home, what does Charlie Sheen have?

AIDS, Charlie Sheen has AIDS.

What walks on eight legs until the age of one, four legs until the age of twenty, and two legs after?

The Weasley twins

Son asked his dad “Dad, what is an alcoholic?”

Dad replied “You see those four trees over there? Well an alcoholic would see eight.”

“Dad, I only see two trees”

Who did King Arthur leave in charge of watching his eight electrons?

Sir Valence!

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An old Jewish man was finally allowed to leave the Soviet Union, to emigrate to Israel.

When he was searched at the Moscow airport, the customs official found a bust of Lenin.

Customs: What is that?

Old man: What is that? What is that?! Don't say "What is that?" say "Who is that?" That is Lenin! The genius who thought up this worker's paradise!

The official laughed...

I made this joke up when I was eight. I'm very proud of it.

What's in the wardrobe?

Narnia business.

My friend said that if you drink the fluid from a magic eight ball you could tell the future.....

He said that he was going to die, he died

What's black, has eight legs, and makes a woman scream?

Gangrape

I've been married for eight years and I still get head weekly.

My wife would kill me though if she knew how much I was paying for it.

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A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fucking appendix out!"

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What's the best part of having sex with twenty-eight year olds?

There are 20 of them.

What do you call a terrorist with eight legs?

An Iraqnid.

Old German joke

An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, “The soup is cold."

His astonished mother exclaimed, “Son, I’ve waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven’t you spoken befor...

I've been playing video games since I was eight years old.

I should probably go and have a shower.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two young brothers, eight and seven years old, are playing video games.

The older boy says: At breakfast tomorrow, we should say a cuss word!

The younger brother agrees and they go to bed that night giggling with excitement.

The next morning, their mom says to the older brother: What do you want for breakfast?

The boy replies: Aw, hell, gimme some C...

A man was found dead eight years after committing suicide

Sort of proves his point, doesn't it?

A black guy was holding his eight-month-old baby

A black guy was holding his eight-month-old baby while his wife was in the kitchen fixing lunch. The baby murmured, "mother."
The guy gets all excited and hollered to his wife, "Hey, the baby just said half a word!"

I can't stand those eight-legged freaks.

Or as they're more commonly known, "quadruplets".

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Little Johnny

One day in a school room:

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to...

Q) I have ten arms, eight legs and 22 feet. what am I?

A) A liar.

A powerful tornado tore through our town last night. So far, eight bodies have been found.

Plot twister. It only damaged the graveyard.

An owl was investigated as a suspect in the serial murders of eight random individuals in under a year

But the case went cold after repeatedly insisting it didn't know the victims' names.

There are thirty cows and twenty eight chickens. How many didn't?

Ten of them.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Horny Husband

With his wife now eight months pregnant, a man was severely horny. She recognized what he was going through and empathized enough to hand him a fifty-dollar bill.

"Honey, you're so depressed. Take this money to the woman next door and she'll sleep with you. But remember: tonight only, okay? N...

How can a man go eight days without sleep?

No problem , He sleeps at night.

What's black with eight legs and often found in the shower?

Prison rape.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Eight dwarves are in a tub, feeling happy

Happy got out now they're all fucking grumpy

I asked my wife if I was the only one she's been with.

She said, "Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights".

Eight-Ball

I was playing eight-ball in the pub last night....

I was about to take a shot when my mate said, “Watch the black.”

I replied, “Why, is he near my jacket again?”

What has eight arms and tells the time?

A clocktopus

Shoutout to the popper from my Xmas dinner

A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner grocery picking out a large size box of laundry detergent...

The grocer walked over and trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.

"Nope, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog."

"But, you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, i...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was surprised to see my eight year old son looking at me as I exited the shower.

Shocked and nude, I thought quickly to avoid an award moment with my son.

"Son, someday I promise your dick will be as big as mine." I said making the best of the situation

The son looked wide eyed at my fatherly penis; and promptly ran off screaming...

"Mommy, mommy, daddy's ...

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What do you call a group of eight cowards?

Octopussies.

I’d like to be eight again.

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she’d like as a gift. “I’d like to be eight again,” she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, he rose early,...

My eight year old niece told me this. I think it's pretty funny!

An elephant is passing by an apple tree, and he spots a monkey up there. He asks the monkey,

"Hey monkey, what are you doing up there?"

*"I'm gonna eat bananas now."*

"Stupid monkey, you are sitting on an apple tree!"

*"Stupid elephant, I got bananas in my pocket."*

What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?

Four guys watching a football game.

What do you call an eight-legged insect holding a magnifying glass?

A spy, duh.

Eight mexicans drowned in the lake over the weekend.

The newspaper headline was "Ocho Sinko"

Deadly eight iron.

Two buddies were playing a round of golf and off the seventh tee Brian sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball.

After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the l...

Ninety-eight percent of lawyers...

give the other two percent a really bad name.

A zero and an eight are walking in a desert...

and the zero asks the eight "aren't you too hot with that belt on?"

Learned this when I was eight, still one of my favorites.

A blonde a brunette and a redhead are walking along a fence on a beautiful sunny day. They are walking through some tall grass when the redhead finds a baseball sized rock.

"what should I do with this rock?" the redhead asks the other two.

"Throw it over the fence" they both reply. <...

I went to the shops to get eight cans of sprite.

But when i was walking back i realized Id only picked 7 up

Why is Sunday afraid of Easter?

Because Easter falls on Sunday!

Courtesy of my eight year old daughter! Is this a joke anyone’s heard? She says she invented it but man... that’s very clever. I’m a proud papa.

One professor of mathematics noticed that his kitchen sink at his home broke down.

He called a plumber. The plumber came on the next day, sealed a few screws and everything was working as before.

The professor was delighted. However, when the plumber gave him the bill a minute later, he was shocked.

"This is one third of my monthly salary !" he yelled.

Well, a...

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A man goes into a brothel

He says to the madam, "Hi, I'm a traveling salesman, I've been on the road for eight weeks. I'll pay $100 for the worst blow-job in the house."

&#x200B;

She says, "The worst...? For $100 you can have the best blow-job in the house!"

&#x200B;

He says, "No, it's all...

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A priest is sitting inside the church, when a guy comes in and asks to be confessed.

“Very well, my child,” says the priest, as he leads the man into the confession booth, “Tell me about your sins.”

“Well, Father,” says the guy, “On Monday, I was at my girlfriend’s house, and, well… the two of us alone, the house empty… I sinned, Father.”

“Don’t worry, child,” says the...

I went to pick up weed from my dealer.

He said it was gonna be $80. I asked him if eight tens would be okay. He said he would prefer four twenties.