Everyone knows why six is scared of seven. It’s because seven eight nine..

But do you know why Seven eight nine?

Because your supposed to eat three squared meals a day

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An elderly man stopped my eight year old in the park.

An elderly man stopped my 8 year old at the park. He had been watching him play and pulled him aside to question him.

He said, "I can't believe what you're doing! You're running around, eating candy bars with filthy hands, and then jumping off the monkey bars, you are gonna get seriously inj...

What did the zero say to the eight?

Nice belt.

Do you think Germans can count past eight?


There's eight of us here

We'll need ten to start the cancer experimental treatment. Let's get tumor people.


How many are eight Wizards of Oz?

One Wizard of Cups

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When I was eight my grandfather told me...

There was this small pond in the woods and above it a fly was buzzing back and forth.

On the edge of the pond was a frog. The frog thought to itself, “If only that buzzing fly were a little lower I could hop up over the pond and eat it for my lunch.”

On a branch in the tree next to th...

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(My Dad told me this one) So two eight-year-olds wake up one morning, deciding they're old enough to cuss...

So their mama calls them down for breakfast, and asks, "Little Johnny, what do you want for breakfast?"

And Little Johnny says: "Alright, bitch, I'm thinking I want a motherfucking biscuit!" And mama *backhands* Little Johnny hard as she could, knocking him to the floor. She kneels down and l...

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A fly is flying across a river back and forth...

Every time it reaches one of the river banks it drops eight inches. A fish in the river sees the fly and thinks to himself, "when that fly gets low enough I'm going to jump up and get that fly". A bear sees the fish and thinks to himself, "when that fish jumps up to catch that fly, I'm going to go c...

What do you call an eight-thousand pound gorilla?


Why was eight afraid of seven

Because seven was a registered six offender

I needed a password eight characters long so I picked...

"Snow White and the Seven Dwarves".

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At age 13, Little Johnny was blessed with an eight inch penis.

And three years later, that priest went to prison.

A lorry has just overturned on the M6 loaded with Vicks vapour rub.

Police have said there will be no congestion for eight hours.

Two eight year old boys are chatting...

Boy 1: 'I found a used condom on our patio this morning.'
Boy 2: 'What's a patio?'

What do you call eight rabbits walking backwards together?

A receding hare-line.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What does a ninety eight year old cock taste like?

... depends

Would you like the pizza cut into eight or twelve slices?

Just eight, I don't think I could eat twelve!

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My eight year old nephew said he had a joke:

“What did the ant say to the other ant?”
“I dunno, what?”
“Nothing, ants communicate using pheromones, not speech.”
“Yeah, that’s not really a joke kid.”
He was quiet for a moment, and looked at the ground. “It’s an ant-y joke, asshole.”

If I put eight cats in a row...

Do I have an octo-puss?

In eight grade my gym teacher gave me a D.

That's how I got an A.

Did you hear they're making a sequel to the movie Ocean's Eight?

It's called Nine Beaches.

I have eight hands and four heads what am I?

A serial killer

I have a really healthy sleep schedule. I sleep at least eight hours a day

And at least ten a night.

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An old Jewish man was finally allowed to leave the Soviet Union, to emigrate to Israel.

When he was searched at the Moscow airport, the customs official found a bust of Lenin.

Customs: What is that?

Old man: What is that? What is that?! Don't say "What is that?" say "Who is that?" That is Lenin! The genius who thought up this worker's paradise!

The official laughed...

NSFW The best thing about twenty eight year olds is

there's twenty of them.

Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Can I get you anything?”

“Yeah”, reply the bytes. “Make us a double.”

Eight year old tells funniest joke

My eight year old cousin told me this one:

Why was Beethoven mad at his chicken?

Because he kept saying Bach Bach Bach

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Charlie Sheen has a kilo of coke and five hookers, he does two eight balls and sends one of the hookers home, what does Charlie Sheen have?

AIDS, Charlie Sheen has AIDS.

My eight year old sister asked me what my unlucky number was


I made this joke up when I was eight. I'm very proud of it.

What's in the wardrobe?

Narnia business.

Who did King Arthur leave in charge of watching his eight electrons?

Sir Valence!

What walks on eight legs until the age of one, four legs until the age of twenty, and two legs after?

The Weasley twins

A man was admitted to the hospital with eight plastic horses in his stomach

His condition is now stable

My friend said that if you drink the fluid from a magic eight ball you could tell the future.....

He said that he was going to die, he died

I've been married for eight years and I still get head weekly.

My wife would kill me though if she knew how much I was paying for it.

What's black, has eight legs, and makes a woman scream?


I've heard like eight cancer jokes today...

If I hear another one it's gonna benign

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's the best part of having sex with twenty-eight year olds?

There are 20 of them.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fucking appendix out!"

What do you call a terrorist with eight legs?

An Iraqnid.

I've been playing video games since I was eight years old.

I should probably go and have a shower.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two young brothers, eight and seven years old, are playing video games.

The older boy says: At breakfast tomorrow, we should say a cuss word!

The younger brother agrees and they go to bed that night giggling with excitement.

The next morning, their mom says to the older brother: What do you want for breakfast?

The boy replies: Aw, hell, gimme some C...

I asked my wife if I was the only one she's been with.

She said, "Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights".

A powerful tornado tore through our town last night. So far, eight bodies have been found.

Plot twister. It only damaged the graveyard.

A black guy was holding his eight-month-old baby

A black guy was holding his eight-month-old baby while his wife was in the kitchen fixing lunch. The baby murmured, "mother."
The guy gets all excited and hollered to his wife, "Hey, the baby just said half a word!"

A man was found dead eight years after committing suicide

Sort of proves his point, doesn't it?

I can't stand those eight-legged freaks.

Or as they're more commonly known, "quadruplets".

An owl was investigated as a suspect in the serial murders of eight random individuals in under a year

But the case went cold after repeatedly insisting it didn't know the victims' names.

Q) I have ten arms, eight legs and 22 feet. what am I?

A) A liar.


I was playing eight-ball in the pub last night....

I was about to take a shot when my mate said, “Watch the black.”

I replied, “Why, is he near my jacket again?”

There are thirty cows and twenty eight chickens. How many didn't?

Ten of them.

What's black with eight legs and often found in the shower?

Prison rape.

What has six eyes, four wings and eight legs?

Two chickens and a goat.

How can a man go eight days without sleep?

No problem , He sleeps at night.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Eight dwarves are in a tub, feeling happy

Happy got out now they're all fucking grumpy

What has eight arms and tells the time?

A clocktopus

Shoutout to the popper from my Xmas dinner

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I was surprised to see my eight year old son looking at me as I exited the shower.

Shocked and nude, I thought quickly to avoid an award moment with my son.

"Son, someday I promise your dick will be as big as mine." I said making the best of the situation

The son looked wide eyed at my fatherly penis; and promptly ran off screaming...

"Mommy, mommy, daddy's ...

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What do you call a group of eight cowards?


I’d like to be eight again.

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she’d like as a gift. “I’d like to be eight again,” she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her birthday, he rose early,...

What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?

Four guys watching a football game.

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A priest is sitting inside the church, when a guy comes in and asks to be confessed.

“Very well, my child,” says the priest, as he leads the man into the confession booth, “Tell me about your sins.”

“Well, Father,” says the guy, “On Monday, I was at my girlfriend’s house, and, well… the two of us alone, the house empty… I sinned, Father.”

“Don’t worry, child,” says the...

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A man goes into a brothel

He says to the madam, "Hi, I'm a traveling salesman, I've been on the road for eight weeks. I'll pay $100 for the worst blow-job in the house."


She says, "The worst...? For $100 you can have the best blow-job in the house!"


He says, "No, it's all...

My eight year old niece told me this. I think it's pretty funny!

An elephant is passing by an apple tree, and he spots a monkey up there. He asks the monkey,

"Hey monkey, what are you doing up there?"

*"I'm gonna eat bananas now."*

"Stupid monkey, you are sitting on an apple tree!"

*"Stupid elephant, I got bananas in my pocket."*

What do you call an eight-legged insect holding a magnifying glass?

A spy, duh.

Deadly eight iron.

Two buddies were playing a round of golf and off the seventh tee Brian sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball.

After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the l...

What are eight small pieces of cookie the equivalent of?

One byte

I went to the shops to get eight cans of sprite.

But when i was walking back i realized Id only picked 7 up

Ninety-eight percent of lawyers...

give the other two percent a really bad name.

A zero and an eight are walking in a desert...

and the zero asks the eight "aren't you too hot with that belt on?"

Learned this when I was eight, still one of my favorites.

A blonde a brunette and a redhead are walking along a fence on a beautiful sunny day. They are walking through some tall grass when the redhead finds a baseball sized rock.

"what should I do with this rock?" the redhead asks the other two.

"Throw it over the fence" they both reply. <...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An American and Japanese team decided to engage in a competitive boat race.

Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance.

On the big day they felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile. Afterward, the American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a c...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy gets on a crowded bus.

The seats are full, except one empty seat next to a very attractive nun, so he decides to sit next to her. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and storms off the bus

The bus driver approaches the man and says, "There is a way you can screw that nun....

Eight mexicans drowned in the lake over the weekend.

The newspaper headline was "Ocho Sinko"

I asked R Kelly if he thought I was pretty.

He said "you're an eight"

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An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter . . .

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. Bu...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy is driving around the backwoods

He sees a sign in front of a broken down, shanty-style house: **Talking Dog For Sale.** He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Charlie was visiting an old friend and his wife for dinner...

Charlie was visiting an old friend and his wife for dinner. When the time came to leave, his car wouldn't start, and it was too late to call the local service station.

The husband urged Charlie to stay over. There was no spare bed in the house--there wasn't even a sofa. So Charlie would have ...

I see your eight-year-old joke and raise you my nine-year-old joke.

Why didn't the bullet have a job?

It got fired.

A farmer has 895 sheep.

Realising that this is quite a lot of sheep for one farm, and Jess the sheepdog is getting a bit old, he decides he'll probably need a new dog- no, a whole team of dogs- to round so many sheep up.

So the next day, the farmer goes to the pet store. He looks around at the various herding dogs- ...

Here's a 'Frozen' joke that I heard from an eight year old

Knock knock

*Who's there?*


*[You who?](http://memecrunch.com/meme/1MG0Q/big-summer-blowout/image.png)*

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story that has a moral.

The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story.

Little Suzy raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out ...

Women's Friends Vs. Men's Friends

Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The ...