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Recorded Jokes

These exchanges were recorded verbatim by court reporters and published in the book, "Disorder in the American Courts".

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget..

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

WITNESS: How would I know?
___...

Who had the first recorded OD?

Saint Stephen. He was stoned to death.

TIL in the early '80s, Michael Jackson almost founded a Mexican restaurant, and "Billy Jean" was originally recorded as a promo for the restaurant

He was going to call it "Nacho Daddy"

The greatest ever song about tortoises was recorded 40 years ago this year...

... "Turtle Eclipse of the Heart".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you only sucked average sized penises...

You could accurately say that you suck a mean dick.

Edit: The amount of upvotes on this post has exceeded the final recorded megawatt output from Chernobyl’s reactor number 4 on the morning of the Chernobyl disaster. (33,000)

The reactor was designed to operate at 3,200 megawatts.

The world's oldest recorded joke in history.

I'm a long-time fan of this sub-reddit and frequent up-voter, but I seldomly have anything funny to post, so here is the oldest joke in recorded history, dating back to 1900 BC (almost 4 thousand years ago from ancient Sumeria):

Q: What is something that has never before occurred since time i...

Our marijuana dispensary has a recorded message...

“If you want to buy marijuana press the hash key now”.

Paleontologists are celebrating the finding of the largest dinosaur tibia in recorded history

It's a real shin-dig!

Everything in 2020 happened to be recorded for a movie and the director is...

Quarantin Tatarino

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had sex with a vegan and didn't know she recorded it

Until I found the video on QuornHub

The first recorded joke dates back to the 10th century A.D. and goes:

“What hangs at a mans thigh and wants to poke the whole that it’s often poked before?” A key!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I recorded my baby's first cry and put it in Google Translate

It read:
"Oh fuck, I should have taken the blue pill."

18 years ago my dad made the best dad joke ever recorded.

“Me”

When I was in the army I got 300 recorded kills in six months.

Then they kicked me out of the catering corp.

World record neighbour

My neighbour has proudly informed me that he has made the world record books.. for having the most concussions ever recorded... 147.

I was happy for him, after all he is a close neighbour, only living a stones throw away...

Over the next day, Oregon is expected to break the hottest temperatures ever recorded in its entire history, some places as hot as 118°F (47.78°C)

NOT cool.

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, they did some astronaut training on a Navajo Indian reservation.

One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who only spoke Navajo, asked a question, which the son translated, “What are the guys in the big suits doing?”

A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old...

I read about a feudal uprising where a duke's son was killed by rebels.

They used a trebuchet to knock him off the battlements with the only available ordinance: a peasant's decapitated head.

It was the first recorded instance of a serf-face-to-heir missile.

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