Pun enters a room, kills 10 people

Pun in, 10 dead

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It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up:?'Patrick Henry, 1775'he said.

'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, f...

A vegan enters a restaurant and asks the waiter for advice what to order.

"A taxi."

When Santa enters a house to give stuff to kids he’s a hero and a amazingly kind man

When I do it I get arrested for “trespassing” and “being a child predator”

As the burglar entered our darkened room, I put the red dot right between his eyes and then…

…let my cat do the rest.

The husband entered the shower, when his wife had just finished washing herself and left the bathroom.

Suddenly, the door-bell rang.
The wife quickly wrapped herself in a towel and ran to open the door.
A neighbour, Jack, was standing there.
Seeing the woman, he said: “I’ll give you 1000$, if you take off the towel”.
After thinking for 5–10 seconds, the woman took off the towel.
The ne...

My mom didn't react very well to when I told her "If you enter my room, I will hit you"

Because she didn't hear me say "I'm jump roping."

A guy enters a bar with a gun

A guy enters a bar with a gun and shouts "who slept with my wife?". Everybody stays silent. The guy repeats louder "who the fu*k slept with my wife?". Suddenly someone from other side of the bar answers "you don't have enough bullets"

A man hasn’t been to church for a long while and decides he’d better go to confession before starting to go again. When he enters the confessional box he’s amazed to find that it’s got a bar lined with finest whiskeys and a huge array of the finest cigars.

As he’s looking at this in wonder, the priest comes in.

The man says, “Father, forgive me, it’s a long time since my last confession. I must say though, that the confessional box is much better than it used to be.

The priest says, “Get out,you idiot. You’re on my side.”

Blonde enters the pharmacy

\- "Do you have pregnancy test?"

\- "Yes, we do."

\- "Are questions hard?"

When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,

he turns the dark off.

I saw my old friend enter the bar

I saw my old friend enter the bar after 2 long years. Ever since he got married he hasnt shown his face around here so i was quite surprised to see him again. I asked him whats the occasion and he responded:

“So my wife actually banned me from going here, she says that she doesnt like my frie...

3 drunk guys entered a taxi.

The driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine, turn it off again and said "We reached your
destination."

The first guy gave him money.

The second guy said "thank you" then gave him money too, while the third guy slapped the taxi driver.

The driver was shocked...

What does a dog say when a stranger enters the home?

WHO!? WHO!?

I entered my Chihuahua in an 'ugliest dog' contest and I won first place!

My dog came in third.

One morning, three hunters, a Frenchman, an Irishman, and a Czechoslovakian, entered the forest to hunt bears...

One morning, three hunters, a Frenchman, an Irishman, and a Czechoslovakian, entered the forest to hunt bears. Being somewhat exhausted, the Czech said, "*I'm tired. Why don't you two go hunting? I'll stay here and make up camp for the night.*"

The Frenchman and the Irishman continue hunting ...

A man finds a bottle with a genie inside. *poof* “I will grant you one wish, what is thy bidding master?” “I want a freeway to Hawaii from Santa Barbara with a tollbooth that only I can enter!”

The genie scoffs. “Foolish mortal, that is not possible, even for a genie like myself. The logistics of designing and building such a thing over thousands of miles of open ocean is ludicrous, please wish for something else.”

The man thinks for a moment. “Hmmm, then I wish that I could actuall...

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A guy with a gun enters a bar.

"Who the fuck had sex with my wife? he snarled angrily

A voice was heard in the background, "You don't have enough bullets mate!"

A robber enter a bank and tell employee to fill the bag

Robber: fill the bag or you will be geography
Employee : you mean history?
Robber: don't change the subject

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Colonel Reichman, an interrogation specialist for the German army, was walking around in a quaint little Swiss village one day during WWII. He spots a little shop selling clocks and watches and decides to enter.

Inside, the owner, a lady standing behind the counter, immediately recognizes who he is and welcomes him into the shop, asking how she can be of assistance.

"Frauline,” he starts "Deez are all very nice little clocks and vatches you have in here, but ze von I am interested in is zat big grand...

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A Russian dude enters a bar wearing a tshirt saying, "Turks got 3 problems."

Obvious repost

As soon as he enters the bar a bunch of Turks stop him.

Turks: you come in our country and have the balls to insult us.

Russian : that's your first problem. you guys gets offended so easily.

Turks: Let's get him outside.

Russian: that's your second p...

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I was having sex with my girlfriend, Diana, when my roommate, Jones, entered the room

Im indiana Jones, Get out

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In a small pharmacy a woman enters and says:

\- Please I want to buy arsenic!

\- I can't sell her that. What is its purpose?

\- To kill my husband!

\- Much worse, for that purpose I can't sell it to her. The woman opens her wallet and takes a picture of her husband making love to the pharmacist's wife

\- Ahh, wellll...

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, you...

A man attempts to enter a pub but is stopped at the door.

The bouncer tells him he's not allowed in without a neck tie on tie night.

So the man goes back to his car in search of a tie and the closest thing he could find was a pair of jumper leads.

He decides to tie those around his neck and as he attempts to enter the pub again the bouncer sa...

An old man walks into a Catholic church and enters the confessional

"Forgive me father for I have sinned..."

"What is your sin my son?" asks the priest

"Father, I am 82 years old. I have been faithfully married to my wife for 60 years. That is up until last night, when I spent all night making passionate love to twin 19yo blond Swedish girls..." says t...

What do you call the authentication information used to enter the Danger Zone?

Kenny Log-ins

>’Enter new password‘

~ 'chicken'
> ‘Password must contain a capital’
~ 'chickenkiev'

Why aren't chickens not allowed to enter the church?

Because they only use fowl language.

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A grim man enters an otolaryngologist's cabinet and whips out his penis...

...and it's all bluish and visibly not okay. The doctor, shocked: "You're in the wrong cabinet, you need to see the urologist!"

"No," says man. "The thing is, me and my friends go to a sauna once a month..."

"Ah, so then you'll need a dermatologist if it's caused by an STD" - interrupt...

A snake entered an university

Students noticed the snake in the hallway. It was weird since nobody had seen him before. The security arrived and turns out the snake had entered using a fake ID. On asking whose id it was snake replied:

"hissss...."

I'm sorry if you didn't find it funny.

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A man enters a bank

He walks up to the teller, throws his account information at him and says "Hey asshole, get me a coffee and make sure you don't forget the milk!"

The teller stares for a moment, then turns and heads for the manager's office. "Sir? There's a man out there who threw his bank card at me, called ...

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer

“This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid ...

My gardener is entering his Bonsai plants in a contest this weekend

I’m rooting for him

Geoffrey, a middle aged British tourist on his first visit to Germany finds the red light district and enters a large brothel. The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain him.

They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away! Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the gentleman.

They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and ...

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are sitting in a room.A man enters and asks, “Can you see me?”

and they respond; “Yes.” “Oui.” “Sí.” “Ja.”

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A Priest entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The Priest was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in another race and it won again. The next day the local paper read: "PRIESTS ASS OUT FRONT".

The bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Priest not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day the ...

(NSFW) What do you say when someone enters the sperm bank?

Get a load of this guy.

Similarly, what do you say when someone leaves the sperm bank?
Thanks for coming.

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A sex addict, an alcoholic and a pot head die and arrive at the gates of heaven.

Jesus is standing there looking at them sternly he says, " I stand at these gates to judge the souls that have passed on. If you do not deserve to enter heaven then you will be cast to the fire filled depths of hell where you will spend all eternity in agony."

The three sinners knowing the l...

A robber enters an old couple's home in the middle of the night...

As he is grabbing things, the couple wake up and confront him. The robber has a gun and says he would have left quietly but now he is gonna have to kill them.

"But before I do that," says the robber, "I want to know your names. What's your name, woman?"

"Linda," the wife replies meekl...

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing...

The priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the priest pounds loudly on the wall.

The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin', Father - There's no paper on this side either!"

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Daily puns until I enter a relationship #3

What does a horny skeleton get?

A boner.

A man enters an animal shop, and sees a parrot with ropes tied to each of it's legs...

The man asks the shopkeeper about the parrot and the shopkeeper replies:

- If you pull the right leg rope, he's gonna greet you in French, and if you pull the left leg rope, he'll greet you in German

- And what about, if i pull both simultaneously? - asks the man.

- Well, he...<...

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Emma Watson decided to quit acting to become a professional gambler. She entered her first craps tournament full of optimism.

At the start of the first round, Emma started undressing. "Why are you undressing?" asked one of her opponents. "I like to play craps completely in the nude," replied Emma.

As soon as Emma had removed the last shred of clothing, she made her bet. Then the dice were rolled. Emma watched as the...

Pun enters a room and kills 10 people.

Pun in 10 dead.

A mathematician, a physicist and a biologist all stand in front of an empty house.

Suddenly, two people enter the house and after a couple of minutes, three people leave through the front door.

The biologist says - “They must’ve reproduced!”

The physicist says - “This must be a measurement error!”

The mathematician says - “If one more person enters, the house...

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In a crowded bar, a drunk man enters and calls out one of the customers:

\- Hey you! I've been at your mother's place before, and I fucked her good! everyone looks shocked at the guy but he was just sipping his Scotch in peace. The man leaves and arrives after 30 minutes, saying to the same guy:

\- Hey you! I fucked your mom so good that she still hasn't recovered...

As soon as Don Cappelli and his thugs entered Mario’s restaurant

...all of the guests immediately stopped what they were doing and quietly left. Don Cappelli’s face was very well-known around the city, and while he was ‘saving’ business after business from going bankrupt and helping families at their time of need, nobody dared ask where his money came from, nor d...

Zeus entered the cooking contest

I heard he cooked up a storm

A blind man enters a bar and asks the Barkeeper "Wanna hear a joke about blondes?"

Suddenly, the bar is as silent as a grave. A guy next to the blind man leans over and whispers

"Dude, be carefull. The barkeeper is blonde and an ex-soldier. The bouncer is also blonde and the reigning box champion of the city. And then there is Joe... he's just released from prison after he...

A pregnant, middle-aged woman enters a phone store.

She walks to the counter, and the cashier with a smile says, "Hi! How can we help you today?"

"My phones pregnancy app has been playing up recently, and I was wondering if you could fix it."

"We'll take a look at the phone, and see what the problem is," He replies. He takes the phone i...

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I entered a gameshow to win a million dollars...

The gameshow required guessing the unknown using your five senses.

In round one, I stuck my hand into a covered box and guess what was inside by feel. Without hesitation I knew it was seaweed and tinfoil. I would know that feeling anywhere.

In round two, we were paired and had to guess...

A Communist Rabbi enters a patisserie.

He's probably missing t.

And God said unto Matthew, “come forth, and ye shall enter the kingdom of heaven.”

But Matthew came fifth, so he received a very nice toaster instead.

Karen enters a store

"M'am, you're not allowed in unless you wear a mask.

-- I have a medical condition that prevents me from wearing a mask !

-- I'm really sorry you have a medical condition that prevents you from entering this store, then."

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I entered the sex Olympics for team GB...

Yeah, it's a real thing you know. Anyway, I was team GB's first ever entrant in the endurance category. I trained really hard for the event and put my all in. I'm proud to say that I'm the first ever Briton to come first and last in the same event.

A man enters the gates of Heaven...

And sees a wall of large clocks. He goes up to Saint Peter and asks, “Saint Peter, what are these clocks for?”

Saint Peter replies to the man, “These are the Lie Clocks. Every person has one, and every time you told a lie, it ticked once. Here... this is Abe Lincoln’s clock. It ticked four t...

I knew I was going to fail my math test when I entered the classroom.

So I did a 360 and left.

So this guy enters a bar and asks for three pints of beer

G: Guy BK:Barkeeper

G: "Good evening, I'll have 3 pints of beer please"

BK: "Hello sir, absolutely, expecting some company?"

G: "Actually, I'm drinking three pints of beer in the name of my two brothers that lost their lives in the war, so it's one for me, one for Matt and one ...

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A man enters a public toilet and walks to a urinal.

At the adjacent urinal to him is a man with no hands, who is really having trouble trying to take a piss.
After a while of noticing the man's struggle, the guy offers some assistance.
The man with no hands thanks him and accepts the help. He asks if he can take out his penis and aim it at the...

A kangaroo enters a bar in the middle of the outback

Everyone stares at him awkwardly, wondering how an animal could be lost to the point of entering a human home. The kangaroo jumps up to the bar and says :

"Hey, gimme a pint of beer."

The owner, confused by this sight, points at the beer taps :

"Er, which one ?"

"Gimme an...

A comedian pretends to enter a marathon...

It's a running joke.

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Three men enter a bar in the USSR. One says, "Why did Stalin only write in lowercase?" The other one says, "Because he was afraid of capitalism."

The whole bar died laughing

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I entered the blackhole not knowing what its going to feel like.

I got yelled at, my wife can be very anal and controlling.

which room you can't enter?

Mushroom

A thief enters a theatre on opening night.

He stole the spotlight.

Temel enters a multi-choice mafriculation exam.

Temel enters a multi-choice matriculation exam. He flips a coin for each question and picks the choices accordingly. An hour into the exam – when all the students have given in their papers and he’s the only one left in the room, the invigilator sees that he’s still flipping coins; and tells him the...

I just entered the Town's tightest hat competition..

hope I can pull it off.

Timmy enters a bus.

The bus driver asks him: How old are you?

\-Seven

\-Tell the conductor that you are six year old, you won't get charged for the ticket

\-Alright.

The conductor comes in the bus and asks Timmy: How old are you

\-Six

\-When will you be seven?

\-When I g...

A woman with hairy armpits enters a bar..

She sits at the end of the bar and raises her arm to call the bartender and a drunkard would say, "Hey, bartender.. give the ballerina a beer on me.."

This happened two more times and the bartender finally asks, "Tell me, I'm curious.. What makes you say that the woman at the end of the...

4 million of these people enter our country every year. They are uneducated, unskilled and contribute nothing. They are a burden to honest, hardworking Americans and our government is doing nothing to stop them, not to mention they're dirty and they smell bad. THEY DON'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH!!

Man, I hate babies...

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A man enters a taxi and sees a man eating something...

He asks the driver "what ya eating?" The driver responds "smart tablets" so the man asks if he could have one. 15 minutes later the man says "I don't feel any smarter, can I have another?" The driver hands him another. 15 minutes later he says the same thing and the driver offers him another, this t...

I entered 10 puns in a pun contest.

I was hoping one would win.

But no pun in ten did.

Two Canadians Die and End Up In Hell

Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.

They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."

Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hel...

I enter through one ear, leave through the other one, but still stay inside. What am I?

A pickaxe.

At the library, I found a book called “How to enter a movie theatre without paying”.

The librarian then approached me and told me that the author recently made a second book.

“What was it called?” I asked.

“My 2 years in prison”

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman all walk into a bar. The minute they enter, the bartender asks...

Is this a joke?

A couple went to see a film at a theatre. A mosquito enters the girl's skirt. ```Guess where it bites?``` No dirty mind it's not what you think

It bites the boy's hand.

Drunk man enters taxi

A drunk man staggers into a taxi cab after a long night of drinking. He wants to keep drinking so he says to the driver while slurring, "take me to the bar on 3rd street"

The taxi driver is bewildered and says, "but sir, we're here".


The drunk takes out his wallet, throws money d...

A few robbers enter a bank

They broke into the safe and saw nothing but cups of yogurt. With nothing better to do, they ate the yogurt and left. They looked back at the bank when it hit them. They just robbed the sperm bank

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An 18 year old girl tells her mom that she has missed her last 2 periods

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy test. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Crying, cursing and Shouting the mother says, "Who was the bastard that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later...

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A man entering the elevator bumps into a womens boob..

He says... “Madam, if your heart is as soft as your boob, I’m sure you’ll forgive me...”
She replied...” If you knob is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 102!”

A Sperm Donor, A Carpenter, And Julius Caesar Enter a Bar...

He Came, He Saw, He Conquered

A big bad cowboy enters in the Saloon ...

... and asks: where is Billy Joe?
A very old man in the shadows says: Billy Joe it's me!
The cowboy then punches and kicks the poor old man until he is a wrecked thing on the floor.
The cowboy is leaving when the old man says:
Joke's on you! I am not Billy Joe!

Einstein, Schrodinger and Feynman enter a bar.

As they sit down, Feynman says, "It appears that we are in a joke". To which, Einstein says, "Yes, but we're only in a joke to a person looking from outside the joke". At this Schrodinger says, "If someone is looking inside then I'm out of here". Credit : Sheldon Cooper

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A man met a beautiful girl and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She protested, “But we don’t know anything about each other.” He replied, “That’s all right; we’ll learn about each other as we go along.”

So she consented and they were married, and they went on honeymoon to a very nice resort.

One morning, they were lying by the pool when he got up off his towel, climbed up to the 30-foot high board and did a two-and-a-half-tuck gainer, entering the water perfectly, almost without a ripple. T...

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A little kid enters the room and catches his dad masturbating

He lets a little scream out and look at his father, dumbfounded.

"Don't be shocked, son. Everybody does this. Soon, you will do it too."

"But... Why, daddy?"




"Because my hands are starting to ache"

A man enter's a bar and asks the bartender

Why most of the jokes on r/jokes starts by someone entering a bar or sitting in a bar

A nun stood outside a tavern, scolding patrons as they entered about the evils of alcohol...

One gent stops to discuss the matter:

“See here, Sister- it’s really not fair for you to stand there and scold people on a subject on which you yourself have no experience. I mean- have you ever even tried alcohol? Even once?”

“Most certainly not!” the nun says, blushing.

“We...

A man wants to enter a club he’s visiting in cuba, but there's a tough looking bouncer that won’t let anyone in.

A cuban man with a large beard walks up to the bouncer, strokes his beard and says...

"I'm with the police." The bouncer lets him in.

Less than a minute later, another cuban man with a large beard walks up to the bouncer, strokes his beard and says,

"I'm with the police."
...

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I entered into a sex competition

I didn’t win anything, but I came in second place.

A man enters a cafetaria and is welcomed by a pretty girl behind the counter. While browsing through the menu, he notices that its last item reads: 'handjob - $15'.

The girl asks: 'Can I help?

'Yes,' says the man, 'the handjob, are you the one giving them?'

The lady winks and says: 'I sure am, handsome!'

The man: 'Could you then wash your hands, I'd like to order a hamburger.'

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Donald Trump walks into a Catholic church.

He turns to the altar boy and asks

“where’s that box where I proclaim all the fucked up shit I’ve done lately”

The altar boy, stunned to see the president in his church, directs Trump to the confession box. Trump steps inside and the altar boy realizes the priest is nowhere to be found...

A man who is already drunk from a bar is about to enter another bar...

...while still drunk he struggles to find the entrance to the bar. He is only able to notice a big sign reading "NO SHIRT, NO SHOES, NO SERVICE." The shocking warning sign instantly makes him snap out of drunkenness and quickly look down to see his shoes and shirt have been lost from his last drunk ...

What did the cop say when he entered the disco club?

"Get down!"

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I entered a blindfolded wanking competition

I didn't win. In fact, I've no idea where I came.

A old sweet couple driving enter the highway

She turns on the radio and hears: Alert! Alert! All drivers! There’s a car driving the wrong way on the highway!
Her husband replies: a car on the wrong way? I see like 20 in front of me.

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I just entered a blindfold masturbating contest, but I didn't win

I'm not sure where I came

A woman is reading a book in bed when her husband enters with a sheep under his arm

The husband holds the sheep up to the woman and exclaims: "This is the pig I'm cheating on you with."

The woman, confused by the notion, replies: "But... that's a sheep."

To which the husband shakes his head and says: "I wasn't talking to you."

Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbour.

They decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally. One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.

As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag.

A few minutes lat...

A blonde enters a math contest

All her blonde friends are there in the crowd to support her.

The host proceeds to ask her the first question: "What is 11 x 3?"

The blonde thinks for a minute, and responds: "30?"

The crowd suddenly erupts: "Give her one more chance, give her one more chance."

The host a...

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Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors.

There to greet them is none other than Satan, who tells them a secret method to getting into Heaven: Each man must spend 1,000 years in a room with their greatest vice. If he does so, he will be allowed to enter Heaven. The catch? At the end of the 1,000 year period, if the man asks to be let out of...

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A shy man enters a bar

He sees a cute girl sitting at the bar and sits down near her. About an hour later he finally comes up to her and quietly asks her:
-Excuse me miss, could I buy you a drink?
The girl screams:
-No! I am NOT having sex with you!!
Everyone at the bar turns and stares at him. Humiliated, he ...

Why was the eagle sufferings from a sickness not allowed to enter the country?

Because it was an ill eagle.

Walking through Chinatown, a backpacker saw a Chinese laundry with the sign: "Sigurd Kristiansen's Laundry"

'Sigurd Kristiansen? How the hell does that name fit in here?' he wondered.
So he decided to check it out. He entered to see an elderly Chinese man behind the counter.
'How did this Chinese laundry get a name like "Sigurd Kristiansen's Laundry"?' the backpacker asked.
The elderly Chinese re...

It’s 1975 and a zebra from the Bronx zoo dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. As he enters, he asks St. Peter "I have a question that's haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?"

St. Peter said "That's a question only God can answer.”

So the zebra went off in search of God. When he found Him, the zebra asked "God, please - I must know... am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?"

God simply replied "You are what you are.”

The zebra...

When the sultan entered his harem unexpectedly

his wives let out a terrified sheikh!

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A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

A woman decides to surprise her husband with a brand new luxury wardrobe...

While he's at work she goes to IKEA and finds a beautiful wardrobe, buys it, and returns home. Reading the instructions, she easily assembles the marvelous piece of furniture

Then, as she stood satisfied about her work, a bus passed by the window and the whole wardrobe fell apart. Stunned, ...

Why couldn't the joker enter the shop?

because there was a board outside stating "no funny business"

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A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

‟Hurry!” she said. ‟Stand in the corner.” She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. ‟Do not move until I tell you to,” she whispered. ‟Just pretend you are a statue.”

‟What‘s this, honey?” the husband inquired as he entered the room.

‟Oh, ...

There is a restaurant that advertises that it will serve you anything you want, but if they can't, then they will gift you $5000 as an apology.

A man passing by sees this message advertised at the entrance, and believes this to be bullshiet, but decides to try it out anyway.

He enters and a waiter takes him to a table. The waiter asks, "What would you like to eat today, sir?"

Man: "I would like an elephant's ear and a muffin ...

Small, skinny man is sitting in a pub...

There is a beer in front of him. A macho, muscular man enters the pub, taps him on the shoulder and drinks his beer! The skinny man starts crying. The big man:

\- Oh, stop crying, baby. That's just one beer...

The small man:

\- Okay, listen! Today my wife left me, my bank accoun...

A Russian enters a bar full of Turkish people.

He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering "Turkish got 3 problems."

Just a few seconds later the Turkishs oppose him and say "Hey, yopu know what you're wearing is insulting?"
The russian responds: "This is your first problem: You're so easily offended."

The Turkish respond: "Oka...

A Roman guy enters a bar and asks for two drinks by gesturing.

The bartender gives him 5.

A gohst enters a bar and order a whiskey

A ghost enters a bar and order a whiskey.

But the barman refuses to pour him the drink: "Sorry, we don't serve spirits"

A trucker enters a roadside cafe in the middle of his long drive

The waitress brings him a soup. Meanwhile, three bikers enter the cafe. While passing the trucker, they each spit into his soup.

Silently, the trucker pays and leaves the cafe. One of the bikers then says to the waitress,

'What an idiot! Can't even stand for himself!'

The waitre...

If I had a nickel for every time I accidentally hit enter instead of a comma

A visitor enters a mental asylum...

And sees three patients sitting at a table laughing uncontrollably as they chat amongst one another.


Patient 1: Sixteen!


\*They all laugh laugh historically\*


Patient 2: Five!


\*They all bursts out laughing\*


Visitor: Excuse me doctor,...

Three nuns die in a car crash, and get sent up to the pearly gates of heaven. The gatekeeper sees them, and decides to have a little fun in deciding whether they may enter heaven, by giving them questions about the Bible. He explains this, and the first nun steps up to answer her question.

Gatekeeper: What were the names of the first two humans on earth?

Nun 1: Ooh, that's an easy one. Adam and Eve, of course.

The gates opened and the first nun walked in.

Gatekeeper: Next question: What fruit did Adam and Eve eat?

Nun 2: Ooh, that's an easy one. An apple,...

Why was the programming language afraid when it entered the arena?

It had enumerable foes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Man is holding auditions for a pianist and in comes the last one..

He comes in and starts the play the most beautiful song the man has ever heard. The song is so beautiful the man starts crying and ask, “What is the name of that song?”

The pianist then says “Oh, this song right here? It’s called my bone in your ass.”

The man then takes a moment and g...

My petite girlfriend entered a marathon and thinks she can win...

I told her she’s got no chance cuz she’s always just running a little behind.

One day God visits St. Peter at the pearly gates and tells him heaven is too crowded and to not let so many people in and gives St Peter a quota for each day.

Later that day 3 men approach looking for entrance into heaven. Peter turns to the men and tells them that only 1 of them is able to enter into heaven. To decide which one gets in he asks them how they died. He tells them that the man with the best death story will get into heaven.

The first ...

The needle insulted me as it entered my arm

What a prick.

Billy: "Your mare - what breed is it?" Jack: "No clue, but it beat the winner of this year's Kentucky Derby. " "Why wasn't it entered for the Triple Crown?" "Problem is, it gallops only at night. Snoozes in the daytime."

"Tsk tsk tsk... a nightmare."

What did Denzel say to the thick wire entering his house’s circuit breakers box ?

Mah main...!!

Three old maids die and arrive in heaven...

Three old maids die and arrive in heaven at the same time. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they...

Two men in suits of armour enter a hotel...

And ask for a room for two knights.

Can you just imagine how pterosaurs felt seeing that meteor entering the earths atmosphere?

Probably pterofied.

Dave has died and is waiting in the queue to get into heaven.

As he draws ever closer to St Peter he can hear him asking people the same question.

"Denomination?" he asks a little old lady as she reaches the front of the queue.

"Methodist", she replies.

St Peter checks his notes and directs her to the eighth door on the left.

"Pleas...

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