UPJOKE
bookcompact disclyricssongrecord albumrecording studiosingleconcertmusicbandartistmixtapephotograph albumsoundtrackrecording

Album Jokes

Taylor Swift is dropping albums like I’m dropping pounds

Only two, but still more than anyone expected.

I'm obsessed with buying beatles albums

I need help!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Darth Vader walks into his local record shop and asks for a copy of George Michael's debut solo album

The guy behind the counter says "I'm sorry, it's out of stock."

Darth Vader shakes his head and says "I find your lack of Faith disturbing..."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Al Gore tried his hand as a musician, his album would be called...

**Algorithms.**

Girlfriend thought of this while doing dishes earlier.... I could hear her laughing to herself in the other room for almost 10 minutes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend asked me "What's your favorite album?"

I said "It's the one with a baby's penis on the cover".

He said "Nevermind."

I have become obsessed with collecting Beatles albums!

So far I've got 17 Revolvers, 8 Rubber Souls, 25 Sergeant Peppers, 6 Hard Days Nights, 12 White Albums, 14 Abbey Roads, 7 Yellow Submarines, 5 Let It Be's, 9 Please Please Me's, a couple of With The Beatles, 3 Beatles For Sales, and even a Magical Mystery Tour, BUT IT'S NEVER ENOUGH!

I NEED ...

Carrie Fisher runs into George Micheal in the afterlife...

She says, "Oh man, I'm a huge fan! I've got every one of your albums except the first one."
He says, "I find your lack of 'Faith' disturbing".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just listened to a Michael Jackson album

It was Bad to be honest

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The other day I visited the thrift shop and picked up an old record album called ‘Sound of Wasps’.

When I got home and played it I realised it didn’t sound anything like wasps!

Turns out I’d been playing the Bee side.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fun fact I was born the same day a Green Day album was released

So, that means two American Idiots came out that day

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Chris Brown is releasing a new album

It's called "My Greatest hits", There is some hard hits feat. Rihanna, Usher and a lot of unconfirmed "Artists".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2020 Holiday Album

We're getting ahead of the curve and releasing this year's 2020 Holiday Album including such hits as:

1- Baby It's Covid Outside

2- Walking In A Pandemic Wonderland

3- Grandma Got Ran Over By A Protestor

4- Karen, Did You Know

5- Zoom Christmas

6- Frosty The...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just finished listening to a country album backwards.

I got my dog, my truck, and my wife back.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My prince album cost me $20

But I partied like it was $19.99

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Silver side up is Nickelback's best album

Especially when used as directed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sometimes I want to have sex when my girlfriend is on her period…

So I will lay a towel on the bed, and then lay her on the towel. And then I will go have sex with one of her friends.

-Dan Mintz from his album The Stranger

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I ordered a Bon Jovi album to give to my father for Christmas.

It still hasn’t arrived. When I ring customer service the lady on the phone keeps telling me “it’s halfway there”.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New album just dropped

Wife unhappy, wedding pictures ruined

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An upset man has filed a lawsuit against Nirvana over the band's iconic 1991 album cover.

Sounds like a baby just trying to grab some money.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What was the name of Hitler's rap album?

Straight Outta Kampfton

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My poem about a heavy metal band's best album is being read on British radio

ABCB on ACDC's ace CD on BBC

Did you get a chance to listen to Will Smith's latest album?

Absolutely slaps

Macaulay Culkin just released his first rap album.

He's Ho Malone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know Metallica has a new album about the leader of Kermit’s church?

It’s called Pastor of Muppets

I was pulled over last night and the officer asked me if I had a police record.

I told him “no but I have a couple albums by Sting.

A horse is bored, so he's sitting at home watching MTV

This was back when MTV played music videos. So, he's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play gu...

Did you hear about the Dalai Lama's new Christmas album?

It's called "Rapping Presence".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My rap album never made big-bucks

Cause of the diss-counts

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I couldn't remember the name of Kanye's new album

But then it Dondan me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have every Beatles album except one.

I need Help.

Lady GaGa and the GooGoo Dolls are coming out with a children's album.

It's called GooGooGaGa

I have a joke about a Nirvana album... Oh, wait...

Nevermind

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Walking past the Intensive Care Unit, I heard Kanye's latest album blaring over the intercom.

I guess its true, Covid does affect your taste.

(Inspired by: u/FluffyTid)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there's a farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the music, and the horse says "you know what? I'm gonna learn how to do that."

So the horse calls up Guitar Center, and...

Have you guys heard Radiohead is releasing a Valentine's Day album?

It's called OK Cupid.

What is Trump's favorite album?

The Wall - Pink Floyd

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that if you play the first Nickleback album backwards, you get a satanic message?

What's worse is that if you play it forward, you get Nickleback.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Matthew McConaughey and Andre 3000 released an album together.

The reviews were
AlrightAlrightAlright AlrightAlrightAlright AlrightAlrightAlright AlrightAlrightAlright
AlrightAlrightAlright

I bought 2 Chainz' latest album, but it was the censored edition.

It's easily one of the best instrumental CDs I've heard in a long time.

I made my fish listen to an Eminem album...

...now he's Swim Shady.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the quietest album in the world?

Stephen Hawking - unplugged

Hey, did you hear about the Star Wars fanatic who's been stealing autograph books and photo albums from other fans at conventions?

They call him the fan-tome menace.

The only CD shop near my house sells nothing but old albums.

Guess there’s no hot singles in my area.

Have you heard an ex Vice President is releasing a computer generated reggae album?

It's called Al Gore Rhythms

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you like to have sex while listening to music, always pick a live album

... that way you'll get applauded every 3-4 minutes

Has anyone heard the new Hellen Keller album?

It's okay, neither has she.

I love to view /r/gonewild albums in reverse

and watch lonely women regain their dignity.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Photo Album

A young boy was looking through
the family album and asked his
mother, "Is this you on the beach?

Mother says "Yes, it is"

Son asks "Who's this guy with you with all the

muscles and curly hair?"

"That's your father."

"Then who's that old bald-headed
...

I just broke two of my dads old queen albums.

Now I want to break three.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cher should release an album called "Noble"...

That shit would blow up.

What would Soviet Travis Scott name his album?

Cosmoworld

What is Donald Trump's favorite Pink Floyd album?

Dark side of the Moon, for it's eclectic instrumentation and higher than average production values.

All these singers dropping their new albums and songs.....

don't you think they oughta be a little careful the next time?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Heard in Townes Van Zandt’s Live at the Old Quarter album

There’s this drunk walking down the street, and he walks up to this cop and says, “Man, somebody stole my car.” The cop says, “Well, where was it?” And he says, “It was right on the end of this key.”

The cop says, “There’s not much I can do for you, but why don’t you go down to the precinct ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Eddie Money, Eddie Rabbit, and Eddie Van Halen are all teaming up to make a new album!

The first ever album brought to you by Ed, Edd, and Eddie.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Taylor Swift's next album is going to be another break-up album.

It will be about her split with Spotify.

Did you hear that all of Taylor Swift's exes are collaborating on a new album?

It's called "Maybe She's the Problem".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Really disappointed with the new Beatles album

It's all drum & bass

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nicklebacks’ album “Silver Side Up” was released on Sept. 11, 2001.

What are the chances that one of worst days in American history would also be the day a terrorist attack took down the twin towers?

I ordered a couple Elton John albums off of Amazon three months ago. They still haven't shipped.

And I think it's going to be a long, long time

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just bought a Mitch Hedburg Album I've never heard before. "Mitch Hedburg: The Lost Jokes"

It was blank.

A mother and her son are looking at old photo albums

The son points to a photo and asks:

"Mom, who is this muscular guy with so much hair?"

His mother responds:

"Can't you see that? That is your father."

"Oh..." He pauses "But if he's my father, then who is that fat bald guy that lives here?"

My client is very particular about which classical albums she wants me to restore...

“If it ain’t Baroque, don’t fix it.”

I rate the next One Direction album...

...four out of five stars.

A new study indicates that listening to albums by the band Queen might be bad for your health.

They have a high Mercury content!

Did you guys hear about the globe that got pressed flat into vinyl album?

Yeah, it was a world record.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did Avicii complete an album from beyond the grave?

Ghost producing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Missy Elliot just dropped her first album in 13 years!

Do you think she still followed the 5 second rule?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Someone's written an album about thermometers...

I've heard it's been nominated for a Mercury Prize.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did Queen release a Hip-Hop album in the 70s?

Becauase I keep hearing of a Bohemian Rap-CD

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the name of the second studio album by Nirvana?

Nevermind, I found it.

A big record label gathered Eminem, Dr. Dre, and Andre 3000 to collaborate on a new album.

Eminem said, "I'll perform."
Dr. Dre said, "I'll produce."
And Andre 3000 said, "I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Eagles held the record for bestselling album of all time.

That was until Micheal Jackson beat it..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just for Bieber

I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday, minding my own business, patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no on-coming traffic.

A carload of young, loud Justin Bieber Fans, shouting and singing , with posters of Justin Bieber new album in their hands "JB I love you" s...

What is a priest's favorite rap album?

All Sodom-Eyez On Me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An amateur band was recording a new album in the studio...

...and decided to record a cover of another less known artist, a judge who mostly played small private events like weddings.

The album became a huge hit, and sales went through the roof. However, the judge also happened to come across the album after its release. The judge contacted their man...

Adele names albums by numbers, relating to important things in her life.

Her next is rumoured to be called 3.14159265359

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a delayed album release by Post Malone?

Post-Poned!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How long will it take for Rammstein's new album to be released?

'Till Lindemann has finished the lyrics.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Taylor swift waved at a boy yesterday

But he didn't wave back... So she will have a new album coming out tomorrow.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the hottest album in hell right now?

Views from the 666

I tried getting into Guinness World record by smashing up music albums

I broke a lot of records

*ba dum tis*

Does anyone know why people are buying Chris Brown's new album?

Because it beats me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A grandfather and his grandchild leaf through the old family album and find a WW2-era photo

The grandchild asks who the uniformed people on the photo are and the grandfather solemnly says: “It’s the Nazis, kid. They were very, very bad men who murdered a great lot of innocent people, they made war and enslaved other people and they were against any freedom. Very, very bad men.”

The ...

Billy has 5 albums by Morrissey and he buys 2 more, what does Billy have?

Depression, Billy has depression.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.