I'm addicted to collecting vintage Beatles albums.

I need Help.

Did you hear that all of Taylor Swift's exes are collaborating on a new album?

It's called "Maybe She's the Problem".

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I have every Beatles album except one.

I need Help.

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The Beatles were trying to decide where to take the photo for the Abbey Road album cover...

Nobody could agree.

George mentioned it was his birthday and suggested a day trip to visit their friend dear Prudence.

"We can drive my car," he offered.

"Don't bother me," Ringo agreed.

"But how would we get back after that hard day's night?" John pointed out. "Afte...

What did Darth Vader say when the record store employee told him they were out of George Michael albums?

I find your lack of 'Faith' disturbing.

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Heard in Townes Van Zandt’s Live at the Old Quarter album

There’s this drunk walking down the street, and he walks up to this cop and says, “Man, somebody stole my car.” The cop says, “Well, where was it?” And he says, “It was right on the end of this key.”

The cop says, “There’s not much I can do for you, but why don’t you go down to the precinct ...

I just broke two of my dads old queen albums.

Now I want to break three.

Did you guys hear about the globe that got pressed flat into vinyl album?

Yeah, it was a world record.

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My girlfriend Mel just showed me a photo album full of all her self shot images she’s taken over the years

She says it’s her Melfie folder

A mother and her son are looking at old photo albums

The son points to a photo and asks:

"Mom, who is this muscular guy with so much hair?"

His mother responds:

"Can't you see that? That is your father."

"Oh..." He pauses "But if he's my father, then who is that fat bald guy that lives here?"

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Did you know that if you play the first Nickleback album backwards, you get a satanic message?

What's worse is that if you play it forward, you get Nickleback.

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So, once upon a time......

A horse sees a rock band perform and thinks "Hey, I could do that." The horse calls up his local music store and is like "I wanna learn guitar, just one problem, I'm a horse." The employee says "don't worry we can do that." The horse goes, learns guitar for a few months, gets really good, and is ...

All these singers dropping their new albums and songs.....

don't you think they oughta be a little careful the next time?

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The Tale of the Animal Band

So there was this horse, and recently he had gone through some tough times. His wife left him, he lost his job, and rent day was coming ever closer. This is when he had a brainwave: He was going to get his childhood band back together. So the first member to convince was the cow. Now the cow was pre...

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So there’s this farm. On this farm, there’s a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

So there’s this farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the ...

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A joke that’s got me various death threats

So there was a horse, and this horse was really talented. He was great on guitar. One day he found himself watching youtube and stumbled upon a Jimi Hendrix song which inspired him to start a cover. He practised this cover really hard, eventually becoming inspired to create a cover of a whole Jimi H...

I made my fish listen to an Eminem album...

...now he's Swim Shady.

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A struggling rock band...

A struggling indies band from Brooklyn, The Spoonerists, was in the process of recording their debut album. The artistic sentiment of the group led them to use ambient sounds from nature in their arrangements. One of the members of the band took it upon himself to go out in to the field and make rec...

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Darth Vader walks into his local record shop and asks for a copy of George Michael's debut solo album

The guy behind the counter says "I'm sorry, it's out of stock."

Darth Vader shakes his head and says "I find your lack of Faith disturbing..."

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Matthew McConaughey and Andre 3000 released an album together.

The reviews were
AlrightAlrightAlright AlrightAlrightAlright AlrightAlrightAlright AlrightAlrightAlright
AlrightAlrightAlright

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My friend isn't speaking to me after I gave him a Beatles suggestion.

He asked me what Beatles album he should pick up, and I told him "Dude, you need to get Help."

What would Soviet Travis Scott name his album?

Cosmoworld

I have a now famous relative

I have a now famous relative named Neil Coal who works in music. Back in 2003 he was under pressure to release his first album.

You might know him as Niel Diamond.

A big record label gathered Eminem, Dr. Dre, and Andre 3000 to collaborate on a new album.

Eminem said, "I'll perform."
Dr. Dre said, "I'll produce."
And Andre 3000 said, "I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write!"

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A coworker asked me my thoughts on “Disband the Police”...

I told him I don’t really listen to them much, but I enjoyed their album “Synchronicity.”

What is Dale Earndhart's least favorite Pink Floyd Album?

The Wall

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One of my friends from Beijing is a huge Taylor Swift fan and asked me to suggest an album of her..

I told him to search for T.S.1989..

haven't heard from him ever since...

Has anyone heard the new Hellen Keller album?

It's okay, neither has she.

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Missy Elliot just dropped her first album in 13 years!

Do you think she still followed the 5 second rule?

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Why are posts about the new Tool album getting so many Reddit awards?

Because it is worth its wait in gold.

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Cher should release an album called "Noble"...

That shit would blow up.

I was pulled over last night and the officer asked me if I had a police record.

I told him “no but I have a couple albums by Sting.

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What’s the name of the second studio album by Nirvana?

Nevermind, I found it.

What is Donald Trump's favorite Pink Floyd album?

Dark side of the Moon, for it's eclectic instrumentation and higher than average production values.

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A guy goes into a record shop

and says "do you have any sound effects albums of insect noises? Crickets, cicadas, beetles, that sort of thing?"

Store guy: "yeah only this second hand vinyl, should be perfect though."

Guy buys the record but he's back to the shop within the hour, says "sorry mate this record is no...

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How did Avicii complete an album from beyond the grave?

Ghost producing

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Nicklebacks’ album “Silver Side Up” was released on Sept. 11, 2001.

What are the chances that one of worst days in American history would also be the day a terrorist attack took down the twin towers?

There was once a man

Let's call him Jim. Jim had a remarkably ordinary life. He went to school, got his degree, got himself a secure office job, set up his pension fund, met a nice girl, got married, and had 2 wonderful sons. Jim was set for life. But he was bored.

It was that sneaky boredom that you don't quite ...

Adele names albums by numbers, relating to important things in her life.

Her next is rumoured to be called 3.14159265359

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I'm a big fan of the Beatles, in particular Paul McCartney.

I made an account on the official Beatles website and made my profile picture an album of Paul McCartney throughout the years. However an admin told me I was going to be banned, I asked why and was shown the list of rules and the first was "Users are not allowed multipaul accounts."

Billy has 5 albums by Morrissey and he buys 2 more, what does Billy have?

Depression, Billy has depression.

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2020 one-ish liners

2020 so far:
-Welp, I guess somebody finally fracked their way through the wrong Native burial site.

-You think 7 years bad luck for breaking a mirror is bad? You should see what happens when you let polar ice caps melt.

-Nobody’s trying to keep the Jews as slaves again are they? ‘...

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If Al Gore tried his hand as a musician, his album would be called...

**Algorithms.**

Girlfriend thought of this while doing dishes earlier.... I could hear her laughing to herself in the other room for almost 10 minutes.

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A grandfather and his grandchild leaf through the old family album and find a WW2-era photo

The grandchild asks who the uniformed people on the photo are and the grandfather solemnly says: “It’s the Nazis, kid. They were very, very bad men who murdered a great lot of innocent people, they made war and enslaved other people and they were against any freedom. Very, very bad men.”

The ...

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Did Queen release a Hip-Hop album in the 70s?

Becauase I keep hearing of a Bohemian Rap-CD

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The principal at our school once gave detention to a student for illegally downloading Justin Bieber songs online for free.

Even worse, he expelled another student who actually *paid* for his album.

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How long will it take for Rammstein's new album to be released?

'Till Lindemann has finished the lyrics.

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Really disappointed with the new Beatles album

It's all drum & bass

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Tried to buy a Charlie Brown LP on ebay and got a Davy Jones album instead.

You know what they say.

You pay Peanuts, you get Monkees.

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If you get an email saying "click this link to hear Nickelback's new album for free" DO NOT CLICK IT

It will take you directly to a site where you can hear Nickelback's new album for free.

I bought an album, and called my friend who has a weird fetish for new music.

He came as soon as he heard.

My doctor banned me from listening to my Queen albums...

...due to their high Mercury content.

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A rapper made an album while in prison. But everyone who bought it was jailed. Why?

Because they had a criminal record.

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The Eagles held the record for bestselling album of all time.

That was until Micheal Jackson beat it..

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An amateur band was recording a new album in the studio...

...and decided to record a cover of another less known artist, a judge who mostly played small private events like weddings.

The album became a huge hit, and sales went through the roof. However, the judge also happened to come across the album after its release. The judge contacted their man...

I tried getting into Guinness World record by smashing up music albums

I broke a lot of records

*ba dum tis*

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What do you call a delayed album release by Post Malone?

Post-Poned!

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What is the difference between a Nickelback album and a Playstation Vita

You can play the Nickelback album

I smashed a thousand albums yesterday...

I think I broke a record.

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I went into walmart to buy the album "Get Rich or Die Trying" but I had to dispute the price when it rang up for ten dollars...

... because it clearly says 50 Cent on it.

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What's the quietest album in the world?

Stephen Hawking - unplugged

Carrie Fisher runs into George Micheal in the afterlife...

She says, "Oh man, I'm a huge fan! I've got every one of your albums except the first one."
He says, "I find your lack of 'Faith' disturbing".

A horse is sitting at home, watching MTV...

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the ...

Just found out that global pop megastar Adele ripped off one of my songs for her debut album!

I don’t know if I can be bothered to take her to court over it though. Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing payments?

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After Kanye and Donald Trump met up the other day, they will be working on a new album together....

The Deportation of Pablo

Cashier: do you want cash back?

Me: I mean who wouldn't. There's Ring of Fire, I Walk The Line. Let's not forget his Christmas album

Have you heard the name of Chris Brown's latest album?

Chris Brown's Greatest Hits ft. Rihanna

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If you like to have sex while listening to music, always pick a live album

... that way you'll get applauded every 3-4 minutes

I love to view /r/gonewild albums in reverse

and watch lonely women regain their dignity.

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There's a rumor that if you play a Nickleback album backwards it plays satanic messages. But that's nothing....

... if you play it forwards it plays a Nickleback album.

Does anyone know why people are buying Chris Brown's new album?

Because it beats me.

I bought a photo album.

It's just forty minutes of clicking noises.

I was going to rank Green Day's albums from best to worst.

Then I realized they already made them in order.

Did you hear that Fergie and R. Kelly are collaborating on a new album?

They are calling their group the Black Guy Pees.

I bought 2 Chainz' latest album, but it was the censored edition.

It's easily one of the best instrumental CDs I've heard in a long time.

Did you hear about the mummy that reached the top 10 with his new album?

People say it's cause he has the tightest wraps

I rate the next One Direction album...

...four out of five stars.

What do you call a Jamaican that just finished his reggae album?

Ben-jamin

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Cher puts out an album only covering Meatloaf. Title:

Cher the Meatloaf

What do Kevin Spacey and posthumous 2Pac albums have in common?

They both came out at confusing times.

Who looks like a alpaca and drops sick albums in 2017

...Kendrick Llama

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Unpopular opinion, but I like the police...

...I mean their back catalog of singles is legendary. Cop their critically acclaimed album “Synchronicity”.

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I sent an Adele album to a guy who bought it on eBay, anyway his payment cancelled and I'm out of pocket ....

Should I just give up or should I keep on chasing payments

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Someone's written an album about thermometers...

I've heard it's been nominated for a Mercury Prize.

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What did the man do after listening to a Pink Floyd album for two hours?

Skip to the next track

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So I accidentally got a tupac album

but it's no biggie

When I was a single man, I had lots of free time.

Now that I started listening to full albums, I hardly ever leave my house.

What is a priest's favorite rap album?

All Sodom-Eyez On Me

Cop pulls me over for speeding

Cop: do you have a police record?

Me: no but i have a sting album

*gets arrested*

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Can someone help me decide which Nirvana album to buy?

Wait, Nevermind

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Photo Album

A young boy was looking through
the family album and asked his
mother, "Is this you on the beach?

Mother says "Yes, it is"

Son asks "Who's this guy with you with all the

muscles and curly hair?"

"That's your father."

"Then who's that old bald-headed
...

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