UPJOKE
booklyricssongrecord albumrecording studiosingleconcertmusicbandartistmixtapesoundtrackrecordingremixdisc

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I just finished listening to a country album backwards.

I got my dog, my truck, and my wife back.

WARNING! There is a link being sent around with a message that says "Justin Bieber's Latest Album". DO NOT CLICK THAT LINK!

It will take you to Justin Bieber's latest album.

Did you get a chance to listen to Will Smith's latest album?

Absolutely slaps

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I ordered a Bon Jovi album to give to my father for Christmas.

It still hasn’t arrived. When I ring customer service the lady on the phone keeps telling me “it’s halfway there”.

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My prince album cost me $20

But I partied like it was $19.99

Golf

Stevie Wonder and Jack Nicklaus are in a bar. Nicklaus turns to Wonder and says, "How's the singing career going?"

Stevie Wonder says, "Not too bad, the latest album's gone into the top 10, so all in all I think it's pretty good. By the way, how's the golf?"

Nicklaus replies, "No...

Taylor Swift is dropping albums like I’m dropping pounds

Only two, but still more than anyone expected.

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The other day I visited the thrift shop and picked up an old record album called ‘Sound of Wasps’.

When I got home and played it I realised it didn’t sound anything like wasps!

Turns out I’d been playing the Bee side.

Did you hear about the Dalai Lama's new Christmas album?

It's called "Rapping Presence".

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Silver side up is Nickelback's best album

Especially when used as directed.

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Walking past the Intensive Care Unit, I heard Kanye's latest album blaring over the intercom.

I guess its true, Covid does affect your taste.

(Inspired by: u/FluffyTid)

Have you heard Mariah Carey is releasing a new album?

Her greatest hits are about to drop.

Library Line

In the public library, a man with his new library card questioned the pretty librarian.

“Do you mean to say,” he asked, “that with this card I may take out any book I want?”

“Yes,” she answered.

“And may I take out record albums, too?”

“Yes, you may.”

“May I take y...

Macaulay Culkin just released his first rap album.

He's Ho Malone.

Darth Vader walks into a record store

Darth Vader walks into a record store and asks if they have a copy of George Michael's first studio album. The clerk says they are sold out, to which Vader responds - I find your lack of Faith disturbing!

Carrie Fisher runs into George Micheal in the afterlife...

Carrie Fisher runs into George Micheal in the afterlife...

She says, "Oh man, I'm a huge fan! I've got every one of your albums except the first one." He says, "I find your lack of 'Faith' disturbing".

A new study indicates that listening to albums by the band Queen might be bad for your health.

They have a high Mercury content!

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A group of friends encountered a swimming pool

Upon approaching a genie popped up and told them it was a magic pool. "Just jump in and mid-jump ask what you would like the water to turn into".

The first friend ran up to the pool, took a leap, yelled "BEER!" and what would you know? He landed in a pool full of beer!

After he got out...

I'm obsessed with buying Beatles albums

I need Help!

Lady GaGa and the GooGoo Dolls are coming out with a children's album.

It's called GooGooGaGa

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I couldn't remember the name of Kanye's new album

But then it Dondan me.

I needed to do the laundry, but then I realized I was out of detergent,

so I went to write a shopping list and realized how unorganized the junk drawer was, and started checking pens for ink. When I went to toss all the junk, I saw that the trash was full but before I took it out I wanted to get rid of old food in the fridge. That's when I realized a juice jug had leake...

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Eddie Money, Eddie Rabbit, and Eddie Van Halen are all teaming up to make a new album!

The first ever album brought to you by Ed, Edd, and Eddie.

Have you heard an ex Vice President is releasing a computer generated reggae album?

It's called Al Gore Rhythms

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2020 Holiday Album

We're getting ahead of the curve and releasing this year's 2020 Holiday Album including such hits as:

1- Baby It's Covid Outside

2- Walking In A Pandemic Wonderland

3- Grandma Got Ran Over By A Protestor

4- Karen, Did You Know

5- Zoom Christmas

6- Frosty The...

Have you guys heard Radiohead is releasing a Valentine's Day album?

It's called OK Cupid.

I ordered a couple Elton John albums off of Amazon three months ago. They still haven't shipped.

And I think it's going to be a long, long time

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New album just dropped

Wife unhappy, wedding pictures ruined

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What was the name of Hitler's rap album?

Straight Outta Kampfton

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My rap album never made big-bucks

Cause of the diss-counts

The only CD shop near my house sells nothing but old albums.

Guess there’s no hot singles in my area.

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I just bought a Mitch Hedburg Album I've never heard before. "Mitch Hedburg: The Lost Jokes"

It was blank.

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LPT for sexytime

If you like some music during sex, put on a live album.

It's really motivating to get an applause every 3 minutes.

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Did you know that if you play the first Nickleback album backwards, you get a satanic message?

What's worse is that if you play it forward, you get Nickleback.

I have a joke about a Nirvana album... Oh, wait...

Nevermind

Did you hear that all of Taylor Swift's exes are collaborating on a new album?

It's called "Maybe She's the Problem".

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I have every Beatles album except one.

I need Help.

My client is very particular about which classical albums she wants me to restore...

“If it ain’t Baroque, don’t fix it.”

Opporknockity

James was a talented pianist, but just wasn't top tier in his talent. He had plenty of smaller venue gigs, but every time he auditioned for large concerts, he was softly rejected as being "so close, but the other person was just a tad better".

One day he was at a carnival, and for laughs he w...

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So there's a farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the music, and the horse says "you know what? I'm gonna learn how to do that."

So the horse calls up Guitar Center, and...

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Musician birthday was coming up

We got them an album book

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Heard in Townes Van Zandt’s Live at the Old Quarter album

There’s this drunk walking down the street, and he walks up to this cop and says, “Man, somebody stole my car.” The cop says, “Well, where was it?” And he says, “It was right on the end of this key.”

The cop says, “There’s not much I can do for you, but why don’t you go down to the precinct ...

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If Al Gore tried his hand as a musician, his album would be called...

**Algorithms.**

Girlfriend thought of this while doing dishes earlier.... I could hear her laughing to herself in the other room for almost 10 minutes.

I just broke two of my dads old queen albums.

Now I want to break three.

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Matthew McConaughey and Andre 3000 released an album together.

The reviews were
AlrightAlrightAlright AlrightAlrightAlright AlrightAlrightAlright AlrightAlrightAlright
AlrightAlrightAlright

Did you guys hear about the globe that got pressed flat into vinyl album?

Yeah, it was a world record.

A big record label gathered Eminem, Dr. Dre, and Andre 3000 to collaborate on a new album.

Eminem said, "I'll perform."
Dr. Dre said, "I'll produce."
And Andre 3000 said, "I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write I'll write!"

I made my fish listen to an Eminem album...

...now he's Swim Shady.

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Al Gore is in the wrong line of work

Some people's names match their careers surprisingly well. Imagine a psychic named Krystal Ball or a stylist named Barbera Cutter.

But Al Gore is a failure in this regard. He had the perfect opportunity to start a math rock band in the 80s or 90s and just chose to not. It should have been fa...

A mother and her son are looking at old photo albums

The son points to a photo and asks:

"Mom, who is this muscular guy with so much hair?"

His mother responds:

"Can't you see that? That is your father."

"Oh..." He pauses "But if he's my father, then who is that fat bald guy that lives here?"

All these singers dropping their new albums and songs.....

don't you think they oughta be a little careful the next time?

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Nicklebacks’ album “Silver Side Up” was released on Sept. 11, 2001.

What are the chances that one of worst days in American history would also be the day a terrorist attack took down the twin towers?

Analbumcover

If you read this the same way I did, we can be friends.

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If you get an email saying "click this link to hear Nickelback's new album for free" DO NOT CLICK IT

It will take you directly to a site where you can hear Nickelback's new album for free.

A horse is sitting at home, bored, watching MTV...

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the ...

What would Soviet Travis Scott name his album?

Cosmoworld

What is Donald Trump's favorite Pink Floyd album?

Dark side of the Moon, for it's eclectic instrumentation and higher than average production values.

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One of my friends from Beijing is a huge Taylor Swift fan and asked me to suggest an album of her..

I told him to search for T.S.1989..

haven't heard from him ever since...

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A grandfather and his grandchild leaf through the old family album and find a WW2-era photo

The grandchild asks who the uniformed people on the photo are and the grandfather solemnly says: “It’s the Nazis, kid. They were very, very bad men who murdered a great lot of innocent people, they made war and enslaved other people and they were against any freedom. Very, very bad men.”

The ...

What is Trump's favorite album?

The Wall - Pink Floyd

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Cher should release an album called "Noble"...

That shit would blow up.

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Recently applied to a job as a back-end developer and they asked for some samples of my work.

For some reason, they were not pleased with the album of ass-pics from my previous clients.

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What’s the name of the second studio album by Nirvana?

Nevermind, I found it.

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Missy Elliot just dropped her first album in 13 years!

Do you think she still followed the 5 second rule?

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How did Avicii complete an album from beyond the grave?

Ghost producing

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You know, everyone says defund the police… but I don’t think that’s necessary…

They haven’t put an album out in years!

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Why are posts about the new Tool album getting so many Reddit awards?

Because it is worth its wait in gold.

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The Eagles held the record for bestselling album of all time.

That was until Micheal Jackson beat it..

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Tried to buy a Charlie Brown LP on ebay and got a Davy Jones album instead.

You know what they say.

You pay Peanuts, you get Monkees.

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What's the quietest album in the world?

Stephen Hawking - unplugged

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Did Queen release a Hip-Hop album in the 70s?

Becauase I keep hearing of a Bohemian Rap-CD

Adele names albums by numbers, relating to important things in her life.

Her next is rumoured to be called 3.14159265359

I love to view /r/gonewild albums in reverse

and watch lonely women regain their dignity.

Billy has 5 albums by Morrissey and he buys 2 more, what does Billy have?

Depression, Billy has depression.

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A rapper made an album while in prison. But everyone who bought it was jailed. Why?

Because they had a criminal record.

I bought 2 Chainz' latest album, but it was the censored edition.

It's easily one of the best instrumental CDs I've heard in a long time.

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Really disappointed with the new Beatles album

It's all drum & bass

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After Kanye and Donald Trump met up the other day, they will be working on a new album together....

The Deportation of Pablo

I was pulled over last night and the officer asked me if I had a police record.

I told him “no but I have a couple albums by Sting.

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Emerson, Lake, and Palmer walk into a bar. . .

RESUBMITTING WITHOUT LINKS



Picture it. June, 1971. London.



Keith Emerson, Greg Lake and Carl Palmer are celebrating the release of their album Tarkus at the Seven Stars Pub.



Very quickly, both ELP and their BACs are riding high.

Nothing can spoil t...

I tried getting into Guinness World record by smashing up music albums

I broke a lot of records

*ba dum tis*

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I went into walmart to buy the album "Get Rich or Die Trying" but I had to dispute the price when it rang up for ten dollars...

... because it clearly says 50 Cent on it.

I rate the next One Direction album...

...four out of five stars.

I bought an album, and called my friend who has a weird fetish for new music.

He came as soon as he heard.

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An amateur band was recording a new album in the studio...

...and decided to record a cover of another less known artist, a judge who mostly played small private events like weddings.

The album became a huge hit, and sales went through the roof. However, the judge also happened to come across the album after its release. The judge contacted their man...

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What did the man do after listening to a Pink Floyd album for two hours?

Skip to the next track

Have you heard the name of Chris Brown's latest album?

Chris Brown's Greatest Hits ft. Rihanna

Did you hear that Fergie and R. Kelly are collaborating on a new album?

They are calling their group the Black Guy Pees.

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Someone's written an album about thermometers...

I've heard it's been nominated for a Mercury Prize.

Did you hear about the mummy that reached the top 10 with his new album?

People say it's cause he has the tightest wraps

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I sent an Adele album to a guy who bought it on eBay, anyway his payment cancelled and I'm out of pocket ....

Should I just give up or should I keep on chasing payments

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I have been looking for a download of an album I used to have on cassette tape.

Anyone have at link to "Head Cleaner Kit"?

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There's a rumor that if you play a Nickleback album backwards it plays satanic messages. But that's nothing....

... if you play it forwards it plays a Nickleback album.

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Photo Album

A young boy was looking through
the family album and asked his
mother, "Is this you on the beach?

Mother says "Yes, it is"

Son asks "Who's this guy with you with all the

muscles and curly hair?"

"That's your father."

"Then who's that old bald-headed
...

Does anyone know why people are buying Chris Brown's new album?

Because it beats me.

I smashed a thousand albums yesterday...

I think I broke a record.

Confession: Every now and then I still enjoy listening to one of Bill Cosby's old comedy albums.

Call it a guilty pleasure.

What do you call a Jamaican that just finished his reggae album?

Ben-jamin

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