A cannibal is on trial, and with insurmountable evidence against him he stands and delivers his final argument.

Your honour, I’m not a cannibal, I’m a humanitarian!

When a flat-earther finds conclusive evidence against their beliefs...

...it’s important for them to know that it’s not the end of the world.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife put on a sexy cop outfit..

My wife put on a sexy cop outfit and arrested me on suspicion of being good in bed.

After a quick trial I was released due to lack of evidence.

My wife sued for divorce because she said I couldn't get an erection.

I had evidence to the contrary, but it wouldn't stand up in court.

I've always suspected my wife was cheating. Yesterday I found the evidence I was looking for...

She kept the monopoly money hidden in the cushion of the couch.

There is more evidence of my existence than of any of the gods.

Yet nobody believes in me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.

After 1 minute all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.

I've just uncovered damning evidence that Hillary Clinton knew about the 30,000 emails she deleted as well as what really happened in Benghazi

I'm sharing it because the American people deserve to know the tr

What do you call a preponderance of evidence that your drink has been laced?

Probable Cosby.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yes, empirical evidence is the foundation of science. Yes, blind faith is the death of reason.

No, this does not mean that I am obligated to show you my breasts to prove their existence

No evidence is good enough for a Creationist...

But no evidence is good enough for a Creationist.

The state of public toilets is scientific evidence that doing something 10 000 times doesn't make you good at it.

It's even peer reviewed.

A murderer wants to get rid of the evidence

by throwing it into the local sea. However, there's a catch - the town's richest man owns a lot of property, including the sea and all its beaches. The rich man is somewhat paranoid of people trespassing on his property, so he has a private police force. The police are split into 4 teams, named Poli...

Somebody once argued to me "that which is asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence."

I replied "no it can't."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Arrested for being too good in bed!

My girlfriend dressed up as a police woman last night and giggled "I'm arresting you for being too good in bed"


After two minutes she said she was dropping the charges due to lack of evidence.

The CIA found evidence that Osama Bin Laden had downloaded a lot of videos about how to crochet

Turns out he was trying to replace all those lost afghans

What do you call a family member who doesn't support their arguments with evidence?

Just cuz.

(I came up with this just now and I'm so proud of it and I haven't slept in 3 days)

I have evidence that the mods on r/jokes are censoring posts they dont like! More info in post!

[removed]

New evidence has been found outside the Pistorius home that completely acquits him of his girlfriend's murder.

Footprints

I suspect Elmer Fudd is an r/jokes mod, and I have evidence

[wemoved]

The Trump Travel ban was refused due to lack of evidence..

Apparently "I know it, you know it, everybody knows it" wasn't enough

Always plead idiocy, if you can provide evidence.

It's foolproof!

The detective said, "Something's fishy about this evidence..."

Turned out to be a red herring.

What is Will Smith's favorite type of forensic evidence?

Fresh prints.

I saw the clearest evidence in not supporting trump in the paper today

He eats his steak well done. With ketchup.

If a robber robs a house under renovation and accidentally leaves his handprint on wet cement,

Does that mean that the police have concrete evidence?

Whats the evidence that Gaston is the best guy ever?

He won the no Belle prize

There is no solid evidence of global warming...

...it all melted.

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test ...

... and asked his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car" The boy thought about that for a moment,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill Cosby found guilty for all sexual assault charges due to irrefutable evidence.

The proof was in his pudding.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An electrical engineer is wrongly accused of a crime.

His name is Myto and he swears he did not kill anybody. However, all the evidence points to him. Of course, he gets 25 years in prison.

When he gets to prison, he meets his bunkmate, Big Joel. Now, contrary to what you may think, Big Joel was not a rapist. In fact, he was the nicest man Myto...

I recently learned that anecdotal evidence is not scientifically valid

A few friends told me how badly it went for them.

This huge guy broke into my house last night.

I confronted him but he punched me in the stomach then smacked me across the face. While I lay on the ground he stole my wallet, my phone, and then walked out with my TV.

I didn't manage to scratch him or take a photo but rang the police anyway in the hope they'd at least be able to find a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Officers were investigating a crime that took place at a porn studio.

Finding evidence of the perpetrators, One officer said to the other, "They definitely came in here."

My deodorant is called "state's evidence"...

Part of the Wetness Protection program.

As a Dyslexic Archaeologist, I have to let you know:

I have never found any evidence that supports Ovulation.

Attorney General Barr released a summary of Jeffrey Epstein's autopsy findings...

They found no evidence of contusion.

I was going to have a relaxing fire with some firewood that I stole.

But then I got paranoid and burned all the evidence.

Recently a routine police patrol was parked outside a bar in the Outback.

After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.  The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity, in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the ma...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On their wedding night, a young bride asked her new husband to pay her $20 for their first lovemaking encounter.

In his highly aroused state,
Her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made
Love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man looking to find evidence of ghosts holds a seminar......

First thing he asks the group "Has anyone ever seen a ghost" a few people raise their hands, excited about the results he continues.... "Has anyone ever touched a ghost?" a couple people raise their hands. Now he's really excited so he goes for it....."Has anyone ever had sex with a ghost?" 1 East I...

What does Dr. Oz do when you throw scientific evidence at his head?

Ducks like a quack.

Suspect: I’m innocent! He died of natural causes.

Police: There was clear evidence that you pushed him off the roof.

Suspect: Well, gravity is natural.

Why are they rioting in Ferguson?

Because they carefully and objectively reviewed the evidence from the trial and thought a legitimate injustice had been done.

The FBI raided Hillary Clinton's campaign headquarters

She needed them to get in quick and destroy all the evidence.

A depressed man walks into a lawyer’s office...

“I’ve been accused of stealing!” he exclaims. “They day I stole canned ham from the back of a delivery truck. But I’m innocent!”
“Alright,” the defense attorney says. “I’ll take your case. But it’ll cost you $5000.”
“I’ll pay you $2500 now, and pay the rest after the trial,” the man says.
...

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