New evidence has been found outside the Pistorius home that completely acquits him of his girlfriend's murder.

Footprints

Apparently they found evidence of life on Venus

It's all the girls that went their because they're a genius

why is DNA evidence not permissible in Alabama court?

because its all the same anyway

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My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.

After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.

Did you here about the anti-vaxer with legit scientific evidence?

Yeah, me neither

A particularly open-minded flat-earther started out on a journey, and decided he wouldn't stop traveling until he found evidence to convince him to change his worldview.

And eventually he came around.

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NASA found evidence of a parallel universe where time runs backwards.

But we already knew about West Virginia.

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Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.


One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare....

How do you drive President Trump crazy?

Tell him you placed evidence of voter fraud in the corner of his office.

Missed my Cake Day but here's a terrible joke (I think) I came up with.

The whole world was in shock last year when Will Smith was found dead. The police suspected foul play but closed the case due to lack of DNA evidence. We're hearing now though that the investigation is being reopened due to the discovery of fresh prints.








I'm sorry...

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A well-renown, high-powered lawyer was just in a horrific car accident.

He was side-swiped, ripping the driver's side door completely off.

A police officer, who happened to be there, ran straight to the man. He found the him sitting on the ground against the wreck angrily swearing and yelling.

Officer: (Relieved the man is well enough to be yelling): "You...

Why did Rudy Giuliani fart at the hearing

Since he didn't have clear evidence for fraudulence, he decided to provide a clear evidence of flatulence

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I have this theory about my sex life lately

Actually, it’s more of a hypothesis since I have no physical evidence to suggest it even exists.

Someone threw part of a brick through my front window. The police couldn’t do anything though

They said there wasn’t enough concrete evidence

My grandad predicted that the Titanic would sink

He went to great pains to try and alert everyone. Sadly no one would listen. He told people in authority, middle-management and even the every-day punters who bought tickets. He was silenced from every corner in spite of all the evidence he put forward. Eventually he was forcibly removed from the ci...

The beaver says "I didn't build that, Your Honor."

The judge points at the picture of the pile of logs in the river and says "we have damming evidence against you"

I'll see myself out

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Sherlock Holmes is looking for evidence at a crime scene with another officer.

Sherlock: I heard the suspect fed the victim an excessive amount of laxatives. Tell me if you find any feces in the area.

*30 minutes later, the office comes back empty handed *

Sherlock: So you didn’t find any?

Officer: No shit, Sherlock.

What happened to the Herb Farmer when evidence was found that he'd been stealing from his company?

He was convicted on counts of Embasilment.

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On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter.

In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surpri...

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If being sexy was a crime,

I’d be arrested.

Then released for lack of evidence..

When the police caution you that whatever you say can be taken in as evidence

Your next words must be: please don’t hit me again officer

I hate these double standards

if you burn a body at a crematorium you’re "doing a good job" if you do it at home you’re “destroying evidence”

No evidence is good enough for a Creationist...

But no evidence is good enough for a Creationist.

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A comprehensive observation about common religions and religious practices.

Jainism: You must not disturb shit

Bhuddism: You must become one with the shit.

Taoism: Shit happens

Shintoism: Our ancestors thought of this shit.

Hinduism: Eating meat makes you a shit person.

Paganism: Here's some shit that represents other shit.

Reform J...

Five gangsters walk past a local diner

The owner runs out the door and up to them saying, "Excuse me, I've got a problem and you're the only ones who can solve it!"

The gangsters look at each other confused and ask, "What, why us man?"

"I'll explain later, just come with me!" The owner replies. The curious gangsters follow ...

I've always suspected my wife was cheating. Yesterday I found the evidence I was looking for...

She kept the monopoly money hidden in the cushion of the couch.

There is more evidence of my existence than of any of the gods.

Yet nobody believes in me.

A judge was trying a man on the charge of shoplifting shirts and pants by wearing them out of the store.

The judge saw the evidence and declared, "Guilty! Case Clothed!"

A man committed a murder, and he made the mistake of dragging the body across a freshly-paved sidewalk.

He was easily convicted. There was concrete evidence

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An Italian man is looking wistfully out at his fields...

It's spring, and for decades and decades now, he's always planted tomatoes, a tradition he brought over all the way from the old country to his adopted home in the US.

Unfortunately, he's getting old, and the work of turning the soil over to prepare for planting the tomatoes is beyond his bod...

A cannibal is on trial, and with insurmountable evidence against him he stands and delivers his final argument.

Your honour, I’m not a cannibal, I’m a humanitarian!

A Police patrol car parked outside a local neighbourhood pub late in the evening. The officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles. The man managed to find his car, which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off....

What do you call a family member who doesn't support their arguments with evidence?

Just cuz.

(I came up with this just now and I'm so proud of it and I haven't slept in 3 days)

When a flat-earther finds conclusive evidence against their beliefs...

...it’s important for them to know that it’s not the end of the world.

I was getting my hair cut the other day...

...and the girl cutting my hair mentioned she had a degree in cosmology. So I asked her whether she thought the cosmic background radiation was the best evidence for the big bang. She said big bangs would not look good on me, and that's the moment when I noticed the diploma on the wall that said "...

Interpol developed a test to figure out the best Law enforcement team in the world. Today's test involved the Scotland Yard, the FBI and Rio's Military Police.

The test consisted of releasing a bunny in the woods and giving it a 1 hour head start. The police department that found the bunny in the least amount of time would go on to the next phase.

First one to go was Scotland Yard. Using their best detectives, deductive skills and evidence analysis,...

The state of public toilets is scientific evidence that doing something 10 000 times doesn't make you good at it.

It's even peer reviewed.

What do a kinky lawyer and a flat earther have in common?

Pulling evidence out if their ass

A guy is sentenced to 10 years in prison for murder

A guy is sentenced to 10 years in prison for murder.

Prior to his incarceration, he worked on a farm helping his father dig and prepare the land for plants.

His father wrote to him:” Oh, how I miss when you were here to help me prepare the fields. Now I must do everything alone.”
...

I've just uncovered damning evidence that Hillary Clinton knew about the 30,000 emails she deleted as well as what really happened in Benghazi

I'm sharing it because the American people deserve to know the tr

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My wife put on a sexy cop outfit..

My wife put on a sexy cop outfit and arrested me on suspicion of being good in bed.

After a quick trial I was released due to lack of evidence.

Incompetent Zoo keeper

Dave the young novice Zoo keeper is on his first day of work. He is in the aquatic room, changing a fluorescent tube. One end drops in the tropical fish tank and it instantly electrocutes all the fish. They all float to the surface. He knows if the boss spots this, he'll be instantly fired. He takes...

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Ron Jeremy was arrested for sexual assault

Because Ron Jeremy is 67 years old, Prosecutors are worried the evidence won't stand up in court.
Further, Ron Jeremy is entitled to a jury of his peers. Prosecutors are afraid it will be a hung jury.

My wife sued for divorce because she said I couldn't get an erection.

I had evidence to the contrary, but it wouldn't stand up in court.

An old man is traveling to a far off land, but is arrested in a city named Runnia along the way.

The townspeople of Runnia are convinced that he was the murderer of Barth F. Bradley, the local butcher. Though there is not much evidence of the claim, a witness claims he saw the old man leave Bradley's shop on the night of the murder. The townspeople, who were always suspicious of strangers, cons...

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An old Indian joke. Hope it wasn’t posted before!

A man enters a scientific convention on a whim and there he hears the speaker raising a question to the audience.

“What is the fastest thing known to man?”

The scholars decide to give different answers based on their area of expertise.

The philosopher knowing they can defend t...

A murderer wants to get rid of the evidence

by throwing it into the local sea. However, there's a catch - the town's richest man owns a lot of property, including the sea and all its beaches. The rich man is somewhat paranoid of people trespassing on his property, so he has a private police force. The police are split into 4 teams, named Poli...

What do you call a preponderance of evidence that your drink has been laced?

Probable Cosby.

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Yes, empirical evidence is the foundation of science. Yes, blind faith is the death of reason.

No, this does not mean that I am obligated to show you my breasts to prove their existence

Did you hear that Rand McNally is trying to increase product sales by hiding evidence of a flat Earth?

Yes. It’s a global conspiracy.

A hooker gets arrested one night and the next day stands before the judge

The judge reviews the evidence and decides to sentence the hooker to community service for 6 months.

Then the hooker goes "Community service? What do you think I've been doing this whole time?!"

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test ...

... and asked his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car" The boy thought about that for a moment,...

I suspect Elmer Fudd is an r/jokes mod, and I have evidence

[wemoved]

I have evidence that the mods on r/jokes are censoring posts they dont like! More info in post!

[removed]

A man is on trial for murdering his wife, although a body has not been found. [long]

His lawyer says there is not enough evidence. "The ex-wife is not even dead, I am going to prove it to you, she is going to walk through the door in about one minute."

All eyes are focused on the door. A minute passes. Another minute passes. And another.

The prosecution says: "she didn...

The Trump Travel ban was refused due to lack of evidence..

Apparently "I know it, you know it, everybody knows it" wasn't enough

The CIA found evidence that Osama Bin Laden had downloaded a lot of videos about how to crochet

Turns out he was trying to replace all those lost afghans

What is Will Smith's favorite type of forensic evidence?

Fresh prints.

A magical teddy bear decided to go for a walk

The bear decided to walk down the street and he stumbled across an alley where he heard some weird sounds. Being a teddy bear, it figured no one would care if it saw them as long as it acted natural. So it went to see what was happening.

The bear noticed an infamous criminal beating a man to...

Somebody once argued to me "that which is asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence."

I replied "no it can't."

Once there was a small town

Within this town there was a man named Epydidumus Roderigo the Third, but for simplicity, everyone called him Ep. If there was one thing Ep was known for it was his antique fork, that was passed down through his family for generations and was so old and weathered that only one tine remained on the f...

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An electrical engineer is wrongly accused of a crime.

His name is Myto and he swears he did not kill anybody. However, all the evidence points to him. Of course, he gets 25 years in prison.

When he gets to prison, he meets his bunkmate, Big Joel. Now, contrary to what you may think, Big Joel was not a rapist. In fact, he was the nicest man Myto...

I saw the clearest evidence in not supporting trump in the paper today

He eats his steak well done. With ketchup.

There's been talks saying the Egyptians invented cement...

Historians have looked in the ruins for evidence but there's nothing concrete

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Comedian Jeff Dunham has been accused of sexual assault

After allegations from his coworkers saying that he's been fisting them for decades.

Just look up his Youtube channel if you want to see evidence of this abuse. Millions have just sat by and watched while these poor souls suffered through tremendous pain right in-front of them.

If a robber robs a house under renovation and accidentally leaves his handprint on wet cement,

Does that mean that the police have concrete evidence?

Always plead idiocy, if you can provide evidence.

It's foolproof!

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Police are suspicious of a man who shits diarrhea all over the town

But they have no solid evidence.

The detective said, "Something's fishy about this evidence..."

Turned out to be a red herring.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Judge: Look here Mickey Mouse, I cannot grant you a divorce from Minnie.

Mickey (stunned): Why not?

Judge: I have reviewed all the information you gave the court, but i can't find any evidence at all to support the grounds that she is crazy.

Mickey (exasperated): Your honour! I didn't say she was crazy...

...I said she was fucking Goofy!

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