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Platter Jokes

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A young man stopped at a local restaurant after a day of roaming around in Spain

While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious-looking platter being served at the next table.

It looked good.

It smelled good.

He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"

The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's te...

Muhammad Ali’s son was conceived over his parents splitting a veggie platter.

His name was Brock Ali.

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A couple goes to Spain......

A couple goes to Spain for a vacation. After a full day they decide to go to a nice restaurant. As they’re seated at their table, they notice the couple next to them gets served with a platter with two of the largest meatballs they had ever seen. They called the waiter over to ask what the dish is. ...

Why was the United Nations concerned when the waitress dropped the platter on Thanksgiving?

It meant the fall of Turkey, the ruin of Greece, and the breakup of China.

A couple was invited to a wedding...

A married couple was invited to a wedding that neither of them wanted to go to, but they felt obligated to go because the man getting married worked at the same firm as the husband.

They were asking each other what they should bring as a wedding gift, when the wife had a great idea: they cou...

There is a restaurant that advertises that it will serve you anything you want, but if they can't, then they will gift you $5000 as an apology.

A man passing by sees this message advertised at the entrance, and believes this to be bullshiet, but decides to try it out anyway.

He enters and a waiter takes him to a table. The waiter asks, "What would you like to eat today, sir?"

Man: "I would like an elephant's ear and a muffin ...

Three guys get invited to a kink party


When they get there, they decide to split up, check things out, and meet back up to discuss things.

When they meet back up, the first guy says “YOU GUYS! I was in the dining room, and they had one of those human sushi platters!”

The second guy goes “oh YEAH?! Well I was in the smoking ...

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A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde entered into a high-stakes TV culinary contest of the ages...

After the three women finished their cooking procedures, they individually lined up behind the curtain of the main stage and each rolled out a cart with their respective dish. To elaborate, three judges would be grading these women on their cooking capabilities.

When the time came for the pre...

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There’s an unusual hospital

Where one of the treatments involves the female nurses taking the male patients home and sleeping with them. For most of the patients, the treatment is very effective. But one day, into the hospital comes an odd patient who has the word Shorty tattooed on his penis. None of the nurses want anything ...

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R/news reminded me of this joke.

A man is visiting Spain for the first time. While dining out one night, he watches as a phalanx of waiters delivers a domed platter to the table next to his. There's much ceremony and fuss and he's very intrigued. He asks his own waiter what's going on.

"Señor, he has ordered The Trophy."...

What do you call a cat served on a silver plate?

A platter-pus

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My wife arranged some hors d'oeuvres on her vagina

She was trying to make it look like a duck, but I thought it looked more like a platter puss.

The King of the magical land Wakanda invited the President of the United States and the Queen of Britain to visit.

When they arrived, the Royal Guide of Wakanda brought them to the Palace.
"I should warn you, the beauty and luxury you will see is unparalleled." he said.
They both snorted haughtily. Surely this third-world country couldn't compete with their own riches.

But when they entered, they we...

Yo mama so dumb...

...she argues endlessly that Frodo could have just ridden a giant eagle into Mordor and dropped the Ring into Mount Doom from the air, even though all the characters in the book say over and over again that Sauron can SEE EVERYWHERE and that stealth was their only hope of getting anywhere with the R...

What do you call a cat sitting on a hard drive?

A platter puss

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Father Conor is walking by the Shannon when he sees one of his congregation fishing...

He stops for a chat, and mentions that he's never fished before. 'It's a doddle,' says the angler. 'Take a rod and give it a go.'

'Well, I suppose the blessed Saint Peter himself was a fisherman. Perhaps I'll try my hand,' says the priest.

Father Conor sits down and casts his line. Aft...

Non-kosher Rabbi

One day, an old rabbi decides that he wants to try pork, forbidden in the Torah. But, because he’s the rabbi, he can’t risk being seen by anyone in his congregation. So he decides to take a vacation. He buys his tickets, flies out to Brazil, finds an expensive restauraunt and orders the roast pork. ...

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Three men are lost in the woods..

The men are lost and starving when they come across a house occupied by an old lady. So they knock on the door and ask if they can have some food she says yes but only if one of the men eats her out so one of the men steps up and says he'll do it. After the old lady takes him to her bedroom she take...

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The Shah and the Vizier

Once upon a time there was a Shah and his vizier. The Shah didn't like his vizier as the vizier was a smart-ass and the Shah was looking for a way to kick him out of his palace. One day he told the vizier to make him a kebab with male ants.

"I want to know for certain that those ants are male...

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There was an old man on his front porch drinking a glass of whiskey.

The man's grandson opened the front door and said "hey grandpa! Can I have some?". "Can your dick touch your asshole?" Asked the man. "No" said the boy. The old man said "well that means you can't have any."

The next day, the man was out on his front porch again smoking a Cuban cigar. Out com...

A duck went on vacation and stayed in a nice hotel. [NSFW?]

A duck went on vacation. He flew in and got a room at a really fancy hotel. He had some time to kill, so he went down to a bar. While he was there, he met a beautiful woman. He started talking to her. Things were going really well, so he asked her if she wanted to head back to his hotel room. She sm...

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Three men go to Spain after hearing about a great restaurant with an amazing speciality

Upon arriving to said restaurant they sit down and order the special. After waiting half an hour a waiter walks out holding two big juicy balls (quite literally) on a platter. Curious the three men ask him what they are being served.

The waiter answers "You see señor, the bull arena is right ...

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A cowboy had spent many days crossing the Montana prairies without water. His horse had already died of thirst.

He's crawling along the dusty ground, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the ground several yards ahead of him. 

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the ground and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase. He opens it a...

A group of friends are drinking at a neighborhood bar.

At closing time, one by one each friend says goodbye and leaves. The last man in the bar finishes his drink stands up and takes a step towards the door, He immediately falls flat on his face.

Lying on the floor he mumbles to himself "Dang, I must be more drunk than I thought. Maybe if I craw...

[long] A tourist goes to see the bullfight in Spain

After the matador disposed of the bull and the fight was over, he started to feel quite peckish. He spied a restaurant with a sign "BULLFIGHT SPECIAL" he was seated, and asked his waiter about the special and if it was an authentic Spanish dish or for tourists, to which the waiter responded, it's am...

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A love story

A Love Story


Micro was a real time user and a dedicated multi-user. His broad-band protocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output devices, even if it meant time sharing.

One evening Micro arrived home just as the sun was crashing. He had parked his Motorola ...

A game develper goes to H*ll

A young game developer is killed before his time, and stands before Saint Peter.
"Because you died so young, we cannot properly judge you on your sins and virtues. Therefore, you will be allowed to choose between going to Heaven or Hell."
Before the developer can express his dismay, St. Peter ...

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A woman is on vacation in Spain...

A lady goes on vacation to Spain and decides to go to a bull fighting match. She finds it mildly entertaining but is somewhat distressed at the violence inherent in the act. After the show ends she goes to a restaurant near the arena and asks the waiter what he would recommend. He passionately recom...

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Sven and Ole

Sven is sitting on his porch one day, enjoying the morning Norwegian frosted air, when he sees his neighbor Ole coming down the road.

Ole has his hands lightly cupped together as if he's holding a delicate insect from escaping.

Sven pipes up and hollars "G'mornin Ole! what's that ya go...

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A man goes to his barber to get a haircut.

As the barber is cutting his hair they start to chat a bit.

The man says “It’s me and my wives anniversary soon. We’re planning a trip to Rome as we've always wanted to go to Italy and really experience some authentic Italian food!”

“Ahh, don’t bother” says the barber. “The whole city ...

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The Mexican Restaurant.

I was working in South Texas on the border, and my coworker and I decided to drive in to Mexico to watch an authentic bullfight. It was in a small, semi-pro ring. We watched amateurs and semi pro matadors fighting, and actually killing, the bulls. It was brutally fascinating. The final fight was...

A comedian was on vacation in London.

A comedian was on a vacation in London when he came across a large crowd. He pushed and squeezed his way past the ocean of people and saw the Royal Family who were on their way to have lunch. As he takes out his phone to snap a photo, he saw from the corner of his eye a shady man pushing past the cr...

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