Over the next day, Oregon is expected to break the hottest temperatures ever recorded in its entire history, some places as hot as 118°F (47.78°C)

NOT cool.

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A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist's office.

The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"



The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?"



The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.



When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them $50.


...

A man was pulled over on the side of the road for speeding.

The officer said, "Sir do you know why I pulled you over"

"No idea sir" the man replied.

"Well I've got you clocked here doing 78 mph, I'll need to see your license and registration"

Handing over his papers the man replies "Officer I had no idea I saw a sign that said 78 I thoug...

It is unfair how for every $1 a man makes, a woman makes $0.78...

Because then the man is left with only $0.22...


EDIT: Wow, this blew up on my way home.

Yes, this joke is from Bo Burnham as others have so nicely pointed out. Check out his work; he is a comedic genius.

My wife Ruth just died at age 78

Is it too soon to call myself Ruthless?

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Emerson, Lake, and Palmer walk into a bar. . .

RESUBMITTING WITHOUT LINKS



Picture it. June, 1971. London.



Keith Emerson, Greg Lake and Carl Palmer are celebrating the release of their album Tarkus at the Seven Stars Pub.



Very quickly, both ELP and their BACs are riding high.

Nothing can spoil t...

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A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 32," is the reply. "Nope! I’m exactly 50," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and ...

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What does 78 year old pussy taste like?

Depends.

I heard women in this country only get 78¢ for every dollar a man earns...

On the bright side, we get to keep 22¢

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78% of black men like sex in the shower

The other 22% haven't been to prison yet

This one is number 78.

A man walks into a pub, sits at the bar and orders a drink. Over in the corner he notices a group of friends drinking and laughing.

He see one of the friends shout “13!” and then the rest of the group bursts out laughing. A bit later another in the group stifles laughter as he calls out “37!...

News Flash........... News Flash.

Isis suicide bomber kills himself & 78 other family members after deciding to work from home.

how do you get a 78 year old lady to scream f**k?!

get another 78 year old lady to yell BINGO!


waka waka!

78!

A man is sitting at a bus stop waiting for his bus to go to work. There are no cars on the road, just a young boy in the middle of the street jumping on top of a manhole cover shouting, "78! 78! 78!"

The man notices the boy and asks him, "What are you doing in the middle of the street?"
...

What is the difference between females aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78?

At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.<...

What do you call a female rapper?

78 cent

I would never hire a woman.

Would be way too much trouble to calculate 78% of a normal salary.

Meta-meta-joke

# Joke

A joke is something funny because unpredicatable that makes people laugh, giggle or smile. This is a a joke :



>I met a shepherd, we talked about ewe.



The fact that it takes a second to realize that "we talked about ewe" sounds like the well known sente...

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Getting old....

Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me, again, asking why I didn't do something useful with my time, "like sitting around the pool and drinking wine isn't a good thing."

Talking about my "doing-something-useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation.

She is "only thinking of me," s...

Engineer goes to Hell...

The engineer looks around, confused, and sees that despite having lived what he felt was a pious and good life, he is in Hell.

Satan quickly introduces himself. "Welcome to Hell. I can't say i was expecting you, so i guess St. Peter made a mistake when he put you on the Hell list. I'll have ...

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A man, an ostrich and a cat walk into a bar...

One day, a man walks into a bar with an ostrich and a cat. The man orders a beer, and so does the ostrich. The cat orders half a pint, and refuses to tip the bartender. The bartender tells them their bill is $10.78. The man reaches into his pocket and gets exactly $10.78.

The next day, the ma...

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Dad, is Santa real?

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the popul...

A guy walks into a bar

A guy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to another guy.

The first guy says, "That's a familiar accent you got there, where ya from?"

The other guy says "I'm Irish".

First guy says "I'm Irish too! Where did you live in Ireland?"

The second guy says "Dublin".

F...

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3 soldiers receive their payment

The war is over. It all depended on one mission.

After the 3 remaining survivors received their medals the president says: "I can not thank you enough. For your payment, you will choose any length from one body part to another and I will give you one thousand Dollars for every inches I measu...

24 bugs in the code 24 bugs in the code...

Take one down patch it all out... 78 bugs in the code...

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One day the pope decided to throw all the Jews out of Rome...

He made an announcement to the Jewish community: "Send me your smartest scholar to convince me why I should let the Jewish people stay and I may reconsider my stance." The Roman Jewish community sent Rabbi Moshe, a 78 year old Hebrew school teacher and, according to everyone but himself, the smartes...

Why would Hilary Clinton as president be good for the economy?

We would only need to pay her 78 cents on the dollar.

A traveling salesman...

A traveling salesman couldn't find a hotel one night.

He saw a light on a deserted road, and decided to knock on the door. It turned out to be a monastery; the monks were preparing dinner.

He was invited to join the others while the food was being prepared. They sat round in a circle;...

Old Man Crying

An elderly man of 78 years was sitting on a bench crying

A man walking by stopped to ask what was wrong.

"Well, I just married the most beautiful woman ever, Nice, young, and curvy in all the right places!" Said the old man.

"Then why cry?" asked the passer by

The old man...

What does heroin do?

About 78% the work of a hero.

Yoda was scared of 7 because.....

6, 78.

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A middle-aged woman saves money...

...for a plastic surgery. She wants to have a facelift. Finally, the big day arrives on her 47th birthday. It costs 5,000 dollars, but she feels like it was worth it. Her face is extremely beautiful and young again.

She wants to test it, though, so she goes for a walk in the city centre. She ...

Did you hear about the tragedy in France?

I was very confused reading headlines saying, "Nice attack, 78 dead".

Two old men are sitting on a park bench

One of them says: "You know what? I bet I can guess how old you are."

"50 bucks says you can't!"

"Alright, all I have to do is inspect your balls."

As the one gentleman drops his pants, the other one starts fondling his balls. He cautiously cups them, lifts them, juggles them f...

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Not again Harold

Harold and his wife were going to bed, he was 78 and had aged well, but in his sleep he had passed away.
At the pearly gates he spoke with God, and said, "please let me go back, it was not time for me, I need my wife, I miss her terribly"
God considered this, and said "I'm not really allowed t...

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Don't believe everything.

Did you know that 78% of all people believe any shit they read online?

Telling Jokes After School

Every day after school, a bunch of kids gather in a large circle and take turns telling jokes. After a few months of doing this, however, the jokes start getting repetitive and take way too long to say.

In order to solve this problem, the kids assign a number to every joke they usually tell....

The only reason a Hillary Clinton presidency would be good for our country

At $0.78 cents to the dollar, she'd be a bargain for our country

Round Sheep

A farmer asked me "Can you help me round up my sheep?"
I said "How many have you got?"
He said "78"
I said "we will call that 80!"

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60 Year Anniversary

A 78 year old women and an 80 year old man are celebrating their 60th anniversary. The wife says to her husband, "Lets do something special for our anniversary tonight, its been almost year since the last time."

The husband replies, "Honey, you know I can't get it up anymore. I have to head t...

A Jewish guy goes into a Catholic confession box...

"Father O’Malley," he says, "my name is Emil Cohen. I’m 78 years old. Believe it or not, I’m currently involved with a 28 year old girl, and also, on the side, her 19 year old sister. We engage in all manner of pleasure, and in my entire life I’ve never felt better." "My good man," says the priest, ...

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