Put Down Jokes - 13 Hilarious Put Down Jokes

It was going to cost me $700 to put down my dog

So I booked a United flight instead

My wife keeps telling me to put down the toilet seat.

I don't know, though. It's never done anything nasty to me.

What does Speedy Gonzales put down before fitting carpet?

Underlay! Underlay!

Today i put down my favorite dog...

He was getting to fat to carry

So my friend put down three explosives.

For some reason, I C4.

I put down a sizable deposit on a new Mercedes yesterday.

That’s what that snooty dealership gets for telling me their bathrooms are for customers only.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex on the beach!

A widowed Jewish woman, mid 50′s, went to a Tel Aviv beach for the first time since her husband passed. She was still attractive and looked good in her bathing suit. On the same beach was an attractive man, mid 50’s, getting some sun and reading a book. She put her blanket down next to his and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't support Trump, but I would never denigrate his supporters

If you're a Trump supporter, "denigrate" means "to put down."

What did Helen Keller say when she put down the cheese grater?

That was the most violent book I've ever read.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three rottweilers at the vet

So Three Rottweilers are at the vet in the waiting room, to be seen. They are looking at each other with curiosity.

One finally talks to one of them and asks, what are you doing here?

The other explains to him, that he was lying quietly in the sun in the front garden when the postman ...

I was playing Scrabble with my girlfriend when I put down AWORD. She protested, "That's not a word!"

I said, "It quite clearly is."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man named Ted is unable to put alcohol down.

His thirst for liquor is unquenchable. All he does every day is drink and drink. Rum, tequila, beer, vodka, he has it all. Doesn't matter how it tastes or looks; he'll down it.

At first it started out at a simple party at Dominc's place. His best bud, Bob, invited him so he couldn't say no. P...

A husband and his wife were always fighting each other.

When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night. The woman would shout - 'When I die, I will dig my way up, out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life..' Neighbours feared her and the woman liked the fact that she was feared.. To...

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