The 10th Fast and Furious film should be called....

Fast 10 Your Seat Belt.

The show "COPS" is no longer filmed

honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras

A director wanted to make a movie about Batman, but sadly D.C. wouldn't allow him to film it.

He decided he would just make the movie anyway, but instead of using the character's real names he would take away the last letter of their names.

Batman became Batma and he fought crime with his trusty partners Alfre and Robi. The film then showed the dynamic duo and their butler fighting cr...

Can't believe the film Groundhog Day came out 26 years ago....

It feels like yesterday.

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It's odd that Thelma & Louise spend an entire film challenging sexist stereotypes,

then die at the end because of their terrible driving.

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They finally released the porn film about men with a clock fetish

It's about fucking time

A man named Tenison March was filmed exiting the bureau of births, deaths and marriages.

Footage shows that seconds later, another man named “Samsung Galaxy-9 Jr” (formerly Allen Frank) was seen throwing wild punches at March.

March, an ex-Green Beret, was able to fend off the attack until police arrived on the scene to make an arrest.

Galaxy-9 has been charged with batter...

What problem does the Eskimo photographer struggle with because he has a terrible habit of sitting all day on a slab of ice, waiting for his film to develop?

Polaroids

A silent film star died today.

He had no final words.

Guy walks into a doctors office wearing nothing but cling film.

Doctor says I can clearly see you’re nuts.

What do you call an all female team of film editors?

The Splice Girls

An Interviewer goes to take the interview of a famous Film Critic .

The critic says that he had watched almost all the films in the world ,which were from all the countries in the world.
The Interviewer asks him whether he knew some Spanish films , and if he did, to name them .

He replies by saying he does and gives the names of some famous Spanish movi...

Have you seen the film about an onion that turns into a spider?

It's called Shallot's Web

They've announced who will be playing the lead in the new Blind Batman film.

It's Christian Braille

Elsa from Frozen is now an adult film actress starring in

Let it grow

Why did the star wars films go 456 123 789

In charge of scheduling, Yoda was

Why were kids banned from watching a pirate film

Because it was rated rrrrrrrrr

What would you call a Hollywood film director who is isolating from Covid

Quentin Quarantino.

Sean Connery arrives at a grand hotel ready for filming the next day

The director meets him, and is delighted "great to see you, Sean, its an honour to have you join us for this project" he says.

"The pleasure is mine" Sean replies, "though it's been a long drive and I'm tired. Is my room ready?"

"Of course, of course, I have your key right here", he sa...

A new set designer was hired at the filming company.

He was fired shortly after for making a scene.

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My buddy sent me some pornographic films in an email attachment.

Sigh *unzips*

Arnold Schwarzenegger and his friends are acting in a short film about classical pianists and musicians

.

One of friends says, "I'll play Beethoven."

Another says, "I'll be Mozart."

-

In the end, Arnold says, "I'll be Bach."

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I like those black and white films where no one says anything

Interracial Porn

Did you hear that the CIA hired Stanley Kubrick to fake the Moon landings?

He was such a perfectionist, he made them film on location.

Did you hear about how Tom Cruise belittled his film crew over Covid violations?

Normally he's the one that be little...

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A man walks into his therapists office naked, save for being completely wrapped up in cling film.

The therapist looked up at him, and said:

"Well, I can clearly see you're nuts!"

A motion picture crew is filming a Christmas movie.

A motion picture crew is filming a Christmas movie. The director wants to sprinkle white laundry soap flakes in front of the camera to simulate snowfall, so he sends his producer to the grocery store to buy some laundry soap.

The producer comes back several hours later. "It's the pandemic, ...

There is a reason why Daniel Craig has grey hair in the new James Bond film.

It's because he's got 'No Time to Dye'.

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Steven Spielberg has announced a new film which takes a stand against genital mutilation

It's called Saving Private Parts

A clever Russian is planning on a streaming service exclusively for banned films.

He's going to call it Nyetflix.

What film has the best connection?

Mulan, there’s only 1 Ping

I liked the Harry Potter books and films but...

I think the character Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed

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A young lady in the maternity ward is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth of her child.

“I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies. "Okay do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife. "No, no boyfriend either".

"Do you have a partner then?" "No, I'm not attached to anyone. I'll be having my baby on my own".

After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman. “...

2 Mice were chewing on a film reel...

One says to other , " The book was definitely better"

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The moon landing could not have been filmed in Hollywood.

If it had, there’d be at least one sex scene.

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Breaking news: Matthew McConaughey to play Hitler in upcoming film

All Reich, all Reich, all Reich...

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I was watching a porn film the other day, and accidentally played the alternate ending. I didn’t think I would like it, but if I’m being honest....

I came to the wrong conclusion.

Liam Neeson will star in a new thriller where he rescues the wrong woman

the film will be titled "Mistaken"

What do you call an adult film made under the sea?

A prawn

My nickname in the adult film industry used to be Tri-Pod..

I was the best camera man they ever had

I’m a Big Fan of Indy Films.

Especially “Raiders of the Lost Ark”

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I watched a film last night which was basically about a guy who's attracted to watches. It follows he's struggle to fight he's sexual urges towards timepieces but in the end he sleeps with a rolex.

Its about fucking time

What's a chickens favourite adult film genre?

Hen-tie.

A Genius

A British and an Irish were watching a movie. The hero of the film was riding on a galloping horse.

British, "It will fall off the horse ". But the Irish said it would never fall. Thy bet. Soon, the hero fell. British, didn’t I say. But why were you so confident ”it wouldn't fall?” Irish repl...

I watched the Harry Potter films for the first time at the weekend

They were okay, but a bit unrealistic: a ginger schoolkid with two friends?

Me: "Chef Ramsay, today I've prepared a Disney film for you to watch..."

Ramsay: "Is it Frozen?"

Me: "... yes"

Ramsay: "Damn..."

A blonde and her boyfriend went to the movies

In the film, the main character is running through the storm so she says, "I bet you £20, that they don't get struck by lightning."
And her boyfriend agrees.

20 seconds later the main character is stuck by lightning and the blonde looks confused and gets £20 to give.

...

Arnold Schwarzenegger is retiring from doing films.

He already has a new gig in mind. He wants to be an exterminator.

A couple went to see a film at a theatre. A mosquito enters the girl's skirt. ```Guess where it bites?``` No dirty mind it's not what you think

It bites the boy's hand.

Why don’t film soundtracks use jazz and classical?

Too much sax and violins.

MY FAVORITE FILM IS THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME.

I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.

Also I've heard that Notre Dame is lit af...

All of the cows on the farm networked all of their computers so they could stream the latest Disney film

They set up a moo LAN.

How do you tell the different between a psychiatrist and an adult film star?

Ask them to pronounce the word 'analyzed.'

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A man buys a lie detecting robot that slaps people when they lie, so he decides to try it out at dinner.

He asks his son, "Did you go to school today?" The son replies, "Yes," and the robot slaps him. The son says, "Alright, I went to the movies."



The father asks, "What did you see?" and the son replies, "Toy Story 4." The robot slaps him again, and the son says, "Okay, okay! It was an a...

Do you know who's behind that new animated animal-horror-film?

It's a company called Pig-Saw.

George Clooney Leonardo DiCaprio and Matthew McConaughey get together to make a new film.

George Clooney says he’s gonna direct Leonardo DiCaprio says he’s gonna be the producer and Matthew McConaughey says I’ll write I’ll writte I’ll write

I thought 'Chicken Run' was supposed to be a kids film.

But it's full of fowl language.

Matthew Broderick has just announced a sequel to one of his biggest films!

He'll play Iron Man's nephew who skips school to go on a wacky adventure in Chicago with his friends!

Its called "Ferrous Bueller's Day Off".

It must be scary dating an adult film star

So many jealous step brothers

A piece of retconned canon from Star Wars has a danger of causing glaring plotholes in upcoming Disney films and series.

It's what is known as "a loose canon."

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John visited his 90-year-old grandpa who lived way out in the country.

On the first morning of the visit, John’s grandpa prepared a breakfast of bacon and eggs. John noticed a film-like substance on his plate, and asked, “Are these plates clean?”

His grandpa replied, “They’re as clean as cold water can get them. Just go ahead and finish your meal.”

For lu...

Thomas Edison stole the design for a film-playing box from Tesla. Tesla confronted Edison about it, but instead of apologizing he accused Tesla of trying to steal his idea.

Classic case of projection

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Guy Fieri walks into a dive bar/restaurant after a long day of filming.

The menu board lists:

$5 Grilled Cheese Sandwich

$10 Growler of Beer

$25 Handjob

$50 Blowjob

The gorgeous bartender sees him at the bar and seductively asks what he'd like to order. Guy asks her if she is the woman performing the handjobs and blowjobs, to which s...

Guess which film franchise reboot would score millions now?

The Mask.

I went to the cinema to watch a film about lorries earlier and it was rubbish.

Too many trailers.

Netflix's latest movie.

Netflix have released a powerful new film set in the 18th century about a princess who's cursed by non-stop menstruation . The witch who cursed her says she has before the age of 21 to lift the curse by falling in love.



Honestly, it's a fantastic period drama.

Heard this sub has a lot of Star Trek fans. Did you guys know that to cut down on costs, a lot of the cast and crew camped outside in tents while filming the outdoor scenes in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn? I just snagged one on eBay!

Yeah, so anyways - I thought you guys would appreciate my original Kahn tent.

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Yesterday I paid a stranger to knock me unconscious, shove a foreign object up my ass and film the whole thing.

Or as my doctor insists on calling it, a colonoscopy

One day Brock Lee fell off stage during filming.

He bumped his head pretty hard, and fell into a coma.

After a while, the director and other actors urgently went to the hospital to check up on him. The doctor who was overseeing Brock came out and said

"We hope he gets better soon, but as of now, he is in a vegetative state."

A man goes to Blockbuster and starts looking at films

He goes through different genres until he stops at superheroes and ask to the shop assistant:

\- Could I rent "Batman Forever"?

And the shop assistant replies:

\- No, Batman returns always to the shop

I watched a film about a giant crocodile with erectile dysfunction....

Lake Flaccid.

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A film professor hangs a gun on the wall for the first day of class.

Anyone who attended the final failed.

HBO Max has removed the film “Gone With The Wind,” from their streaming platform and...

frankly my dear...

What's Lou Bega's favourite film?

Rambo No 5.

"A cannibal once took my sister to see a Russell Crowe film"

"Gladiator?"

"No, I really miss her"

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I watched a film by M. Night Shyamalan about a man with a disappearing penis.

Never saw it coming.

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I watched my first porno film last week....

I looked so much younger then.

A guy sits down in a movie theater and notices that the man in front of him has brought his dog with him.

A guy sits down in a movie theater and notices that the man in front of him has brought his dog and it's sitting in the seat next to him.

He thinks it's unusual, but he likes dogs so he decides that as long as it's not a distraction he won't mention it.

The movie starts and pretty soo...

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Chemical Analysis of Women

Item: Chemical Analysis



Subject: Women



Symbol: Wo



Discovered by: Adam



Atomic Weight: Average expected as 150lb, but there are known isotopes ranging from 100lb to 250lb.


Occurrence: Surplus quanti...

Can't wait to see Liam Neeson's new film

Taken: Out Of Context.

I thought Schindler's list was an adult film.

Because I heard there is a shower scene.

In China, film makers have to appease the Chinese censors, but people forget in America we have the same thing...

We also have to appease the Chinese censors.

I watched a Quentin Tarantino film the other night. Kill Bill, Volume 1.

Couldn’t hear a thing.

Rumours are spreading that Arnold Schwarzenegger is being cast in a Namor the Sub-Mariner film. It's not known who he will be playing...

But we can confirm that it's not Attuma.

TMZ revealed Demi Lovato was briefly attached to Wonder Woman 1984

Her agent then told her it was a super**heroine** film.

Why is coronavirus like Groundhog Day? (The actual day, not the film)

If you stick your head outside and encounter another person, you get 6 more weeks of quarantine.

Joseph Stalin is in a movie theatre with his fellow party members attending a premiere of a Soviet comedy movie.

He laughs and grins throughout the film, but after it ends he says, "Well, I liked the comedy. But that clown had a moustache just like mine. Shoot him."

Everyone is speechless, until someone sheepishly suggests, "Comrade Stalin, maybe the actor shaves off his moustache?"

Stalin replie...

Best films of all time Lord of the rings and the Hobbit trilogies...

Now that's what I'm Tolkien about.

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The Gunny's Gun (a military joke)...

U.S. Armed Services recruiting efforts are slipping. They've advertised, offered college money, granted large bonuses to new recruits... all to no avail.

So, the Joint Chiefs of Staff all get together one day at a tavern in Washington D.C. to brainstorm a solution. After many hours of back an...

(OC) Arthur C Clarke was watching Star Wars with his family when he began ranting and raving.

“What is this film?” He snarled. “All they do is lay lands, tap them to produce mana and use that mana to summon creatures and cast devastating spells. I was expecting a space romp.”

“Arthur, come now,” his wife said, “that’s not what this film is about at all!”

“Ignorant woman,” he re...

My ex-girlfriend got paid under the table for her work filming "creampie" adult videos. So I alerted the IRS.

They nailed her for unreported in-come.

True story from the in-laws.

Was at the in-laws' place (okay my girlfriend's parents') and was chatting with her father as grandpa was watching a James Bond film.

Father: Well, TheCapedMoose, who's the better bond, Shaun Connery or Roger Moore?

Me: I dunno, it's kind of a toss up...

Father: No it isn't, Sh...

I just downloaded the new Bohemian Rhapsody film...

...but I think it’s a pirate copy filmed in a cinema, because I can see a little silhouetto of a man.

What starts with 'p' ends with 'orn' and plays a major role in the film industry?

Popcorn

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Me and the Mrs were sat watching a film

on the telly when all of a sudden the bloke lifts the woman onto the kitchen counter and starts to make love to her.

"Yeah, right, " said the wife, " as if that happens"

"I totally agree, " I replied, "the only thing that ever gets fucked in our kitchen is the food.

Has anyone seen the 1985 film Orion's Belt?

It wasn't that great, I give it 3 stars.

Apparently Danny Devito is casting a new film about Baroque composers.

Arnold Schwarzenegger will be Bach.

Did you know Lynyrd Skynyrd owns a movie theater that plays a different classic film every day?

Tuesday’s Gone with the Wind

How do you stop a film from being pirated in China?

Just name it Tiananmen Square Massacre.

Rick Astley came to my house today to get some films for his kids.

I said " you can have the lion King and cinderella, but I'm never gonna give you Up"

Dennis Rodman earns himself a cameo in Kazaam 2.

Knowing full well that this would be a large production, he decided to arrive on set well before his scheduled scene was meant to be filmed. Even with his prudent planning, when he drove onto the lot, there was only one spot left and so he took it. As soon he stepped out his vehicle however, he was ...

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Bob is getting older and his kids decided to put him in an assisted living facility.

Bob at first was reluctant to go there. Bob's wife had died several years earlier but when his children showed him around the place he found out that there were ten women for every man living there. Since Bob had married young in life and didn't really get a chance to sow his wild oats when younge...

My girlfriend and I went on our 9th date to see the new Batman film. Our dates can be summarized as followed:

Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, BATMAN

Who's going to direct the new Coronavirus film?

Tintin Quarantino

Did you hear about that new threesome adult film starring a physicist?

It's called, "The Double-slit Experiment".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I recently filmed my wife wanking me off with her toes...

Got some decent footage.

Everyone says I won't be able to make a film like The Truman Show.

Just watch me.

Can someone describe what this new film "Ford v Ferrari" is about, please?

In Le Mans terms.

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Overall, "Rise of Skywalker" was okay, but there was one thing that really annoyed me all through the film-

Those fucking Chinese subtitles!

What does Kodak film have in common with condoms?

Both Capture the moment.

Man in a cinema watching a cowboy film.

A stagecoach pulls up, man 1 turns to his neighbour and says "I bet you a tenner that the first guy out bangs his head on the doorframe" Man 2 accepts the bet. The first guy out banged his head so man 2 pays up.

Man 1 feels guilty and gives back the tenner, says "I'm sorry, I saw this film la...

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My friend wanted to take me to his basement to show off his collection of obscure films

Weird flicks but okay.

Droids claim they were molested by George Lucas during filming for Star Wars...

#R2MeToo

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I just came home from a film festival where we spent 90 minutes watching a cockroach crawl around the screen...

I couldn't figure out if it was a bug or a feature.

A film is to be made about the shootings last month in the El Paso Walmart

The Texas Chain Store Massacre

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It’s a little boy’s seventh birthday.

For his birthday, his parents buy him a really superb cowboy outfit. I mean, it’s got everything: the boots, the spurs, the tiny plastic revolvers. The boy is thrilled; he doesn’t take the outfit off all day.

That evening, the little boy’s parents take him out to an ice cream parlor for a ...

A man goes to the movies and sees a large dog sitting next to a woman watching the film

He says to her "I am surprised your dog is enjoying this movie"

The woman replies "Me too, he hated the book"

People usually hate on horror films, but the thing is...

A great example of the genre and a fantastic film overall

When I was younger I wanted to be a film developer

But then I realized I didn't want to sit in a dark room alone with a bunch of negative people

Imagine Hollywood is making a feature film about creating the perfect meal

In the first act of the movie, they go through many trials and tribulations to decide on what bread they should use. Eventually they decide on tortilla

The second act, they’re now plotting on what should go IN the bread. Meat, veggies, maybe neither.

Finally, the third act. now they j...

Which film is Patrick Mahomes watching tonight?

Remember The Titans

I once watched a film about clouds...

but it was way over my head.

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