The 10th Fast and Furious film should be called....

Fast 10 Your Seat Belt.

The show "COPS" is no longer filmed

honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras

While discussing horror movies, my friend asked me who my favorite monster from film is.

Me: "Hmmm that's a tough one. I think I'd have to go with the vampire from Sesame Street."

Friend: "What!? He doesn't count."

Me: "Oh I assure you, he does."

Freddie Mercury auditions as Jason Bourne and lands the role in the latest film, which turns out to be a flop. When asked in interviews, what does he say?

"Sometimes wish I've never been Bourne at all".

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It's odd that Thelma & Louise spend an entire film challenging sexist stereotypes,

then die at the end because of their terrible driving.

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A Soviet filmmaker makes a film called “Lenin in Warsaw.”

Everybody shows up for the premiere. The film opens—on Lenin's wife, Krupskaya, naked, having mad sex with another man. And then another.

And another. And so on. The film continues in the same vein for ninety minutes.Finally, the lights come up and the director takes questions from the audien...

I know a film director that only hires overweight actors and actresses, even if they're terrible.

I think it's flabbercasting.

A director wanted to make a movie about Batman, but sadly D.C. wouldn't allow him to film it.

He decided he would just make the movie anyway, but instead of using the character's real names he would take away the last letter of their names.

Batman became Batma and he fought crime with his trusty partners Alfre and Robi. The film then showed the dynamic duo and their butler fighting cr...

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Yesterday I paid a stranger to knock me unconscious, shove a foreign object up my ass and film the whole thing.

Or As My Doctor Insists On Calling It, A Colonoscopy

I tried writing a remake of my favourite Nic Cage film but set in Ireland

After all, who wouldn't enjoy Con Aer Lingus

I’ve been watching a lot of Wild West films lately.

I can’t help but think a lot of conflict and bloodshed could have been avoided if the cowboy architects had just built the towns big enough for everyone.

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I just got done filming a porno in my hotel room [NSFW]

You can find it on the net. It’s called “drunk guy jerks off in a hotel room and then cries”

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I'm writing a film about a guy with a time machine who tries to stop Hitler's parents from meeting ...

I'm calling it 'Back to the Fuhrer'.

Can’t wait to see the film “Constipation”

But it hasn’t come out yet :(

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What do you call a sexual film that is a hit?

A banger

I Can't stop watching doomsday films like The End of the World (1916), The War of the Worlds (1953), Strangelove or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964), The day the Earth stood still (1951) The Omega Man (1971)

It's like there's no tomorrow.

So I hear Richard Curtis is making a film about Boris Johnson..

…Three Weddings and One Hundred & Thirty Thousand Funerals.

Rumor has it that Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin decided to team up with NASA to fake the moon landing together, but to make it look as realistic as possible, they urged NASA to film on location.

Compliments of Neil De Grasse Tyson

Guy walks into a doctors office wearing nothing but cling film.

Doctor says I can clearly see you’re nuts.

What is a hungry Gujarati's favourite Hollywood film?

Snakes on a plane

Filmed my first bukkake scene today.

I just hope I came across well on camera.

What is Quentin Tarantino most known for?

Feeture Films

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They finally released the porn film about men with a clock fetish

It's about fucking time

Jonathon Ross forgot to record the new Star Wars film...

What a wookie mistake

The missus came home steaming drunk last night.

"You up for some role play action, babe?" She asked with a wink.
"Not really." I replied.
"Oh, come on." She said. "We can act out ANY scene, from ANY film you want."
Walking over to her with a huge smile on my face, I noticed her expression change. She had realised her mistake, howev...

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My buddy sent me some pornographic films in an email attachment.

Sigh *unzips*

An Interviewer goes to take the interview of a famous Film Critic .

The critic says that he had watched almost all the films in the world ,which were from all the countries in the world.
The Interviewer asks him whether he knew some Spanish films , and if he did, to name them .

He replies by saying he does and gives the names of some famous Spanish movi...

Elsa from Frozen is now an adult film actress starring in

Let it grow

A silent film star died today.

He had no final words.

What problem does the Eskimo photographer struggle with because he has a terrible habit of sitting all day on a slab of ice, waiting for his film to develop?

Polaroids

What do you call an all female team of film editors?

The Splice Girls

Sean Connery arrives at a grand hotel ready for filming the next day

The director meets him, and is delighted "great to see you, Sean, its an honour to have you join us for this project" he says.

"The pleasure is mine" Sean replies, "though it's been a long drive and I'm tired. Is my room ready?"

"Of course, of course, I have your key right here", he sa...

Have you seen the film about an onion that turns into a spider?

It's called Shallot's Web

They've announced who will be playing the lead in the new Blind Batman film.

It's Christian Braille

What would you call a Hollywood film director who is isolating from Covid

Quentin Quarantino.

A clever Russian is planning on a streaming service exclusively for banned films.

He's going to call it Nyetflix.

What film has the best connection?

Mulan, there’s only 1 Ping

Arnold Schwarzenegger and his friends are acting in a short film about classical pianists and musicians

.

One of friends says, "I'll play Beethoven."

Another says, "I'll be Mozart."

-

In the end, Arnold says, "I'll be Bach."

I liked the Harry Potter books and films but...

I think the character Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed

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I like those black and white films where no one says anything

Interracial Porn

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A man walks into his therapists office naked, save for being completely wrapped up in cling film.

The therapist looked up at him, and said:

"Well, I can clearly see you're nuts!"

2 Mice were chewing on a film reel...

One says to other , " The book was definitely better"

There is a reason why Daniel Craig has grey hair in the new James Bond film.

It's because he's got 'No Time to Dye'.

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Steven Spielberg has announced a new film which takes a stand against genital mutilation

It's called Saving Private Parts

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The shepherd and the lost goat

A TV crew was filming a documentary in a small mountain village, and for their ending sequence they wanted to interview one of the many shepherds around.

\- So, could you tell us about a happy memory being a shepherd here?
\- A happy memory... mmmh... Yes, see, there was that time. A goa...

Did you hear about how Tom Cruise belittled his film crew over Covid violations?

Normally he's the one that be little...

A motion picture crew is filming a Christmas movie.

A motion picture crew is filming a Christmas movie. The director wants to sprinkle white laundry soap flakes in front of the camera to simulate snowfall, so he sends his producer to the grocery store to buy some laundry soap.

The producer comes back several hours later. "It's the pandemic, ...

I watched the Harry Potter films for the first time at the weekend

They were okay, but a bit unrealistic: a ginger schoolkid with two friends?

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I was watching a porn film the other day, and accidentally played the alternate ending. I didn’t think I would like it, but if I’m being honest....

I came to the wrong conclusion.

The difference between men and women

What's the biggest difference between men and women?

What they mean when saying "I got through a whole box of tissues watching that film"

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The moon landing could not have been filmed in Hollywood.

If it had, there’d be at least one sex scene.

I’m a Big Fan of Indy Films.

Especially “Raiders of the Lost Ark”

Steven Spielberg died and went to Heaven.

"Thank goodness you made it to Heaven!" said St. Peter. "God is producing a movie and He wants you to direct it."

"Directing movies was what I did in my mortal life," said Spielberg. "This is my eternal life. I want my eternal life to be relaxing."

"I haven't told you about the film cr...

Why don’t film soundtracks use jazz and classical?

Too much sax and violins.

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I watched a film last night which was basically about a guy who's attracted to watches. It follows he's struggle to fight he's sexual urges towards timepieces but in the end he sleeps with a rolex.

Its about fucking time

My nickname in the adult film industry used to be Tri-Pod..

I was the best camera man they ever had

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A young lady in the maternity ward is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth of her child.

“I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies. "Okay do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife. "No, no boyfriend either".

"Do you have a partner then?" "No, I'm not attached to anyone. I'll be having my baby on my own".

After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman. “...

Me: "Chef Ramsay, today I've prepared a Disney film for you to watch..."

Ramsay: "Is it Frozen?"

Me: "... yes"

Ramsay: "Damn..."

Arnold Schwarzenegger is retiring from doing films.

He already has a new gig in mind. He wants to be an exterminator.

"A cannibal once took my sister to see a Russell Crowe film"

"Gladiator?"

"No, I really miss her"

A couple went to see a film at a theatre. A mosquito enters the girl's skirt. ```Guess where it bites?``` No dirty mind it's not what you think

It bites the boy's hand.

Had the most bizarre experience before the quarantine, when I sat down in a movie theater and noticed that the man in front of me had brought his dog and it's sitting in the seat next to him.

The movie starts and pretty soon there's a funny part. The dog makes some low woofing sounds that seem like laughter. In a little while there's a sad part and the dog appears to be weeping. This continues throughout the film and I was astounded.

When the lights come up I tap the dog's owner o...

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I watched my first porno film last week....

I looked so much younger then.

Did you hear that the CIA hired Stanley Kubrick to fake the Moon landings?

He was such a perfectionist, he made them film on location.

Can't wait to see Liam Neeson's new film

Taken: Out Of Context.

What's a chickens favourite adult film genre?

Hen-tie.

How do you tell the different between a psychiatrist and an adult film star?

Ask them to pronounce the word 'analyzed.'

MY FAVORITE FILM IS THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME.

I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.

Also I've heard that Notre Dame is lit af...

George Clooney Leonardo DiCaprio and Matthew McConaughey get together to make a new film.

George Clooney says he’s gonna direct Leonardo DiCaprio says he’s gonna be the producer and Matthew McConaughey says I’ll write I’ll writte I’ll write

All of the cows on the farm networked all of their computers so they could stream the latest Disney film

They set up a moo LAN.

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A man buys a lie detecting robot that slaps people when they lie, so he decides to try it out at dinner.

He asks his son, "Did you go to school today?" The son replies, "Yes," and the robot slaps him. The son says, "Alright, I went to the movies."



The father asks, "What did you see?" and the son replies, "Toy Story 4." The robot slaps him again, and the son says, "Okay, okay! It was an a...

What starts with 'p' ends with 'orn' and plays a major role in the film industry?

Popcorn

What did Woody say to Buzz Lightyear?

A lot of stuff, there's 4 whole movies plus some short films.

It must be scary dating an adult film star

So many jealous step brothers

Thomas Edison stole the design for a film-playing box from Tesla. Tesla confronted Edison about it, but instead of apologizing he accused Tesla of trying to steal his idea.

Classic case of projection

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Guy Fieri walks into a dive bar/restaurant after a long day of filming.

The menu board lists:

$5 Grilled Cheese Sandwich

$10 Growler of Beer

$25 Handjob

$50 Blowjob

The gorgeous bartender sees him at the bar and seductively asks what he'd like to order. Guy asks her if she is the woman performing the handjobs and blowjobs, to which s...

My girlfriend and I went on our 9th date to see the new Batman film. Our dates can be summarized as followed:

Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, BATMAN

I just downloaded the new Bohemian Rhapsody film...

...but I think it’s a pirate copy filmed in a cinema, because I can see a little silhouetto of a man.

In China, film makers have to appease the Chinese censors, but people forget in America we have the same thing...

We also have to appease the Chinese censors.

Do you know who's behind that new animated animal-horror-film?

It's a company called Pig-Saw.

Matthew Broderick has just announced a sequel to one of his biggest films!

He'll play Iron Man's nephew who skips school to go on a wacky adventure in Chicago with his friends!

Its called "Ferrous Bueller's Day Off".

What's the difference between wit and a joke?

A young filmmaker excited to be part of his first film festival is attending a talk between a director and a writer. At the end of the talk he gets up and shouts out, "If I could ask a question, what's the difference between wit and a joke?"

The writer looks at him for a second, picks up his...

Guess which film franchise reboot would score millions now?

The Mask.

I thought 'Chicken Run' was supposed to be a kids film.

But it's full of fowl language.

A man goes to Blockbuster and starts looking at films

He goes through different genres until he stops at superheroes and ask to the shop assistant:

\- Could I rent "Batman Forever"?

And the shop assistant replies:

\- No, Batman returns always to the shop

A piece of retconned canon from Star Wars has a danger of causing glaring plotholes in upcoming Disney films and series.

It's what is known as "a loose canon."

Heard this sub has a lot of Star Trek fans. Did you guys know that to cut down on costs, a lot of the cast and crew camped outside in tents while filming the outdoor scenes in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Kahn? I just snagged one on eBay!

Yeah, so anyways - I thought you guys would appreciate my original Kahn tent.

I went to the cinema to watch a film about lorries earlier and it was rubbish.

Too many trailers.

HBO Max has removed the film “Gone With The Wind,” from their streaming platform and...

frankly my dear...

I thought Schindler's list was an adult film.

Because I heard there is a shower scene.

Why is coronavirus like Groundhog Day? (The actual day, not the film)

If you stick your head outside and encounter another person, you get 6 more weeks of quarantine.

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A film professor hangs a gun on the wall for the first day of class.

Anyone who attended the final failed.

A blonde and her boyfriend went to the movies

In the film, the main character is running through the storm so she says, "I bet you £20, that they don't get struck by lightning."
And her boyfriend agrees.

20 seconds later the main character is stuck by lightning and the blonde looks confused and gets £20 to give.

...

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I recently filmed my wife wanking me off with her toes...

Got some decent footage.

Apparently Danny Devito is casting a new film about Baroque composers.

Arnold Schwarzenegger will be Bach.

What's Lou Bega's favourite film?

Rambo No 5.

Has anyone seen the 1985 film Orion's Belt?

It wasn't that great, I give it 3 stars.

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I watched a film by M. Night Shyamalan about a man with a disappearing penis.

Never saw it coming.

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I was watching porn-hub last night, and there was a film on about clitoris stimulation, it then says press red button to view.

Couldn't find it.

I watched a Quentin Tarantino film the other night. Kill Bill, Volume 1.

Couldn’t hear a thing.

Best films of all time Lord of the rings and the Hobbit trilogies...

Now that's what I'm Tolkien about.

A man goes to the movies and sees a large dog sitting next to a woman watching the film

He says to her "I am surprised your dog is enjoying this movie"

The woman replies "Me too, he hated the book"

Rumours are spreading that Arnold Schwarzenegger is being cast in a Namor the Sub-Mariner film. It's not known who he will be playing...

But we can confirm that it's not Attuma.

My ex-girlfriend got paid under the table for her work filming "creampie" adult videos. So I alerted the IRS.

They nailed her for unreported in-come.

People usually hate on horror films, but the thing is...

A great example of the genre and a fantastic film overall

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Me and the Mrs were sat watching a film

on the telly when all of a sudden the bloke lifts the woman onto the kitchen counter and starts to make love to her.

"Yeah, right, " said the wife, " as if that happens"

"I totally agree, " I replied, "the only thing that ever gets fucked in our kitchen is the food.

Did you know Lynyrd Skynyrd owns a movie theater that plays a different classic film every day?

Tuesday’s Gone with the Wind

Liam Neeson will star in a new thriller where he rescues the wrong woman

the film will be titled "Mistaken"

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Bob is getting older and his kids decided to put him in an assisted living facility.

Bob at first was reluctant to go there. Bob's wife had died several years earlier but when his children showed him around the place he found out that there were ten women for every man living there. Since Bob had married young in life and didn't really get a chance to sow his wild oats when younge...

Some actors are famous for playing the same role in multiple movies, but none so much as Lee Navarre.

Lee Navarre had starred in a couple of low budget films like Greta's Gallery and Fisherman Flanagan, but no one really took note of him till he was seen in the first movie of the mystery series "When Midnight Chimes". As we all know, it was an instant hit and Navarre gained a lot of critical acclaim...

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First word I learnt in the Japanese language

Do you know what the funny thing is? People say you can't learn any Japanese from anime or any other form of film/movie from Japan. But just yesterday I recognised one word and that word was "Pervert." That was the first time I understood a single word in the Japanese language. Really shows a lot ab...

My brain is like a library of film facts that I barely even remember

IMDumB

Weather Journalist

A film crew was on a location deep in the Arizona desert. One day an old Red Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain".

The next day it rained. A week later, the red Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm".

The next day there was a hailstorm.

"Th...

Everyone says I won't be able to make a film like The Truman Show.

Just watch me.

Can someone describe what this new film "Ford v Ferrari" is about, please?

In Le Mans terms.

Man in a cinema watching a cowboy film.

A stagecoach pulls up, man 1 turns to his neighbour and says "I bet you a tenner that the first guy out bangs his head on the doorframe" Man 2 accepts the bet. The first guy out banged his head so man 2 pays up.

Man 1 feels guilty and gives back the tenner, says "I'm sorry, I saw this film la...

Rick Astley came to my house today to get some films for his kids.

I said " you can have the lion King and cinderella, but I'm never gonna give you Up"

Droids claim they were molested by George Lucas during filming for Star Wars...

#R2MeToo

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