You know the similarity between my brain and my laptop hard disk?

Both are actively deleting memory and I can't figure out why

Floppy disk is like Jesus

They died to become the image of saving

I asked the secretary for a copy of a floppy disk.

She put it in the photo copier.

I made a disk out of iron that children can ride on

I guess you could call it a ferrous wheel

Dear whoever stole my disk copy of Microsoft Office.

I will find you, you have my word.

Announcing the new Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge device, otherwise known as the BOOK.

It's a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even sitting in an armchair by the fire -- yet...

I walked into a shop and asked for contraception. The store clerk gave me a huge metal disk instead...

"I'm sorry, but I think there's been a misunderstanding" I said.

The clerk replied "I thought you asked for a condom?"

I nodded

The clerk responds "That's why I gave you a man hole cover"

What is the volume of a disk with radius z and height a?

Pi * z * z * a

I showed my 12 year old son an old floppy disk..

He said "Wow.. Cool! You 3D printed the save icon!"

What did the floppy disk say to the other floppy disk?

Wanna go out for a byte?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Alexa, I am feeling that I want to have sex.

Alexa :
Most certainly... Don't worry. I am dimming the lights. Setting your AC to 22 C degrees.

The Viagra is kept on the top right shelf of your wardrobe. The gel is kept next to it.

I have hired your favorite Thai masseuse. She is just 12 minutes away as per her Uber ride status....

Yo momma's so dense she has an accretion disk

I'm so sorry...

You should never roll a pair of CD’s down a hill and see which one reaches the bottom first.

It would be a disk race.

New viruses

Coming to a hard drive near you, the worst computer viruses yet: AT&T Virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you’re getting. MCI Virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you’re paying too much for the AT&T virus. Paul Revere Virus: Warns of impending hard disk attac...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the robot need viagra?

His disk was floppy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I Just Gave My Computer Viagra

It went from having a floppy disk to having a hard drive.

Brilliant idea for a start-up

Imma build a new operating system which, when the disk gets full, randomly deletes half your files.

Gonna call it thanOS.

I had a girlfriend and her favorite Pixar movie was "Up".

This was 2010 and she had it on blue ray, and we would watch it at least once a week at her apartment. But after like the 40th time, I confronted her and said I was tired of watching. The argument got heated; it didn't help that we were drunk. Suddenly, she pushed me and I fell on something. I turne...

LPT: Always read product reviews before buying electronics

Like a lot of people, I’ve been drawn in by Amazon to check out their prime day deals. I was browsing through the electronics earlier, looking for a new flash drive for transferring documents between my home and work computers. The primary one I use currently is only USB 2.0 and I figured it might ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Dr. Seuss wrote instruction manuals.

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-...

My dying laptop's last wishes

(Coughing) Marvin im dying and before I die (cough intensifies)
I want you to promise me something...you'll take my hard disk and put it in your next computer
I want my memory to live on

How many flat earthers does it take to screw in a light bulb

Trick question it’s a light disk

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tech support call.

Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this install disk, and now my A: drive won't work."

Tech Support: "Your A drive won't work?"

Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk, it got stuck in my drive, now it won't work at all."

Tech Support: "Did it not in...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a data storage device and a data transfer device?

One is a hard disk and the other is a hard dick.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Astronomer

An astronomer on an extended lecture tour became weary of delivering the
same lecture night after night.  He confided this state of mind to his
chauffeur as they were driving to their next destination.  The chauffeur
expressed a similar boredom in his line of work.
     "I've got it!" sa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Celebrity Computer Viruses

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer.

Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.<...

Roman Rollers

Back in the days of the Roman Empire, the famous Emperor Nero instituted a new game.

The players would take those little disks you set your glass on in order to protect the furniture, and see who could get the most distance rolling them across the floor.

They were the first roller coas...

If horse jockeys have to be tiny

just imagine how small disk jockeys have to be.


I'll see myself out.

New Computer Viruses

The George Bush Virus - Causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction.

The John Kerry Virus - Stores data on both sides of the disk and causes little purple hearts to appear on screen.

The Clinton Virus - Gives you a permanent Hard Drive with NO memory.
...

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