Peter is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye

It reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES

He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought..

Soon he sees another sign which reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 ...

An old lady goes to a dentist, lies on his table, drops her panties and stretches her legs

The dentist says “I’m not a gynecologist.” She says “I know, I need my husband’s teeth back.”

A mathematician says to his friend 'I bet I can stretch my mouth so its exactly 1m in radius

His friend replies 'shut your pi hole'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dude sits in a pub, watching this guy guarding a stretch of floor.

Every so often somebody tries to cross it when he socks them in the face and sends them staggering backwards. The stretch he's guarding is so long that he has to leap backwards and forwards along it, building up a sweat.

Perplexed, the dude watches while this happens six times, and in the end...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is walking along a stretch of tall fences, minding his own business...

...when he notices chanting coming from the other side of the fence. He makes his way closer to make out what it is he's hearing.

"18...18...18....18..." is what he hears from a chorus of voices on the other side.

He looks along the fence until he finds a hole to peer through and see w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse fall's into a mud hole and is sinking.

He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.

The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper.

He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, ...

Mark and his wife were driving along a country road.

They weren't speaking to each other due to an earlier argument. As they passed a particularly rural stretch, they spotted a couple of monkeys in the treetops. "Relatives of yours?", asked Mark sarcastically.

"Yes," she replied. "My in-laws."

Pope visits the Netherlands

Originally a german joke so please forgive me if something wasn't that correct

So the Pope went to visit the Netherlands. Everything went great and on the day of his return, a stretch limo arrived to drive him back. The pope sat down and let the driver do his job. After a while the Pope got ...

What does Kentucky Fried Chicken and me trying to stretch out my last roll of cheap toilet paper have in common?

They're both finger licking good.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A whales anus can stretch up to 1,000mm wide

Making it the second biggest arsehole in the world after Scott Morrison

You know, at the Big Bang, the universe was flipped into an outright stretch.

And other energy bodies were like: "Bro, why are you so contorted?"

Fun Fact: If you were to take out all the organs in your body and stretch them out

You'd die.

Here's a list of jokes I came up with, sorry if they've already been made

\- I would make a divorce joke, but I can't commit to it.
\- I would make a sticker joke, but it'd probably wear off.
\- I would make a rocket joke, but I'm not sure if it would land.
\- I would make a yoga joke, but that's a bit of a stretch.
\- I would make a joke about philoso...

I went to a shop that would stretch letters for me...

Really long Queues.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dick is so long if I laid it on the keyboard it would stretch all the way from A to Z

Wait... Shit...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My penis is so large...

...when I lay it across the keyboard it stretches all the way from A to Z!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal.

A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal.

Before the match, the Irish wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. It ties you u...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A State Trooper pulls over a man for going 20 over the speed limit

Trooper: Any reason for you to be going so fast?

Man: Sorry officer, I'm a doctor and I'm running late.

Trooper: Oh yeah? What kind of doctor?

Man: I'm a proctologist that specializes in asshole stretching.

Trooper: What the hell is asshole stretching!?

Man: It's ...

A young teacher confronts her math class of young kids with a simple question: “Three birds are sitting on a tree when a hunter comes and shoots one down, how many birds are left on the tree?”

“None!” shouts a boy across the classroom.

“Come here” says the teacher while the kid is approaching her through the weird looks of their classmates. The teacher calmly repeats the question again this time holding three fingers up for the sitting birds and removing one for the hunter’s victim...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A zookeeper walks bowlegged into the emergency room....

...When the doctor finally sees him he asks "what seems to be the problem?" The zookeeper responds "I got fucked by an elephant doc". The zookeeper dropped his pants and bent over showing his asshole stretched out to the diameter of a hubcap. The doctor cried out in shock and said "I don't understan...

Karma works in strange ways.........

My friend invited me on the opening of a charitable organisation for cancer. I sat in the front row and listened to the impressive speeches and had Good Buffet meal at the break. When the rest of the program finished and the Donation Box was being passed around, I sheepishly pulled out an old worn o...

The one about the mental patients and the baseball game

There once was a doctor at a mental hospital, who had to take care of the craziest and most mentally unstable patients in the hospital, which they called the "nuts." The doctor, along with his assistant, would soon get through a breakthrough by giving them simple orders and addressing them as "nuts....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Aussie, the Yank and the Canadian were having a bullshit session on this cruise ship.

The Aussie said, “In Australia we have sheep that are so big they take all day to be shorn.”

The Yank said, “That’s nothing, in Texas our cattle are so big the steaks have to be turned with a fork lift.”

The Canadian said, “That’s nothing, we have women with pussies this big.” (He then...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A notorious loan shark is driving drunk one night...

As he's speeding down some curvy mountain roads, the shark loses control of the vehicle and crashes head-on into a tree.

When he comes to, the man finds himself lying on a sofa in a fairly modest looking waiting room. Dizzy, he looks around and sees what appears to be a reception desk at the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jack was doing his online classes when he got bored and decided needed to say something, so he clicked the raise hand button.

Mr.Cooper (the teacher) said,

"Yes Jack?"

Jack replies with,

"Oh sorry sir I was just stretching."

Two blondes are driving to Miami for spring break

On a long boring stretch of highway they start complaining about how long it's taking to get there and the driver asks "What do you think is further away, Florida or the moon?" The passenger replies "Oh my God, you give blondes such a bad name. I can't believe how stupid you are, you can't even see ...

A high school senior was preparing for his prom...

He knew that the first thing he needed was a tuxedo. So he went to get a rental.

But his town was very small, and there was only one tux rental place nearby. Therefore, when he arrived he had to wait for three of his classmates to pick out their rentals before he could get his. He waited in ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

African Penis Growth Technique

A couple was watching a documentary about an African tribe. They learned that when

each male member of this particular tribe reaches a certain age, he has a string with a

weight attached to it tied around his penis. After a while the weight stretches the penis until it's 20 inches lo...

A village is being terrorized by a man eating tiger.

All the villagers' efforts to catch this tiger have been in vain. They call an acclaimed hunter "One shot Bob" who is so named because rumor has it that he can disable or kill any animal with just one shot.

So the hunter arrives, all smug and self assured. He prepares for the hunt and perch...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man teaches his son how to pee.[LONG]

Little Johnny will always pee in his pants while going to the bathroom. His dad saw this and decided to teach him how to pee properly so that he'll not do it in the pants. He then called little Johnny to the bathroom and showed him how to do it in these following steps:

1. Open up the zipper ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is driving to work one morning, going well over the speed limit, when he gets pulled over.

The cop strides arrogantly over to the man, knowing that he's about to write a huge fine, and asks him why he was driving so fast.

"Sorry officer", the man replies, "but I'm late for work and I have an incredibly important job"

"Oh yeah?", the officer replies, "and just what work do yo...

I really don't understand how Karen’s aren’t in better shape...

They’re always stretching the truth and jumping to conclusions

At a crowded garden party.

So, a couple years back, I was at a pretty fancy outdoors party. It seemed like the whole town was there. But the atmosphere was nice, and the local band played some good music, so I enjoyed myself.

I thought I'd like a nice cold beer in the warm weather, so I went over to the bar. As I appro...

In the year 2010, the Lord came unto Noah and said:

“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flash before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unen...

A Welshman, a Scotsman, and an Englishman find a magic lamp

A Welshman, a Scotsman, and an Englishman are walking on a beach and find a magic lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out. He tells them that they each get a single wish.

The Scotsman goes first. “I wish for Scotland to make the finest whisky forever.” The genie granted the wish, and...not mu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A trucker is driving down a random stretch of highway

He happens upon a billboard while driving that reads...

Peaches, engineered for your taste!
Only 10 miles!

Mildly intrigued, the driver decides to check out what this means. "Engineered for my tastes, what bullshit!", he says.

Driving for the next couple miles, he final...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three American colonels are in the US about to retire and they are offered an economic compensation...

..which consists of multiplying 100,000 dollars by the distance in inches they have between two parts of their body that they choose.

Colonel McDowell chooses this distance to be from his toe to the edge of his longest hair on his head and the result is 72 inches, so that means he gets $7,20...

Two guys go for a job interview

Joey and Frank are good friends who had worked together for over 5 years, but are now between jobs. They decide to go to a hiring agency together. Joey is called in to see the recruiter first, and after about 10 minutes in the room, he comes out elated. "I got the job!". Frank congratulates him and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Which stretches further, skin or rubber?

Skin. The Bible says that Moses tied his ass to a tree then walked for 40 miles.

King of the jungle

One beautiful morning Leo the Lion wakes up in his den, gives a big morning roar, stretches and starts off for the watering hole.

On his way he comes across a monkey sitting on a rock. Leo grabs the monkey, gives him a slap and asks "who's the king of the jungle"?
The monkey says "You are ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This was a joke that I was told last year by my tour guide in Berlin about Cold War-era Russia.

Every morning, General Secretary Leonid Brezhnev would go out onto his balcony and stretch. He would look up at the sun, rising in the East and go, “Good morning, Sun. It is a beautiful day outside.”

The sun would reply, “Good morning, General Secretary! Thank you for admiring my work!”
...

I went to the Gym today. I spent 20 minutes bending, stretching and pulling...

... and when that was done my gym clothes were finally on and I could start my workout

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ladder to success

A guy is wandering through the woods on a trail he's been through many times before when he notices a ladder in the middle of the trail stretching up farther than he can see.

He's never seen this before so he says to himself "fuck it lets see where this goes"

He begins his acsent climb...

If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...

...are you testing its utensil strength?

A redhead goes for a drive through the country..

A redhead goes for a drive through the country, just enjoying the peaceful ride with her windows open. She has to stop as a shepherd is moving his flock across the road. The redhead gets out of her car to stretch and has an idea.

"Hey Mister! If I can guess how many sheep you have, may I keep...

The yoga teacher stretches her legs to the ceiling and suddenly farts

A student asks: "what position is that supposed to be?"
The teacher answers: "scented candle"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman driving along at speed passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk & asked, 'What's your hurry?'

She replied, 'I'm late for work.'

'Oh yeah,' said the cop, 'what do you do?'

'I'm a Rectum Stretcher,' she responded.

The cop stammered, 'A what?............

'A Rectum Stretcher!'

'And just what does a rectum stretcher do?'

'Well,' she said, 'I start by inse...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An oldie but goodie

A state trooper is sitting on an overpass when he catches a guy speeding. After he pulls him over he asks why he was going so fast.

“I’m late for work”

“What do you do for work?”

“I’m an asshole stretcher”

“I know I’m gonna regret this question but what is an asshole stre...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tried coming up with a joke combining an anus and a potato with the punchline being prostato

But it was too much of a stretch.

The outmaneuvre !

An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h in 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with Tempo Mach 2 appears.
The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus flight, borin...

An old woman was sitting next to her fire one day when suddenly a spark jumped out and turned into a fairy.

The fairy told the old woman she could have three wishes.

The old woman thinks for a while and then asks for the following:

1) she wants 10 million dollars

2) she wants to be 18 years old again

3) she wants her faithful tomcat, Tiger, to be turned into a healthy 19 year o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Rectum Stretcher

I was on my way to work a few months ago and I'm going under an overpass. A cop pulls out, flips on the siren and sex lights, so we pull over. He sidles up to my window and asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"35?" I ask, knowing it's a 35 mph zone.

"Radar has you going 37," h...

A cat dies and goes to heaven...

God meets him at the gate and says: “You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask”.

The cats says: “Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors”.

God says: “Say no more”. Instantly, a...

A long time ago when I was just a kid, my dad and I were in our car, driving down along stretch of country road.

We came to a railroad crossing and my dad quickly stopped the vehicle, and put it into park.

We walked up to the rails and looked around for a brief moment. He bent down and touched them, smelled any residue on his hands, then licked his finger and pointed upwards, as if testing the wind for ...

A horse and a hen are playing in a field...

A horse and a hen are playing in a field...

One day a horse and a hen are playing in a field. The horse gets stuck in a puddle of mud, and starts to sink. The hen is frantically searching for anything to help her friend, so she decides to go back to the barn. There, she grabs the keys to the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know a hamsters anus can stretch twice the width of its own body size?

Once.

A man is riding a motorcycle down Pacific Coast Highway, living the dream, when all of a sudden the clouds start to form...

...he pulls over. Out of nowhere he hears a booming voice from above: "My son, you have lived a life of virtue, one that I would be proud of, ask me of anything and I will grant it."

Astounded the man thinks for a minute then says: "Well I wish that I could ride my bike to Hawaii. I wish ther...

A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him " Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude."

The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it. The genie says “This is your last wish so really make this one count.” The guys says “Well I’ve always wanted to drive out to hawaiian islands, bec...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Therapist is walking through the desert

A Therapist is walking through the desert and stumbles across an old lamp. As he’s brushing the sand away, out pops a genie! “Thank you for freeing me from my enclosure! I will now grant you three wishes, BUT” he continues “you may not ask for a million dollars”. “Hmmm” the therapist thinks, “well, ...

What's better than stretching your ear lobe to 3 inches?

A job

What does a fat communist have?

Stretch Marx

1 very stretched breast.

A lady walks into the doctors office,



Doctor: So what's wrong?

Lady: Well... I've got 1 normal breast and 1 very stretched breast and i don't know what to do

Doctor: Surely it isn't as bad, let me see.

\*The lady lifts her shirt and her right breast just drops out...

A man is standing in a breadline in Soviet Russia.

The line stretches for several blocks long. Finally losing his patience, he says. "You know what, this is ridiculous. I'm going to go and kill Stalin". With that, he leaves the line. An hour later he comes back and rejoins the line.

"So, did you kill Stalin?" the woman behind him asks.
...

Two ninjas watch an enemy approach. The first ninja nudges the other and says, "he can't cross without being attacked, can he?" The other ninja, stretches and yawns, and replies

"shuriken."

LPT for stretching your food budget

Cut a minute steak into 60 pieces. Then everyone can have seconds.

A kid asks her crush out to the prom and she says yes. So he really wants to impress

He wants to buy her some nice flowers, rent a tuxedo, and a limo.

So he goes to the flower store and there's a really long flower line. He waits for hours and finally gets to the desk and buys the flowers

He then goes to the tuxedo store and, again, there's a really long tuxedo line. H...

A time-stretched sinusoid walks into a bar...

The bartender asks, "Why the long phase?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So John is driving across a long bridge. He's in a hurry and exceeding the speed limit. As he approached the end of the bridge there is a state trooper with a radar gun. John gets pulled over. The trooper comes to his window and says, you were 15 over. John replies, I'm a doctor and I have a patient

That desperately needs my help. Last month I helped him stretch his ass hole to 18 inches. 3 weeks ago I stretched it to 36 inches, two weeks ago it was 48 inches. Last week it was 60 inches. Now I'm going to stretch it to 72 inches. The trooper asks what is a 72 inch (6 foot) asshole going to do. J...

My yoga teacher said that downward dog will take one to a place of spiritual revelation.

That's a big stretch.

Can a Toyota stretch?

No, but a Mercedes-Benz

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A motorist's car broke down on a lonely stretch of road in the middle of a heavy downpour.

He had no cell service, so he began walking down the road until, finally, he saw a farmhouse.

"Thank goodness!" the motorist thought, and was approaching to knock on the front door to ask to use the phone. At that point, however, he had a clear view into the home's well-lighted living room, ...

A ballerina stretches her legs out on the bar.

The bartender says "That's really impressive, but you still have to pay".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nsfw - Larry was sent to prison

Larry was sent to prison..... it was his first stretch and on his first night he is put in a cell and meets his new cell mate big baz.

Baz says to Larry *who looks extremely nervous*
“Is this your first time in?”
“Yes” replies Larry
“Ok since it’s your first night in we will play mum...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man gets pulled over for speeding

The cop says: "You were going 55 mph in a 30 zone"

The man says: "Sorry sir, but i'm late for work."

Cop asks: "What kind of work do you do?"

Man replies: "I work in a penis enlargment factory."

Cop asks: "Really? How does that work?"

Man: You just stretch out a c...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Blind Monk [OC]

In a monastery in Tibet I met a blind old monk.
I was looking for spiritual enlightenment, and he was willing to help me on my search.

He introduced himself as Yu and spoke only in third person.
We would sit together for long stretches saying nothing, before he would tell me stories fro...

She kept her promise!

There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real 'miser' when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife...'When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me...

What do some men love to thrust themselves into, again and again, day after day til its floppy and stretched out. Then wish they had a new tight one?

Socks. Goddamn but I love a new pair of socks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For the last time, NO! NO! NOOOO!

So, there's this man. He's young, healthy, reasonably attractive, good job, etc.

Only problem is, he has a 25 inch penis. This might might sound great if you're a 12 year old, but it soon becomes the bane of his existence. Every time he meets a nice lady, eventually things lead to the bedroom...

In heaven, there were two huge signs. The first read, Men Who Did What Their Wives Told Them to Do....

The line of men under this sign stretched as far as the eye could see.

The second sign stated, Men Who Did What They Wanted to Do. Only one man stood under that sign.

Intrigued, St. Peter said to the lone man, “No one has ever stood under this sign. Tell me about yourself"

The...

Would you consider doing yoga as “working out?”

Yeah.

Hmmm that seems like a stretch to me.

A man was waiting in line to get into Home Depot during the quarantine...

The line stretched pretty far back and he could not see the end from the front of the line. He heard someone behind him yell out "Hey, Dave!" He turned around but only saw a sea of masks and no one looked familiar to him. His turn to enter came and he went inside the store. While pushing his car...

TIL If you stretched the DNA in one cell all the way out, it would be about 2m long, and if you did the same with all the DNA in all your cells put together

You would be dead.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man and a woman on the beach [maybe NSFW]

There is the man walking down a stretch of beach, then suddenly he hears this loud crying.

He checks it out and sees this girl with no arms and no legs on the sand. The man then asks her why she is crying and she then says: "Because I've had no arms and no legs for so long, I've never been hu...

I stretch daily to squeeze the demons out of my blood.

It's the only way I know how to exorcise.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW Rooster likes to fuck.

OK so there's this farmer and he has a rooster, and this rooster loves to fuck. The farmer comes out of the house one morning and finds all his chickens have been fucked to death by this rooster. He says to the rooster, "if you don't stop fucking like this you're going to kill yourself" . The rooste...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men on their lunch break *LONG*

Three men were working together on the 40th floor construction of the Empire State Building.
An American, an Italian, and a Canadian.

A loud horn is heard signifying lunch, and all three men sat together, on the edge, their feet dangling a hundreds of feet in the air.

The American o...

A boy decides to ask his girlfriend to prom

She accepts, and so he goes to buy them tickets. The line is awful. It stretches out of the office and down the school hallway, but the boy decides to wait. Finally he gets his tickets.
Then he decides he needs a tuxedo for the event. He goes to the rental shop, and every other kid had the same ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Off in the English countryside, back behind the church, there lay a secluded stretch of river, set amidst the willows, which was reserved for clergymen who wished to bathe in the nude.

Prominent signs warned against trespassing, and barriers prevented boats and punts containing females from approaching this discreet section of the river.

One fateful Sunday afternoon, as the holy men laid on the bank, the river rose up. It washed away the signs and weakened the barriers, and...

Why was the tree stretching?

So it could be timber!

My Valentine's day night

My wife came home and looked at me. She tells me totake off her blouse, so I did. Now take off my bra, so I did. Now, take off my pants and panties. I did that as well.

As I'm standing there naked see says stop wearing my clothes you're stretching them out.

A close shave

A man dressed impeccably, in the finest Italian suit, a silk tie and matching leather shoes walked into a shabby barbershop and enquired apprehensively.
"I have a very important meet in an hour and I need the closest shave possible, I do not want a hint of growth anywhere. Do you think you can d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’m looking for a man that won’t be a pain in my ass...

...but someone who will stretch me a little out of my comfort zone I think would be a good fit.

Get it?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW Superman is flying over New York city when he sees Wonder Woman lying naked on a roof top and stretching and curling very seductively.

Superman gets hard right away. "I can fly in, fuck her and fly away so fast that she won't even see me or even know what happened to her" So he flies down really fast, fucks her, and flies away.

"ahh my ass, what the fuck was that?" screams invisible man jumping off of the Wonder Woman

Larry, the Chemical Engineer

Larry was a chemical engineer who worked for DuPont Chemicals and who was brilliant at his job. He’d been the main guy responsible for developing Kevlar and a host of other really great plastics and polymers.

However, it had been quite a while between new developments and so the VP of Researc...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A white guy in the elevator...

So there's a white guy standing in the elevator. Just as the door are about to close, a huge black guy gets in. He stretches his huge arms around the elevator and he says:
- Hi. I'm two meters high. Two meters wide. Have a half meter penis and a kilogram per testicle. I'm Turner Brown!
After h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a bra stretched across a road?

A booby-trap

Two guys in a lunatic asylum

There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum… and one night, they decide they don’t like living in an asylum any more. They decide they’re going to escape! So, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moon light st...

My friend was told that bungee jumping would be safe.

It turned out to be quite a stretch.

How the Canadians prepare their army

A new recruit arrives on the front lines during world war 2. When he gets there he is told resources are stretched thin and they have not rifles to spare him, although they still expect him to go on patrol. He goes straight to his captain and explains the situation, the captain hands him a broom and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a man wakes up one morning wildly late for work...

Realizing the time, he threw on some clothes and ran out the door as fast as he could. He hops in his car and speeds off, driving much faster than he should have been. During his ride, he goes beneath an overpass, where a police officer happened to be parked that day. Noticing the maniac speeding do...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Irish Painter

An Irish painter by the name of Murphy, while not a brilliant scholar,
was a gifted portrait artist.

Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all
over Ireland were coming to the town of Miltown in County Clare, to
get him to paint their likenesses.

One ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Must have been the Irish orchestra.

For Bruce Shackett

A prominent orchestra was performing Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. At one point in the final movement of the symphony, there is a long stretch--over 20 minutes--where the bass violins don't play a note. So, rather than just sit there, the section leader suggested that they sn...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.