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Two planets orbiting a sun....

... have a little chat.

One says: "Oh man, whats wrong with you, you don't look so great. "

The other answers:" Yeah, I feel like shit, I've got homo sapiens!"

Says the first one: "Don't worry, that'll pass!"

In the early days of space exploration, there were two astronauts on a space station orbiting earth

The first astronaut says:
"I want to make some coffee but I can't find the milk"

Second astronaut replies:
"In space, no one can. Here, use cream"

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If you shrunk the solar system down so that the sun was at the top of your head and the orbit of Pluto was at your feet,

Uranus would be right about where you'd expect it to be.

Justin told me my mama was so fat she had a gravitational orbit ...

I told him he doesn’t understand how physics works, cause everyone has a gravitational orbit.

Then I informed him his dad is so massive that his gravitational orbit is so large, not even light can escape it — and that’s why he hasn’t seen his dad in 20 years!

A planet is a celestial body that is in orbit around a star, has sufficient gravity to make itself round and has cleared the neighbourhood around its orbit.

That’s why Pluto isn't a planet but your mum is.

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Did you hear the one about the astronaut masturbating for ninety minutes in orbit?

He came full circle.

What do you call a potato orbiting Earth?

Spudnik.

So these two astronauts are on a mission to orbit the sun.

They are making the approach to settle into geostationary orbit, but they drive the shuttle too close, melting the engines.

The first astronaut begins freaking out, hitting toggles and switches trying to bring them back online.

The second just says calmly, "Relax, man. We'll figure t...

What did one S-orbital electron say to the other?

"I'll be right back, I have to go P."

The Chinese have lost control of their space station, Tiangong-1, which is falling out of orbit as it descends toward Earth,..

but, sure, nobody listened to me before, when I pointed out their red flag

Did you know that NASA sent a bunch of cows into orbit?

It was the herd shot round the world.

What do you call a fish in orbit?

Trouterspace.

What did William Shakespeare say regarding atomic orbitals?

"2p or not 2p, that is the question."

What do you call a couple of ones and zeros orbiting around each other?

Binary stars.

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What do two horny astronauts do in the orbiting satellite? (NSFW)

They Fuck Around

What did one sub-orbital jet propulsion engineer say to the other?

This ain't exactly rocket science.

The Meaning of Life

A Redditor walks into a bar and asks the bartender

“Bartender, get me something new and fresh from r/jokes.” He chirped

“Sorry mate, all we have are reposts from the last 8 years”

“How can this be!” The Redditor exclaimed “If I can’t get my fix from r/jokes, then what is the poi...

Your mom is so fat...

She has smaller fat women orbiting around her.

The Test

After about 1.8 trillion times a planet circled their star, the life-forms that evolved there launched a small craft with an artificial likeness of themselves into orbit. It was done to show that they could and because it amused them. Years later, after they made their planet uninhabitable, they lef...

An Engineer, a Physicist and an A&P Aircraft Mechanic

An Engineer, a Physicist and an A&P aircraft mechanic were all having an argument as to who was the smartest. One of them proposed a contest to settle the matter once and for all.

For the contest, they would lock each of them in a room with three ball bearings for one week. At the end of...

The Falcon Heavy is now the world’s most powerful rocket

The Falcon Heavy can put around 140,000 pounds of cargo into lower Earth orbit, more than twice as much weight as any other operational rocket. This powerful vehicle could open up entirely new types of business for SpaceX: launching heavy national security satellites or even sending large modules or...

Mass Extinction

The Lunar Laser Ranging experiment has shown that the moon is moving away from the earth at a rate of about two centimeters a year. If you perform a regression you'd find that 65 million years ago, the moon must have been orbiting the earth at a height of about 20ft, which, if you think about it, ex...

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Galileo Galilei Invented the Thermoscope Which is the Forerunner of the Rectal Thermometer.

Galileo also created the theory of heliocentric orbits by studying near planets like Mercury. This led to the discovery of further planets like Uranus.

This is a man who found two different ways to apply Mercury to Uranus.

What is a planet's favorite type of gum?

Orbit

Earth went around the solar system asking the other planets for a stick of gum.

They all refused, but Earth still got one; Pluto shares its Orbit.

NASA sends Blonde to space.

NASA sends a space shuttle up with two monkeys and a blonde on board. While the shuttle is taking off, the NASA command center calls the first monkey and asks, "Monkey #1, do you know your mission?"

The monkey replies, "ooah ooah!. Get the shuttle into orbit and launch the trillion dollar sat...

Moon race

During Cold War when the space race was at its highest. Following is an report of communication between Houston and US moon rocket.

USMR: Houston, we see the SSSR ship approaching the Moon.

Houston: You have your orders. Just wait.

USMR: Houston, the SSSR ship is in the Moon orb...

Sherlock Holmes and Watson go camping

One night Holmes and Watson decide to go camping. They set up their tent and fall asleep. After hearing a noise in the middle of the night they both wake up.

Holmes points up and asks Watson what he is able to deduce. Watson looks at the sky at sees thousands of stars. Watson says "Given the...

Has been posted before, but one of my favorites.

Sherlock Holmes and John Watson go on a camping trip. In the middle of the night, Sherlock wakes up John and says, "Watson, what do you see when you look up at the sky?"
Watson looks up and says, "I see millions of stars."
Sherlock says, "Well, what can you deduce from that?"
After a moment...

Good Point!

An American, Russian and a Pol are sitting in a bar having a few drinks. The Russian stands up and proclaims "We Russians are the best because we were first to send a satellite into orbit!” The American stands up and say's “That's nothing. We Americans were first to put a man on the Moon!” The Pol s...

You may not be aware of it, but NASA conducted an experiment during the Apollo mission days.

They launched a collection of cows into orbit on a prototype rocket.

It was a herd shot round the world.

What do you call an article written about a dead astronaut?

An *orbit*-tuary!

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Your momma's so fat...

Her picture fell off the wall

She wears a 3 piece bikini

There are smaller fat women orbiting her

Her tampons come equipped with On Star

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