I asked a girl to rate me out of 10 the other day

She said "you're an 8 on a scale of 10"

I still don't understand why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A prostitute said I could have sex with her for a reduced rate of $20.00 because she didn't have a womb. Intrigued, I asked how we would do it.

She said "Acwoss the woad against those wailings"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A professional gambler wins big and dies of an aneurysm.

When he gets to the afterlife, he finds himself at the back of a miles-long line to get into Heaven.

Drawing on his experience, the gambler immediately thinks of a way to get ahead of everyone else. He taps the old man ahead of him on the shoulder...

"Want to make a bet while we wait?"...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why does Japan have low birth and obesity rates?

Coz the last time they saw a fat man and a little boy 200,000 people died.

On a scale of 1-10 rate your maturity level.

69

Apparently Hogwarts has a low teen pregnancy rate.

Research shows it is singlehandedly due to the spell - DELETUS FETUS

According to statistics, the highest suicide rate is found near piers.

I think it’s because of pier pressure.

Prostitute rates...NSFW

Man approaches a prostitute and asks for her rates.
She replies, “ $10 for a quickie on the grass, $30 for a quickie in the car, and $50 for a sensual girlfriend experience at a hotel.”

The man says, “ok, heres $50.”

The prostitute say, “ ok cool, i see you a man of class!”

T...

Who's the only organization with a higher death rate than PETA?

The Make-A-Wish foundation.

I'm not native speaker, how would you rate this ?

A student is taking the chemistry class. The subject is acids and bases. An another student can't figure out whether NH3 is an acid or a base. The student tells him "Oh, it's so basic! How can't you know that ?"


Or should I say, is it a proper joke ?

A slice of Apple Pie is $2.50 in Jamaica, $2.75 in Aruba and $3.00 in the Bahamas

Those are the the pie rates of the Caribbean

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My sex partners always rate the sex from 0 to 10. Last night i had sex with a German.

I got a „Nein nein nein nein!“

A man saves memes at the rate of 3 per minute. In how many hours can he save 30?

I freaked out after reading this in my son's textbook

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A new study shows that unvaccinated children are shown to have lower rates of autism than vaccinated children.

Because a dead two year old can't be fucking diagnosed with autism.

What do you call a poor area with high crime rates in Italy?

A sphagetto.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What kind of bonds have the worst return rate?

Vagabonds

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My German girlfriend likes to rate my in-bed performance from 0-10

Last night we tried anal, she kept yelling 9. That's the best I’ve ever done!

Do you know why non-vaccinated people have the lowest drinking rates out of everybody else?

They can never age up to 18.

Apparently, Nevada has the highest rate of depression and disloyal partners.

What a sad state of affairs.

What part of Italy has the highest crime rate,

The spaghetto

Haven’t you heard? Some pirates are going for a career change to bankers, and they’ve got good rates.

Pi-rates.

If I had to rate my girlfriend

I’d give her a √ -100

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three friends bragged about who has had the most sex...

Friend A said “You all have nothing on me. I go to the bar and bring home a woman every night. Not only that but I drive a corvette into work everyday and I have a 8 inch penis. I have slept with more than 1,000 women.”

Friend B says “Oh yeah? Well I’m the top gynecologist doctor at the most ...

I found a place where the recycling rate is 98%

r/Jokes

Girl if I had to rate you, I'd give you a 10

Oh the pH scale, because girl you are basic.

Someone insulted me on my monitor's refresh rate,

right where it hertz.

Please rate my absolutely horrendous joke

So, two detectives of the NYPD are investigating a murder, and have three suspects:
Bob,
Archibald,
Mark.

Bob being the prime suspect, and Mark being the least suspected of the three.

They take Bob into the interrogation room hoping for a quick and easy confession. However, ...

I've wanted to become an astronaut ever since I was a kid, but decided not to after I heard about the 60% fatality rate.

Shame too, only 40% off.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A slice of coconut cream pie is $2.50 in Barbados. It is $2.75 in Trinidad & Tobago. $3.25 on St. Thomas

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

The PPSH-41 is a soviet gun, which a lot of people disliked. It cost too much to reload with a fire rate of 1000 bpm, and had horrible recoil and aim.

Now, this gun is widely unpopular, but it had one upside: in the russian alphabet, “PPSH” consisted of three letters, pronounced “Pa Pa Sha”. In russian, papasha means “daddy”, and so the popular nickname for this gun was “daddy”. My older sister was shot by one during her time in the army, and luck...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman patient in a hospital had been in a coma for a number of years. Each day a nurse gave her a bed bath. One day while washing her private parts she notices that the monitor shows an increase in heart rate.

The nurse tells a Doctor, He considers the results and calls her husband. When he arrives the Doctor suggests that oral sex may help. The husband agrees and they pull the curtain around the bed for privacy.

30 minutes later the monitor shows her heart and breathing has stopped, then she flat...

Why do mathematicians have the lowest murder rate?

There's safety in numbers.

What do you call an urban area in France with a low average income and high rates of criminality?

A baghuetto

Why did Elon Musk go broke?

Because his car insurance rates were astronomical.

Why is everyone in North Korea illiterate?

Because there can only be one Supreme Reader.

Why are North Korean literacy rates so high?

Because they have the supreme reader.

Why do Long Islander's have the lowest suicide rate in the US?

Jersey is the light at the end of the tunnel.

Why Does Italy Have Such A Low Teen Pregnancy Rate?

Because the kids learn in Italian history to always pull out

Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in cuba for $1.50 and in jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?

Those are the pie rates of the carribean.

How would you rate a really ugly Brazilian?

1 out of 7

School shooting rates in America have dropped by crazy amounts over the past 2 months

The Summertime truly does bring miracles

Unemployment rates at bondage studios are high.

Most candidates are unwilling to learn the ropes.

The divorce rate has now reached 50%.

That means statistically speaking, either you or your spouse are going to end up divorced.

We should raise insurance rates on drivers who have never crashed their cars.

They're driving wrecklessly.

They say families were larger in the past due to higher child mortality rates....

but as it turns out, your great-great-great-GREEEEAAAT-Grandma really just loved her some D

New York City just published its annual index of the death rates caused by plunging from balconies

Sadly, they're still falling

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What does an orgasm and a heart rate have in common?

I don't care whether she has one.

Vladimir Putin's approval rate is 80%...

The other 20% are missing.

Yellow cars have the highest crash rate

According to a recent pole

Exchange rate

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to
the currency exchange window at the local bank. Just one lady in front of me...an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, 'Why it change? Yesterday, I get tw...

I like my women like I like my frame rate..

Above 60.

Michigan is leading in rates of both marital infidelity and depression.

It's a sad state of affairs.

I found a noose online that claimed to have a 100% success rate

They must have been right because there were no customer reviews

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you rate a sexy terrorist?

A fine eleven

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

People with a penis length less than 5 inches rate things on a scale of 1-5...

People with a penis length less than 5 inches rate things on a scale of 1-5.

People with a penis length above 5 inches tend to rate things on a scale of 1-10.

1-100 people will get this.

If I had to rate the solar system

I'd give it one star.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's sexually transmitted and has a 100% death rate?

Life

I'm thinking about an app to let people rate strippers

I want to name it "Strip Advisor"

A guy was meeting his friend in the bar

As he walked in, he noticed two pretty girls looking at him. He heard one girl say to the other, "Nine." Feeling pleased with himself, he swaggered over to his buddy at the bar and told him that the girl in the corner had just rated him a nine out of ten. "Sorry to spoil your evening," said his frie...

If the cops were asked to rate a GTA game...

They'd give it 5 stars.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A joke meant to be told to someone you wanna make love to... 10% success rate.

A curious rabbit escaped from the zoo and into wilderness... It went HOP HOP HOP until it spotted a cow.

Rabbit: What are you?
Cow: Do you really wanna know?
Rabbit: Yes!
Cow: Let's have sex first.
--love making--
Cow: I'm a cow.

So it went HOP HOP HOP again until it spo...

How would you rate USA and Saudi Arabia's relationship?

9/11

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Golfing with a hitman

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them.


"Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up".

Sure, they said, you’re welcome.

So they started playing and enjoyed the game ...

How can Finland be one of the happiest countries in the world with such a high suicide rate?

All the miserable people kill themselves

I know federal prosecutors have a 99% conviction rate. But I'm a little nervous.

Because Trump picked his cabinet from the 1%.