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Pumpkins Jokes

What do you get if you divide a pumpkins circumference by its diameter?

Pumpkin π

Sorry.

Who helps little pumpkins cross the street?

The crossing gourd

Where do pumpkins hold meetings?

The gourdroom

Did you hear about the pumpkins that went to the gym?

They wanted to become jacked-o-lanterns.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old farmer is known across the state for his giant pumpkins.

An old farmer is known across the state for his giant pumpkins.

Every year he takes the blue ribbon at the state fair for biggest pumpkin, and every year his town throws a Pumpkin Parade for him where he drives the winner down Main Street in the back of his pickup, the local marching band pla...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is driving home one night while very aroused

As he is passing a pumpkin patch, he thinks to himself, “Pumpkins are soft and squishy and there’s no one around for miles.

He pulls over and pulls out a juicy pumpkin, cuts the appropriate hole in it and begins to slake his erotic desires. Soon he’s really into it and doesn’t notice the pol...

What do pumpkins and Donald Trump have in common?

They’re both orange and need to be thrown out in early November.

Pumpkins are the most beautiful crop.

They're absolutely gourd-geous.

Where would you rate Smashing Pumpkins in your top 90's bands?

For me, I'd rate them Less than Jake but Better than Ezra.

Throw your rotting pumpkins at pretty people.

It is a sure way of calling them Gourdeous.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So Cinderella was crying...

...when her fairy godmother shows up. She asks poor Cinderella, "What's troubling you, my dear?" "My sisters have all gone to the ball, but I can't! I have nothing to wear and no way to go..." cried Cinderella. "Oh fret not. Let me handle this for you," said the fairy godmother. "But first, you have...

I recently decided to stop smashing pumpkins cold turkey.

It was difficult at first, but it got easier once I decided to use the pumpkin patch.

In a farmers market, Farmer A sells pumpkins, Farmer B sells strawberries, what does Farmer C sell?

Medicine

... runs off ...

Have you heard about the 3’2” man running around stealing people’s pumpkins?

Keep your gourd up.

Did anyone hear about the family that made pumpkins a month early?

The pumpkins were premature e-jack-o-lanterns.

Why do we carve pumpkins for Halloween?

Because they're less bloody.

My dad said i could carve pumpkins on the kitchen table. So i did as he said.

When he came back to check up on me, he yelled, “you ruined the table! And you spelled pumpkins wrong!”

What do you find in a pumpkins pants?

A Halloweenie!

Comedian Gallagher, Famous for Smashing Watermelons, dies at 76

He wasn't as good as Smashing Pumpkins, but he made a splash.

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