What is it called when you eat a whole bag of Swedish Berries?

Finnish Berries

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A man is selling berries from a stand on the street.

One day, a woman walks up to the stand and asks the vendor, "Do you have tomatoes?"

"I'm sorry miss, but I only carry berries. I have these delisious blueberries picked fresh from the bush just this morning. Would you like to try some?" The vendor asked.

"Oh, no thanks" the woman repl...

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Cannibals captured three men who were lost in the forest

Cannibals captured three men who were lost in the forest. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The...

What do you call a berry patch on a windy day?

Blewberries

A lot of different plants can be turned into alcohol and then used for trucking fuel. I tried this with juniper berries.

I call it gin diesel.

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Bombs and Berries (Long) (Original)

Back Story: During World War 2, it was super cold in Nazi Germany. The American troops were told if they were ever in a rough situation, to look for frozen squirrels at the base of trees. Then place the frozen squirrel between their thighs (the warmest part of the body) to warm it up. The squirls wo...

What do you call blueberries, raspberries and strawberries inside of a hidden chest?

Berried Treasure.

A couple go to the new farmers' market just outside of town

They walk past the various stands selling fresh produce, looking for things to take back home. They see gigantic, ripe watermelons on one table. Another holds plump, vibrant tomatoes. A dazzling array of berries fills baskets on another.

Finally, they see a table at the end of the market, whe...

Did you see the new method invented to dry berries?

I thought I'd keep everyone updated on currant events.

Member when "Member Berries" wasn't the main remember meme?

Pepperidge farm remembers.

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3 dudes stranded in an island

3 dudes stranded in an island. They are trying to survive together, unfortunately, there is a cult around there and the cult captures them right away. More for their despair, the cult leader is a human eater dude who loves sick stuff.

The leader gives 3 dudes a challenge. They will let them...

What does Jeffrey Dahmer eat for breakfast?

Boys and Berries

What has four legs, a tail and runs?

A cow in panty hose.



What has four legs, a tale and smells?



A cow with the runs



What has four legs, a tail and walks?



A cow batting 400



What has four legs, a tail and flies?



A dirty cow



What has ...

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A plane crashes on an island and three men survive...

After wandering the island for a day, they come across a group of natives. Luckily, one of the natives could speak their language, and offers the survivors a challenge.

"First, search our land and retrieve ten fruit. Return to my hut by sunset tomorrow with the fruit, and be prepared for the...

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An Englishman and an American are trekking through the jungle when they’re captured by a fierce tribe of cannibals.

The leader of the cannibals tells the duo he and his tribe will eat them unless they go into the jungle and collect 100 pieces of fruit in an hour. The American and the Englishman agree and they each go into the woods. The Englishman is the first to return, carrying a 100 berries in his arms.
...

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When I was lost in the woods

A couple of years ago, I was walking through the woods when I became lost. I had no compass, no map and wandered for hours, then days trying to find my way back. As I made my way through the muck and mud, I became hungry, more hungry than I had ever been, and found a few berries to satiate me for a ...

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Billy the tree.

Billy the tree aces his SATs at Forest High and ends up with a full college scholarship. The day arrives for him to move halfway across the state. The older trees wish him luck, and they make him promise to write. They wave and cheer as he packs his trunk and leaves.

He arrives at his college...

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Three men are captured by cannibals

Three men are lost whilst navigating the Amazon rainforest. They are eventually trapped by a tribe of cannibals, when one of them manages to barter a deal with the chief.

The chief decides that if each man can complete a set of three tasks he sets, the tribe will show them the way back to the...

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An American with a boat and a Canadian with a boat crash,

They keep blaming one another while floating on sea. After a while they arrive at an island, where they were greeted by a tribe. They told their dilemma to the head of the tribe, to which he replied: "each of you will go to the forest and collect 100 of the same fruit, the first one to return will n...

An American lawyer invited a Czechoslovakian friend to stay with him in his mountain cabin.

Early in the morning, the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast. As they were picking blueberries, along came two big Bears - a male and a female.
The lawyer, seeing the two bears, climbed a tree.

His friend wasn't so lucky and the male ...

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[NSFW] A homeless man walked into a piano bar

No one was playing the piano so he asked the manager if he could play.
The manager, seeing the ragged dirty old man refused, but he was persistent and begged
“Oh please just one song, I’m REALLY good I promise”
So he allowed him, “Okay one song, but then you must leave”
The homeless ma...

Three christian missionaries stumble upon a cannibal tribe in a tropical jungle

They are immediately captured, and taken back to the village.



The first missionary is brought in front of the chief, who amazingly speaks good English.

He tells the first missionary, "head out into the jungle, find a single fruit, and bring ten of its kind back. Don't think of ...

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Once upon a time, there was a river. The Nile River, to be exact.

On one side of the river lived the rabbit, and on the other side lived the bear.


One fine day, the bear was sitting on a stump, enjoying his breakfest of berries. Then he heard someone yelling at him. It was the rabbit.


"Hey! Hey, Teddy, get your butt over here. I've got ...

There were 3 guys, exploring a jungle one day...

They were caught by a tribe of cannibals, but instead of being killed they were brought to the tribal chief.

The chief told them he would let the 3 live, but they had to do 2 things. First off, they had to go into the jungle, and collect 10 pieces of a fruit they find. They would be told thei...

Three men discover they have each been the victim of a shipwreck at some point in their past.

Three men are talking about their brushes with disaster, and by a stunning coincidence they find that all three of them have, at some point in their lives, been shipwrecked and stranded with the other survivors on a deserted island. They begin to detail their experiences.

"The hardest part wa...

I was visiting a jam factory the other day,

They asked me if I had heard of any of the new techniques being used to grow berries. I told them that I wasn't up to date on my currant events.

What's the difference between a squirrel and a cannibal necrophiliac?

One eats nuts and berries, the other nuts, eats then buries.

Three anthropologists get captured by a tribe of cannibals...

The chieftain proclaims to them: "You shall head out into the jungle, and each bring me a dozen pieces of any one fruit, or else we will eat you!"

The three head out. After an hour, the first one returns, carrying 12 Bananas. The chief looks at them with pleasure and says: "And now I want you...

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A Jew and a Czech go hunting.

They reach a clearing in the woods and spot a deer. The Czech aims his rifle to shoot, when a bear attacks them from behind and eats the Czech. The Jew, scared shitless, runs back to town and tells everyone what happened. After some discussion, the worried townsfolk form a hunting party to deal with...

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The King of the Jungle [long] [nsfw]

The lion, the king of the jungle, once summoned all the animals to celebrate his new born child. Sure enough all the animals showed up and gazed with awe upon the famous lion's rock.

The lion roared fiercly and all animals awaited silently the big announcement of their king. After a brief mom...

In light of the rising frequency of human and bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field...

They advise that outdoors men wear noisy little bells on their clothing, so as not to startle bears that aren’t expecting them.

They also advise outdoors men to carry pepper spray with them, in case of an encounter with a bear.

It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bea...

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A long joke, thick with details

A man with a tiny dick hiked up a mountain to ask a shaman to help with his affliction. He reached the peak and approached the shaman.

"I want a nine inch dick. What do I have to do?"

"It's simple," said the shaman. "Look down at the jungle. Do you see that tree with the white bark?"<...

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3 guys are shipwrecked on an island full of cannibals

The cannibals catch them and say"bring us 10 fruits or we will kill you" the first man comes back with ten carrots the cannibals tell him"we'll stick them all up your ass if you dont move a muscle we'll let you live" they force the first one up his ass he doesnt say anything but as soon as they tou...

What do you call research involving Eggs, Strawberries and Altoids?

An Eggs-Berry-Mint

An inspiring true story about my friend's grandmother.

I'd like to tell you a little-known, but inspiring and true story that involves my friend Jake's grandmother.

Her name was Erica. She lived a typical grandmother life, knitting, spoiling her grandchildren and puttering around.

But despite having lived a full life before retiring, she w...

3 guys are lost in the jungle, they are soon discovered by a tribe of cannibals and are taken back to their village...

...the chief gives them a task to avoid death. "Go into the jungle and pick 10 of the first fruit you find." The first man finds plums and brings back 10. The chief speaks, "You need to shove all 10 into your back exit without making a facial expression or you will be eaten alive." The man shoves on...

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3 men are walking through the jungle when they get taken by cannibals

They beg for their lives are given the chance of freedom - they have to go out into the jungle and collect 10 pieces of the same fruit.

So off they go and not long after the 1st man returns with 10 apples. This is when he is told about the 2nd part of the deal

"You must insert all of t...

A man on his 50th marriage anniversary is asked for the secret of his long-lasting marriage.

'Well', he says, 'it's something dating back to our honeymoon.


We decided to hike a mountain together as our honeymoon journey, so we got a little donkey with us. It had to carry our supplies.


We started hiking. After a few hours the donkey stumbled upon a stone. The food fell ...

Bear Warning

The National Park Rangers are advising hikers in Glacier National Park and other Rocky Mountain parks to be alert for bears and take extra precautions to avoid an encounter.
They advise park visitors to wear little bells on their clothes so they make noise when hiking. The bell noise allows bears...

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Three guys are stuck on an island full of cannibals...

The cabinnals capture them unless they each bring back ten fruit.

The first comes back with ten bananas. The Tribe Leader tells him that they will shove the bananas up his ass, and if he laughs or winces he gets eaten. He gets the ten bananas shoved up his ass, but he cries out and is sent t...

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So, there's this yellow toad wandering around in the forest....

Kind of pissed off because he doesn't want to be yellow. Life would be easier if he was brown or green like the other toads. He'd sure be less visible to predators for one thing.

Any way ... this yellow toad bumps into a Fairy Godmother, like you do, and he begs her; "Fairy Godmother please m...

Three Amish women working in the field.

As they work they sit there talking about the lives. They do this as the pick the potatoes. The dirt women talks about how all her clothes are as plain and earth like like the potato. Just like god likes it.

Then they start talking about how many kids they have and what they are up to. This ...

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A group of cannibals...

A group of cannibals just recently kidnapped three homeless men and took them to a secluded area of the woods. The head cannibal looks at all of the men and says "I order you to go into the woods and come back with ten of the same fruit". The men went off into the woods to look for fruit.
Later ...

Three men are kidnapped by cannibals while in the forest..

Three men were walking in a forest one day when they were kidnapped by a group of cannibals. They plead for the tribe leader to let them, and finally he struck them a deal. If they could complete a challenge of his, then they could walk free.

For the first part of the challenge, the chieftai...

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The best joke I have heard in a long time

A lady walks into a grocery store looking for tomatoes and can't seem to find any, so she goes to ask a store clerk.

Lady: Excuse me, could you help me find some tomatoes?

Clerk: Sorry, but we are fresh out

Lady: You don't understand, I need these tomatoes, could you check in th...

Stranded unfortunately...

3 men survive a plane crash in the ocean and wash up on a random remote island. They are soon captured by the local natives who tie them up and keep them captive.

After a few days of being tied up, the are brought in front of The Chief. The Chief informs them that they're to go out into the j...

Three men are ship wrecked

After a week on the island they are discovered by a tribe of cannibals. The cannibals take them to their chief who gives the stranded men a choice.
Go out into the woods, gather ten of your favorite fruit and return to me for further instruction, refuse and die.
So the men set out. After a few...

A British guy, a French guy, and a Korean guy got stranded on an island

A British guy, a French guy, and a Korean guy got stranded on an island. The British guy decided it would be best for them to split up and meet back the next day. He told the other two that he would build a shelter, and told the French guy to gather food and the Korean guy to get supplies. The next ...

What's an artist's favorite fruit?

Crayon-berries

Sorry

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Three men are stranded on a remote island and get captured by cannibals

The chief tells the three men, "Tonight, you will be killed. However, you have one chance to save yourselves. Go now into the woods and gather ten of whatever fruit you find, then bring it back here." The three men go off into the woods. The first man returns some time later with 10 apples. The chie...

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An Englishman, a Welshman and an Irishman...

were wandering through the rainforest when they were suddenly ambushed by a tribe of cannibals. They were told by the chief they were each to go into the forest and collect 10 fruits and return to the tribe to learn their fate.
They all go their separate ways into the forest and after a little wh...

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Pineapples

An Englishman, a Spaniard, and a Frenchman were on a ship headed towards the New World. On their journey, they encountered a bad storm, and were shipwrecked. They awoke and found themselves on an island, tied up and captives of a cannibal tribe.

The leader of the cannibals tells them that if ...

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Original Jokes.

A man is speeding down the beach road in Nags Head, NC when a seagull smashes into his windshield. He gets it stuck in the wiper blades trying to get it off, and eventually a cop comes up behind him and hits the cherries and berries. At that moment the seagull flips off the guy's car and smashes int...

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Three guys were kidnapped by cannibals....

The head cannibal says " in order to survive you must go collect ten pieces of the same fruit and bring them back here. You will then endure a final task"


So the three guys frantically run off.


The first guy returns with 10 apples.
head master says "now you must shove them u...

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An englishman, a German and a chinaman crash on a deserted island...

A plane crashes in the pacific ocean, and only three survivors wash ashore a deserted island: An Englishman, a German and a Chinaman
(A more stereotypical joke setup you'd be hard-pressed to find).

So the German takes charge, tells the two others: "you brit, build us a shelter, I will go o...

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Three men walking through a forest are ambushed by tribals...

...and are taken to the Chief. The Chief says, "I will set you free if you can bring me an offering of a fruit of your choice. Take your time roaming the forest, but be warned that you will be tracked - make any attempt to escape and you will be killed on the spot."

The three men set off, in ...

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Three American anthropologists head to an island...

inhabited by a group of indigenous cannibals, in order to study the native culture. While filming the natives, the three men are captured by a savage hunting party are returned to the native's village.
The Americans are told by the chief that they have one chance to save their lives. Each perso...

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3 guys wash up onto a beach...

Many days after their plane crashed into the ocean. They are almost immediately aggresively approached by the indigenous population and surrounded. The chief appears and tells them he will let them live if they can pass his test, but first each person must go into the jungle and find 10 pieces of ...

Being in the recreation and natural resources field, I enjoy this every time I hear it

Due to the recent increase of encounters with grizzly and black bears in the area, all hikers should wear bells so you don't sneak up and startle nearby bears. Hikers should also carry pepper spray encase of an encounter. The two bears have different characteristics to their droppings and you can te...

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Cannibals

One day 3 men were walking through a deep forest unimaginably lost. Out of no where they are jumped by a group of cannibals who knock them out and drag them to their camp. When they come to they are surrounded by the cannibals and their king. The king tells to them that they will be allowed to leave...

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