When do cherries chill out?

On a Sunday.

I went shopping the other day for cherries and a new microphone.

Bought a BING, bought a BOOM

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[Long] A guy and his monkey walk into a bar

The monkey jumps on the counter and gobbles up a bowl of peanuts.

The bartender asked the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

The guy replied, "Yeah, he does that all the time. He's always hungry. I'll pay for the peanuts", and hands the bartender a buck. The bartender clink...

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I got a pound of cherries stuck in my ass once.

It really was the pits.

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A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory perception.

She brought in a variety of lifesavers and said,”Children, I’d like you to close your eyes and taste these.”
The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher gave them honey-flavored lifesavers, all of the kids were stumped.
“I’ll give you a hint,” said t...

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Here's a trilogy of jokes

You know why you never see an elephant hiding in a tree?

Because they are good at it.


Why do elephants paint their balls red?

So they can hide in cherry trees.


What's the loudest sound in the forest?

Giraffes eating cherries

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The best joke I’ve ever heard which never fails to make me smile whenever I remember it.(NSFW)

Three explorers get lost in a huge jungle. After wandering around for days, they are found and captured by a jungle tribe. The tribesmen take the explorers to their leader and drop them at his feet. The chieftain looks at them for a moment and says, “ The three of you will die unless you manage to d...

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For my first cake day I want to share a joke my dad told me when I was probably too young to really understand it. How does an elephant hide in the jungle?

Climbs to the top of a cherry tree and paints his balls red.

What’s the loudest sound in the jungle?

Giraffes eating cherries!

(Apologies if you’ve heard it before fellow Redditors! Maybe by next cake day I’ll get better material)

My friend invented a machine that turns sheep shearings into cherries. If you put in black wool, you get black cherries. If you put in white wool, you get maraschino cherries.

Red wool gives you bings.

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Pop my Cherry

A man was driving down a remote road when his car broke down. There was no cell service so he walked to the nearest farm. He was approached by a farmer.

“How can I help you?” asked the farmer.

“Can I use a phone, my car broke down?”

“All the phones are down, I can drive you i...

I grew up in a pretty tough neighborhood. Kids use to cover me in chocolate and frosting and put cherries on my head.

Life was tough in the gateau.

What do you call it when you're forced to choose between cherries and herilooms?

An ul'tomato'm

Never get your cherries out in public.

They’re indehiscent.

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The Britain had just colonized Malaysia, three local criminals were caught and brought to the British Commander...

"They committed such deadly crimes, they should be beheaded!" The Lieutenant suggested the Commander.

Hearing that, the three criminals pleaded for their lives to the Commander.

The Commander agreed to let them live under one condition, which was to collect 10 fruits of same type.
<...

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TIL about Kopi Luwak, an expensive coffee made from partially digested coffee cherries defecated by the Asian palm civet.

Imagine the barista's face when you go to the coffee shop then ask for a crappuccino.

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I bought some cherry lube the other day but I didn't end up using it.

Turns out cherries are already pretty easy to shove up your arsehole as they are.

Which do Catholic priests like better—apples or cherries?

Neither—they prefer boysenberries.

A man walks into a bar and orders a gin and tonic

Out of nowhere a monkey comes by and takes the lime, eats it, and downs the rest of the drink.

Shocked the man sits in stunned silence as he watches the monkey eat some cherries, lemons and oranges out of the garnish tray behind the bar.

The man stands up and yells to get the barten...

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