Halloween Jokes - 112 Hilarious Halloween Jokes

What do Jeffrey Epstein and Halloween decorations having common?

They don’t hang themselves.

Happy Halloween

I dressed up as a screwdriver this past Halloween.

It wasn't the best costume but I still turned a lot of heads.

Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween

I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their door.

This one's a groaner for sure, but still fun. Happy Halloween!

A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him, he hears
Bump...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP.....

Last Halloween, my friend Lucy dressed up like a cat burglar on a jewel heist.

Lucy….in disguise with diamonds.

Joke from my 8 year old daughter for Halloween.

Why didn’t the ghost like to take showers?

Because it would dampen his spirits.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A kid dressed all in red rang my doorbell and said, "Trick or Treat!" I said to him, "dude Halloween was yesterday."

He replied "I know. I'm a period, I'm sorry I'm late."

earned all of my leftover candy.

I went to a Halloween party dressed as a chicken.

Met a girl dressed as an egg. A question as old as time was answered - the chicken.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party.

They were ready to leave when the wife came down with a headache. She told her husband to go to the party, no need to miss it because of her headache. So the husband left for the party.

About an hour later his wife's headache went away and she felt better. She put on her costume and went to ...

For Halloween I've got a job making plastic Draculas

There's only two of us working here so I have to make every second count.

A Halloween joke I made up when I was 12: What did Dracula name his boat?

The Blood Vessel

I always get Halloween and Valentine's Day confused.

They're both about candy and being something you're not.

Why do engineers mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because Oct 31 == Dec 25

This Halloween I went as a 'former gifted student.'

I just wore normal clothes, and when people asked me what I was supposed to be, I sighed and said "I was supposed to be a lot of things."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Halloween at a Hospital.

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.

Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put.

He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea an...

What do hillbillies do on Halloween?

Pumpkin

I got so fed up with the trick-or-treaters last Halloween that I turned off the lights and pretended I wasn't home.

My lighthouse, my rules.

A guy goes to a halloween party with a his back.

The host asks him, "And what are you?"
The guy says, " I'm a snail."
The host says "And who's that on your back?"
"That's Michelle!"

Just took a quiz to find out what my spirit Halloween monster is ...

... apparently, deep down inside I'm a skeleton.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman for halloween, told me that I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.

After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.

Halloween joke

What do Dracula's girlfriend and a bad boxer have in common?

They both go down for the count!

I swapped the wrappers around on my wife's Halloween candy.

She didn't appreciate the joke at all. Now she's got her Snickers in a Twix over it.

After trick-or-treating on Halloween, a teen takes a shortcut through a cemetery.

Halfway across, he's startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man chipping away at a headstone. "I thought you were a ghost," says the relieved teen. "What are you doing working so late?" "Oh, those idiots," grumbles the old man. "They misspelle...

I dressed up as a gifted kid for Halloween.

When my neighbors asked what I was supposed to be, I sadly replied, "I was supposed to be a lot of things..."

Halloween candy

Halloween was over. All the trick or treaters came and went. Some got candies. Some got confused when we said "trick" and sprayed them with water.

A couple of hours later while we were taking the candy bag inside, a 12 year old came dressed in all red.

Naturally, I told him that Hall...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife said she was going to come to the Halloween party dressed as our life

So she didn’t come

Why do programmers get Halloween and Christmas confused?

Because OCT 31= DEC 25. (Yes, I realize I'm a day late on this, so sue me).

(OC) I always wanted to be a ghost for Halloween

Mom thought it was a good idea because when I was up to something she could see right through me, but Dad said I was too dense.

I'm going as Cocaine for Halloween.

That way someone will do me in the bathroom.

A guy walks into a bar on Halloween

A guy dressed in regular street clothes walks into a bar on Halloween and orders a beer. "I'm here for the costume party," he tells the bartender. The bartender looks him up and down, taking in his ordinary clothing and no makeup or wig. "What are you supposed to be?" the bartender asks. "I'm a were...

Please don’t hand out raisins this Halloween…

Eggs have gotten really expensive.

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My Halloween joke

A young man in the hospital is smitten with his night nurse, She feels good about him too.
The pain meds he’s on have constipated him and neither want to discuss it. She decides to slip him a laxative to “help” .Just before she’s going to arrive for a visit, he has an accident in the bed, there’...

Silly kids Halloween joke

What does a Pikachu dressed as a ghost say?

Pika-pika booooo

Son: "What are you going to be for Halloween dad?" Me: "Drunk"

Son: "What's mom gonna be?"
Me: "Mad"

In 2023 we're not calling them Halloween costumes anymore...

It's *occultural appropriation*

At a Halloween party

A: What are you dressed as?

B: I'm a harp.

A: Your costume's too small to be a harp.

B: Are you calling me a lyre?

Halloween Costume.

I went to the store to buy a Dracula costume for Halloween.

The shop assistant brought out a Manchester United football shirt.

I said "You must of misheard me, I said I want to look like a Count."

All the nurses are dressing up as witches for Halloween!

They will be scaretakers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm gonna be turning my lights off this Halloween and pretending I'm not in.

the ships. My lighthouse, my rules

A guy dressed as a Chicken for Halloween finds a girl dressed as an egg.

Apparently the answer is Chicken.

(Edit: Typo)

What music band is the least popular around Halloween?

The Smashing Pumpkins

How can you tell a girl ghost from a boy ghost?

Boooooooobs!

You’re welcome.

Happy Halloween everybody!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This will be my first Halloween as a single person in over 12 years.

I think I’ll dress up as Southwest Airlines and a bunch of people.

What's the best part about being a meth head on Halloween?

Just two more sleeps till Christmas!

Halloween Joke

This guy goes to a Halloween costume party, but he’s just wearing street clothes, and he has his girlfriend sitting on his shoulders.

The host says to him, “Dude, this is a Halloween party! You’re supposed to be wearing a costume?”

The guy replies, I am wearing a costume! I’m a snail!”...

For Halloween, a classmate dressed up as a stormtrooper and shot up the school.

Don’t worry, no one got hurt.

Why do programmers get Halloween and Christmas mixed up?

Because Oct31 = Dec25

Christmas after Halloween is like me as a teenager.

It comes fast.

6 more months until Halloween

Which means 2 more weeks until stores start putting out Halloween decorations.

I was thinking of dressing up as a Band-Aid for Halloween, but then decided against it.

It would be really hard to pull off.

I went as the Air for Halloween

But everyone saw right through my disguise.

Why can't ghosts have babies? [Halloween Joke]

Because they have hollow-weenies!

halloween joke

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Ah, October! Almost time for Halloween. This season reminds me of how I met my wife. I went to a costume party, and saw her across the room. Standing there all thin and tall and gorgeous next to her fat friend. They'd come to the party together dressed as t...

Hollywood Halloween

Bruce Willis and Sylvester Stallone were discussing their next Halloween costumes. They wanted to get away from the typical scary characters and do something different.

Bruce: 'how about historical figures? I'll go as Freud.'

Sly: 'ok, sounds good. I'll go as Leonardo Da Vinci.'
...

It's almost Halloween

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "You can tell its getting closer to Halloween," the guy tells the bartender. "Just today I saw a gal dressed up like Snow White working in the shoe store down in the local shopping center .... She was the fairest of the mall."

I saw my son eating chocolate even after I confiscated all his Halloween candy. I asked him where he got that from.

He said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."

Why does a witch not wear underwear on Halloween?

So she can get a better grip on her broom

Got sent home from work for my Halloween costume..

Apparently, being a brillo pad was too abrasive for some people.

What do you call a DJ on Halloween?

The boogie-man

It was a tough Halloween this year..

I staked 5 vampires, beheaded 3 zombies and exorcised 8 ghosts.

Then the wife came out screaming something about
"No, no you give them candy!!!"

I have a great safety tip for Halloween this year

Wear a mask!!!

What do rednecks do on Halloween?

Pump-kin.

BREAKING News: Government declares Halloween a nationwide statutory holiday. All workers eligible.

For the first time ever, Halloween will be staffed by a skeleton crew!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superman went to a Halloween party

Someone was dressed as a Bitcoin.

Someone dressed as a Dogecoin.

Someone else dressed asEthereum.

Superman was pissed.

He didn't realize it was gonna be a Crypto night.

So to celebrate the Halloween season...

... I was going to go to a 200 year old building that was apparently set up with shriveled up old corpses, dangerous bandits, bloodsucking vampires, hellbent soulless demons, and the like. But it turns out the Capitol Building is closed for tours until a budget resolution is reached.

The Competition - Wishing you a Happy Halloween!

Dracula wanted to know which of his bats was the best. So, he organized a little competition.

The bat which would drink more blood in less time than others would be the winner.

The first bat went and came back after 10 minutes. Its mouth was full of blood.

Dracula was impresse...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I dressed up as a wrench for Halloween

My wife got mad called me a tool.

At a Halloween party, I met a guy and said, “Nice costume. Casanova?”

Him: Guy Fawkes.

Me: I wouldn’t have put it that way, but I guess you’re right.

A guy walks into a bar on Halloween

"Have you decided on a costume for our Halloween party tonight?" the bartender asks. "Yes, I've decided to come as a period," the guy replies. "I'll just show up late and scare the hell out of everyone."

I went to a Halloween party dressed as a harp

The host asked me: What are you?

Me: Oh, I'm dressed as a harp.

Host: Your costume is too short to be a harp

Me: Are you calling me a lyre?

Happy Halloween

Bob thought his new neighbor across the street was strange from the moment he first moved in. The new neighbor, Jack, was a dorky middle-aged white man, who laughed at his own jokes, which he told repeatedly, and only talked about the stupidest stuff, which he always claimed was super popular on Re...

A Halloween Limerick

A lady vampire named Mable

Had a period that was awfully stable.

So once a full moon

She took out her spoon

And drank herself under the table.

A man goes to a halloween party...

...in nothing but his underwear and a woman on his back.

His friends see him and ask,

"Hey man, what are you meant to be?"
He replies, "I'm a turtle."
His friends respond, "A turtle? How are you a turtle? Who's that woman on your back?"
The man replies, "Oh, ...

I went to a Halloween party

I decided to dress as a clown. On my way to the party, a man in a suit stopped me. He said he was glad he finally found me. I had to explain that he must have me confused for somebody else, but he told me I was dressed like him. I explained that I was just wearing a costume, but he laughed it of...

My 6 year old’s halloween joke

Q. What do ghosts have on their bottom?

A. A boo-ty

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm really looking forward to Halloween this year. I'm doing a SAW themed party for my kids and their friends.

It begins with twelve children locked in the basement and I've hidden the Wi-Fi password inside the stomach of one of them.

Happy Halloween

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Boy the Halloween vandals and pranksters hit my neighborhood hard already. They destroyed a bunch of street signs," he tells the bartender. "They really pulled out all the stops."

I miss Halloween

I can no longer take free candy from creepy strangers.

Halloween joke:

Checked into an AirBnB. The owner warned me the sofa was haunted,
Turned out it was an upholstergheist.

a guy walks into a bar for a Halloween party...

and is surprised to see the bar decorated for Christmas. "What's with the Christmas decorations?" the guy asks the bartender. "I thought this was supposed to be a spooky Halloween party." "Oh, these decorations are very scary for a lot of people," the bartender replies. "We're gonna terrify people w...

What’s the top halloween costume worn in New Jersey?

A gaba-ghoul

Halloween Joke

A cab driver picks up a Nun in San Francisco . She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring. He replies: 'I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you.'

She answers, 'My son, you cannot of...

My friend Brian is having a rough time of it this Halloween.

He was attacked by dyslexic zombies.

Happy spooky day!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Here's a Halloween joke!

Three guys run into a museum to hide from the hoard of zombies coming down the road. While looking for something to eat and drink one of the survives finds a golden lamp and out pops a genie roaring out.

“You can have three wishes. So what is the first wish?” One man says ” I want to go back...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One spooky night on Halloween...

Chris, an urban adventurer. was looking to have some fun.

He decided that since it was Halloween, it would be the perfect time to explore a spooky house. He asked the locals if they knew of any, and they informed him of this abandoned mansion not to far from where he lived. He was warned cou...

Halloween logic-gate joke I came up with

What do you call someone who will always banish one of 2 spirits, but never both?

An XORcist

Strangely, my son farts a lot whenever it's Halloween.

That's why he always dresses up as Jack the Ripper.

Fun Fact: Halloween falls on Friday the 13th this year

Go ahead , look it up

Halloween Dinner

\[True Story\]

My wife decided to make something new this Halloween. She made a meat loaf in the shape of a small coffin. She then placed it on a plate in a bed of fresh peas.

She called the dish "Rest in Peas."

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party.

He doesn't know what costume to wear in order to not draw attention to his head or his leg, and he has a month to prepare so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later he receives a package with the following letter:

"Dear Sir:

Please find enclosed a compli...

A Halloween costume idea

A nurse walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Are you coming to our big Halloween party?" the bartender asks. "Yes, I've already planned my costume. I'm going to come as a horrible monster made entirely out of blood," the nurse says. "I'm going to be a hemogoblin."

Do we even need Halloween anymore?

I’ve been wearing a mask and eating candy for 14 months...

There is one thing I hate about Halloween,

wich is...

Halloween. A kid comes to the door with a sign”I love ceilings”

What are you?
A Ceiling Fan.
Gave him all the candy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bought the ex wife some crotchless for Halloween...

Nothing , just to give her a better grip on the broomstick.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Halloween tale of horror

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. With Halloween coming up they start talking about things that scared them when they were kids. "When I was a kid, my brother told me that earwigs actually lived in your ears and crawled inside to eat your brains. And I believed him," he tells the barten...

A Halloween joke for you

Little Johnny is out trick or treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He walked up to a house and said "trick or treat". The little old lady just gushed over his costume. She says to Johnny, "What a cute costume, but let me ask you....Where are your buccaneers?" Little Johnny says back, "They're ...

I'm drunk and I might've made up a joke?

What do people in Alabama do on Halloween?

Pumpkin.

Got dumped on Halloween…

Well at least she didn’t ghost me

One Dark Halloween Night........

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap- tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel...

For Halloween I'm dressing up as a plate.

Girls love to do dishes.

Why did Casper oversleep on Halloween?

He had too much boos!

What is Caitlyn Jenner going as for Halloween?

An Ex-Man

Preemptive Edit: Proudly! Proudly going as an Ex-Man! Yikes....

I’d make a skeleton joke for Halloween

But you wouldn’t find it very humerus.

Visiting Nan's for Halloween

Just thought I'd nip over to my Nan's, and fair play to her, at 96, she had all the Halloween decorations up, cobwebs and insects in the windows and a skeleton on the couch.

She always makes a big effort, but there was no answer...I'll pop back next year.

I made this up on the spot and I'm really proud of it.

This isn't the best joke, but I'm really proud of how it came out. My sister and I are both in town visiting our parents for the first time in years. I keep dropping bad puns and my sister keeps yelling at me.

Tonight, we were telling stories from our youth, and I told her this one. She was r...

This Halloween, I stopped the pranksters before they covered my house with eggs again.

We met up for negotiations and signed a trick or treaty.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wanted to be an anti-vaxxer for halloween

but I just couldn’t fit my head that far up my

How do Halloween characters listen to their music?

Scare pods

I read that the three most popular Halloween costumes this year are clown, pumpkin, and dinosaur.

I'm capitalizing on this trend by selling costumes of Trump.

For Halloween, I'm getting plastered.

I don't drink, I'm just going as a white guy.

Why do mathematicians confuse Halloween and Christmas?

Because OCT 31 = DEC 25.

This might be the nerdiest joke I know. Here's a bonus mathematical nerd joke:

Why don't riddles work in octal notation?

Because seven ten eleven.

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