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Gourd Jokes

How do hillbilly gourds reproduce?

They pump kin.

Would you ever consider yourself a beautiful gourd?

Because you look smashing, pumpkin.

Why did the Mexican pumpkin have to go on a diet?

Because he was gourd-o.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do West Virginians and gourds have in common?

They pumpkin

How did the pumpkin cross the road?

With some help from the crossing gourd.

A man asks his friend how to cook a gourmet meal as his family was coming over.

His American friend asks him to get three rams (A , B, C) and then put a gourd on each of the rams head in the kitchen and then see what happens .

He puts a gourd on ram A and nothing happens.

He puts a gourd on ram B and nothing happens.

As he puts the gourd on the third ram...

Scientists were studying rams

They had three rams in their lab. Each ram had a leather collar, and attached to each collar was a tag identifying them as A, B and C.

One of the researchers brought a large gourd from the supply closet and placed it on the head of Ram A. Nothing happened. After five minutes he removed the g...

If tomatoes are fruit, why is there a tomato in Veggietales?

The gourd works in mysterious ways.

Did you hear about the pumpkin who played basketball?

He was a point gourd.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pumpkin patch surprise

A guy gets invited to a Halloween party at a farm just a mile outside town. He has a little too much to drink, and being responsible, decides to walk home and come back to get his car later.

On the walk home, he suddenly has a rumble in his stomach. He has to take a shit immediately. He ...

Who helps little pumpkins cross the street?

The crossing gourd

Have you heard about the 3’2” man running around stealing people’s pumpkins?

Keep your gourd up.

Pumpkins are the most beautiful crop.

They're absolutely gourd-geous.

What do you call death by a massive pumpkin falling on your head?

gourd to death

A matador made a still life painting

It was a gourd by a bowl.

The captured explorer...

There was once an intrepid explorer called Eric, he was wandering in a hitherto unknown part of Africa. One day in the jungle, his guides are ambushed and killed with poison darts. Eric is the only one taken alive and he is bound and gagged. They drag him back to their village and present him to the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The lizard and the koala.

A lizard is wandering through the Australian outback one afternoon when he spots a Koala sitting in a tree.

"OI!" he calls out to the Koala, "What are you doin' up there?"

The koala looks down at the lizard, "Oh hey bro, I was just about to smoke a spliff. You can join me if you want."...

What did the squash say to the cucumber when he saw the pumpkin patch get blown up?

Oh My Gourd!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My uncle Marty's drivin' home, right?

My uncle Marty's
drivin' home, right?

Bombed out of his tree, right? Just
hammered out of his gourd. Just wrecked.

This state trooper sees him, pulls him
over. So my uncle's fucked basically.

Got him out of the car,
tryin' to make him walk the line.

He gets ou...

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