What's the difference between an Indian and an African elephant?

One of them is an elephant and the other one isn't.

What do they call bananas from India?

Indianas. :)

A girl returns from US to see her father in India.

Being from a poor village, it was a big deal for the father seeing their daughter who became a successful nurse in the states.

The girl had brought some presents for her father, which included a cool looking boxer.
The people in the village were accustomed to wearing a lungi ( a large clo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle And whose given name was 'Onestone'.

He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, 'If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!'

The word got around and nobody called him that any more.
Until one day a young woman named BlueB...

Who's India's favourite superhero?

Batsman

A man dies and goes to hell

There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.

He goes to the German hell and asks,

"What do they do there?"

He told, "First they put you in an electric chair♨ for an hour.

Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.

Then the German devil...

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Why is an elephants leg considered a sexual organ in India?

When it steps on you, you’re fucked.

Did you hear about that region up in India?

Yeah it’s totally Sikh

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Greek and an Indian...

... were drinking tea one day discussing who had the superior culture.

The Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon".

Arching his eyebrows the Indian replies, "We have the Taj Mahal.”

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics." The Indian, nodding in a...

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F___ the Indians!!

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandra...

An American guy is talking with European in some bar in USA.

The American guy is saying: "I heard you have now some problems with immigrants in Europe."

An American Indian bends from the next table and says: "Pay attention to that, we heavily underestimated that once"

A western guy gets a job polishing statues in a natural history museum in India

Before he starts working, some locals warn him of the last man who did this job. "Ve should inform you that the insect exhibit is cursed and the poor man's kid vound up dead after he vas seen cleaning here."

The guy says to them, "sounds like a bunch of superstitious nonsense!" and proceeds t...

What do you call a passage way in India?

Currydoor

An American woman went to a Hindu wedding in India...

and bought some traditional clothing to wear to it. When she got to the wedding, she saw another guest wearing the same thing she was, and was very upset.

"I can't believe I traveled halfway around the world, and someone wore the same dress as I did!", she cried.

"Sari", said the othe...

An Indian shaman dies and his only student isn't very good...

An Indian shaman dies and his only student isn't very good but he can't let his people down so when they ask him if snow is coming he tells them.

"I must go and speak with the spirits. All of you cut firewood until I get back though just in case." And so the whole tribe begins cutting wood an...

A family had just moved to the US from India.

They had a young daughter, like 5 years old, who was still learning English. One day she fell down the stairs while playing outside. She ran in crying and saying "The stairs hit me!"... once she calmed down her dad corrected her and said "No no. You mean to say 'I fell down the stairs'."

A fe...

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in Washington D.C. One from Bangladesh , another from India and the third, from China.

The Bangladesh contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my team and $100 profit for me)".

The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figur...

In the mythical kingdoms of ancient India, lived the king Ramuk.

He had a courageous son by the name Tipar. Trained in the arts of war and statehood, Prince Tapir was ever eager to take his chance at the throne.

As age got the better of the king, he decided to crown the Prince and move on to a peaceful life of wine and women.

But before he could han...

Why do Indians hate snow?

It's white and it's on their land.

What is the difference between India and USA?

An Indian would introduce himself as,"I grew up with 5 brothers and 3 sisters".

An American would say, "I grew up with 5 mothers and 3 fathers".

Why do Indians hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land.

Edit: well now I know what people mean by rip inbox.

Edit2: wtf happened to my headline, why is it Donald trump?

I'm flying to India to try their famous sandwiches.

Everyone keeps raving about their new deli...

Why do India never qualify for the world cup?

Because whenever they get a corner they open a shop.

Did you hear about the sandwich shop that just opened up in India?

It's a new deli.

Why did the cannibal get food poisoning in India?

He ate Rameet

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A joke from India

Translated from Hindi:

There is a queue outside the bank where people are waiting to get in and exchange currency. One chap keeps cutting the queue and goes to the front. The rest of the people keep forcing him back.

This goes on 5-6 times. The guy finally gets pissed and says

'...

India sends a cat to Mars

In a few years India will send a cat to Mars to check out if it is possible to survive in that environment.

After some adaptation the cat starts roaming around on Mars.

All is well until one fine day suddenly the cat is mashed under a vehicle of sorts.

Everyone is wondering w...

What did Indian say to mum when he left?

Mumbai.

Viva voce in India

Students go to an Engineering Viva Exam.

The first guy goes into the class, and the professor begins the Viva voce with a question...

Let's say you are traveling by train and its getting hot. What will you do?

Open the window... he answers.

Very good...the professor conti...

Two bicyclists collided in India...

Ten thousand people died.

God is travelling around the world to spread his religon

He gets to India and asks the public, 'Will you take my commandments to be yours?' The public says no and decides to try elsewhere.

He gets to China and asks, 'Will you follow my commandments?' And the public replies no.

He gets to Israel and asks, 'Will you take my commandments?' The ...

A man goes to the dentist with some broken teeth...

The dentist asks the man what happened, to which the man responds saying:

"My wife cooked some chicken and roti (Indian flatbread) but the bread was very hard and stiff."

The dentist replied: "You should have told her the bread was too hard and refused to eat it"

To which the ...

A wealthy British gentleman, Reginald Harper, took a trip to India...

During the summer of 1967. One day while on an adventure he found an elephant in obvious pain, pawing at the ground. On the bottom of his foot, there was a large cut. Reginald took off his shirt and bandaged the elephant. The beast then dropped onto its knees, and lifted him with its trunk for him t...

A British Gentleman visits India..

He landed in the state of West Bengal, the former seat of the East Indian Company.

Dressed in classic gentlemanly fashion he decided to start the tour by visiting the famed Victoria Memorium Hall. Taken aback by the marvellous architecture, he stopped the nearest passerby and asked, "Who mad...

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The dirty professor

The old professor started each lecture with a dirty joke. After a real objectionable example of that one day, the female students got together and decided that next time, when this happens again, they will all walk out in unison.

The professor got wind of this plot. Next morning, after he e...

I feel like there should be a travel book for India called

“A definitive guide to India: The Hindus and the Hindont’s”

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India.

The HR Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job."

Mujibar: "I am ready."

Manager: "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green."

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister Manager, I ...

What do children in India say to their mothers before they go to school?

Mumbai

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man goes to India for a cheap penis extension..

The surgeon suggests a baby elephants trunk stitched on for £3000.
The man agrees.
6 weeks later, while having dinner with his new girlfriend he feels an unusual stirring in his pants and thinks this is the night.
While chatting over dinner his cock flies out and steals an apple off the tab...

What's the best dating service in India?

Connect the dots.

(I'll see my self out.)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Indian Joke about Weather

Fall was upon a remote reservation when the Indian tribe asked their new Chief what the coming winter was going to be like. The modern day Chief had never been taught the secrets of the ancients. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Better safe than...

The three most well known languages in India are English, Hindi, and...

JavaScript

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An Indian just moved to the U.S

Within a few days of reaching the U.S, he got extremely sick, vomiting everywhere. He went to many American doctors, and none of them could figure out what was wrong with him. He decided to go to the Indian doctor beside his house. The Indian doctor told him:

"Go shit in a bucket, piss on th...

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You have two cows..

USA: You have two cows. You outsource a farm to milk them and sell the milk to those who can afford it. You then use the profit to buy someone else's cow for your butcher to make steak with.

Russia: You have two cows. When you get sober you remember that the mafia took them away from you, so ...

Two weeks back, as my friend made his way out of a very crowded station in Mumbai (India)

A bespectacled man with a thick moustache approached him and proclaimed in a heavy Malayali accent "You're Sippy Sopan".

My bemused friend replied "No, I am R Venkatesh".

"Nyo, nyo, you're Sippy Sopan", persisted the Malayali.

"No, no, I am R Venkatesh", insisted my friend.
...

While visiting India , Donald Trump is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam.

While visiting India , Donald Trump is invited
to tea with Abdul Kalam. He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He says that, it is to surround himself with intelligent people.
Trump asks how he knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says ...

India is credited with creating the concept of 0.

Thanks for nothing, India.

Army officer in India

One time there was an army camp in India that just received a new commander. During the new commanders first inspection everything checked out except one thing. There was a camel tied to a tree on the edge of the camp. The commander asked what it was for, one of the soldiers who had been stationed t...

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An aged joke about a quirk of the medical world- perhaps some will enjoy it

A doctor fell in love with the nurse. She was nice, caring, joyous and beautiful. He noticed a mutual affection in their daily intercourse. And thus he decided that he had to confess his feelings to her. The fated day arrives. The Operation theater is empty. The patient, a child, is given a new lif...

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Englishmen on a train

Heard this a long time ago, on a Lewis Grizzard comedy album. Thought you all would like it.

Two Englishmen brothers were riding the train through London when they saw a highly decorated officer in the British army sitting in the train car across from them.. The elder brother confers with t...

a pakistani soldier enlists in the army , ( xpost - india )

A Pakistani soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3 day pass.The CO says, "Are you crazy? You just joined the Pakistani army, and you already want a 3 day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!" So the soldier comes back a day later in an Indian tank! Th...

A man walks into a bar.....

he goes to the barman and asks "if I show you something amazing would you give me a free drink"?
The barman obliges. The man pulls out of his pocket a little piano along with a little woman. Then all of a sudden the little womman plays Beethoven 3rd symphony perfectly.

The barman astonishe...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My dad is from India and my mom is from Japan

So I get my sushi from 7/11

Why aren't broken bones a problem in India?

Everyone is already in a caste

Why is India surprised by the Brexit vote?

They didn't know you could get Britain to leave by voting.

We need more hospitals and doctors in Punjab, India...urgently!

There are a lot of Sikh people out there

Benjamin Netanyahu, the prime minister of Israel, Narendra Modi, the prime minister of India, and Donald Trump from America, are driving together to a conference...

...when their car breaks down and they are forced to spend the night at a small motel.

”I’m sorry,” says the clerk, ”but we have only one room left and it’s a double. But one of you can
sleep in the barn. We will make it comfortable.”

”No problem,” says Narendra Modi, ”I will sleep ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

This tourist from Japan comes to India.

For sightseeing purposes, he got on a cab. The cab driver took him to The Taj Mahal and proudly said, "This is the Taj Mahal. It took 6000 people 6 years to be built."
The tourist, unimpressed, says "6 fucking years? We can build something like this in 6 months."
The cab driver got a bit upset...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I'm going to start a business in India,

but have technical support staff in Boston. See how those bastards like it.

What do you call a war between india and the UK?

The empire strikes back.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Indian Genie

Two guys are in a locker room when one guy notices the other guy has a cork in his ass.

He says, "How'd you get a cork in your ass?"

The other guy says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over a lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a red man in a turban came oozing out...

An amazing coincidence happens every year in India

14th Feb Valentines day.
9 months later,
14th Nov Children's day.

Why didn't the president of India do anything about the bread shortage?

It was a naan-issue

Guy at work: They don’t celebrate Thanksgiving in India, do they?

Me: They would if Columbus had stopped to ask for directions...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Indian Jews

Two Jewish men, Sid and Al, were sitting in an Indian restaurant in New York. Sid asked Al, 'Are there any Jewish people of our faith born and raised in India?'

Al replied, 'I don't know, let's just ask our waiter.'

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, 'Are there any Indian Jews?'...

India and Pakistan calling each other out

Kashmir Outside

In India, you don’t drive on the left of the road..

you drive on what is left on the road.

Why did the Indian pedophile miss work?

He was feeling a little Sikh.

A missionary came to my door asking if I could help with the floods in India.

I said sure, but my garden hose only reaches to the end of the driveway.

Kim Kardashian arrives in India for the first time, she walks out of the airport, and to her surprise, everyone on the streets stops, turns towards her, and kneels in humility and reverence

Little did she know, they worship cows over there!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Emergency Landing

A plane made an emergency landing on water. The stewardess asked the passengers to slide down to the lifeboats, but the passengers refused.


The stewardess then asked the captain to help. The captain, being very knowledgeable and experienced, guided her - You tell the Americans this is an ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two South Indian Men in a New York Bus

Two men from South India get onto a bus in New York. They sit down & engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears 1 of them say the following:

"Emma cums first

then I cum

Then two ass...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A British Officer at a Frontier Post

In 1869, a young British officer, prim and proper, arrives at his new garrison post in the northwest frontier of British India. His commander gives him a tour of the somewhat dilapidated fort, and of its surrounding local villages.
"You see", says the commanding officer, "it's mostly camels ...

what does a son tell to his mother when he's leaving his house in India?

Mumbai

How much bread can you eat on a low carb diet in India?

Naan.

What do you call a surprise party in India?

Arranged marriage

p.s. I'm an Indian living in India.

I met a man from India and he gave me this one

A Frenchman, an American and an Indian are on a plane.

The Frenchman says to the stewardess "I can tell what city we are flying over just by sticking my hand out the window!" Of course she doesn't believe him so he say here, watch, and he sticks his hand out the window and proudly tells every...

Engineers!

Background information:

In India we have long distance trains which are pulled using engines and have toilet facilities, and seats which double as beds. It issues two types of tickets one is to ride the train (used by people to travel short distances, 8-10hrs) and another is to ride the train...

The English Teacher in India

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".

Student: I is the....

Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".

Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

People in India must really enjoy sandwiches.

I heard there were almost 250,000 people in a new deli.

How to end a conversation with a really hot girl you befriended online ?

Reply: "I am from Delhi,India."

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