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Pecans Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Never befriend someone who is sexually attracted to almonds and pecans.

Eventually you’ll realize they’re fucking nuts.

Pecans in the Cemetery

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. Several dropped and...

So two boys were picking pecans out of a tree in the cemetery....

They had finally picked out all of the pecans, and began to divvy up the harvest. They sat in the branches, hidden from below. "One for you, One for me. One for you, one for me." and so on. While they were counting, they dropped two pecans, and they rolled over to the fence. After a while, a boy had...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone who has sex with pecans?

Fucking nuts

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the judge caught masturbating with a jar of pecans?

Just fucking nuts.

Toby Fox sells almonds and pecans. Because he's a...

**NUTDEALER**

What happens when you eat too many pecans?

You get pecan-stipated

I’ve never experienced post-nut clarity.

Maybe I should switch from pecans to pistachios.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"I went to the annual Dickens Fair, and now my wife wants a divorce."

A man trudges into a bar and slumps down on a stool.

"Hey, buddy," the bartender says, "you look pretty down. What's eating you?"

The man sighs and shrugs. "I went to the annual Dickens Fair, and now my wife wants a divorce."

"Isn't that just a bunch of Victorian costumes, usele...

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