How does Elvira prefer to invest her money?

Crypt-ocurrency

Why does Eminem prefer the Johnson & Johnson vaccine?

You only get one shot…

What are the preferred pronouns in Alabama?

He/Haw

My brother prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator.

I guess we are raised differently.

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A chimpanzee says to another "I think I prefer to walk on just two legs"

The other chimp looks at him funny in response.

The first chimp quickly adds, "No homo!"

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I asked a friend why she prefers Russian porn

She said because Russian porn gets me Soviet

My uncle's joke he just came up with: What are chocolate's preferred pronouns?

Her, She

I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.

Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.

I've noticed lately that women prefer men at least 6'

away.

Why does Voldemort prefer Instagram over Facebook?

'Cause he has only followers and no friends.

Why do programmers prefer dark mode?

Cause light attracts bugs.

Person 1 says: I like Eminem

Person 2 says: Well, I prefer Skittles.
Person 1 says: No- I meant the rapper.
Person 2 says, confused: Why would you eat the wrapper?

What key does R Kelly prefer to sing?

B minor.

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Why do Russians prefer to eat potatoes shaped like penises?

Because Russia loves dick-taters.

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Five surgeons were talking about the best patients...

First surgeon says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything on the inside is numbered."
Second surgeon says, "Nah - librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
Third surgeon responds, "Try electricians, man! Everything in...

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What kind of porn does agent 007 prefer?

Bondage, James Bondage

What news sources do fish prefer?

Click bait (sorry for the dad joke)

Yeah, the NRA sounds great, but personally, I prefer Deer Lovers Anonymous.

You get more bang for your buck.

Recent polling of Redditors indicates users prefer Paul Bunyan and his animal companion to the current mascot.

Seems you prefer the blue moo in lieu of the Snoo.

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A man gets on a bus,

and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. "Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o...

My wife doesn't understand why I prefer to play Mario Kart over having relations with her

In Mario Kart, it is a GOOD thing when I finish first

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What is it called when someone prefers boobs over Butts?

Priorititties

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How are my political preferences and my dick similar?

They both lean a little to the left.

The woman asks her husband: "Do you prefer a beautiful woman or an intelligent woman?"

The husband replies: "None of them, you know I only like you!".





Why did Pinocchio prefer wooden girls over the real thing?

Because the wooden girls are knotty!

What did dinosaurs prefer to use to pay for their purchases?

Obviously tyrannosaurus cheques.

Did you hear about the thief that preferred robbing criminals and babysitters?

He cleaned out every crook and nanny.

What kind of bread do zombies prefer?

Whole brain.

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Three surgeons are dicussing which types of patients they prefer.

First surgeon says, ''I prefer engineers. When you cut them open, all their organs are so well arranged.''

Second surgeon says, ''I prefer painters. They are so colourful from inside.''

The third one pauses and says, ''I prefer lawyers since they are the easiest to operate on. Not only...

A study found that 97% of people prefer bananas with the skin on.

Without one, it just lacks appeal.

An husband and wife are on a holiday in Jerusalem

Unfortunately, the husband dies of a heart attack during the holiday.

The person from the funeral company says to the wife "We have two options- we can bring his body back home to the US, but because of the flights et cetera, it will cost you an expensive $10,000. Or we can go with the nice, ...

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I asked ladies what shampoo they prefer…

96% of the answers were ”Get the fuck out!”

I created a poll to see if people preferred pillows stuffed with bird feathers or pillows stuffed with synthetic material.

Synthetic material didn't win. Too many down votes.

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This bloke walks into the poshest restaurant in town.

'Where's the pissing, motherfucking manager, you cocksucking arsewipe?' he inquires of one of the waiters. The waiter is taken-aback and replies, 'Excuse me sir but could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here. I will get the manager as soon as I can'.

The manager comes o...

Why do they ask if you'd prefer paper or plastic?

Because baggers can't be choosers.

Why do necromancer's hate original cartoon shows?

Because they prefer the reanimated versions.

Why do Italians prefer manual cars?

Because their hands need something to do.

I prefer escalators but my wife prefers elevators...

I think it’s because we were raised differently

My neighbor likes to make a big deal about how SOME people prefer listening to rock music that's made using only a guitars, drums, and vocals. At first I thought he was just an opinionated music listener but...

I'm starting to think he's a bassist.

Which shampoo do prefer cannibals?

Head and shoulders

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I never enjoyed the term "anal bleaching".

I prefer to call it "changing my ringtone".

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I asked 100 women which shampoo they preferred.

Their number one answer was,

“HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET IN HERE?!”

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Why do Australians prefer to stream their porn on local area networks?

They come from a LAN down under.

What did the baby say to the mama?

“I don’t always drink milk, but when I do, I prefer Dos Tetas.”

What’s a judge preferred breakfast?

Oathmeal

What kind of restaurants do military snipers prefer?

Take out.

My preferred pronoun is "letter"

I was born female, but I identify as mail

Why does Paris have so many beautiful tree-lined streets?

The German army prefers to march in the shade.

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I prefer masturbating only when I'm completely naked

Don't like that? Go to a different Starbucks!

How does Lady Gaga prefer you cook her steak?

Raw
Raw
Raw-raw
Raw


I will see myself out

Why do kids prefer mom over dad?

Because dad kicked the baby out of his body and mom took it in for 9 months. It's pretty clear who the living parent is.

People say I have a Dad Bod

I prefer Father Figure

Which shoes do frogs prefer?

Open toad sandals!

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Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter for 4 people? I'm still looking for 2 more adults to join me and my wife.

We leave early Saturday morning (Feb 6th) from New York and will fly to Boston , where we will have breakfast, then have lunch on a friend’s yacht.
Then we’ll do a flight along the coast, up to Cape Elizabeth returning to Boston for dinner, then fly back home. If interested, please message me. ...

Why do robots prefer one night stands?

So they can nut and bolt

Why do dogs prefer manual cars?

They like driving a stick

What type of toilets do pirates prefer?

Port-a-potties.

I'll sea myself out.

The King of the magical land Wakanda invited the President of the United States and the Queen of Britain to visit.

When they arrived, the Royal Guide of Wakanda brought them to the Palace.
"I should warn you, the beauty and luxury you will see is unparalleled." he said.
They both snorted haughtily. Surely this third-world country couldn't compete with their own riches.

But when they entered, they we...

I have an uncle who's ambidextrous, but prefers to use his right hand

The only thing he does left is write.

My wife said she prefers handsome men

But for me she made an exception.

Don’t call me a “trash picker” …

I prefer to be called a *discardiologist*.

Doctor: "Do you prefer that the baby's father be present st your birth?"

Patient: "I prefer not. He doesn't get along well with my husband."

My Mother lived to be 98 years old, and SHE never needed glasses..

She preferred to drink straight from the bottle.

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What do call a prostitute who prefers British pound as primary payment method?

A quid pro ho

Atheism and Religion are but two sides of the same coin.

One prefers to use its head, while the other relies on tales.

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Why does Darth Vader prefer coarse-grain pepper?

He hates it when it's high ground.

What brand of clothing do pirates prefer?

Fruit of Doubloon.

What kind of cookie does a crazy professor who only uses apple products prefer?

Macademia Nut

I was reading on the BBC about a plan to reintroduce beavers to London.

I'm all for it....I do prefer a bit of grass on the pitch personally.

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A recent survey found that most men prefer eating a fine meal in a restaurant to having sex.

Presumably because they get performance anxiety when diners are watching.

An atheist dies and goes to hell

The devil welcomes him and says:"Let me show you around a little bit." They walk through a nice park with green trees and the devil shows him a huge palace. "This is your house now, here are your keys." The man is happy and thanks the devil. The devil says:"No need to say thank you, everyone gets a ...

Everyone in Britain prefers brushes over vacuum cleaners when it comes to tidying their floors.

Sorry if that's a sweeping generalisation.

Why does Tom Petty prefer to dive into a pool?

Because the wading is the hardest part.

My girlfriend told me she prefers No Strings Attached.

And then the removed my parachute midair b

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Why does M&Ms prefer blowjobs over handjobs?

They melt in your mouth, not in your hand

Why is apple juice the preferred drink for women?

Because OJ will kill you

I prefer women the same way I like my coffee...

Just a little bit hot and from the gas station.

Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s.


"May I help you?" she asked.


"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.


"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would ...

Asked the Mrs "Do you think your mother would prefer Riverdance or something more Fred Astairish?"

She replied "I think she'd prefer you didn't dance on her grave at all"

Most people “act” like adults but actually think like a child

I prefer to do the opposite.

What is an Asian Canadian's preferred soup?

Miso Sorry

Why do communists prefer to use only lowercase letter?

Well, because they hate capitalism.

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The other day a girl asked me if I like breasts or thighs. I told her I prefer bubble butts and a trimmed pussy with thin lips...

So I got kicked out of KFC.

Why do Millenials prefer odd numbers?

Because they can't even.

At the hearings, Kavanaugh was asked how he would prefer to cross a waist deep river, in a rowboat or simply walk across it

He said he doesn't want to give an opinion on Row Vs. Wade

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9/10 men prefer large boobs.

The other man prefers the 9 men.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do horny Vegans prefer phone sex?

It's the meet-free option.

Kidnapped?

I prefer the term "Surprise Adoption"

Why do Mexican Vampires prefer Asians who have ticks?

They want that Corona and Lyme

Just had a quickie in the back of a UPS truck

Oh whoops... They prefer the term "expedited package delivery"

Why did the skydiver prefer indoor skydiving?

He loved the rush of indoor fans.

What is a dyslexic person's preferred alternative energy source?

It's unclear

Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?

They prefer Wight Castle.

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My girlfriend says that having a small penis is not too bad...

Nevertheless I would prefer her not having one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So this guy asks if I prefer breasts or legs

And I reply, really I'd prefer wet pussy.

Apparently this is not an appropriate thing to say at KFC.

me: onion rings and a bottle of wine for the table

**waiter:** white or red?

**me, trying to impress my date:** whichever onion the chef prefers

I prefer it when doctors don’t sugarcoat stuff.

It helps because I’m diabetic.

When I get old I prefer the Parkinson over Alzheimer

I prefer Parkinson's .. Alzheimer's I will forget my bottle of wine .. and Parkinson's I will only lose half the drink.

I'm not racist." I said to my buddy. "But I prefer my sandwiches cut diagonally." "That's not racist." he said.

"Exactly!" I replied. "I said I wasn't racist."

i prefer decimals over fractions

fractions are just pointless

Why do men prefer guns over woman?

You can put a silencer on a gun.

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A study was made and 100 women were asked what body wash they prefered. 99% of them replied with:

Get the fuck out of my bathroom you pervert!

My friend handed me a peach. I told him I prefer pears.

So he handed me another one.

I prefer my sandwiches to have 3 slices of bread.

I'm looking for other people like that so we can start a club.

Nurse talking to an old lady in hospital.

Nurse: Have you ever been bed ridden before.?


Old Lady: Yes, quite a few times, but I prefer it

bent over my walking frame.

What bank do drug testing companies prefer to use?

PNC

‪If I were to be stranded on an island with anyone I would prefer to be stranded with a vegan...

Mostly because it's healthier to eat grass-fed meat. ‬

How does Harry potter prefer to get down a hill?

walking







jk rolling

Doctor: Mr. Stephens,I'm sorry to inform you that you have a rare disease.

Mr. Stephens: How rare?

Doctor: Would you prefer Stephens Disease or Greg Stephen's Disease for the name?

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