I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.

Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.

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I asked a friend why she prefers Russian porn

She said because Russian porn gets me Soviet

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I asked my wife if she preferred Christmas or sex.

She replied:

“I prefer sex. We have Christmas every year.”

A study found that 97% of people prefer bananas with the skin on.

Without one, it just lacks appeal.

My sister always prefers taking the stairs, but I love taking the elevator.

I guess... we are raised differently.

I've noticed lately that women prefer men at least 6'

away.

Why do they ask if you'd prefer paper or plastic?

Because baggers can't be choosers.

Why did Pinocchio prefer wooden girls over the real thing?

Because the wooden girls are knotty!

Do you know why programers prefer dark mode?

Because light attracts bugs.

Why do robots prefer one night stands?

So they can nut and bolt

The woman asks her husband: "Do you prefer a beautiful woman or an intelligent woman?"

The husband replies: "None of them, you know I only like you!".





I honestly prefer the Metric system

Thirteen centimetres sounds way more impressive than five inches.

Why do dogs prefer manual cars?

They like driving a stick

Which shoes do frogs prefer?

Open toad sandals!

What type of toilets do pirates prefer?

Port-a-potties.

I'll sea myself out.

What kind of restaurants do military snipers prefer?

Take out.

A dyslexic atheist always preferred cats.

He didn't have a dog.

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I prefer masturbating only when I'm completely naked

Don't like that? Go to a different Starbucks!

I have an uncle who's ambidextrous, but prefers to use his right hand

The only thing he does left is write.

What is an Asian Canadian's preferred soup?

Miso Sorry

How does Lady Gaga prefer you cook her steak?

Raw
Raw
Raw-raw
Raw


I will see myself out

Where does royalty prefer to sleep?

In bread

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A recent survey found that most men prefer eating a fine meal in a restaurant to having sex.

Presumably because they get performance anxiety when diners are watching.

I asked 20 women in my neighborhood about their preferred shampoo

A staggering 100% of them use "Get out of my shower".

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I don't like the term Anal Bleaching.

I prefer calling it Changing Your Ringtone.

Asked the Mrs "Do you think your mother would prefer Riverdance or something more Fred Astairish?"

She replied "I think she'd prefer you didn't dance on her grave at all"

Everyone in Britain prefers brushes over vacuum cleaners when it comes to tidying their floors.

Sorry if that's a sweeping generalisation.

Why does Tom Petty prefer to dive into a pool?

Because the wading is the hardest part.

What brand of clothing do pirates prefer?

Fruit of Doubloon.

Doctor: "Do you prefer that the baby's father be present st your birth?"

Patient: "I prefer not. He doesn't get along well with my husband."

Why do Millenials prefer odd numbers?

Because they can't even.

TIL the term "cannibal" is offensive.

They prefer to be called "humanitarians."

i prefer decimals over fractions

fractions are just pointless

My girlfriend told me she prefers No Strings Attached.

And then the removed my parachute midair b

Why do Mexican Vampires prefer Asians who have ticks?

They want that Corona and Lyme

When I get old I prefer the Parkinson over Alzheimer

I prefer Parkinson's .. Alzheimer's I will forget my bottle of wine .. and Parkinson's I will only lose half the drink.

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Why does Darth Vader prefer coarse-grain pepper?

He hates it when it's high ground.

I prefer it when doctors don’t sugarcoat stuff.

It helps because I’m diabetic.

You tested positive for the Coronavirus. Which do you prefer? A robot or a caregiver in a hazmat suit wearing a diaper?

It depends.

Why did the skydiver prefer indoor skydiving?

He loved the rush of indoor fans.

I prefer women the same way I like my coffee...

Just a little bit hot and from the gas station.

What is a dyslexic person's preferred alternative energy source?

It's unclear

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What do call a prostitute who prefers British pound as primary payment method?

A quid pro ho

Most people call it grave robbing...

I prefer to call it crypto-currency

I prefer my sandwiches to have 3 slices of bread.

I'm looking for other people like that so we can start a club.

An atheist dies and goes to hell

The devil welcomes him and says:"Let me show you around a little bit." They walk through a nice park with green trees and the devil shows him a huge palace. "This is your house now, here are your keys." The man is happy and thanks the devil. The devil says:"No need to say thank you, everyone gets a ...

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A study was made and 100 women were asked what body wash they prefered. 99% of them replied with:

Get the fuck out of my bathroom you pervert!

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Why does M&Ms prefer blowjobs over handjobs?

They melt in your mouth, not in your hand

Why is apple juice the preferred drink for women?

Because OJ will kill you

Preferated pages are terrible

Tearable*

RETIRED HUSBAND After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local WalMart:

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.

Our com...

I prefer driving with a strong tail wind

But my wife says that's not what the term means, and all I'm doing is making the car smell like rotten eggs.

Dave and his girlfriend are at a party on a hot day.

It’s a good party, everyone is having fun. And eventually the catering comes in, and everyone starts lining up to get their food and drinks. Dave’s girlfriend is feeling a bit tired, so Dave offers to go up and get her a drink. She happily thanks him and asks for some lemonade just to quench her thi...

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Why do horny Vegans prefer phone sex?

It's the meet-free option.

Why do communists prefer to use only lowercase letter?

Well, because they hate capitalism.

Two men are discussing how they'll reach a lightbulb that needs to be changed.

Man 1: would you like the ladder or the step stool?

Man 2: I prefer the ladder.

Man 1: ok, step stool it is.

Did you hear about the thief that preferred robbing criminals and babysitters?

He cleaned out every crook and nanny.

All this rubbish about R. Kelly allegedly marrying a fifteen year old are ridiculous. Everyone knows he prefers twenty nine year olds.

Mostly because there are twenty of them.

What bank do drug testing companies prefer to use?

PNC

My friend handed me a peach. I told him I prefer pears.

So he handed me another one.

Some people like fast handjobs. I prefer slow.

Different strokes for different folks I guess.

Why does Mario prefer to hang out with Toad more than Luigi?

Because he's a fungi.

I'm not racist." I said to my buddy. "But I prefer my sandwiches cut diagonally." "That's not racist." he said.

"Exactly!" I replied. "I said I wasn't racist."

How does Harry potter prefer to get down a hill?

walking







jk rolling

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Why do sharks prefer saltwater?

Because pepperwater makes them sneeze.

Do vegetarians prefer moons or asteroids?

Moons, because asteroids are are a little meteor.

(Made up for my kids today)
#dadjoke #sorry

I was invited to a dinner the other night.

The host warned me ahead of time, "Just so you know, we only serve vegetarian dishes. I hope you're alright with that."

I told him, "Of course! I have no problem with vegetarian dishes. In fact, I prefer them. But for the sake of conscience I do prefer it if the vegetarians were free rang...

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NSFW She asked...

If I preferred thighs or breasts?

Turns out shaven and anal was the wrong answer at KFC.

My friend is planning to do vasectomies on killer whales.

But he prefers the term orchestrating

Why do anarchists prefer the Imperial system of measurement?

They want to live in a liter-less society!

My doctor said it's normal to get an erection during a prostate exam

But I would still prefer it if he didn't whip it out in the middle of our appointment.

A group of fans are discussing their favorite band members

The newest fan of the group can’t decide whether they like the guitarist or vocalist more. Both are hot and both are great musicians.

One of the older fans chimes in, “Well, then consider who’d be better in bed.”

Confused, they respond,” How do I do that?”

“Do you prefer someone...

At the hearings, Kavanaugh was asked how he would prefer to cross a waist deep river, in a rowboat or simply walk across it

He said he doesn't want to give an opinion on Row Vs. Wade

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Why do Jews prefer watching porn backwards?

They love to see the scene where the prostitute gives the money back.

Some people like roses on a piano.

I prefer tulips on my organ.

Which ice cream do weasels prefer?

Popsicles.

Now you may say, "Hi, dad!"

I prefer my wine like I do my women

Locked in a cellar for 20 years and sold for the highest bidder.

Do you prefer your bagels toasted?

(Raises drink)........TO BAGELS!!!!!!

A wife asked her husband "dear, do you prefer a pretty woman or an intelligent woman?"

The husband then replied, "None of them, my love, I prefer you".

What vacuum cleaner brand do Antivaxxers prefer?

Dyson.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

9/10 men prefer large boobs.

The other man prefers the 9 men.

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