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Prefer Jokes

Why do programmers prefer dark mode?

Because light attracts bugs!

Rednecks prefer their beer like they prefer their violence

Domestic.

When my friend handed me a peach, I told him I prefer pears.

So he handed me another one...

Which type of loan does an introvert prefer?

A leave me alone.

Why doesn't Michael Jackson drink coffee?

Because he prefers "Tea-hee!"

The Kinsey Institute once conducted a study on men's preferences for women's physical attributes.

5% of men reported liking long legs. 5% of liked short legs. And the other 90% liked something in between.

Why doesn't America parade its new military hardware and tanks down main street like other countries?

Because they prefer to parade it down main street IN other countries.

What are the preferred pronouns for a Witch

He He He

My wife doesn't understand why I prefer to play Mario Kart over having relations with her

In Mario Kart, it is a GOOD thing when I finish first

Why do blondes prefer to buy cars with sun roof?

Because there's more leg room.

Why Bilbo had to be Male

Fun fact: Bilbo Baggins had to be a male in order for the plot of The Hobbit to work. If he was instead female, everything would have fallen apart in the goblin cave. Bilbo would have gone off wandering around in the dark and dreary caverns, found the ring, and seen Gollum fishing like in the origin...

Which hotel chain does Link prefer?

HYAAAATT!!!

An atheist dies and goes to hell

The devil welcomes him and says:"Let me show you around a little bit." They walk through a nice park with green trees and the devil shows him a huge palace. "This is your house now, here are your keys." The man is happy and thanks the devil. The devil says:"No need to say thank you, everyone gets a ...

Why do females prefer guitarists?

Because of their fingering technique

What pronouns do Amber Heard’s lawyers prefer?

Hear/say

I got fired from my job because I kept asking the customers if they prefer smoking or nonsmoking.

Apparently the correct terms are "Cremation" and "Burial".

I prefer my jokes to be told by fruits

Because all the jokes i heard from vegetables were just too corny

Banned from the grocery store

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to the local grocery store. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the follow...

What is the preferred footwear of pedos?

White Vans

A politician dies

So a politician dies and ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name.


"So, you're a politician..." "Well, yes, is that a problem?" "Oh no, no problem. But we've recently adopted a new system for people...

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An atheist dies, goes to hell, and finds himself in a lush park with butterflies.

His physical body has transformed back into its prime and he's then greeted by Satan who says "Why hello there! Welcome to hell. Let me show you around, you're gonna love it here."

Satan points to a nice house and says "what do you think of this house?" The atheist replies "It's beautiful, I ...

Our Pharmaceutical company's records show that people prefer Pill A and Pill B...

But I think Pill O is being slept on.

An athiest wakes up in hell.

He looks around confused at the bright shining sun and the best beach party he's ever seen.
People are singing and dancing, laughing and playing, splashing in the crystal water and drinking, just having the best time.

Shortly the devil walks up to him wearing shorts, hat, and raising a g...

My wife asked which of her friends would I prefer for a threesome.

Apparently I was supposed to stop at one.

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Some people prefer to cum in a jar

I prefer to jack in a box

What is the preferred OS in russia?

Linux, because they are afraid of Windows.

How do pirates prefer to communicate?

Aye to Aye!

I've noticed lately that women prefer men at least 6'

away.

Why do they actually prefer non-swimmers in the Navy?

They defend their ship with a lot more enthusiasm.

My preferred reddit username is like my preferred partner.

Both are already taken.

A homeless man approached me as I was leaving a sandwich shop…

… and he asked me if I had $5 to spare. I felt bad for him, and was just about to give him the money.

But then I realized I was holding a $5 foot long I had just bought, so I held up both the cash and the sandwich and told him he could have whichever one he preferred.

He stared at th...

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I was asked if I prefer breasts or thighs. I told 'em I always go for the personality.

The butcher was confused.

What do you call couples that use the rhythm method as their preferred form of birth control?

Parents

I started a 100 subject survey on which shampoo women prefer to use...

Only got to the 3rd shower before i was arrested.

Why does Eminem prefer the Johnson & Johnson vaccine?

You only get one shot…

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I asked a friend why she prefers Russian porn

She said because Russian porn gets me Soviet

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A hammer’s preferred foreplay…

Fingerbangin’

What are a non binary redneck’s preferred pronouns?

Y’all and all y’all

Yo mamma so fat, her preferred pronoun is

There

Why does gallows humor not always have a punchline?

Sometimes, they prefer to keep you hanging.

Why do cannibals prefer to eat pregnant women?

Because of the kinder surprise and the extra portion milk.

Why do astronauts prefer the Linux operating system.

Because you can't open Window's in space.

Some people have said that I’m a spoilt and pretentious rich kid that doesn’t have to work, but they don’t know my struggles. For instance I really don’t like my Boss.

I much prefer my Balenciaga, but sometimes I have to wear it to appease mother.

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A woman got married not long after high school and her husband broke her heart when he ran off with another woman. She eventually got back into the dating scene, and fell in love again with another man. They married but he turned out to be an asshole who hit her when he was angry.

She divorced him as well. Over time she met a third man who seemed perfect for her in every way but one- he was terrible in bed. She married him anyway, reasoning that sex would improve the more they knew eachother but it didn’t, and after a year she finally divorced him.

Having now been div...

Why does Jesus prefer coffee??

Because he got nailed to a tea.

I hate when people call me a Kleptomaniac

I prefer... 'Man of STEAL'

My uncle's joke he just came up with: What are chocolate's preferred pronouns?

Her, She

I prefer to read poetry in braille for some reason.

I just really feel the words a lot more.

My wife brought home the new Prince Harry book

I prefer Cushelle or Andrex personally but times are hard I suppose

What motorcycles do ghosts prefer?

A boocati.

I don't like the word "steal".

I prefer "buy none get one free".

Why do doctors make lousy lovers?

Because usually they prefer to sit and wait for the swelling to go down.

A woman who worked at a glory hole was asked if she preferred some members over others. Her response?

All in all it's just another prick in the wall.

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I asked 100 women which shampoo they preferred.

Their number one answer was,

“HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET IN HERE?!”

The woman asks her husband: "Do you prefer a beautiful woman or an intelligent woman?"

The husband replies: "None of them, you know I only like you!".





What's the Preferred Luxury Automobile of Sushi Chefs around the world?

Rolls Rice

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If you’ve never seen a weathervane on the roof of a barn, it’s a device designed to tell the farmer the wind direction.

And very often, the top of it is a metal rooster (or a cock, if you prefer).

And do you know why they put a cock on a weathervane?

Because if they put a cunt up there, the wind would blow right through it.

*thanks to George Carlin*

Why do you prefer peeing normally, versus having a nurse use a catheter?

Urine control.

Why do kinky people who are into objectification prefer free products over paid ones?

If you are not paying for the product, you *are* the product.

Why does Voldemort prefer Instagram over Facebook?

'Cause he has only followers and no friends.

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In a Channel 8 poll, men were asked what do they prefer, football or sex ?

Most of them responded , sex , but in halftime.

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What kind of porn does agent 007 prefer?

Bondage, James Bondage

"As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "

I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow , there's a wee place called McTavish's.... The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."
"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London , the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your ...

You Know You're A Northneck (Northern Redneck) If......

Your rusty vehicle's resale value only goes up if you remember to put the snow tires on them during the winter.

You ever got into a shouting match based on which college hockey team you're a fan of.

You've ever used expired gas station sushi as bait for ice fishing.

(You're re...

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Two frogs are about to have sex ...

The female frog says "I think we should use a condom." The male frog replies "No problem, there is a convenience store a couple of houses down the road. I'll go buy some. Any preferences?" She replies "Ribb it"!

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Telling jokes is a lot like having sex

You can do it with one or more persons.

Others prefer to do it with an audience.

Some people like them dirty.

Others like them black.

Some people may choke.

And others may get offend.

But most of all... Not everyone gets it.

I only buy products that haven't been tested on animals.

I prefer to do that part myself.

My brother prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator.

I guess we are raised differently.

Why did Pinocchio prefer wooden girls over the real thing?

Because the wooden girls are knotty!

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A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun.

Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. "Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dr...

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Surgeon Talk

Five surgeons were talking about the best patients...



The first surgeon says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything on the inside is numbered."



The second surgeon says, "Nah - librarians are the best. Everything inside them is...

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The other day a girl asked me if I like breasts or thighs. I told her I prefer bubble butts and a trimmed pussy with thin lips...

So I got kicked out of KFC.

The number of bumble bees has decreased.

They prefer to use tinder.

What is the sub-genre of metal preferred by most tuna fish?

Alba-core.

Why is baseball telecaster Karen's preferred job?

She gets to speak with the manager after each game

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Why do Russians prefer to eat potatoes shaped like penises?

Because Russia loves dick-taters.

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A man goes to a psychiatrist

A man goes to a psychiatrist for a variety of psychological issues.

During the interview the subject of sex comes up.

The doctor asked him how often do you have intercourse with your wife?
Three times a week he replied.

And what's your favorite position that you both enjoy?...

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A chimpanzee says to another "I think I prefer to walk on just two legs"

The other chimp looks at him funny in response.

The first chimp quickly adds, "No homo!"

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Bored Superman

One day Superman is flying around looking for crime. Lex Luther is locked up along with all the other villains so not much is going on. Superman sees Batman crouched next to a gargoyle on a building so stops by to see what's up. "Hey Batman what's good wanna do something?" Batman answers gruffly, "I...

I prefer to be naughty by myself

I'm introperverted.

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So this guy asks if I prefer breasts or legs

And I reply, really I'd prefer wet pussy.

Apparently this is not an appropriate thing to say at KFC.

Bronko Nagurski story

After retiring from the NFL, Bronko lived out the rest of his 82-year life on the shores of Rainy Lake on the Canadian border. He preferred not to "toot his own horn" and refused most interviews. Other than farming, Bronko ran a service station in International Falls with his sons. He became famous ...

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9/10 men prefer large boobs.

The other man prefers the 9 men.

What news sources do fish prefer?

Click bait (sorry for the dad joke)

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