This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fun Fact: Did you know 1 out of every 6 people live by a child predator?

Not me though, I live by a 9-year-old kid with a nice ass ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a sexual predator do in church?

Prey

The Swordfish has no natural predators...

....Except the Penfish, which is supposed to be even mightier.

Dead Crows

During a review of accident statistics, it was noticed that one particular intersection in Boston had an inordinately high number of dead crows, presumably killed by motor vehicle strikes. Further study revealed the oddity that in every case, the dead crow had been killed by a truck—never a passenge...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the recent discovery of a giant, reptile-like predator with hemorrhoids?

It was a Tyrannosaurass.

When Santa enters a house to give stuff to kids he’s a hero and a amazingly kind man

When I do it I get arrested for “trespassing” and “being a child predator”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sexual predator, a racist and a Russian spy walk into a bar.

The bartender says "What can I get you Mr. President?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A frustrated wife goes to the doctor (long)

"Doctor, you have to help me. I've been married 30 years to my husband and I feel he's lost all interest in me. You know, phisically speaking. He barely looks at me, let alone have sex with me. Oh, I really miss the good old times where we had wonderful sex multiple times a week, there must be somet...

Have you heard about the movie where an illegal immigrant hunts down a priest to get vengence?

It's called Alien vs. Predator

What sound does an ambulance make when a child predator gets injured?

PE-DO PE-DO PE-DO!

Little Johnny in class

A teacher asked her third grade class to name things that ended with the letters 'tor' that also ate things.

The first little boy said, 'Alligator'.

'Very good, Jimmy, that's a big word', said the teacher.

The next little boy said, 'Predator'.

'That's also a very good wor...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Predators

So, we humans are predators because we have eyes on the front of our face because if they’re on the side then you’re a prey. We also have sexual desires so in theory were all sexual predators.

The only difference is im registered.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The other day I was going down on my girlfriend.

And I said jeez you got a big pussy. You got a big pussy.

She asked why did you say that twice...I said I didn’t, that was an echo.

Thanks predator 1.

What does a religious predator do?

It preys.

If America is storming Area 51 then the Europeans can storm the Vatican

We’ll take the aliens, you get the predators

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We should have a TV show where illegal immigrants hunt down sex offenders for a chance at citizenship

We can call it "Alien vs Predator"

why are child predators good people?

they drive slow in the school zone

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Nashville man dies and goes to hell.

When he gets there, the devil comes over to welcome him. The devil then says, “Sometimes it gets pretty uncomfortable down here.”

The man says, “No problem. I’m from Nashville.”

So the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 100, and the humidity up to 80. He the...

The Vatican decides to storm Area 51...

Alien V.S. Predator

If there were ever a war between forest predators and space travellers, I’d pick the forest predators.

Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After discovering that Kevin Spacey is a sexual predator, I would be surprised to see him get any work in the future.

Unless he runs for President of the United States.

How does honeysuckle avoid predators?

Invasive maneuvers.

How does a mollusk hide from predators?

Clamouflage

The swordfish has only one predator to worry about.

The penfish.

What does Reddit and Apex have in common?

Predators.

At the box office this weekend Predator took first place and The Nun took second.

Coincidently, that’s how the Catholic Church ranks it’s priorities.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

Joe Biden:...

Little known fact- the sword fish has few predators to worry about in the wild... except

for the rarely seen Penfish which is said to be even mightier.

What's the difference between "To Catch a Predator" and Harvey Weinstein?

One stars molesters, while the other molests stars.

This year in Heaven the Christmas celebration was also a costume party. Everyone dressed up.

Many people came as movie characters, from Gandalf the Grey (and White) to Jason Bourne to Black Widow to Harry Potter. Alan Rickman went as Hans Gruber, which made St. Peter exclaim "See, Die Hard IS a Christmas movie!" St. Peter was dressed as the "Fragile" lamp from A Christmas Story. Moses showe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's 30 sexual predators that live near me

So why do we always have to meet at my place?

Why do koi fish always travel in groups of 4?

So the A koi, the B koi, and the C koi can escape, because they know the predator will always go after the D koi.

What do you call a collection of information about oceanic predators?

Sharkives.

"Aliens vs Predator" is a good title for a movie...

... about the current situation of USA Immigration.

In the late '80s, NBC's most popular sitcom was the Cosby Show, with ALF not far behind. Knowing what we know now, I guess you could call their weekly ratings battle

Alien vs. Predator.

I left my front door open and my Roomba got out, and now I can't find it. What are the consequences of this? It has no natural predators...

Nature abhors a vacuum

I really love cute night predators

They're adorabowl !

A child predator, a con-man, and a priest walk in to a bar...

The bartender says: “Hey Father John!”

On Halloween, a man and his son came to my house to trick or treat

I asked them what they were both dressed up as and the man said he was dressed as Predator from the movie. As I gave the man some candy, I asked his son what he was dressed as although they were wearing the same thing and he said he was a child predator.

As I gave him some candy I thought wo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two prawns named Christian and Jason are swimming together on a reef

Being near the bottom of the food chain, both are in danger of being eaten and are constantly scared of any larger fish. Christian loves his life despite the odds, but Jason is unhappy. He wishes to no longer be scared. "Wouldn't it be great if we were the top of the food chain?" Jason says, "imagin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Research has shown therapists can easily become the sexual predators.

It's only a matter of space.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was a kid, I use to think a "sexual predator" was a horny alien from the movie "predator"

Turns out my uncle just liked to collect movie costumes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the most dangerous predator of all?

Horny humans.

For 65million years the T-rex was the number one predator

Then came Bill Cosby

I got a bootleg copy of "Alien vs Predator"

It was just some Mexican guy fighting a priest!

This year's presidential election shares the same tagline as the 2004 movie "Alien versus Predator".

"Whoever wins... We lose."

The Teacher Asked the Class to Name Something that Ends in -Tor and Eats Things.

Gabe raised his hand first. He said, "Predator."

"Clever answer! They sure eat things!" The teacher told him.

Next, Dylan raised his hand. "Oh! I know! Raptor!"

"You are very smart! Raptors eat many different things," the teacher said.

Then, little Timmy answered. "Vibrat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My teacher is asexual

Predator.

How did alien defeat predator?

"Hi, why don't you have a seat right over there please.."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

From Predator 2

"The doctor says, 'I need a semen, stool and urine sample.' I say, 'Gee, doc, I'm in a big hurry, can I just leave my underwear?' "

So Mark Zuckerberg and The Pope walk into a bar...

They sit down when suddenly Mark spills his drink on The Popes' robes. They get into a fight. A film crew recorded them duking it out and made a film out of it...

Alien vs Predator

I'm dressing my child as The Preadator for Halloween this year

I'm telling people he's a child predator

Florida Woman Stops 12' Alligator with a .22 cal Beretta Pistol

\[Long\] This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.

What's the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?

Here's her story in her own words:

"While walking along the edge of a pon...

what do you call someone who molests child molesters?

An apex predator

Why did the herbivores keep their young away from the t rex

Because he was a predator

David Attenborough (Planet Earth Narrator) went to church

He wished to observe the predators up close in their natural habitat.

What is Jeffrey Epstein’s favorite killstreak in Call of Duty?

The Predator Missile.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference

Between a sexual predator and a corrupt politician working for the corporations....







.........nothing but one is in the White house and the other is trying to take his job.

A turtle walks into a bar...

A turtle walks into a bar. He sits down and gets ready to order. The bartender goes, "You're looking a little GREEN there friend, need some Ginger Ale?" Everyone started laughing. The turtle confused replied with, "No thanks, I'll just take some whiskey." The bartender gets him his drink and says, "...

What do you call it when a Mexican and a priest are fighting?

Alien vs predator

I think now that we've meemed and raided area 51, we should also raid the Vatican so we can compare...

We could call it Aliens vs Predators

Three house pets- a golden retriever, a parakeet, and a cat-- all die and go to heaven...

As with all the good animals, God decides to have a personal discussion with each one to see where they will stay in heaven.

God turns to the golden retriever and says "The Book of Life indicates that you have been a very good boy. But tell me, in your own words, what are your ultimate princi...

I told my family I was going to be on TV tonight

So we gathered in the living room and my wife, son, and young daughter were horrified to see me on “To Catch a Predator ”.

About 15 years ago, my girlfriend dumped me on a tv show that ended up airing on tv.

This is very personal information to me guys, so whatever you do, don't watch "To Catch a Predator" episode 3.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Comedy is pretty much the new rock and roll,

In the sense that there are multiple unprosecuted sexual predators

Christers

Three buildings in town were overrun by squirrels—the town hall, the hardware store, and the church. The town hall brought in some cats. But after they tore up all the files, the mayor got rid of the predators, and soon the squirrels were back.
The hardware store humanely trapped the squirrels an...

Why do aliens refuse to destroy churches in movies?

Because the Davis Entertainment Company still owns the right to Alien vs Predator

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If an illegal immigrant got into a fight with a pedophile

Would it be called Alien vs Predator?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hygiene was an issue at the farm

John, the farmer was an old man who couldn't tend to his farm any more. His children had left for the city for greener pastures.
Few years back his wife passed away of old age.

Seeing the farm in neglect, all the domesticed animals on the farm called for an urgent meeting.

The cow, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It had been a great night at the circus, but the climax was yet to come...

For the grand finale, the crocodile tamer came to the center of the tent. He let the crocodile do some tricks before letting him jump on the table, preparing for the great climax.

The tamer asked the audience for absolute silence. He opened the jaws of the crocodile, pulled out his penis, and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and a small sword are both under arrest for sexual misconduct

A detective/ interviewer is being brought to the two sexual predators who are both in separate rooms. First he goes to the room with the man. The man is not constrained and is sitting on a chair. The detective peaks in the window to the room and asks the officer "What exactly did he do?" the officer...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.