The swordfish doesn’t have any natural predators to fear of...

except for the penfish, which is thought to be even mightier.

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A Russian spy, a sexual predator and a billionaire walks into a bar.

Bartender says, "What can I get you Mr. President.?"

why are child predators good people?

they drive slow in the school zone

If America is storming Area 51 then the Europeans can storm the Vatican

We’ll take the aliens, you get the predators

What does a religious predator do?

It preys.

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We should send sex offenders to storm Area 51

Alien Vs Predator

Christers

Three buildings in town were overrun by squirrels—the town hall, the hardware store, and the church. The town hall brought in some cats. But after they tore up all the files, the mayor got rid of the predators, and soon the squirrels were back.
The hardware store humanely trapped the squirrels an...

Why are mountains so old and so large?

It's because they have no natural predators

At the box office this weekend Predator took first place and The Nun took second.

Coincidently, that’s how the Catholic Church ranks it’s priorities.

What do you call a collection of information about oceanic predators?

Sharkives.

The swordfish has only one predator to worry about.

The penfish.

I think now that we've meemed and raided area 51, we should also raid the Vatican so we can compare...

We could call it Aliens vs Predators

I left my front door open and my Roomba got out, and now I can't find it. What are the consequences of this? It has no natural predators...

Nature abhors a vacuum

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After discovering that Kevin Spacey is a sexual predator, I would be surprised to see him get any work in the future.

Unless he runs for President of the United States.

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What do you call an Immigrant fighting a rapist?

Alien vs. Predator

Why do aliens refuse to destroy churches in movies?

Because the Davis Entertainment Company still owns the right to Alien vs Predator

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What is a fight called between an illegal immigrant and a sex offender?

Alien vs Predator

David Attenborough (Planet Earth Narrator) went to church

He wished to observe the predators up close in their natural habitat.

Little known fact- the sword fish has few predators to worry about in the wild... except

for the rarely seen Penfish which is said to be even mightier.

"Aliens vs Predator" is a good title for a movie...

... about the current situation of USA Immigration.

Three house pets- a golden retriever, a parakeet, and a cat-- all die and go to heaven...

As with all the good animals, God decides to have a personal discussion with each one to see where they will stay in heaven.

God turns to the golden retriever and says "The Book of Life indicates that you have been a very good boy. But tell me, in your own words, what are your ultimate princi...

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Fun Fact: Did you know 1 out of every 6 people live by a child predator?

Not me though, I live by a 9-year-old kid with a nice ass ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

A Mexican got into a fistfight with a priest the other day.

Talk about alien vs predator!

Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a Small .22 cal Beretta Pistol

ST PETERSBURG, FL -- This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.

What's the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?

Here's her story in her own words:

"While out walking along...

What's the difference between "To Catch a Predator" and Harvey Weinstein?

One stars molesters, while the other molests stars.

The Teacher Asked the Class to Name Something that Ends in -Tor and Eats Things.

Gabe raised his hand first. He said, "Predator."

"Clever answer! They sure eat things!" The teacher told him.

Next, Dylan raised his hand. "Oh! I know! Raptor!"

"You are very smart! Raptors eat many different things," the teacher said.

Then, little Timmy answered. "Vibrat...

What do you call it when a Mexican and a priest are fighting?

Alien vs predator

I really love cute night predators

They're adorabowl !

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What do you call a carnivore that reproduces itself?

Asexual Predator

A child predator, a con-man, and a priest walk in to a bar...

The bartender says: “Hey Father John!”

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What is the most dangerous predator of all?

Horny humans.

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There's 30 sexual predators that live near me

So why do we always have to meet at my place?

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It had been a great night at the circus, but the climax was yet to come...

For the grand finale, the crocodile tamer came to the center of the tent. He let the crocodile do some tricks before letting him jump on the table, preparing for the great climax.

The tamer asked the audience for absolute silence. He opened the jaws of the crocodile, pulled out his penis, and...

I saw a little Mexican kid get dragged into a white van

Talk about Alien Vs Predator

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Research has shown therapists can easily become the sexual predators.

It's only a matter of space.

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When I was a kid, I use to think a "sexual predator" was a horny alien from the movie "predator"

Turns out my uncle just liked to collect movie costumes.

For 65million years the T-rex was the number one predator

Then came Bill Cosby

How did alien defeat predator?

"Hi, why don't you have a seat right over there please.."

This year's presidential election shares the same tagline as the 2004 movie "Alien versus Predator".

"Whoever wins... We lose."

Three friends decided to visit the African Savanna and make a little tour all by themselves.

Let's call them Jack, Mark and Clark.

And to make it more thrilling and exciting, they decided to make it a tour by foot. So they chose the route and dates and they met at the airport when the day had come.



As they arrived at the place where they would be spending the first nig...

Two prawns called Christian and Terry are out for their morning swim.

Soon they happen upon a codfish caught in a six pack ring. Cursing the humans, Christian and Terry help the poor fish out of his predicament. Now freed, he begins to glow mysteriously.

“Thank you,” he says. “My name is Cod, and I’m a wish-granting codfish. I’d like to grant each of you one wi...

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I told my girlfriend I’d like a little pussy. She said “me too...”

“...Mine’s as big as a house”.
Stolen from Predator (1987)

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What do R. Kelly fans and Mormons have in common?

They both defend sexual predators.

What does Chris Hansen call a baby jaguar?

A child predator

What would you call it if 21 Savage and R. Kelly fought?

Alien vs. Predator

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The teacher asks the kids to name things ending in 'tor' that eat things

The first child says 'Alligator'


'Very good' says the teacher, 'that's a big word.'


The second child says 'Predator'


'Well done' says the teacher



Little Johnny says 'Vibrator, Miss'




After recovering from a fit of laughter the teacher...

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From Predator 2

"The doctor says, 'I need a semen, stool and urine sample.' I say, 'Gee, doc, I'm in a big hurry, can I just leave my underwear?' "

Why do koi always swim in groups of 4?

So that while the A koi, B koi and C koi escape the predator will always go for the D koi

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What’s the difference between sexy and sexual?

You don’t hear of sexy predators.

A child predator and a little boy

Are walking in the woods

The child mutters "wow mister these woods are REALLY creepy!"

The predator looks at the child and says "you think they're creepy now, **i** gotta walk out of here alone!"

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A man and a small sword are both under arrest for sexual misconduct

A detective/ interviewer is being brought to the two sexual predators who are both in separate rooms. First he goes to the room with the man. The man is not constrained and is sitting on a chair. The detective peaks in the window to the room and asks the officer "What exactly did he do?" the officer...

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Grammar Nazis should be locked up!

There textual predators!

If an illegal immigrant got into a fight with a pedophile

Would it be called Alien vs Predator?

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NSFW SO I was going down on my girlfriend...

and I said, "Man your pussy is big."

"Man your pussy is big."

She asked why I said it twice, I told her I didn't.

- *Because some of you heathens have never seen Predator.*

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There was once a shag everything bunny

This bunny had the reputation of screwing all the animals that he came across.
So one day, this snake moves in in the vicinity. As soon as the other animals find out, the warn him
-Mr snake, best stay away from the bunny as he will surely shag you.
-Nonse! says the snake.
-No really, sa...

The majestic lion

Lions, as everyone knows, are the kings of the animal kingdom. Apex predators of the Serengiti, there are few who can stand steady in the face of their mighty roar.

Unfortunately for lions, however, they are rather limited in their mobility. When it comes to such places as ice, water, and air...

Halloween trick or treat

I remember a story from last year. I was sat in my living room when I heard a small knock at the door. As I opened the door there was a little boy dressed as the Predator, with his dad. I asked "and who are you meant to be?" kneeling down to give him a sweet, "a child Predator" his dad responds. "W...

TIL that koi fish are incredibly intelligent, and naturally form groups of four fish, with each having a specialized role.

The group is always led by a “leader fish”, called koi A. The other three fish will follow it everywhere.

Koi B is in charge of hunting for the group, and will report back to them with the location of food.

Koi C is usually a large, aggressive female. She protects the group from thre...

How do you advertise a boxing match between a Hispanic construction worker, and a Catholic priest.

Alien vs predator

The NHL's Florida Panthers have apologized to their fans for using Kevin Spacey in a marketing campaign

it's probably for the best. He's a better fit with the Nashville Predators

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So, there's this yellow toad wandering around in the forest....

Kind of pissed off because he doesn't want to be yellow. Life would be easier if he was brown or green like the other toads. He'd sure be less visible to predators for one thing.

Any way ... this yellow toad bumps into a Fairy Godmother, like you do, and he begs her; "Fairy Godmother please m...

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