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A Russian spy, a sexual predator and a billionaire walks into a bar.

Bartender says, "What can I get you Mr. President.?"

How does a mollusk hide from predators?

Clamouflage

How does honeysuckle avoid predators?

Invasive maneuvers.

The swordfish doesn’t have any natural predators to fear of...

except for the penfish, which is thought to be even mightier.

why are child predators good people?

they drive slow in the school zone

What does a religious predator do?

It preys.

If there were ever a war between forest predators and space travellers, I’d pick the forest predators.

Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

If America is storming Area 51 then the Europeans can storm the Vatican

We’ll take the aliens, you get the predators

What do you call a fight between an immigrant an a priest?

Alien vs. predator.

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We should send sex offenders to storm Area 51

Alien Vs Predator

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

Joe Biden:...

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What’s the difference

Between a sexual predator and a corrupt politician working for the corporations....







.........nothing but one is in the White house and the other is trying to take his job.

At the box office this weekend Predator took first place and The Nun took second.

Coincidently, that’s how the Catholic Church ranks it’s priorities.

I told my family I was going to be on TV tonight

So we gathered in the living room and my wife, son, and young daughter were horrified to see me on “To Catch a Predator ”.

The swordfish has only one predator to worry about.

The penfish.

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After discovering that Kevin Spacey is a sexual predator, I would be surprised to see him get any work in the future.

Unless he runs for President of the United States.

what do you call someone who molests child molesters?

An apex predator

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So we, humans, have eyes on the front of our heads...

... meaning we’re predators. We also have the desire for sexual contact. Meaning we’re all technically sexual predators.



Now I’m just registered...

I left my front door open and my Roomba got out, and now I can't find it. What are the consequences of this? It has no natural predators...

Nature abhors a vacuum

Little known fact- the sword fish has few predators to worry about in the wild... except

for the rarely seen Penfish which is said to be even mightier.

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Comedy is pretty much the new rock and roll,

In the sense that there are multiple unprosecuted sexual predators

What's the difference between "To Catch a Predator" and Harvey Weinstein?

One stars molesters, while the other molests stars.

What do you call a collection of information about oceanic predators?

Sharkives.

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Fun Fact: Did you know 1 out of every 6 people live by a child predator?

Not me though, I live by a 9-year-old kid with a nice ass ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

"Aliens vs Predator" is a good title for a movie...

... about the current situation of USA Immigration.

I really love cute night predators

They're adorabowl !

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There's 30 sexual predators that live near me

So why do we always have to meet at my place?

A child predator, a con-man, and a priest walk in to a bar...

The bartender says: “Hey Father John!”

About 15 years ago, my girlfriend dumped me on a tv show that ended up airing on tv.

This is very personal information to me guys, so whatever you do, don't watch "To Catch a Predator" episode 3.

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What is the most dangerous predator of all?

Horny humans.

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Hygiene was an issue at the farm

John, the farmer was an old man who couldn't tend to his farm any more. His children had left for the city for greener pastures.
Few years back his wife passed away of old age.

Seeing the farm in neglect, all the domesticed animals on the farm called for an urgent meeting.

The cow, ...

Christers

Three buildings in town were overrun by squirrels—the town hall, the hardware store, and the church. The town hall brought in some cats. But after they tore up all the files, the mayor got rid of the predators, and soon the squirrels were back.
The hardware store humanely trapped the squirrels an...

David Attenborough (Planet Earth Narrator) went to church

He wished to observe the predators up close in their natural habitat.

I think now that we've meemed and raided area 51, we should also raid the Vatican so we can compare...

We could call it Aliens vs Predators

The Teacher Asked the Class to Name Something that Ends in -Tor and Eats Things.

Gabe raised his hand first. He said, "Predator."

"Clever answer! They sure eat things!" The teacher told him.

Next, Dylan raised his hand. "Oh! I know! Raptor!"

"You are very smart! Raptors eat many different things," the teacher said.

Then, little Timmy answered. "Vibrat...

Why are mountains so old and so large?

It's because they have no natural predators

A Mexican got into a fistfight with a priest the other day.

Talk about alien vs predator!

What do you call it when a Mexican and a priest are fighting?

Alien vs predator

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Research has shown therapists can easily become the sexual predators.

It's only a matter of space.

For 65million years the T-rex was the number one predator

Then came Bill Cosby

Why do aliens refuse to destroy churches in movies?

Because the Davis Entertainment Company still owns the right to Alien vs Predator

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When I was a kid, I use to think a "sexual predator" was a horny alien from the movie "predator"

Turns out my uncle just liked to collect movie costumes.

Three house pets- a golden retriever, a parakeet, and a cat-- all die and go to heaven...

As with all the good animals, God decides to have a personal discussion with each one to see where they will stay in heaven.

God turns to the golden retriever and says "The Book of Life indicates that you have been a very good boy. But tell me, in your own words, what are your ultimate princi...

How did alien defeat predator?

"Hi, why don't you have a seat right over there please.."

Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a Small .22 cal Beretta Pistol

ST PETERSBURG, FL -- This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.

What's the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?

Here's her story in her own words:

"While out walking along...

This year's presidential election shares the same tagline as the 2004 movie "Alien versus Predator".

"Whoever wins... We lose."

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It had been a great night at the circus, but the climax was yet to come...

For the grand finale, the crocodile tamer came to the center of the tent. He let the crocodile do some tricks before letting him jump on the table, preparing for the great climax.

The tamer asked the audience for absolute silence. He opened the jaws of the crocodile, pulled out his penis, and...

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What do you call a carnivore that reproduces itself?

Asexual Predator

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From Predator 2

"The doctor says, 'I need a semen, stool and urine sample.' I say, 'Gee, doc, I'm in a big hurry, can I just leave my underwear?' "

A child predator and a little boy

Are walking in the woods

The child mutters "wow mister these woods are REALLY creepy!"

The predator looks at the child and says "you think they're creepy now, **i** gotta walk out of here alone!"

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They should just let sex offenders raid Area 51...

So that way it would be a real depiction of 'Aliens vs Predators'.

I saw a little Mexican kid get dragged into a white van

Talk about Alien Vs Predator

Why do koi always swim in groups of 4?

So that while the A koi, B koi and C koi escape the predator will always go for the D koi

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What do R. Kelly fans and Mormons have in common?

They both defend sexual predators.

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A teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat things

A teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat things

The first little boy says, "Alligator.""Very good, that's a big word."The second boy says, "Predator." "Yes, that's another big word. Well done." Little Johnny says, "Vibrator, Miss." After nearly falling off her chai...

What does Chris Hansen call a baby jaguar?

A child predator

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I told my girlfriend I’d like a little pussy. She said “me too...”

“...Mine’s as big as a house”.
Stolen from Predator (1987)

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A man and a small sword are both under arrest for sexual misconduct

A detective/ interviewer is being brought to the two sexual predators who are both in separate rooms. First he goes to the room with the man. The man is not constrained and is sitting on a chair. The detective peaks in the window to the room and asks the officer "What exactly did he do?" the officer...

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What’s the difference between sexy and sexual?

You don’t hear of sexy predators.

Number of wolf photos is at an all time high on Reddit today.

They are still nowhere near enough to make up for the large number of predators Reddit has recently lost to YouTube.

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If an illegal immigrant got into a fight with a pedophile

Would it be called Alien vs Predator?

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Grammar Nazis should be locked up!

There textual predators!

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NSFW SO I was going down on my girlfriend...

and I said, "Man your pussy is big."

"Man your pussy is big."

She asked why I said it twice, I told her I didn't.

- *Because some of you heathens have never seen Predator.*

TIL that koi fish are incredibly intelligent, and naturally form groups of four fish, with each having a specialized role.

The group is always led by a “leader fish”, called koi A. The other three fish will follow it everywhere.

Koi B is in charge of hunting for the group, and will report back to them with the location of food.

Koi C is usually a large, aggressive female. She protects the group from thre...

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There was once a shag everything bunny

This bunny had the reputation of screwing all the animals that he came across.
So one day, this snake moves in in the vicinity. As soon as the other animals find out, the warn him
-Mr snake, best stay away from the bunny as he will surely shag you.
-Nonse! says the snake.
-No really, sa...

Drake must miss being on tv

Because he seems to be auditioning for How to Catch a Predator

The majestic lion

Lions, as everyone knows, are the kings of the animal kingdom. Apex predators of the Serengiti, there are few who can stand steady in the face of their mighty roar.

Unfortunately for lions, however, they are rather limited in their mobility. When it comes to such places as ice, water, and air...

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