What do you call a mexican and a priest fighting?

Alien vs predator

For 65 million years, the title for the most dangerous predator known to man was the T-Rex.

Now it’s R. Kelly.

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A racist and a sexual predator walk into a Virginia bar

The whole bar screams “Welcome Governors”!

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A Russian spy, a sexual predator and a billionaire walk into a bar

Bartender says "What can I get you Mr. President?"

At the box office this weekend Predator took first place and The Nun took second.

Coincidently, that’s how the Catholic Church ranks it’s priorities.

The swordfish has very few natural predators.

One being the penfish which is considered mightier.

What's it called when an illegal immigrant and a child molester get in a fist fight?

Alien VS predator

"Aliens vs Predator" is a good title for a movie...

... about the current situation of USA Immigration.

What do you call a collection of information about oceanic predators?


I left my front door open and my Roomba got out, and now I can't find it. What are the consequences of this? It has no natural predators...

Nature abhors a vacuum

Little known fact- the sword fish has few predators to worry about in the wild... except

for the rarely seen Penfish which is said to be even mightier.

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Fun Fact: Did you know 1 out of every 6 people live by a child predator?

Not me though, I live by a 9-year-old kid with a nice ass ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

What's the difference between "To Catch a Predator" and Harvey Weinstein?

One stars molesters, while the other molests stars.

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What is the most dangerous predator of all?

Horny humans.

A child predator, a con-man, and a priest walk in to a bar...

The bartender says: “Hey Father John!”

I really love cute night predators

They're adorabowl !

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After discovering that Kevin Spacey is a sexual predator, I would be surprised to see him get any work in the future.

Unless he runs for President of the United States.

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NSFW SO I was going down on my girlfriend...

and I said, "Man your pussy is big."

"Man your pussy is big."

She asked why I said it twice, I told her I didn't.

- *Because some of you heathens have never seen Predator.*

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There's 30 sexual predators that live near me

So why do we always have to meet at my place?

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Research has shown therapists can easily become the sexual predators.

It's only a matter of space.

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When I was a kid, I use to think a "sexual predator" was a horny alien from the movie "predator"

Turns out my uncle just liked to collect movie costumes.

How did alien defeat predator?

"Hi, why don't you have a seat right over there please.."

The Teacher Asked the Class to Name Something that Ends in -Tor and Eats Things.

Gabe raised his hand first. He said, "Predator."

"Clever answer! They sure eat things!" The teacher told him.

Next, Dylan raised his hand. "Oh! I know! Raptor!"

"You are very smart! Raptors eat many different things," the teacher said.

Then, little Timmy answered. "Vibrat...

For 65million years the T-rex was the number one predator

Then came Bill Cosby

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In the realm of bad jokes...

If anyone has seen the original Predator movie then you will know these 2 jokes.

I told my girlfriend the other day I wanted a little pussy. She said me too. Mine's as big as a house.

I was going down on my girlfriend the other day and I said jeez you got a big pussy. Jeez you got a ...

What is the opposite of a Predator?

a Postdator

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From Predator 2

"The doctor says, 'I need a semen, stool and urine sample.' I say, 'Gee, doc, I'm in a big hurry, can I just leave my underwear?' "

What does Chris Hansen call a baby jaguar?

A child predator

What would you call it if 21 Savage and R. Kelly fought?

Alien vs. Predator

This year's presidential election shares the same tagline as the 2004 movie "Alien versus Predator".

"Whoever wins... We lose."

Number of wolf photos is at an all time high on Reddit today.

They are still nowhere near enough to make up for the large number of predators Reddit has recently lost to YouTube.

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The teacher asks the kids to name things ending in 'tor' that eat things

The first child says 'Alligator'

'Very good' says the teacher, 'that's a big word.'

The second child says 'Predator'

'Well done' says the teacher

Little Johnny says 'Vibrator, Miss'

After recovering from a fit of laughter the teacher...

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What do R. Kelly fans and Mormons have in common?

They both defend sexual predators.

If someone molests an immigrant child,

The court case could be called alien versus predator.

Two prawns called Christian and Terry are out for their morning swim.

Soon they happen upon a codfish caught in a six pack ring. Cursing the humans, Christian and Terry help the poor fish out of his predicament. Now freed, he begins to glow mysteriously.

“Thank you,” he says. “My name is Cod, and I’m a wish-granting codfish. I’d like to grant each of you one wi...

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What’s the difference between sexy and sexual?

You don’t hear of sexy predators.

Whats the real theme of the baby shark song?

Child predators!

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Ugh I hate Sex Ed.

When the students ask other students sex questions or tell sex jokes they’re just being “curious teenagers”

But when I’m doing it I’m a “predator” that’s not allowed within 100 feet of the vicinity.

TIL that koi fish are incredibly intelligent, and naturally form groups of four fish, with each having a specialized role.

The group is always led by a “leader fish”, called koi A. The other three fish will follow it everywhere.

Koi B is in charge of hunting for the group, and will report back to them with the location of food.

Koi C is usually a large, aggressive female. She protects the group from thre...

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Grammar Nazis should be locked up!

There textual predators!

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A man and a small sword are both under arrest for sexual misconduct

A detective/ interviewer is being brought to the two sexual predators who are both in separate rooms. First he goes to the room with the man. The man is not constrained and is sitting on a chair. The detective peaks in the window to the room and asks the officer "What exactly did he do?" the officer...

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There was once a shag everything bunny

This bunny had the reputation of screwing all the animals that he came across.
So one day, this snake moves in in the vicinity. As soon as the other animals find out, the warn him
-Mr snake, best stay away from the bunny as he will surely shag you.
-Nonse! says the snake.
-No really, sa...

Why do koi always swim in groups of 4?

So that while the A koi, B koi and C koi escape the predator will always go for the D koi

If an illegal immigrant got into a fight with a pedophile

Would it be called Alien vs Predator?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A bear and a rabbit uncover a magic lamp.

A bear is looking for honey in a big, old tree when he spots something mysterious down in a hole. After a whole lot of struggling he finally asks a rabbit if he could help retrieve the thing.

So with a little wiggling and waggling the rabbit drags out from the tree a tarnished and weathered o...

Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a Small Pistol

Another good reason to have a concealed weapons permit.

*This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.*

*What's the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourse...

Halloween trick or treat

I remember a story from last year. I was sat in my living room when I heard a small knock at the door. As I opened the door there was a little boy dressed as the Predator, with his dad. I asked "and who are you meant to be?" kneeling down to give him a sweet, "a child Predator" his dad responds. "W...

The NHL's Florida Panthers have apologized to their fans for using Kevin Spacey in a marketing campaign

it's probably for the best. He's a better fit with the Nashville Predators

The majestic lion

Lions, as everyone knows, are the kings of the animal kingdom. Apex predators of the Serengiti, there are few who can stand steady in the face of their mighty roar.

Unfortunately for lions, however, they are rather limited in their mobility. When it comes to such places as ice, water, and air...

How do you advertise a boxing match between a Hispanic construction worker, and a Catholic priest.

Alien vs predator

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a horny alligator?

A sexual predator

My son is playing hockey for the youth Nashville team.


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I was seduced by a lioness the other day...

I guess you could say she was a sexual predator.

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So, there's this yellow toad wandering around in the forest....

Kind of pissed off because he doesn't want to be yellow. Life would be easier if he was brown or green like the other toads. He'd sure be less visible to predators for one thing.

Any way ... this yellow toad bumps into a Fairy Godmother, like you do, and he begs her; "Fairy Godmother please m...

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The other hey Billy joke! [NSFW - maybe]

Hey Billy, the other day I was going down on my girlfriend, at one point I said jeez you got a big pussy, jeez you got a big pussy.
she got up and asked me why I said it twice... Well I didn't.
- Edit: credit to the "the predator 1987"

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A woman is trying to get her dresser refinished..

She decides to get a quote from three different companies. The first man comes to the door, says his price, and the woman says to show what the process would entail. He shows that he'll take it apart, sand, refinish and assemble. She says thanks and he leaves.

The second man comes to the door...

We just euthanized our boy

He told us to kill him if he ever lived plugged to a machine. The Asus Predator Gaming PC and the iPhone 6s are for sale if someone is interested.

What Is The National Bird Of Pakistan..

***General Atomics MQ-1 Predator***

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's the difference between a lonely person getting trolled and a wanted sexual offender?

Ones a pranked Redditor, the other is a ranked predator.

I heard there's a new movie coming out where an illegal immigrant turns vigilante and battles a child molester...

They're calling it Alien vs Predator.

Why was the lion cub sent to jail?

It was a child predator.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man was eating out his gf and said...

"girl, you have the biggest pussy I've ever seen"
"girl, you have the biggest pussy I've veer seen"

the gf turns to him and asks: "why'd you say it twice?"

the guy replies: "that wasn't me, that was the echo"

[old joke from the Predator film]

What do you call a TV reality show where a 50 year old white man is trying to get laid?

To catch a predator.


Why do white girls walk around in groups of 3 and 5?
Because they can't even!


Why do white people have so many pets?
Because owning people is not legal anymore

**EDIT** Would love to hear more white people-specific jokes :) Th...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Coyote Problem

The Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population.

It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true methods of shooting and/or trapping the predators, the tree-huggers had a "more humane" sol...

Apparently women like tall men as it makes them feel protected.

That's probably why men like thin women, so they can see predators sneaking up behind the women.