As a wizard, I enjoy turning objects into glass.

​

Just wanted to make that clear.

How many times does it take for someone to enjoy fisting?

A handful.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One thing I really enjoy doing is wearing nothing but a colorful tight bikini bottom that shows off my cock, and then going and strutting around in front of other men and letting them ogle me.

Or as it's also known, "Bodybuilding"

One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody.

Unless you're in prison. That's the worst.

My 6-year old nephew asked me to share his joke with my Internet friends, so enjoy!

Q: Why did the window frame hurt?

A: It had window pains!

Do mummies enjoy being mummies?

Of corpse!

Some would say I enjoy food puns too much...

I would say I relish in them.

Why can’t trans men enjoy chocolate?

It uses Hershey pronouns.

I enjoy beating up orphans

What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

I used to really enjoy political jokes...

Unfortunately, too many of them got elected.

Despite the fact that whenever I eat any products with wheat in I get stomach cramps, I still regularly enjoy consuming it.

You could say that I'm a gluten for pun-ishment.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I went to a Tea tasting festival, the guy conducting said, the best way to enjoy a cup of Tea was to agitate the bag, so I went home.

And slapped her ass a couple of times.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Do you guys think it's important that you and your spouse enjoy the same fetishes?

I'm really into scat, but my wife keeps telling me she doesn't give a shit.

Why don't kleptomaniacs enjoy puns

Because they're always taking things literally

What drink does Kings and Queens enjoy?

Royal-Tea

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I don’t know why girls don’t like my penis

We’re taught to enjoy the little things in life

I really didn't enjoy my Hollywood Internship...

They made me follow Leonardo DiCaprio around for 6 hours carrying his water bottle which was exhausting.

They made me floss between Tom Cruise's toes which was humiliating.

But when they made me spank Dwayne Johnson...

That's when I knew I'd hit rock bottom.

(edit: no lon...

While in California, I wanted to enjoy breakfast at Mission Beach and some guy just threw my waffle on the ground.

I hate sandy Eggo.

I enjoy one glass of wine each night for its health benefits.

The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and my flawless dance moves.

As a commercial real estate agent, I especially enjoy showing of the shopping centers...

Cause once you've seen one, you've seen a Mall!

The people on early Mediterranean cities used to enjoy using olive oil as "personal lubricant."

They really loved ancient grease.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Women enjoy sex more than men

Proof : When your ear is itchy and you stick your finger in to scratch it, what feels better your ear or your finger?

As a girl, I really enjoy having my hair short.

Because now the only thing I can let down is my parents.

An army captain approaches a prostitute and asks her, "Would you enjoy my company for $100?"...

She looks at the handsome military officer and says, "Of course, I would be glad!"

Captain replies, "COMPANY! FORWARD!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I never used to enjoy masterbating...

I guess it must have rubbed off on me.

What kind of wine would a cat enjoy?

A fine purrgundy

What do you call a Russian that enjoys programming?

Computin.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

This asshole calling himself a "food critic" said my cooking was shit, so I kicked him in the mouth

He didn't enjoy the taste of defeat

What do you call a wizard who enjoys eating people?

A Vorelock

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Anal sex is like spinach

If you forced to have it as a kid, you won't enjoy it as a adult.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do men enjoy most about a blowjob?

The peace and the quiet.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Apart from humans, the only animal that enjoys having sex is a dolphin.

I had to shag a LOT of animals to find that out.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My friend thinks I'm a homosexual because I enjoy pole dancing.

"Pole dancing" sounds better than "riding cock".

What kind of Gator enjoys beer?

A tail-gator!

If FemDom is enjoying being dominated by women...

Is wisdom enjoying being dominated by Wizards?

Three Homemade Jokes (Puns) ENJOY

Two worms are going through a pantry. They go through some apples, pears, and other things. After a while, they get STUCK, in something hard and green. One says to the other, "Man, we really got ourselves into a pickle."

An archaeologist is going through an underground cave and comes across a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It''s so hard to enjoy the simple country games we enjoyed as rednecks in today's society. Take, for instance, catching a greased pig. We got arrested for it even though we were on our own farm and not hurtin' nobody.

For you city slickers that have never had to slaughter farm animals the 'sport' came from a bunch of bored farm boys told to slaughter a pig for bacon, ham, chops, etc...

Everyone today is used to going to the store and not havint' actually see their food killed, so these overly sensitive peo...

5 out of 5 people enjoy Russian Roulette.

There was supposed to be a sixth, but he never got back to me about his experience.

My friend really enjoys stealing trainers.

That's what he does for kicks.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Anal sex is a lot like Brussels sprouts

If you’re forced to have it as a child you won’t enjoy it as an adult.


-Daniel Tosh

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There was this Wal-Mart greeter ...and everyday he was cheerful, happily greeting customers with a "Welcome to Walmart; I hope your day is wonderful!" or an "Enjoy your shopping!"

One day a loud, boisterous, unkempt woman comes in with her two children, who are running around and causing havoc as she yells at them. The old man greets her in his usual cordial manner, and she snaps back a rude reply to him.

Smiling, the old man looks at the lady and says, "What wonderful...

As a man, I was unsure if I'd enjoy having long hair..

But it grew on me

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My girlfriend told me she enjoys sex on vacation so much more #NSFW

It was the worst postcard I’ve ever gotten

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My girlfriend enjoys a relationship full of mystery and surprises

That's why whenever she leaves the room I shit in one of her shoes

What do a walrus and tupperware both enjoy? NSFW

A tight seal

Why is it hard for Liam Neeson to enjoy Valentine’s Day?

Because all the girls are taken

I don't enjoy having a stalker, but I will say . . .

No matter what, he always seems to be there for me.

Why do kids hate coffee, but adults enjoy it?

Because, when you're a kid, coffee is the bitterest experience you've had in life.

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Probably not.

My wife is turning 62 tomorrow. I tell her not to get too excited as she will only have one minute to enjoy it. Confused, she asked, "what do you mean?"

It's your sixty second birthday.

The guy that polishes my shoes doesn't enjoy Stephen King's books.

But he's always loved The Shining

Two nuns went for a bike ride and ride down a cobble stone street

One says "I haven't come this way before".
The other says "neither have I just hold on and enjoy it"

"Why do you enjoy running geese over in your car?"

"It gives me Goose Bumps!"

An engineer dies and is sent to hell

He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor jammed, so he un-jams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the...

A man in a sperm bank enjoys a warm glass of milk

The man tells the receptionist "thanks for the milk"

"What milk...?"

"The glass of milk that was on your desk"

Concerned the receptionist replies "**Oh no**,"

"What?!" now worried the man looks down at his glass, then back at the receptionist's horrified face telling him<...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why do endocrinologists enjoy visiting brothels?

Because they like whore moans

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My wife told me this in the car the other day. Thought you might enjoy!

Wife: I can't believe they're still together after all that shit.

Me: Who?

Wife: My butt cheeks.

[NSFW] At breakfast, a husband says to his wife, "I want to try doggy tonight."

Surprisingly enough, the wife agrees.

So that night, both quite excited, the husband cooks his wife a lovely dinner. After enjoying the meal they head upstairs and get into bed. The husband leans over to his wife, kisses her on the cheek and says, "night night sweet heart"

The wife t...

What do indecisive people enjoy doing?

I don't know.

Why did the banana not enjoy the playground?

He was scared of the monkey bars.

What do you call a pack of wild dogs that enjoy listening to Mozart?

a Wolfgang

Enemies of Russia enjoy which track and field sport the most?

Shot Putin.

My dad tells this joke all the time. kind of long. enjoy

One day a young man with no arms walked into a church and told the pastor that he always wanted to be a bell ringer. The pastor looked at him and said, “my son, you have no arms to pull the rope and the bell tower is very high.” The young man pleaded with the pastor to give him a chance. Finally the...

The meaning of life..

On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?...

Why can’t Marxists enjoy a nice darjeeling?

Because all proper tea is theft.

I don't enjoy eating ass...

The entire concept just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

The year is 1804 and a young man enlists on a ship..

..his first voyage is to last 3 years, and even though the work is hard the young man takes to it like a fish in water.

After only a few days he is running the riggin like an old hand, he swabs the decks without complaint and spends his free time in amicable companionship playing cards or tel...

My wife told me she enjoys sleeping on the neighbor's bed.

Still can't believe she stole it from their front lawn.

I quite enjoy blowing air around a room.

In fact, I'm a big fan.

Why did the fair maiden enjoy the award?

Because it was a Sir Prize.

A priest told me this joke as a kid.

There were 3 men, they were best friends, and they were quite unhealthy. Their names were, Bert, Chester, and Earl.

They were actually really unhealthy and Bert decided that he needed to take charge of him and his friends' health. He decided that they were going to be on a diet together to he...

My ungrateful daughter didn't enjoy the party everyone threw for her

It was a search party.