My girlfriend enjoys "doggy style" in the bedroom.

I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.

As a wizard, I enjoy turning objects into glass.

​

Just wanted to make that clear.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An aged joke about a quirk of the medical world- perhaps some will enjoy it

A doctor fell in love with the nurse. She was nice, caring, joyous and beautiful. He noticed a mutual affection in their daily intercourse. And thus he decided that he had to confess his feelings to her. The fated day arrives. The Operation theater is empty. The patient, a child, is given a new lif...

Why do comedians enjoy performing in the ER?

Because the audience always leaves in stitches

I enjoy watching my wedding video backwards

My favorite part is when I take off the wedding ring and go back home moonwalking

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I enjoy looking at my poop.

Everytime I go to the bathroom to take a shit, I'd always remember to not flush immediately and look at my poop. I'd look at it's shape and color, and I'd admire every bit of it. I could not live without this process.

Then one time, I accidentally flushed after I pooped. I didn't even had the...

How many times does it take for someone to enjoy fisting?

A handful.

I used to really enjoy political jokes...

Unfortunately, too many of them got elected.

My 6-year old nephew asked me to share his joke with my Internet friends, so enjoy!

Q: Why did the window frame hurt?

A: It had window pains!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Sometimes I like to rub cheese all over my body before making love, other times I enjoy eating cheese during sex.

Guess you could say they're my feta-shes.

Do girls even enjoy being fingered?

Depends on if you know the difference between summoning a genie and stuffing a chicken

My tailor really enjoys fixing my clothes

Or sew it seams.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One thing I really enjoy doing is wearing nothing but a colorful tight bikini bottom that shows off my cock, and then going and strutting around in front of other men and letting them ogle me.

Or as it's also known, "Bodybuilding"

Despite the fact that whenever I eat any products with wheat in I get stomach cramps, I still regularly enjoy consuming it.

You could say that I'm a gluten for pun-ishment.

Do mummies enjoy being mummies?

Of corpse!

Accendtly said "you too" to a waiter when he said enjoy your meal

He then set down and we enjoyed a pleasent evening together.

I enjoy beating up orphans

What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

Some would say I enjoy food puns too much...

I would say I relish in them.

I enjoy one glass of wine each night for its health benefits.

The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and my flawless dance moves.

A small part of me really enjoys picking my nose...

Can always rely on that trusty pinky finger.

Why can’t trans men enjoy chocolate?

It uses Hershey pronouns.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I went to a Tea tasting festival, the guy conducting said, the best way to enjoy a cup of Tea was to agitate the bag, so I went home.

And slapped her ass a couple of times.

Why don't kleptomaniacs enjoy puns

Because they're always taking things literally

What drink does Kings and Queens enjoy?

Royal-Tea

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An army captain approaches a prostitute and asks her, "Would you enjoy my company for $100?"...

She looks at the handsome military officer and says, "Of course, I would be glad!"

Captain replies, "COMPANY! FORWARD!"

I really didn't enjoy my Hollywood Internship...

They made me follow Leonardo DiCaprio around for 6 hours carrying his water bottle which was exhausting.

They made me floss between Tom Cruise's toes which was humiliating.

But when they made me spank Dwayne Johnson...

That's when I knew I'd hit rock bottom.

(edit: no lon...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I don’t know why girls don’t like my penis

We’re taught to enjoy the little things in life

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Do you guys think it's important that you and your spouse enjoy the same fetishes?

I'm really into scat, but my wife keeps telling me she doesn't give a shit.

While in California, I wanted to enjoy breakfast at Mission Beach and some guy just threw my waffle on the ground.

I hate sandy Eggo.

One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody;

Unless you’re in a prison.

As a girl, I really enjoy having my hair short.

Because now the only thing I can let down is my parents.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Women enjoy sex more than men

Proof : When your ear is itchy and you stick your finger in to scratch it, what feels better your ear or your finger?

What kind of wine would a cat enjoy?

A fine purrgundy

As a commercial real estate agent, I especially enjoy showing of the shopping centers...

Cause once you've seen one, you've seen a Mall!

What do you call a Russian that enjoys programming?

Computin.

The people on early Mediterranean cities used to enjoy using olive oil as "personal lubricant."

They really loved ancient grease.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I never used to enjoy masterbating...

I guess it must have rubbed off on me.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Apart from humans, the only animal that enjoys having sex is a dolphin.

I had to shag a LOT of animals to find that out.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do men enjoy most about a blowjob?

The peace and the quiet.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

This asshole calling himself a "food critic" said my cooking was shit, so I kicked him in the mouth

He didn't enjoy the taste of defeat

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Anal sex is like spinach

If you forced to have it as a kid, you won't enjoy it as a adult.

What do you call a wizard who enjoys eating people?

A Vorelock

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My friend thinks I'm a homosexual because I enjoy pole dancing.

"Pole dancing" sounds better than "riding cock".

What kind of Gator enjoys beer?

A tail-gator!

Three Homemade Jokes (Puns) ENJOY

Two worms are going through a pantry. They go through some apples, pears, and other things. After a while, they get STUCK, in something hard and green. One says to the other, "Man, we really got ourselves into a pickle."

An archaeologist is going through an underground cave and comes across a...

5 out of 5 people enjoy Russian Roulette.

There was supposed to be a sixth, but he never got back to me about his experience.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It''s so hard to enjoy the simple country games we enjoyed as rednecks in today's society. Take, for instance, catching a greased pig. We got arrested for it even though we were on our own farm and not hurtin' nobody.

For you city slickers that have never had to slaughter farm animals the 'sport' came from a bunch of bored farm boys told to slaughter a pig for bacon, ham, chops, etc...

Everyone today is used to going to the store and not havint' actually see their food killed, so these overly sensitive peo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Anal sex is a lot like Brussels sprouts

If you’re forced to have it as a child you won’t enjoy it as an adult.


-Daniel Tosh

I went to a concert in Asia but I didn't enjoy it.

The band was good but the singer poor.

My friend really enjoys stealing trainers.

That's what he does for kicks.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There was this Wal-Mart greeter ...and everyday he was cheerful, happily greeting customers with a "Welcome to Walmart; I hope your day is wonderful!" or an "Enjoy your shopping!"

One day a loud, boisterous, unkempt woman comes in with her two children, who are running around and causing havoc as she yells at them. The old man greets her in his usual cordial manner, and she snaps back a rude reply to him.

Smiling, the old man looks at the lady and says, "What wonderful...

If FemDom is enjoying being dominated by women...

Is wisdom enjoying being dominated by Wizards?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It was getting crowded in Heaven one day, so Saint Peter decided for one day to only accept people who could make him laugh.

A man came walking up to the pearly gates and Saint Peter said to him:

“Alright bud, you’re only getting in today if you can make me laugh, so why don’t you tell me about how you died”

The man looked at Saint Peter and said

“Oh man it was awful, I was absolutely SURE my wife wa...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My girlfriend told me she enjoys sex on vacation so much more #NSFW

It was the worst postcard I’ve ever gotten

I don't enjoy having a stalker, but I will say . . .

No matter what, he always seems to be there for me.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My girlfriend enjoys a relationship full of mystery and surprises

That's why whenever she leaves the room I shit in one of her shoes

Why do kids hate coffee, but adults enjoy it?

Because, when you're a kid, coffee is the bitterest experience you've had in life.

My wife is turning 62 tomorrow. I tell her not to get too excited as she will only have one minute to enjoy it. Confused, she asked, "what do you mean?"

It's your sixty second birthday.

Why is it hard for Liam Neeson to enjoy Valentine’s Day?

Because all the girls are taken

As a man, I was unsure if I'd enjoy having long hair..

But it grew on me

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My wife told me this in the car the other day. Thought you might enjoy!

Wife: I can't believe they're still together after all that shit.

Me: Who?

Wife: My butt cheeks.

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Probably not.

An engineer dies and is sent to hell

He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor jammed, so he un-jams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the...

What do a walrus and tupperware both enjoy? NSFW

A tight seal

A man in a sperm bank enjoys a warm glass of milk

The man tells the receptionist "thanks for the milk"

"What milk...?"

"The glass of milk that was on your desk"

Concerned the receptionist replies "**Oh no**,"

"What?!" now worried the man looks down at his glass, then back at the receptionist's horrified face telling him<...

The guy that polishes my shoes doesn't enjoy Stephen King's books.

But he's always loved The Shining

Two nuns went for a bike ride and ride down a cobble stone street

One says "I haven't come this way before".
The other says "neither have I just hold on and enjoy it"

"Why do you enjoy running geese over in your car?"

"It gives me Goose Bumps!"

What do you call a pack of wild dogs that enjoy listening to Mozart?

a Wolfgang

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why do endocrinologists enjoy visiting brothels?

Because they like whore moans

[NSFW] At breakfast, a husband says to his wife, "I want to try doggy tonight."

Surprisingly enough, the wife agrees.

So that night, both quite excited, the husband cooks his wife a lovely dinner. After enjoying the meal they head upstairs and get into bed. The husband leans over to his wife, kisses her on the cheek and says, "night night sweet heart"

The wife t...

Why did the banana not enjoy the playground?

He was scared of the monkey bars.

The meaning of life..

On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?...

What do indecisive people enjoy doing?

I don't know.

Enemies of Russia enjoy which track and field sport the most?

Shot Putin.

My dad tells this joke all the time. kind of long. enjoy

One day a young man with no arms walked into a church and told the pastor that he always wanted to be a bell ringer. The pastor looked at him and said, “my son, you have no arms to pull the rope and the bell tower is very high.” The young man pleaded with the pastor to give him a chance. Finally the...

I don't enjoy eating ass...

The entire concept just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

I quite enjoy blowing air around a room.

In fact, I'm a big fan.

My wife told me she enjoys sleeping on the neighbor's bed.

Still can't believe she stole it from their front lawn.