Choices Jokes - 29 Hilarious Choices Jokes

So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.

That is the joke. There's no punchline here.

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3 Choices...

A man dies, and finds himself in a plain-looking hallway. After a couple seconds, Satan appears in a puff of smoke.

"Hey there. Welcome to hell. It's not like the stereotypes or the movies, though. There's no fire or anything like that. Basically, the way it works I'll show you 3 rooms. After...

What do you call a hockey player who questions their bad life choices?

Wayne Regretsky

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A man died and was sent to hell. The devil was feeling generous and gave him three choices.

The devil took him to the first room.

The room was empty except for a pool of scalding hot water. The man saw George Bush, jump into the pool, climb out and jump back in again.
The devil said "That's his punishment. He has to jump into the pool for eternity. If you pick this room, you ta...

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Choices

A man in a nursing facility turned 80. At his party, a large cake was wheeled in, and an escort popped out of the cake and said, "Hey birthday boy, would you like to have some super sex?" And the old man replied, "I guess it depends on what kind of soup."

Dad is down at the auto dealership, looking at potential choices.

“Cargo space?” he asks.

The salesman, slightly confused, finally replies, “Car no do that... car go road.”

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Bob was excited about his new .338 rifle and decided to try bear hunting.

He traveled
up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Soon after there was a tap on
his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.

The black bear said, “That was a very bad mistake. That bear is my cousin, I’m going to give you two choices. Either I mau...

Career Choices

As a child, I thought about being a musician, but all my efforts fell flat.

In High School, my teachers seemed to be pushing a career as an astronaut, but then I realized they had something else in mind when they said I was “a real space cadet.”

My first job was working in an ora...

When you want to change your hairstyle, there are two choices:

'Do or dye.

I’m on a plane and the lunch choices are white meat chicken or German sausage. Unfortunately, I’m seated in the last row.

I’m hoping for the breast, but preparing for the wurst.

Temel enters a multi-choice matriculation exam.

Temel enters a multi-choice matriculation exam. He flips a coin for each question and picks the choices accordingly. An hour into the exam – when all the students have given in their papers and he’s the only one left in the room, the invigilator sees that he’s still flipping coins; and tells him the...

Wife: Do you want dinner?’ Husband: Sure! What are my choices?’

Wife: Yes or no.

Pope Francis, Donald Trump, Joe Biden, and a little boy are crossing the Atlantic on an airplane when the engines fail.

They find three parachutes.

Donald Trump grabs the first parachute and jumps out of the plane saying, “The world needs a great person like me!”

Joe Biden grabs a parachute and says, “I need to help make choices for our world”, so he jumps off the plane.

At this point, the Po...

A mysterious magician offers a man two choices

One is a million dollars, and another is infinite wisdom.

After thinking for a while the man chooses infinite wisdom,

Snapping his fingers the magician shouts “Infinite wisdom.” And points at the man while running away.

Realising nothing has h...

Im single by choice

Someone elses choice

Today would've been my mother's 50th birthday... But due to drug use and bad choices

We all forgot about it

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices:

take it or leave it.

I got a bit bored on a long highway drive and started scrolling through the various voice choices on my GPS.

There was a USA accent, a French accent and even an Australian accent. Then I noticed "Wife mode". So I selected it, and nothing seemed to happen, until about 10 miles later the GPS said,

"So, if I died, would you get a new GPS?""

As a child of a meth addict, I want you to know you can make DIFFERENT CHOICES from your parents

I prefer heroin

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Hell no.

A man dies and is sent to hell. He meets the devil who offers him three choices of punishment for the sins that he had committed. The devil tells the man, "There are three torture rooms, of which you will pick one and go in to replace the person who is being punished in that room. The choice is your...

Choices and Consequences

A man and his wife are having dinner for their tenth wedding anniversary. Suddenly the man bursts into tears.
"What's wrong?" the wife asks.
"I was just thinking," the man says, "about when I asked you to marry me. Your father came to me and said 'I know about all that money you embezzled fr...

The 40 year old health care worker who cares for newborns started questioning her career choices, then flipped out and left town

I guess she was having a midwife crisis

In 2016, Obama left Trump and Hillary as the 2 choices for president.

Thanks, Obama.

There might be plenty of good food choices in College..

.. but you can't Top Ramen

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My parents have been really pissed off with my life choices lately...

I started hanging out with this pothead and he got me started smoking. He's a decent guy but his hygiene is terrible. My parents nicknamed him Dirty. There also convinced we're sleeping together so they're always barging in on us.

Well the other day Dirty came over with some weed I've been w...

TIL about the Downing-Keurig Effect in which poor performers greatly overestimate their abilities. It shows that underperforming individuals “reach erroneous conclusions and make unfortunate choices, but their incompetence robs them of the ability to realize."

I feel so smart knowing about this.

To anyone who works at McDonalds who is feeling bad about their life choices just remember...

You can technically put White House Catering staff on your CV now

I read an interesting sociology paper about how your name can affect your career choices.

Written By Prof. Nominative Determinism.

U.S. vending machines to begin displaying calorie information to encourage smarter snack choices.

Machines’ reflective glass surface not doing the trick.

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