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Quack

A farmer is dying on his bed and debates on how he will split up the estate between his three sons. So he makes a contest and explains it to them that each with get a duck and who ever can get the most for the duck will inherit everything.

So the first son ventured out with his duck and spen...

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A Gentleman Is Walking Down The Street With A Duck

On the way he runs into a friend of his. The friend inquires about why he's holding the duck. To which the man replies:

"I know I have to get rid of it, but I love this duck. I'd have to trade it to someone who wants it and I just can't see myself letting it go for nothing. This is absolutely...

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An old man and woman snuck into the broom closet at the retirement home for a romp...

They undressed and were about to fuck when the woman realized she should warn the man about her heart condition.

"I should tell you, I have acute angina," she said.

"Good," said the man, "because you've got the ugliest tits I've ever seen!"

Joseph and Mary are having a romp in the hay.

Mary says, "what if I get pregnant, what will I tell them?" Joseph replies, "you will think of something."

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Sex After Death

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there was sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after-life at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact. “Judy, Judy.”<...

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A couple has been dating for three months in the sex is getting dull

One night they're lying in bed when the girl says, "Harry, want to try something new? It's very kinky."

He says, "Sure."

She says, "Stand over me and take a shìt on me."

He stands up, straddles her, squats a bit, and takes a dump on her chest.

She says, "Now lie in it...

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A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.

One day, her 9-year-old son hides in the closet during one of her romps. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she hides the lover in the closet.

The little boy says, "It's dark in here."
The man whispers, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want...

(OC) Arthur C Clarke was watching Star Wars with his family when he began ranting and raving.

“What is this film?” He snarled. “All they do is lay lands, tap them to produce mana and use that mana to summon creatures and cast devastating spells. I was expecting a space romp.”

“Arthur, come now,” his wife said, “that’s not what this film is about at all!”

“Ignorant woman,” he re...

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An American man catches an STD while traveling through Asia

After having quite the sexual romp he starts to notice discomfort and discoloration around his groin. Afraid for the loss of his manhood he seeks out an American doctor out there for help.

The doctor looks him over and says "I'm sorry, it's going to need to be removed, it's too far gone"
<...

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A man is shipwrecked on an island

A man is sailing off the coast of Australia when a storm hits. He ends up shipwrecked on a little island.

There are just pastures and a few farms, so he goes up to one of the farms and asks if he can stay. A couple of grizzled old shepherds are there, and they give him lodging.

The ne...

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