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My wife asked me, "Is having a penis fun?"

I said, "It has it's ups and downs."

It wasn't much fun last year having a broken neck.

But I can look back now and laugh.

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I hate people who make fun of Uranus by calling it names like your anus. I always tell these people:

You're heinous.

I’ve always wondered what parents used to do for fun before the internet.

I’ll go ask my twelve brothers and sisters.

Fun fact about myself

I invented the word "plagerism"

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I asked my wife to dress up as my favourite Star Wars character for some sexy birthday fun

I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked,

"Babes, **Jabba the Hutt** is not my favourite Star Wars character" I exclaimed,

"Fuck you asshole" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet"

How much fun did the priest have at the weekend ?

Nun

Dark Joke are fun:

What has eight legs, four heads, and six arms?

The finish line at the Boston marathon.

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth.

Then it becomes a soap opera.

Fun fact: there is a bank you can go to get gold without being arrested.

It’s called Reddit.

We shouldn't make fun of Americans for how they are handling the pandemic

In these hard times, they are trying their best to bring some positivity to the world

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What if I tell you there is a way to stop all the kids in the school making fun of you because you are still a virgin?

Just start giving them bad grades.

If you make fun of a comedian

there's a high chance of you getting 'pun'ished.

Finnish jokes poking fun at Sweden, translated to English (not 100% greatest translation)

-Swedish is an easy language to learn. For example, sit horse is sit ruuna (sitruuna = lemon)

-how do you recognize a Swede?

He pushes a pull door

-What is the difference between a chicken and a Swede?

-Chicken only lays eggs/fails (same word in Finnish) once a day
...

Having to wear a mask at school removes all the fun.

You never know who you're shooting.

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A prostitute standing outside a motel in a small town saw a 70+ year old man walking past.

She hasn't had a customer for a while so she whistles at him and says, "Hey, would you like to have some fun time with me?"

The old man said, "But I won't be able to..."

Prostitute: "C'mon man.... give it a try... "

Old man says okay. They go in. The old man whips out his dick a...

Jumping with a rope can either be fun or sad.

It all depends on where the rope is attached.

Why is it no fun being an egg?

You only get laid once, you only get smashed once and the only bird who sits on your face is your mother.

Street photography is fun and all

Until the only thing left to shoot is yourself

Covid is canceling out all of these fun events like Circus’s, rodeos, and concerts.

In about a month, it will really be no Fair.

A fun little hike

Mississippi asked Missouri “What did Delaware?” She replied, “Idaho, but Alaska”. Turns out she wore her New Jersey.

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Living in the sewers seems fun

Apparently that's where shit goes down.

Pandemic fun

CUSTOMER: why has your colleague got a larger plastic face covering than you?

SHOP ASSISTANT: that’s the supervisor.

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A woman joins a country club and when she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?" No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot…

Finally, one man says, "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m."

He figures the early tee-time will discourage her.

The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.

They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay."

She's there at 6:30 am. sharp and beats al...

What do whales like to do for fun?

Netflix and Krill

Fun fact: Did you know that a shoal of piranhas can devour a small child in 30 seconds?

Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today. :/

Fun Fact:

...5/6 people find Russian Roulette harmless.

I gave my XBOX a 360, it was fun...

And I was like: "Wii!"

I was in the sea having fun and saw a woman just standing there wearing a surgical mask...

Looked a bit strange but I guess she was waiting for the second wave.

My friends make fun of me for only being able to play one Metallica song on guitar

It's Sad But True

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A group of horses was making fun of a miniature horse who sounded weird because he had a sore throat.

One of the horses felt bad for the little guy, and said to his friends, "Leave him alone, he's just a little hoarse."

What's more fun than watching a drunk parallel park?

Testifying against them.

Windows can be fun!

**Client:** How good are you guys at PowerPoint?

**IT Expert:** We Excel at it...

**Client:** Was that a Microsoft Office pun?

**IT Expert:** Word.

A couple months ago, my girlfriend and I started experimenting with bondage. I was quite into it, but I could see she wasn't having fun herself. But we kept at it and now I think she's really starting to enjoy it.

She was bound to like it eventually

Teachers from other countries make fun of the US education system

Sure, we don’t teach evolution everywhere, but I don’t see your countries volunteering to demonstrate natural selection in schools across the country.

I always thought it would be fun to work at the State Capitol. Do you know how many people work at the Capitol..?

About half.

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.

On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, Ma'am", he ...

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There once was a child born missing an eye...

At birth the doctors decided it best to give the child a wooden eye until the family could afford to get the baby a nice glass eye.

Sadly the family could never afford it. And the boy was bullied a lot in school over it and eventually was taken out and home schooled. Everywhere he went he had...

How much space would a single, fun guy need for his new apartment?

mushroom!

Why shouldn’t you make fun of burn victims?

Because they have already been roasted one to many times.

Fun fact! Irish soups only use 239 beans

If they used one more, it would be two-fahrty...

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Dad: I heard that you got punished for saying the F-word in class. That’s wasn’t fun, was it?

Son: No, it was Fuck.

fun fact : you can't pronounce "O" while biting your lower lip

again, louder baby

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Donald and Mike

Donald Trump and Mike Pence were travelling down Route 66 when Donald fell asleep at the wheel and crashed head on to oncoming traffic and they both died. When Donald and Mike reached the pearly gates of hell Mike said:

"Listen Devil, my time on earth is not done yet. I'll do whatever you wa...

It is mean to make fun of Trump for using both hands to drink coz of his injury

He touched The Bible a few weeks ago and the injury hasn't healed yet.

Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.

One evening, after the honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the garage just for fun.
His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally spoke,
“Honey, I’ve just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it’s time you quit spending all...

Fun fact! a group of crows is called a murder!

cops*

Fun fact: The actor Yul Brynner was a lifelong Liverpool fan and never wore aftershave.

That's right, Yul never wore cologne.

What do cows do for fun?

Go to the moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooovies!

(Cringe on purpose)

Don’t make fun of fat people

They already have enough on their plate

Three nuns die in a car crash, and get sent up to the pearly gates of heaven. The gatekeeper sees them, and decides to have a little fun in deciding whether they may enter heaven, by giving them questions about the Bible. He explains this, and the first nun steps up to answer her question.

Gatekeeper: What were the names of the first two humans on earth?

Nun 1: Ooh, that's an easy one. Adam and Eve, of course.

The gates opened and the first nun walked in.

Gatekeeper: Next question: What fruit did Adam and Eve eat?

Nun 2: Ooh, that's an easy one. An apple,...

It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye....

Then it's just a game of "Find the eye!"

What's the difference between Donald Trump and Barack Obama?

One gets made fun of for the color of his skin, and the other is Barack Obama!

A Dutch joke about the Brits and their love for queues, don’t know if it translates well

A Brit walks down the street and sees two queues. He gets behind one of them, and asks the woman in front of him:

“What is this queue for?”

“Just for fun” says the women.

“But what if I don’t want to stand in the queue?” The Brit asks.

To which the woman replies “that’s w...

FUN FACT: if you fart and sneeze at the same time

Your body takes a screenshot

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Unbeknownst to his wife, Steve has secretly been drinking at the bar all day.

He looks at his phone only to realize that its 2a.m. and he should be getting home before his wife is pissed.

He tries to stand up but falls flat on his face. Deciding he needs to sober up, he gets some water and waits an hour. Again, he tries to stand up. Again, he falls flat on his face....

Don’t make fun of the short guy hanging his still-life pictures

That’s just low hanging fruit

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My friend made fun of me for being a wrestling fan. He said, "You know that stuff is fake right?"

I said, "So, are your wife's boobs, but I still enjoy them for three hours every Monday night."

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I had so much fun yesterday, I fucked this girl cross eyed

I mean she was cross eyed before we had sex anyway but still.

Why do short girls roll their eyes when someone makes fun of them?

They don't. That's just them trying to look up to see who's talking about them.

This farmer has about 500 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster that he would sell.

The other farmer says, "Yep, I've got this great rooster, named Kenny. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem." Well, Kenny the rooster costs $3,000, a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Kenny.

The farmer takes Kenny home and sets him down in the barny...

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When a girl buys a vibrator, its seen as a bit of naughty fun

BUT when a guy orders a 240 Volt FuckMaster Pro 5000 blowup latex doll with 6 speed pulsating vagina, elasticized anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with optional built in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system, hes called a pervert?

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An American guy, visiting China, sees a Chinese guy eating biscuits and jelly at a cafe and decides to have a little fun with him.

He pops a stick of gum into his mouth and sits next to the Chinese guy.

As he's chewing it, he casually says to the Chinese guy, "Are those biscuits you're eating? Well in America, we eat our bread without the crust, compact the crust into biscuits and sell it to China." The Chinese guy deci...

I'm trying to convince my wife to upgrade our yard so I wanted to show her on my chromecast people having fun on terraces so I yelled "Hey google, show me a movie of a wife enjoying a big deck with her friends" but I think google misheard me.

I just made it up after a couple of glasses

Kids get back into the classroom after playing at recess

and the teacher says, “who can tell me what they did at recess?” Sally raises her hand and says, “I played in the sandbox.” “That sounds like fun, Sally! If you can correctly spell sand, I will give you a cookie, replied the teacher.

“Sand, S.A.N.D. Sand” said Sally with a smile.

“Cor...

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Fun fact: When a praying mantis gets laid, the male is the one giving head to the female.

Still though, it was the best sex of his life.

My S.O. and I play this fun game during quarantine.

It's called "Why are you doing it that way?" and there are no winners.

Fun fact you can’t breath while smiling.

Just kidding I just wanted to make you smile :)

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Fun animal fact: You can take a cow up the stairs but not down

Think of the poor bastard who found it out the hard way

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An Air Force Colonel is about to brief his men.

An Air force Colonel is about to start the morning briefing.

While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the Colonel decides to pose a question to assembled staff.

He explained his wife had been a bit frisky the night before, and that he failed to get his usual amount of ...

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A married couple had fallen on hard times. The wife proposed that she work the corner giving blowjobs for money.

The husband doesn't like the sound of it, but reluctantly agreed because he has no other option. He couldn't sleep the first night she worked, and was awake when she finally came back in the morning. He asked how it went, and she says it was actually pretty fun.

"How much did you end up maki...

Where do melons go for summer fun?

John Cougar Mellencamp

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A man wants to show his devotion to his wife for their 1 year anniversary...

A man wants to show his devotion to his wife for their 1 year anniversary the next day, and gets her name "Wendy", tatooed on his penis. When he comes home that night, he tells Wendy he has a surprise for her. He undresses and shows off his dong to her, but she is confused.

"Why did you get "...

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A man has been drinking alone all day at a bar and checks his clock

"1:30am, fuck. I need to go home now or my wife's going to rip my balls off", thinks to himself. But as he's trying to get up, he falls awkwardly to the floor.

"I'm just way too drunk right now, I need to sober up."

So he asks the barman for a coffee, he drinks it up and 30 minutes lat...

Alright 2020, you’ve had your fun.

Now say ‘April fools’ and let us get back to our lives, yeah?

Everyone keeps making fun of me because I don’t know what the word “apocalypse” means

Honestly, I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s not the end of the world.

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Stop posting jokes making fun of Homosexuality!

Cum on guys!

You should never make fun of a fat girl with a lisp.

She's thick and tired of it.

I once knew a guy who cross bred insects for fun.

I liked the guy at first, but eventually I got tired of his crazy ant ticks.

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My friend was making fun of me for having hemorrhoids...

I'm really butthurt about it.

Blondes are tired of people making fun of them.

Blondes across the world set up a convention to prove to everyone that they aren’t dumb. Thousands show up.

The main event begins. The announcer on stage goes, “We are tired of people thinking we’re dumb, so we’re here to prove everyone wrong!”

He points to a random blonde woman in the...

When I was young we were so poor

That burglars broke into the house in the middle of the night. They couldn’t find anything to steal so they woke us up to make fun of us.

A brunette, redhead and blond went to a remote fitness spa deep in the mountains for some fun and relaxation.

After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies room and found a strange-looking woman sitting at the entrance who said, "Welcome to the ladies room. Be sure to check out our newest feature: a mirror which, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be awarded ...

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Do not read this [OC] joke.

...I was in some South Dakotan ‘mountains’ ...or ‘rolling hills’ as the rest of the world would call them. It was just a fun journey to burn an afternoon and prep my legs for a trip with my friends to Yosemite. (I would actually go on to propose to my girlfriend at the top of Yosemite Falls, and we’...

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A man’s wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes, so he walks down to the store only to find it closed.

So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her.

They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment.

After they’ve had their fun, he realizes its 3 a.m. and says, “Oh no, it...

After contemplating the idea for a while, I decided to turn myself into the police.

It was fun while it lasted pulling people over and taking their drugs and stuff, until I got busted for impersonation.

Did you hear that some white supremacy supporters are holding a fun run?

They are saying it will be the most superior race in town

Sometimes I wonder what my parents did for fun before the internet.

I asked my 32 brothers and sisters, but they didn't know either.

A Man goes to a bar with his friend at his friend favourite bar after they are few drinks down someone yells 26

Everyone starts laughing including his friend and this guy is confused he asks his friend what's happening before his friend can answer someone else shouts 94 everyone including his friend is in splits now the guy starts getting really confused. After few moments of silence someone says 153 eve...

An Engineer goes to Hell.

The first thing he notices is, it's awful hot. So he goes and checks the A/C system, and notices a missing belt. He replaces it, and soon it's a cool 78F.

The next thing he notices, is that all the TVs are showing nothing but static. He checks the satellite dish, and sees it's misaligned. He...

Fun Fact: Halloween falls on Friday the 13th this year

Go ahead dumbass, look it up

Fun fact, I actually got a BJ before I had my first kiss.

Yes, I'm that flexible.

Surprise mother f*

A professor was about to begin his lecture and was writing something on the board, then someone whistles, so he asks, 'who did it', but no one answered.

So he continued the lecture then hears the whistle again. So he asks, 'who was it' and again no one answers.

So he packeshis notes a...

We’re always making fun of our friend who threw up during a marathon

It's a running gag

The one thing quarantine has taught me

is you don’t need fun to have alcohol.

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An old man decides that he wants to see a bullfight before he dies.

Immediately upon arriving in Spain, the man makes his way to the arena, then cheers along with the crowd as he watches the matador fight the bull. For as much fun as it is, he soon realizes that the travel and the excitement have left him feeling worn out, so he decides to find a nearby restaurant b...

I was never vaccinated, and the jokes poking fun at anti-vaxxers need to stop

My parents are strongly anti vaccination, and I have never gotten a vaccine, and some of the jokes here are really insensitive to people like me.

Just bec

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Three couples check into a hotel for their honeymoons.

The man at the front desk has a game he likes to play. When the first couple checked in, he asked the bride what her job was. She said she was a maid. The man thought to himself "Maids are hot. This guy's going to have a fun honeymoon."

When the next couple checked in, he asked the bride the...

Fun-eral

There were three men at a buddy's funeral. They were discussing what they wanted people to say when they died. The first man said, "I want people to say he was a very generous man. What about you". The second man said, "I want people to say he was a kind and loving soul". Then, the third man said, "...

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A Sergeant was walking through base housing when he noticed a boy playing in mud

Being curious, he walked over and saw that the boy was building something with the mud.

"Watcha building son" he asked.

"An Army soldier" exclaimed the boy.

"This is a *Marine Corp base base son! You should be building a *Marine!!" chastised the Sergeant.

"I would," the ...

My friend had mushrooms during the party

Now he's a fun guy

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3 men get sent to heaven and they arrive at Saint Peter’s gate.

St. Peter tells them they can have all the golfing and fun they want but when golfing to NEVER hit a duck. One of the guys asks, “why is hitting a duck a problem?” Saint Peter replies, “If you hit a duck it will start quacking then another will start quacking, then all the ducks start quacking and e...

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WWII, nazis came to some village and decided to have a little fun

So, they line up all the men from the village and pick one of their women. And one of the nazis says: "We'll kill all of you unless you will find your husband while blindfolded only by touching his dick".


So, they blindfold her and she begins touching. "Not mine, not mine, not mine, this ...

The Catholic church released a fun PC game which takes place in the garden of Eden. You play as Eve and Adam is hiding from you. Your goal is to hunt him down with a slingshot.

It's a first person shooter.

Fun fact: French tanks in WWII had rear-veiw mirrors.

This allows them to see the frontline too.

I beat up a kid who made fun of my Alzheimer's

As i walked away, I realised that I forgot to beat up the kid who made fun of my Alzheimer's

It's not okay to make fun of menstruation

Period.

Fun fact of the day

Social distancing is just another excuse for people to ignore you twice as much.

I asked a Chernobyl survivor if he wanted to listen to a fun story,

He said he was all ears.

Why are mushrooms popular at parties?

Because everyone loves a fun gai.

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It's pointless to make fun of people with constipation

They don't give a shit.

A mushroom walks into a bar...

He walks up to the barman and says

"Can I have a beer?"

The barman peers down at the little mushroom and says

"I can't serve you - your a mushroom!"

The mushroom with consternation replies

"Oh come on! I'm a fun guy!" (Fungi)

I used to have a girlfriend that would give me math problems for fun.

I was solving for ex.

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