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A fun joke for the phone

Once bored with the conversation, ask the recipient to help you with a joke

Start off with "what has a small dick that hangs down?"

The typical answer "what??"

"A bat, you know, because it hangs upside down"

"Oh"

"What has a big dick that hangs up?'

"Huh?"<...

A farmer buys a rooster to service his 200 hens. When he gets the rooster into the barnyard, he tells him, "Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Have fun, but take your time."

The farmer points him toward the henhouse and the rooster takes off like a shot.

WHAM! Randy nails every hen in the henhouse, three or four times. Randy runs out and sees a flock of geese down by the lake. WHAM! He nails all the geese. Randy runs to the pigpen, the cow pasture -- soon, he's b...

School Projects are fun

A science teacher sent off his year 8 class with a homework task, come up witch a science experiment, and either film it to show to the class, or show the experiment in front of the class next week.

Tim went home and thought long and hard about what he would do, but he came in next week with ...

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I asked my wife to dress up as my favorite Star Wars character for some sexy birthday fun.

I walked into the bedroom, and I was shocked!

"Honey, Jabba the Hut is not my favorite Star Wars character" I said.

"Fuck off" She shouted "I haven't got dressed you asshole!"

we should stop making fun of the Americans for using inches, foot, miles, etc as units of measurements.

it's not like they crashed a rocket into Mars because of this or something... oh wait...

My wife wouldn't stop making fun of me for my sense of direction.

So I packed up and Right.

Complex numbers are all fun and games...

Until someone loses an i. That's when things get real.

Fun with rhymes.

If plants wore pants would plants try to dance? If plants tried to dance would plants have a chance if plants wore pants and you took a glance? If plants wore pants would they joust with a lance? If plants had a lance would the blow hit or glance? If plants were advanced and wore pants and danced th...

My girlfriend is very short and she gets fed up of me making fun of her height.

So tonight I’m going to make it up to her.

I’ve got a good bottle of wine and a DVD box set of her favorite TV show.

When she gets in from work I’m going to order her favorite takeaway which we’ll sit and eat while we drink the wine and watch the DVDs.

Then afterwards I’m going ...

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Why is it fun to be Vincent Van Gough?

When your wife's bitching at you, you won't get an earful.

As a doctor I never make fun of unvaccinated kids.

I don’t like to joke about dead people.

About a year ago I changet my name to Fun...

Apparently Cyndi Lauper is a liar.

It wasn’t much fun breaking my neck and being in a cast..

But now I can look back and laugh.

Fun fact:

Siri’s name was just “i” prior to being knighted.

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My girlfriend finds sex on holiday much more fun

I think so, anyway. It was difficult to read the postcard

It's your grave. Have fun with it!

Before I die, I'll have 3 graves made for me.

Suppose you're walking in the graveyard, then this is what you'll see -

1st stone - Hey what's up?

You feel awkward and move to the next one that says -

2nd stone - Remember me? I'm the same guy from the last grave. The next...

My sister wanted to have “fun” with me, I didn’t want to but...

She incested

Fun fact: did you know that HIV is actually Roman for “high five”?

Pass it on – or, rather, don’t.

I'm so sick of people making fun of the United States

Don't they know we're the third best country in North America?

Which president had the most fun during their tenure?

Truman. He had a blast on a few occasions.

Here a fun fact, the Soviet Union didn’t use land mines,

They used land ours.

We should not in any way, shape, or form make fun of female's time of the month

Period.

You might not expect it, but suicide bombing is fun!

C4 yourself.

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Masturbating is fun!

After all, you can't spell "amusement" without "semen!"

A blond is tired of being made fun of for being blond

So many jokes about blonds had given her a bad reputation. So she decides to change her hair color to hide it.

Every day on her way to work she would run into a shepherd with lots of sheep. She decides today to stop and talk to the shepherd.

She said to him “ If i can guess how many ...

There is a fine line between numerator and denominator

Only a fraction of people find this funny

Star gazing isn’t very fun

I’ve been doing it all afternoon and now I can’t see

It's wrong to make fun of short people.

Come on, people.

We're above that.

Fun fact:

No matter how much you try to prevent it, one day you may wake up with a large washbasin knocking on your door.

Just let that sink in.

My imaginary friend keeps making fun of me.

He says, “At least I have a real friend.”

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Today I made fun of a constipated guy:

I shit; you not.

Secret to a happy marriage is to go out for dinner twice a week, to flirt and have fun.

Wife goes on Mondays, I go on Fridays

I was making fun of my Dad’s new Thai bride, and he wasn’t too happy about it.

My dad wasn’t too pleased either.

Give a man a meme and he'll have fun for a minute.

Give a man Reddit and he'll be reposting for the rest of his life.

Why do you not make fun of a fat girl with a lisp?

Because she is thick and tired of it.

"What did grandpa and grandma do for fun back in the day?"

i don't know why but this question was never answered by anyone from my 17 aunts and uncles.

Fun fact of the day

Fun Fact: if every human stood in a single file line around the equator, most of them would drown

Things that never get old. #1: making fun of anti vaxers.

#2: anti-vaxers' kids.

Fun fact

Tsunami - T is silent

Honest - H is silent

Island - S is silent

After hearing my jokes - Everyone is silent

Fun fact: 7% of American adults believe that chocolate milk comes from brown cows.

93% of American adults think chocolate milk should come from white male cows.

I made fun of my mate when his acid reflux caused him to vomit...

It was a sick burn.

I wonder what my parents did for fun when they were younger...

I don't know, I guess I'll go ask one of my 13 siblings...

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“Son, I heard you got punished for saying the F-word in class. That wasn’t fun, was it?”

“No Dad, it was Fuck.”

Being A Bank Robber Was Fun

But my new job as a bakery robber really takes the cake.

Had a lot of fun the Renaissance fair last summer with the wife.

I had a great time riding her in to battle!

People make fun of anti-vaxx people but you gotta admit

They do reduce carbon emissions

My French friends said they were taking me out for some fun...

It was a riot!

Id never make fun of an asian pilot

I think its just plane wong

Puns are fun!

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? A hippo is really heavy, but a zippo is a little lighter.

We'll call it "The cognitive and behavioral fun time vacation for people with ADHD"

'Cause apparently "concentration camp" isn't politically correct

I never try to make fun of a guy named Terry.

Because just like the people on Oregon trail I don't want to die of disen Terry.

Why is it okay to make fun of David Copperfield?

Because Copper is refined by Roasting.

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Fun fact: saying the word "poop" makes the same shape with your mouth as your bum hole does when pooing

The same is also true for "explosive diarrhoea"

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As a foreigner, why do people make fun of the way I curse?

This one guy at work in particular. He's a scumbag, a real piece of fuck.

It's not fun competing with masochists with foot fetishes.

They really like the taste of defeat.

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You'd think sex on mushrooms would be fun.

But it's sooo much better on a bed.

I’m so good at making fun of people…

They say I have a diss ability.

If you ever want a fun vacation, you should consider going to Disneyland Syria

I hear their rides are the bomb

Where do dinosaurs like to go for fun?

The Rex center.

Fun fact: Mr. Spock had three ears:

The left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear.

Cracking open a cold one with the boys sounded like a lot of fun,

until we pulled up to the morgue.

You know what they say about going to a funeral

If you’re dyslexic it’s real fun.

I told my brother, "My wife ran off yesterday with my best friend Joe."

My brother looked at me funny for a minute then said. "Since when is Joe your best friend?"

I looked back and replied "Since yesterday."

I used to make fun of people who used online dating sites, but I'm trying one out for the first time

It's called OKHubris

Why does Earth make fun of the other planets?

...They have no life!

You should all be ashamed of making fun of Jonah Hill.

The guy’s been through thick and thin.

Playing doctor in the bedroom can be fun.

Until you try and amputate her leg and she wants to whine the whole time.

What did neanderthals do for fun?

They went clubbing.

People make fun of Australia for declaring war on emus and losing

But it's not nearly as embarrassing as the US declaring war on plants and losing.

We shouldn't make fun of fat people...

They have enough on their plate already.

A buddy of mine was making fun of me for not knowing about the second C in Connecticut.

I told him, "Excuse me for not knowing it wasn't spelled phonectically."

Hear the one about the bald guy getting bumped to business class after passengers made fun of him?

Talk about the advantages of a reseating airline.

What's it called when a criminal from Mongolia is walking down the stairs while making fun of you?

Condescending Khan-descending con descending

I’ve always wondered what my parents did for fun before the internet...

So I asked my 27 brothers and sisters and they don’t know either.

What professional sport would be more fun to watch if the athletes drank alcohol during?

NASCAR

Sometimes it's fun to switch things up in the bedroom..

But realistically, I only have two hands

A blonde was sick and tired of people making fun

A blonde was sick and tired of people making fun of her for being a blonde, so she decided to hang herself. A couple minutes later two men walk by and see her hanging by her wrists. "What are you doing." they ask her. So she replies "Hanging myself." The men are confused and asked "If you are hangin...

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People make fun of me, call me a neat-freak,

But I’ve found groups of people everywhere who believe in the power of cleanliness and support me. I don’t know what I’d do without my anal sects.

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A priest enters a fish market.

When he asks what the man behind the counter recommends, the man brings out a large fish. "My goodness!" The priest exclaims. "That fish is huge!" "Yeah." The man replies. "It's a big son of a bitch." The priest says "Sir. Please mind your language." Thinking quickly, the man says "Oh. No. The name ...

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After my wife died of a heart attack, I didn't want to settle down again right away. I wanted to have some fun first, so I went online to find a young girl with big tits that I could have casual sex with. Needless to say, my in laws weren't impressed...

They thought I should have called an ambulance first...

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My girl made fun of me, saying that my penis size is just average.

What a mean thing to say!

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A cashier who stutters has a customer

A customer asks a cashier:

“where can I find soap?”

“Aaaiisle sixxx, sssir”

“I’m sorry what was that?”

another customer answers:

“He said that was ‘aisle six’”

After the first customer leaves, the one that just clarified asks to the cashier’s horror with an ...

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Fun Fact

Semen comes out at about 30 mph when you ejaculate. That’s why the cops gets so mad when you jerk off in a school zone