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Fun Jokes

Super Bowl Fun

It’s the Super Bowl, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the 50 yard line. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbor. ‘The seat is empty. ‘This is incredible,’ said the ma...

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Fun fact I was born the same day a Green Day album was released

So, that means two American Idiots came out that day

Fun fact: "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound. . .

At least, I'm pretty sure that's correct.

C'mon guys don't make fun of Amber Heard's lawyer

He probably gets enough abuse from her as it is

I need a few brief jokes to tell to a group of elderly people. The punchlines need to be easily understood, and they need to be clean and not making fun of anyone with any kind of disability. Have any brief and fairly original jokes?

This one is good, although I’ll probably have to emphasize the ‘mispronouncing words’ part, and instead of blonde, the dummy will be me:

*A blonde is flying in a Boeing for the first time. She starts jumping on her seat shouting "Boeing Boeing Boeing".
The pilot, clearly annoyed by this, w...

Platonic friendships are like chess. They're fun, engaging, and can last a long time...

but someone's always wondering "how many moves until mate?"

I don't need to have fun.

To drink.

Fun history fact: The Trampoline was originally sold under the name "Jumpoline"

. . .until June 15th, 1982, when your mom got on one.

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I was sick of my wife always making fun of my crappy sense of directions...

... so I packed my things and right!

Hey guys please don’t make fun of braille.

It’s a very *touchy* subject

After a fun night, he invited me to his place. But then I realized he was a communist.

I should've seen the red flags.

Why Bilbo had to be Male

Fun fact: Bilbo Baggins had to be a male in order for the plot of The Hobbit to work. If he was instead female, everything would have fallen apart in the goblin cave. Bilbo would have gone off wandering around in the dark and dreary caverns, found the ring, and seen Gollum fishing like in the origin...

Fun fact: In Star Trek canon, Captain Kirk has three ears. . .

He has a left ear, a right ear, and SPACE: THE FINAL FRONT EAR.

What’s a taxidermist do for fun?

Stuff

I have no respect for those in wheel chairs who remain silent when people make fun of their disability

Stand up for yourself!

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Polly wants a working girl

So a woman walks into my church and she's like, 'Father, I got a problem. I got two parrots, but they're both female and all they know how to say is one thing.'

And I'm like, 'What do they say?'

And she gets all red in the face and she's like, 'They say "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you...

Why do you not make fun of a fat girl with a lisp?

Because she is thick and tired of it.

I just found my wife has a Tinder profile and I’m furious.

She is absolutely not “adventurous”, and “fun to be around”!

You shouldn't make fun of fat people.

They've got enough on their plates already.

Good thing Chris rock didn’t make fun of hilaria baldwin.

Too soon?

They say "Time flies when you're having fun"...

I don't get it man, what's the best way to time a fly?

A boy is jumping up and down on a big box in the middle of the city street yelling "16!"

Most people are just walking right past the kid, but an old man stops and says to him "boy, what are you doing?"

The boy says to him "you gotta try this! It's so much fun!"

The old man says "that doesn't look like fun"

The boy says "trust me, it is, c'mon just try real quick"...

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A blond and a lawyer are flying to Cleveland

The man asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

Bored, he persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you do...

My wife thought it would be fun if we each have a list of 3 people that would be OK to sleep with if given the chance.

**Her list:** Paul Rudd, Adam Levine, and Channing Tatum

**My list:** Her best friend Stephanie, that barista at our coffee shop, and my ex girlfriend

A CEO of a company called his secretary (his married mistress) and told her that he wants to go on a trip with her this weekend so they can have some fun

and that she can tell her husband it’s a work trip, so she agreed.

She called her husband and told him that she has a work trip so she won’t spend this weekend with him, he understood.

her husband called his mistress and told her that his wife is out this weekend so she should come bec...

I'm a physicist.

It’s 3 AM. A woman paces angrily in her house waiting for her physicist husband to come home. Finally he does. As he walks through the door she glares and demands “where have you been!?” Sheepishly, the physicist husband tries to explain himself. He says, “well my colleagues and I went out just for ...

What did one fungi say to another fungi when they got married?

“I want to grow mold with you.”

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An atheist dies, goes to hell, and finds himself in a lush park with butterflies.

His physical body has transformed back into its prime and he's then greeted by Satan who says "Why hello there! Welcome to hell. Let me show you around, you're gonna love it here."

Satan points to a nice house and says "what do you think of this house?" The atheist replies "It's beautiful, I ...

What kind of berries are these?

\- What kind of berries are these?

\- These are red Currants

\- Then Why are they yellow?

\- Because they are green



Joke explanation for those who didn't understand really fun and smart joke.

So this joke is from Lithuania (it is a country in Europe) So fo...

how much fun can a monk have?

Nun

I was curious what my parents did for fun before the internet…

I asked my 23 siblings and they didn’t know either.

Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay sounds fun

if you don’t know what either of those are

People are always making fun of vegans, but I don’t get it.

I have never had a beef with one.

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Two men are drinking at a bar all night. Finally, one man says to the other, “I hate to break up the fun, but I’ve got to go home and take off my wife’s underwear.”

The other man replies, “What makes you think you’ll be so lucky?” The first man replies while walking out the door, “because they’ve been riding up my butt all night and I’ve had enough.”

Fun movie fact: Did you know that the movie "Speed" featuring Keanu had no director?

Because if it had direction, then the movie would be called "Velocity"

What turns making fun of a ginger into a hate crime?

Dyslexia

Garbage can

An old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school.

He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment.

Then a new school year began.

The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came dow...

how many Irish mammies does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Don't mind me, I'll sit in the dark. You kids go have your fun.

Why did the mushroom stop going to parties?

He was tired of people telling him he was a fun guy.

I need a funny punchline...

My bf is going on a trip and I thought it'd be fun to give him a joke and tell the punchline when he gets home. Only thing is we were on a time crunch and I just said the first thing that came to mind which was:

What do you call a sheep with 3 legs?

I have absolutely no idea so if anyo...

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"Son, I heard you got punished for using the F word in class. That wasn't fun was it?"

"NO DAD. It was fuck."

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I asked my girlfriend to dress up as my favourite Star Wars character for some sexy roleplaying fun.

I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked,

"Love, Jabba the Hut is not my favourite Star Wars character" I exclaimed,

"Fuck off" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet"

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth.

Then it becomes a soap opera.

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There's this old Jewish rag (schmatte) and cloth dealer

who has a regular Gentile customer who likes to poke fun of him and his antiquated ways.

One day the customer calls him up and asks to buy some cloth.

The Jew asks him how much he wants.

"From the tip of your nose to the tip of your penis" the goy says mockingly . "I'm a regula...

A journalist goes to Russia for a documentary.

In a little village he saw an old man and asked him to narrate a typical happy story of his village.

The old man smiled and began:"One day, a long time ago, my goat got lost in the mountains. As is our tradition, all the men of the village gathered to drink vodka first and then looked for the...

Why do owls make the most fun babysitters?

They're a hootin' nanny.

When a group gather to make fun of the Walker Texas Ranger...

...It's a Chuck Roast

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A mailman is delivering the mail to one of the houses on his route when he and the woman who lives there begin chatting. As the conversation continues, he notices a sheet hanging up in the middle of the living room with a small hole in it.

The mailman says, “So, may I ask what’s with the sheet hanging up?” She says, “Ahh yes. Last night we had a bunch of folks over and decided to play a game. The men got on one side of the sheet and the women got on the other. The men took turns putting their cocks in the hole and then the women would...

I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.

The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.

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There was an angry ape

Ever since it lost his mate, he has been mean, throwing feces, and acting aggressive toward staff and visitors.

Into this, a young apprentice zookeeper was thrown. For some reason, George the ape was taken by him. Maybe it was his thick beard.

So the man was waiting for his boss in ...

Two brothers are knights, and one is kidnapped by a foul witch

The older brother goes to rescue his brother from the clenches of the awful witch. When he arrives, he points his sword at her and demands that she let his brother go.

"You cannot kill me with that sword, pitiful knight," she says, "for I am far too powerful. You must offer me something in ...

A Russian joke from the 90's making fun of "New Russians" (Basically gangsters who got rich quick and loved to showcase their wealth).

Hey Boris, I like your tie. How much was it?

Thank you. It is made of the finest silk, cost me $5000.

Ha! You are an idiot. I got mine at the shop around the corner for $7500!

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Halloween Party

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need on his good time being...

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"Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin"

"Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop"

Monopoly is fun but it has some really old stuff that isn’t valid anymore.

There’s free parking, a luxury tax and rich people can actually go to jail.

Will smith used to be so full of life and fun

now he just seems *jaded*

Fun fact: Australia's biggest export is boomerangs.

It's also their biggest import.

Two Finnish guys are sitting in a ferry, drinking vodka..

After a few hours of drinking one of the Finns says “This was fun”
The other one replies:
“Are we here to drink, or are we here to talk?”

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3 men are granted 3 wishes

3 men stumble upon a lamp and they rub it, and out comes a genie. The genie says

"I will grant each of you 3 wishes."

The first man thinks long and hard, and then says

"I want to have a million dollars"

The genie snaps his fingers and poof, the man now has a million dol...

Competitive kite flying was a lot of fun but I eventually had to quit.

Too many strings attached.

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[NSFW] When a woman buys a vibrator, it’s seen as a bit of naughty fun. But….

When a man orders a 240 vault Fuckmaster Pro 5000 blow up latex doll with 6 speed pulsating pussy, elasticized anus with non drip semen collecting tray, together with optional built in realistic orgasm scream with option of a moaner or panter in a 7.1 sound system, hes called a pervert

There once lived a Mr. Wrong

Since he was a wee lad, Mr. Wrong had it tough. He was a bright, brilliant young boy, but to his mother he would never be enough. Worse still, she'd make all sorts of outlandish statements to rub it into him that he would never amount to anything.

Mr. Wrong was tenacious though, as he'd delib...

Fun fact

Before the invention of the crow bar most crows got drunk at home

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A sadist, a masochist, a zoophile, a necrophile, a pyromaniac and a serial killer are having a stroll in the park.

This merry band of weirdoes and deviants are getting a bit bored. Then the zoophile whispers: "Oooh, I know what we should do. Let's catch a cat!"

The sadist nods approvingly: "Yes! Let's catch a cat... and let's torture it!"

The serial killer licks the blade of his knife, and chimes i...

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish Garda.

He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer, from London, and is certain that he has a better education than any paddy cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Garda's expense..!!

Irish Garda says," License and registration, please."

London...

The inventor of autocorrect died

The funnel will be held tomato.

Fun Fact: Spiders can tell the difference between someone blowing on their web and the wind.

But that may just be because the wind isn't warm and sticky...

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A man died and found himself in Hell.

As he was walking through hell in despair, he met The Devil for the first time.

Devil asks him: "Hey, fellow. Why are you so desperate?"
Man: "What do you think? I'm in hell."

Devil: "Hell isn't that bad. We're having a lot of fun here. Do you like alcohol?"
Man: "Sure, I l...

"Drive that thing like you stole it!"

One Friday night, when I was a teenager getting ready to go out, my Dad handed me the car keys and said, "Have fun, son. And remember. Drive that thing like you stole it!"

Upset, my Mom immediately asked why he would say such a reckless thing to his teenager.

To which my Dad replied, "...

I hate when people make fun of my weight

They're just making a joke at my expanse

Fun fact: You can’t breathe correctly while smiling

Just kidding, I made you smile :)

I had a fun childhood, my dad used to push me down the hill in old tires

They were Goodyears

Fun Fact: The Mortal Kombat theme was actually inspired by an old European song of praise.

It was a Finnish hymn.

The real proof that one shouldn't judge a book by it's cover

The real proof that one shouldn't judge a book by it's cover is that math text books have pictures of kids having fun on the front.

Schools are no fun nowdays.

20 years ago, me and my friends could run round the playground giving wedgies, and at most we'd have to write lines.

We tried it today and got arrested.

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I once made the mistake of making fun of a Florida man's wife; he walked up, slapped me in the face, and said...

KEEP MY COUSIN'S NAME OUT YO FUCKIN MOUTH!

Why does the executioner love their job?

Because there's so much fun to behead.

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Yesterday my SON e-mailed me asking why I didn't do something useful with my time.

Like sitting around playing on my computer is not a good thing? I asked.

Talking about my "doing-something-useful" seems to be his favorite topic of conversation.

He said he was "only thinking of me", he said and suggested that I go down to the Senior Center and hang out with the men. ...

bath time

A young boy is taking a bath. He discovers playing with his weiner is fun.
All of a sudden, his dad walks in and catches him.
Dad says "boy, u better quit playing with that thing or you'll go blind".
His son replies" Dad, im over here".

Fun Fact: If you drink the inside of the magic 8 ball, you can see the future.

My friend did it one and he said "I think I'm gonna die."

10 minutes later he actually did!

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A Frenchman, an American and an Australian are in a pub...

And the Frenchman says, "When I make love to my wife she’s in such ecstasy her body rises centimetres off the bed."

The American, not to be outdone, replies, "When I have sex with my wife she’s having so much fun she rises inches off the bed."

They both then look at the Australian and ...

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Fun fact

If you cut off all your body hair and laid it end to end you’d be a fucking weirdo

Two Swedish police officers are patrolling the Norwegian border.

It’s Friday afternoon and they’re in a good mood. They’re talking about how much they look forward to going home to their wives for a nice meal and some fun in bed. But suddenly they see a man who has hanged himself from a tree.

The first officer goes, *Damn it! Now we have to write a report ...

The teacher wrote on the blackboard: "I ain’t had no fun all summer.”

“Now Paul,” she began, “what shall I do to correct this?”

“Get a boyfriend?” Paul replied.

An Irish Priest

An Irish Priest is Transferred to Iola, Texas.

He rose from his bed one morning; It was a fine spring day in his new West Texas mission parish.

He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in ...

A blond Joke I've only heard once before.

A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16-year-olds.

She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun kicking a ball.

She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.

'You ok?' she says.

'Ye...

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Fun Fact:

When you say the word "poop" your lips make the same shape as your butthole.



Bonus Fact: the same is true for "Explosive Diarrhoea"

Why is it in poor taste to make fun of grandpa's balls?

It is low hanging fruit.

A man is talking to a woman and he asks for a fun fact about her. she tells him "I am missing all my toes". the man says, "I'm sorry but I can't date you". The woman asks why and the man responds:

I am lactose intolerant.

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People think working at a zoo is fun, but just like most jobs

You have a lot of shit to deal with.

Fun fact: It is confirmed that monks are allowed to use email.

Just as long as there are no attachments.

Why did the mushroom get invited to the party?

Because he's a fun gi

I was told not to make fun of my girlfriend for waving smoke around the house for good luck.

It was some sage advice.

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