Fun fact: Alligators can live up to 100 years

Which increases the likelihood they’ll see you later

Fun name game

Your Alcoholic name is:


Your first name

\+

Your last name

I don't understand why people make fun of short people. Honestly though, you've really gotta hand it to short people

Because they probably can't reach it anyways.

Fun fact: The USSR didn’t have iron mines.

They had iron **ours.**

Fun Facts

Did you know that recent survey’s and studies have shown Bee Keepers to be the best Match Makers?

It’s true. When they looked into it, the study shows that beauty is indeed in the eye of the Bee-Holder

When I was a kid we had fun rolling down hills in tires.

Those were goodyears.

The other night my girlfriend and I had parked in a quiet road for a bit of fun when a policeman caught us.

He gave me a ticket for doing 69 in a 30mph zone.

The Jones didn't have any children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Jones kissed his wife and said, "I'm off, honey. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell with the hopes of making a sale.

"Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to....."

"Oh, there's no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Jones cut in.

"You have?" the photographer asked....

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A guy and a girl are on their third date.

They haven't done anything more than kissing and the guy was getting a little bit desperate for action. So after a movie and some food he suggest they take a drive up the mountain to get a view of the city. (and some privacy before taking her home). Up there in the car they start kissing. He makes a...

It's great having a loose girlfriend!

But she's had her fun now, back in the cage she goes!

I was bragging to my friends about how I had a date coming up with this hot girl...

My friends laughed and made fun of me, saying that she probably doesn't even exist.

But the joke's on them, because they don't exist either!

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A man dies and finds himself in Hell.

He is greeted by Satan.

Satan: Welcome to Hell! Hey, why do you look so glum?

Man: Why do you think I look so glum? I'm in HELL! Isn't it eternal torture?

Satan: Nah, you've got us all wrong. Hell is pretty okay. When you were alive, did you drink?

Man: Yeah, I drank way ...

Help! Short Military Jokes Needed

Presenting to a group of a couple hundred for Veterans Day and am looking to add a few jokes between presentations. Looking to poke fun at the different services with quick 2-3 sentence jokes. Anyone have an good quick jabs or jokes they could share?

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If there is one thing that democrats and republicans can agree on during this impeachment hearing...

...it's that "quid pro quo" is really fucking fun to say!

I arranged a threesome on the weekend.

Had two no shows, but I still had fun.

When my mates and I are bored we play catch with our watches

It's a fun way to pass the time

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I went to see my proctologist...

I went to see my proctologist for a thorough check-up.

After he looked me over, I said to him, "You know, I probably have one of the best digestive systems in the world. It's *so* good, that I ate TEN POUNDS of glitter the other day just for fun. What do you think?"

“Weird flecks. But...

Halloween fun!

Three vampires went into a bar and sat down. The bartender came over to take their orders. "And what would you, eh, gentlemen like tonight?"

The first vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood." The second vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood." The third vampire shook his head at his compani...

What's at least 6 inches long, goes in your mouth, and is more fun if it vibrates?

.

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..



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A toothbrush. Come on.

Why does everyone make fun of the cripple kid?

Because he can't stand up for himself.

What does getting a Christmas gift and having a kid have in common?

It's usually way more fun to play with the box it came in.

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An old man tsks at his great-grandson playing Fortnite

"This is what you kids do for fun these days? Why back in my day, we'd go to the Moulin Rouge in Paris, fuck all the dancers, piss all over the bar, and leave without paying!"

He didn't think anything more of it until a month later when his great-grandson limped into his house on a pair of cr...

I saw a cannibal at the nursing home the other day, he was walking around making fun of all the residents. I realized then that I actually had something in common with him.

I too find vegetables to be tastier if I roast them first.

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Why is college like being sexual active without protection?condom?

It's really fun until you get tested.

Why did the mushroom go to the party?

It was a fun guy.

What do you call a spider with a cocaine addiction...

An acracknid

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A US Army General was visiting a base in Bulgaria

His tour of the base brought him into the infirmary, where a US soldier was lying in a bed in really bad shape. In the next bed, there was a Russian soldier in similar shape. Afraid that this might lead to an incident, the General asked the US soldier to tell him what happened.

“Well, sir,” b...

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In the spirit of halloween, I would like to clarify that my penis is NOT tiny.

It's fun size.

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Girls With Big Tits.

When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a beautiful girlfriend with big tits. When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Ever...

Squirrels infested a small town and each house of worship called a meeting to decide what to do.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrel problem. After much prayer and discussion, they concluded the squirrels infesting the church were predestined to be there and the church elders and congregation shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

At t...

A Guy’s Dog Dies

So he goes to the pet store and tells the owner “I got $1000 and I want a pet like no other.”
The owner says “I got a talking centipede that likes telling jokes and going to bar.”
“Hey I like doing those things.”
Sold for $1000!
The guy goes home and asks his $1000 centipede “You wanna...

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Such a Weird Religion!

In a feast, a Catholic priest was sat next to a Jewish man.

The priest, who wanted to make fun of the Jew, put some bacon on his dish and said:

\- Sir, would you like some of this bacon?

\- Thanks, but don't you know pork is not allowed in my religion?

\- Wheeeew, such a ...

A couple of weeks ago, I played golf with a guy who shot an even par 72. We had fun during the round, so I asked him if he wanted to play next week.

He said: "Sure, but I might be a half hour late."

The following week he shows up right on on time, and sets up on the first tee, this time playing left-handed. Again he shoots a 72.

I asked him if he wanted to play again next week. He replied: "Sure but I might be a half hour late."...

It wasn’t fun when I broke my neck in an accident a few months ago.

But now I can look back and laugh.

I met a girl with 12 nipples. Sounds fun.....

Dozen tit

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I used to be into kinky stuff....

When I was younger I admit I used to have a kinky side. At first, like most young people exploring their sexuality, it started off with pretty tame stuff. Handcuffs....a little whipping....you know, BDSM.


But that grew boring eventually and I began to search for something new that coul...

Hey, before you make fun of China, you should actually visit the country...

They won’t let you back in after.

Over 95% of frogs agree,...

Times fun when your having flies!

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I entered a blindfolded masturbation competition last weekend..

It was good fun but I have no idea where I came..

Where do all the fun guys hang out?

In Mushrooms.

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Son, have a vodka with me!

- No, thanks, dad.
- Come, have a drink with your father!
- Dad, I'm 5. -
Dad is shitfaced but he insists:
- Ok, just one shot.
The kid drinks it and start crying:
- Ewwwww, it's disgustiiiiiiing!
- Ha! You see?! And your mother thinks I'm sitting here having fun!

(Russi...

Two teenagers, Liam and Noah were sitting outside on a bench after school...

...Liam looked at Noah.

"Yo dude, did you do anything fun this weekend?"

Noah replied," Not really, how about you?"

"Oh man, I was at Joe's house for a party last night and he had toilet bowls made of pure gold, You wouldn't believe it!"

"No way dude, that's impossible, ...

Black Hat Jack

One day in a Saloon in the Wild West, people were casually drinking and gambling when suddenly a cowboy storms into the saloon. He is covered in bruises and bullet wounds. With all the strength he could gather he mutters: "Guys, you need to leave, Black Hat Jack is coming" and then he falls dead. No...

I was once friends with an albino Dalmatian

He was tired of being made fun of for being completely white, so he decided to get small round tattoos inked all over his body. He was just $20 short.


I told him, “Don’t worry Dog, I’ll spot you.”

After a family dinner full of fun, my wife sarcastically complimented me that I have become a true master at dad jokes...

... to which I responded, “ I guess I’m officially a groan man.”

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A llama was grazing in a field one day... (long)

... when another llama came over.

"Hello," said the first llama.

"Whatcha doing?" asked the second llama.

"Oh, you know, eating some grass. Care to join me?" replied the first llama.

"Oh, thank you," said the second. So now there were two llamas eating. Along came a third...

The teacher wrote on the blackboard:

"I ain't had no fun in months." Then asked the class, "How should I correct this sentence?" Little Johnny raised his had and replied, "Get yourself a new boyfriend."

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Juggling seems fun

But i just dont have the balls to do it

Why shouldn’t you make fun of a VSCO girl?

Because they’re going to be a skskskskool shooter.

Fun history fact...

In 1872 the Welsh invented the condom using the length of a sheep’s intestines.
However in 1873 the English somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the sheep first....

I asked my grandma what her parents did for fun before there was television.

I asked her 7 brothers and 7 sisters and they didn't know either.

Botanocide is pretty fun,

it's great for killing thyme.

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Don’t ever make fun of people with chronic diarrhea.

They already get enough shit.

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People get made fun of for being virgins, but what are people who have LOST their virginity?

Losers

I’ve been meaning to try bukkake for a while, and it’s really fun.

My whole family came.

My dating profile says I’m an adrenaline junky who laughs in the face of danger and my hobbies include walking on thousands of blades bare footed for fun. I just love the way the blades tickle my feet and there is no way I’m going to be stopped

by a “Keep off the Grass” sign.

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When a woman buys a vibrator, it's cute naughty fun...

But when a man orders a 240 Volt FuckMaster Pro 5000™ blowing latex doll with 6-speed pulsating pussy, elasticized anus with no-drip semen-collecting tray, together with optional built-in OrgasmScream™ 7.1 surround sound system, suddenly he's a pervert!

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Driving a car is a lot like sex. It was fun for the first few times...

But now it's boring and costs too much money.

My friends make fun of me because my girlfriend is imaginary

But the joke is on them, they are too.

People who say politics aren't fun are wrong.

We have a joke as a president what more do you want.

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I asked my wife to dress up as my favourite Star Wars character for some sexy birthday fun.

I walked into the bedroom that night and I was shocked,

"Love, Jabba the Hut is not my favourite Star Wars character" I exclaimed,

"Fuck off" She shouted "I haven't got dressed yet"

A farmer buys a rooster to service his 200 hens. When he gets the rooster into the barnyard, he tells him, "Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Have fun, but take your time."

The farmer points him toward the henhouse and the rooster takes off like a shot.

WHAM! Randy nails every hen in the henhouse, three or four times. Randy runs out and sees a flock of geese down by the lake. WHAM! He nails all the geese. Randy runs to the pigpen, the cow pasture -- soon, he's b...

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"Mom, all the kids in my class make fun of me because I'm still a virgin."

"Johnny, just start giving them bad grades and they will stop."

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A group of bored military officers start talking about whether sex is work or fun

The lieutenant goes first and says, "I feel that making love is 80% fun and 20% work."

Then captain responded by saying, "No, I think that making love is more work than that. I would say that it is 60% fun and 40% work."

Finally, the major says, "No, making love is definitely way more ...

Every time an American makes fun of me for being Canadian

I go to the nearest hospital and get myself checked for free.

My family all makes fun of me for having a low-paying job filling in spreadsheets

But I like having a job where I can Excel.

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What does a horny mathematician with a lisp do to have fun?

**Math debates**

The other day, I saw a rose making fun of a tulip that had a bump on it's stem, so I stepped on the rose. I'm just doing my part...

...to stop cyst stemic racism.

I always get made fun of for never saying phrases correctly

I guess I never really was the brightest book in the shed.

All of the states in the continental US got together for a party. The only rule was that each state could only hang out with the states it borders. Everybody was having fun except for one state who said

"Is everyone else stuck talking to only one state, or is it just ME?"

Once there was a young man whose friends made fun of him for not being good at anything.

As time passes by, the young man loses self esteem and spends more and more nights crying in bed.
But suddenly a geenie appears and grants him
one wish.

The man has the perfect wish right away; and tells the geenie that he wished to be able to walk on water.

The next morning, ...

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Stop vs slow down

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish cop. He thinks that he's smarter than the cop because he's a lawyer from the one and only London and is certain that he has a better education than any Irish cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Irish cop'...

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I don't normally make fun of somebody's race, but someone has to say it.

FUCK the 100 meter dash. It's just a weaker version of every other race.

Fun fact: members of the equine family can send messages to each other by stamping the ground in distinct patterns.

It's their Horse Code.

A man and woman were having fun in bedroom

But suddenly the husband comes home.


"Oh god no, my husband's home. Quickly take your stuff and get out."


And the woman exits from the backdoor.

I made fun of fat men and I became fat

I teased the bald men and I became bald. Now I only make fun of the rich

If anyone makes fun of you for being deaf...

Don’t listen to a word they say.

Fun fact about Beethoven.

On March 26th, 1827, Ludwig van Beethoven stopped composing, and began decomposing.

You should never make fun of a a fat person with a lisp.

They’re probably thick and tired of it.

Don’t judge a book by its cover. Why?

My maths textbook had a picture of someone having fun on the front.

My neighbor. She’s single. She’s shapely & beautiful and she lives right across the street.

I watched her as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on my door.

I opened the door, she looked at me and said, ”I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and have fun tonight. Are...

A man takes his blonde girlfriend to a football game

A man takes his blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over he asks if she had a good time. She replied “yes that was fun, but I don’t understand why they do all of that for 25 cents”. The man, puzzled, asks “what do you mean?” To which the blonde replied “well the game started with...

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People need to stop making fun of Alabama

They're 50th in education, they cant read that shit

I made fun of my brother getting a bald haircut

I turned around and saw the rest of the cancer patients staring at me

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A fun joke for the phone

Once bored with the conversation, ask the recipient to help you with a joke

Start off with "what has a small dick that hangs down?"

The typical answer "what??"

"A bat, you know, because it hangs upside down"

"Oh"

"What has a big dick that hangs up?'

"Huh?"<...

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Just recalling some fun times I had with a girl with large breasts...

Those were some fond mammaries

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One day a guy dies...

...and finds himself in hell. Walking around, he runs into the devil.

Devil: Why are you so sad?

Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell.

Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Devil: Well ...

My friend met Terry Crews and made fun of him so Terry beat him to death

The coroner says he died from dysentery

My doctor was making fun of me for being low on B vitamins...

He's giving me a complex.

A bass player is playing Jazz in the street for fun when suddenly one of his strings breaks.

The Bassist is a little saddened by this, since he can't really play Jazz with only 3 strings. He contemplates whether he should go buy a replacement string, but after some time he decides it could wait and starts playing Rock instead.

He plays Rock for another hour when suddenly another stri...

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It isn't fun to perform oral sex

Sucks to suck.

You Brits can make fun of me, but I think it's funny.

What did the Brit say when he paid 2,000 pounds for his fridge?

"Goodness gracious, that costs a ton!"

Made by me:)

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Prison Fun

Bob the stockbroker was convicted of insider trading and sent to federal prison.
He was housed with a big, tough bank robber named Jesse.

Walking into his shared cell for the first time Bob was understandably nervous.

“ Hello there, welcome to your new home” said Jesse holding ou...

Remember to not make fun of your wife’s decisions...

Because you were one of them!

My imaginary friend keeps making fun of me.

He says, “At least I have a real friend.”

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Fancy dress party fun

Jimmy has a fancy dress party... the theme being emotions.

the party is getting underway, Jimmy’s first guests arrive, a couple ...the girl is dressed as a huge heart (love) the guy is wearing a green t shirt with the letters n and v on ....(a very original green with envy )

There i...

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