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Little Johnny was participating in a class activity.

The teacher went around asking her students to use random words she gave them in a sentence.
Johnny was asked to use the word facinate in a sentence.
He scratched his head and wondered for a minute then said, "my mom bought me a shirt with 10 buttons but I could only facinate."

The saddest activity in my life is crushing my Coke cans.

Its soda pressing.



(tch tch, that was lame)

My doctor told me to take up an activity that takes me out of the pub.

So, I've started smoking.

All my friends know my second favorite activity is making bad jokes.

My favorite activity is making lists that start at two.

What was the favorite activity of olden day peasants?

Serfing.

A quarterback was being interviewed only moments before the start of the game. The reporter had 3 quick questions: "Your favorite pizza? Your favorite Star Wars character? Your favorite non-football activity?"

His answers were just as brief:

"Hut, Hutt, Hike!"

Not a joke but hilarious activity...

Next time in a public washroom and someone lets a massive fart out just yell FIRE IN THE HOLE! Anyone within earshot will lose their minds laughing. It works

A cop was patrolling a neighborhood after receiving a call from dispatch about suspicious activity.

He stopped a man walking past and asked, "Seen anything unusual?"

"I saw a dolphin wearing a hat once," said the man.

"I meant around here," the cop said annoyed.

*"Nah man, they live in the water."*

What's Doom guy's favourite winter time activity?

Sleighing

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A construction crew was building a house

After a while, the four-year-old next door becomes fascinated by the activity and starts coming around. They provide her with a hard hat, give her little jobs and, at the end of the week, present her with a $5 pay packet.

She proudly takes the packet home where her parents make a massive fuss...

What band was named after an oyster’s least favorite bedroom activity?

Pearl Jam

TIFU by doing BDSM with my wife's sister, when she suddenly walked into our activity

Whoops, wrong sub.

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The wife said: "Bulls can engage in sexual activity more than 20 times in a day. I wish you could do that..."

And the husband replied: "Just remember they do it with more than one cow..."

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Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of new space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all ot...

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During his physical examination, a doctor asked a man about his physical activity level.

He described a typical day this way:


"Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain.
I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles.
I got sand in my shoes and my eyes.
I avoided standing on a snake....

They say the feds track all internet activity and look out for keywords that indicate terrorism or otherwise

I wanted to test this out and Googled "how to kill President"

Few days later I received a care package containing ammo

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I had a call from a scammer the other day

Me: “Hello.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”

Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”

Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”>...

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What's Gordon Ramsay's favorite NSFW activity?

IT'S FUCKING RAW!

What activity can reduce a person's chance of dying of cancer by 16.6%?

Russian Roulette.

Why were a bunch of kangaroos arrested?

Because they were involved in gangaroo activity.

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A young family moved into a house...

next to a vacant lot. One day, a Construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the constructio...

What do you call a fish who is very knowledgeable and enthusiastic about an activity, subject, or pastime?

An aficionado!

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A Serious Accident

A man wakes up in a hospital after a serious accident. He looks around and sees the doctor coming up to him. The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you will be able to walk again without rehabilitation. The bad news is that due to the severity of the accide...

Did you know Nebraska has the highest level of depression and extra-marital activity?

It's a sad state of affairs.

Credit: Paul Savage

TIL that a chemical in blueberries stimulates mental activity

Food for thought

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After years of speculation, researchers have finally published a journal article documenting how long people tend to spend engaging in sexual activity.

It’s about fucking time.

In light of the rising frequency of human - grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is...

advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field. They advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. They also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in ...

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High School on Valentine's Day

A high school thought it might be a fun activity to let the teenagers cut out paper hearts, put the name or wish of their valentine on the card anonymously, and hang them on a chainlink fence at the entrance of the school. Of course someone had to take them all off afterwards. So the day following V...

All the adults judged me because I jumped into the ball pit at the children's activity centre...

It's like they'd never seen a naked man before

I took some pictures of a cop involved in criminal activity and brought them to the Washington Post.

Yes, Post. This officer right here.

What’s a seal’s favorite social activity?

Clubbing...

I’m so sorry

What do you call the activity where you insert a hairy rod in your mouth and at the end you spit out a white liquid?

Brushing your teeth.

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Chemical Analysis of Women

Item: Chemical Analysis



Subject: Women



Symbol: Wo



Discovered by: Adam



Atomic Weight: Average expected as 150lb, but there are known isotopes ranging from 100lb to 250lb.


Occurrence: Surplus quanti...

Did you know that a cyclops’ favorite winter activity is sking?

It’s like skiing, but with one “eye”

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What activity does the owl mafia participate in?

Drive by hootings.

How many introverts does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Ugh, why does it have to be a group activity??

In their biology class, students are given an activity that introduces them to relative dating...

One Student: "Relative Dating? This isn't Alabama!"

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What’s a key activity in the comedic orgasm process?

Pun-ilingus

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What do you call a music group that has been participating in illegal activity online

The Black IPs

An expert on paranormal activity is doing a lecture tour.

He arrives at his most recent lecture location and goes inside to a packed auditorium.

He clears his throat and says "excellent, let us begin. How many people here believe in ghosts? "

Every hand in the rooms goes up.

" That's what I value, a truly open mind" he says. " Now, ...

Help! I need activity suggestions. I’m going to hang out with my father, first thing tomorrow morning. He’s a retired Naval officer and an alcoholic.

What do you do with a drunken sailor, early in the morning??

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The Bicycle: "A teaching moment"

A Priest was about to finish his ten-year tour of missionary duty and was leaving his Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives about the Bible and Christian values, in their own language, when he realizes that the one thing he never really taught them was how to speak Engl...

What's a depressed teenagers favorite activity?

Making their wrist look like their jeans.
(I'm sorry)

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A woman wants her vaginal lips reduced in size

A woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were flapping in the breeze. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.

Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found three roses careful...

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What's Tom Brady's favorite sexual activity?

Deflatio

My bank just called me about suspicious activity on my account.

They didn't believe I bought a gym membership.

I encountered some paranormal activity at the local airport.

My plane wasn't delayed.

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The Big Bang Theory

# Some Background Info

The TV show "The Big Bang Theory" was created by Chuck Lorre. At the end of each episode he inserted a one screen humorous comment.

While season 4 was being produced, the lead actress had a horseback riding accident unrelated to the show which caused her a broke...

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There was a very rich man who hired a prostitute....

The rich guy had a strange fetish, he liked to see people have sex with horses.
The prostitute was a bit embarrassed but agreed to do it.
As the prostitute undressed, the rich man told her to start with a bit of foreplay. The prostitute started jerking the horse off and from the excitement t...

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What activity is easier as it gets harder?

Pissing on the ceiling

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