The 47+ Best Activity Jokes

They say the feds track all internet activity and look out for keywords that indicate terrorism or otherwise

I wanted to test this out and Googled "how to kill President"

Few days later I received a care package containing ammo

TIFU by doing BDSM with my wife's sister, when she suddenly walked into our activity

Whoops, wrong sub.

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A teacher has an activity for the class.

"I want all of you guys to go home and get your parents to tell you a story with a moral at the end of it. You guys will come back tomorrow and share your stories." The children all nod their heads and agree. The next day, the teacher asks all the students to tell their stories. There are funny sto...

Credit card company called me to report suspicious activity...

I asked what kind of suspicious activity and they said someone made a payment.

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The wife said: "Bulls can engage in sexual activity more than 20 times in a day. I wish you could do that..."

And the husband replied: "Just remember they do it with more than one cow..."

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During his physical examination, a doctor asked a man about his physical activity level.

He described a typical day this way:

"Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain.
I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles.
I got sand in my shoes and my eyes.
I avoided standing on a snake....

What is a plastic surgeon's favorite activity at summer camp?

arts and grafts.

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I was told that my high blood pressure made any sexual activity risky, so I asked my doctor.

After my physical, the doctor told me that I could masturbate anytime I wanted to.

His exact words were, "You could have a stroke at any time!"

Did you know Nebraska has the highest level of depression and extra-marital activity?

It's a sad state of affairs.

Credit: Paul Savage

How many introverts does it take to change a light bulb?

Why must it be a group activity?

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Little Johnny was participating in a class activity.

The teacher went around asking her students to use random words she gave them in a sentence.
Johnny was asked to use the word facinate in a sentence.
He scratched his head and wondered for a minute then said, "my mom bought me a shirt with 10 buttons but I could only facinate."

A Farmer with a dog found a new activity group within LGBTQ community.

And BI NGO was it's name.

The saddest activity in my life is crushing my Coke cans.

Its soda pressing.

(tch tch, that was lame)

When I die, I want to be buried in an area with lots of seismic activity

Strictly for the good vibes

What's Doom guy's favourite winter time activity?

Sleighing

My doctor told me to take up an activity that gets me out of the pub

So I've started smoking

Going to the gun range is a pretty fun activity for its price

You get the most bang for your buck

What's a depressed teenagers favorite activity?

Making their wrist look like their jeans.
(I'm sorry)

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Panda and a Prostitute

A panda spent the night in bed with a prostitute. The following morning as he is about ready to leave, the prostitute yells after him, "Hey, aren't you going to pay me?"

The panda appears confused, so she throws a dictionary at him and tells him to look up 'prostitute.'

The definition ...

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What is a pansexual's guilty pleasure activity?

Washing the dishes.

All my friends know my second favorite activity is making bad jokes.

My favorite activity is making lists that start at two.

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What's Tom Brady's favorite sexual activity?

Deflatio

My bank just called me about suspicious activity on my account.

They didn't believe I bought a gym membership.

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Any sexual activity that involves two people at the same time is twosome.

If there's three then it's threesome.

If it involves whole bunch then it's wholeso.... It's orgie.

What activity can reduce a person's chance of dying of cancer by 16.6%?

Russian Roulette.

What’s a seal’s favorite social activity?

Clubbing...

I’m so sorry

What's a necrophilic pirate's favorite activity?

Digging for booty.

A man meets his Tinder date at a carnival.

"There's so many games!" he said, "What do you wanna do?"

"I wanna get weighed." she says, shyly looking at the ground.

They go to the GUESS-Your-WEIGHT booth and she wins a stuffed animal.

"What next?" he asks.

"I wanna get weighed." she says, confidently looking at him....

TIL that a chemical in blueberries stimulates mental activity

Food for thought

What band was named after an oyster’s least favorite bedroom activity?

Pearl Jam

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Out of all of the millions of animal species on Earth, only humans and bonobos enjoy sex as a recreational activity

Don’t ask me how I know.

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I wouldn't say pooping is my favorite activity.....

But it's a solid number two.

A cop was patrolling a neighborhood after receiving a call from dispatch about suspicious activity.

He stopped a man walking past and asked, "Seen anything unusual?"

"I saw a dolphin wearing a hat once," said the man.

"I meant around here," the cop said annoyed.

*"Nah man, they live in the water."*

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What activity does the owl mafia participate in?

Drive by hootings.

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What activity is easier as it gets harder?

Pissing on the ceiling

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear customer,

We are discontinuing your internet service due to suspicious activity/illegal downloading on your network.

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Monkey Who Does Great Sex

A young sexy woman passing by a pet shop saw a board -

"Monkey who does great sex".

She went in, bought that monkey & walked away with the Instruction Manual.

The Manual said *'Give a good bath to the monkey, then you take a bath. Make him sit on the bed and you lie down w...

I encountered some paranormal activity at the local airport.

My plane wasn't delayed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s a key activity in the comedic orgasm process?

Pun-ilingus

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Girl And Construction Workers

Here's a heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little girl and some construction workers. This will make you believe that we CAN make a difference when we give a child the gift of your time...

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day, a construction cr...

I'm trying to make out with my gf tonight without sucess. Any activity subjection?

Not movies.

My colleagues wanted to do a team building activity, and someone suggested a ropes course.

A few folks were hesitant, but I'm happy to say everyone came. I've never experience such fantastic bondage.

Costco Doctor

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, John says to Scott, “My elbow hurts like hell.

I guess I'd better see a doctor."

“Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Scott replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Costco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer ...

A vegan club is the worst place for social activity.

It's impossible to meat people there.

What is a zombie's favourite activity on a cruise ship?

Shuffleboard!

Due to the rise of suspicious clown activity, Party City has removed all associated costumes from its' shelves...

... Clinton and Trump are furious.

A calligrapher died peacefully in his sleep.

He soon woke up in a land of paradise. He spent the next few days exploring. Heaven was exactly as he imagined—pristine rolling hills, golden castles upon cloud tops, reunions with lost loved ones, and endless opportunities to explore one's hobbies. He had access to the finest selection of inks and ...

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