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Little girl lands position as construction boss.

**A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.**


**The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing ...

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I was talking to a scammer the other day.

Me: “Hello.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”

Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”

Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”...

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What's Gordon Ramsay's favorite NSFW activity?

IT'S FUCKING RAW!

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During his physical examination, a doctor asked a man about his physical activity level.

He described a typical day this way:


"Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain.
I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles.
I got sand in my shoes and my eyes.
I avoided standing on a snake....

TIFU by doing BDSM with my wife's sister, when she suddenly walked into our activity

Whoops, wrong sub.

What do you call a fish who is very knowledgeable and enthusiastic about an activity, subject, or pastime?

An aficionado!

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What is a pansexual's guilty pleasure activity?

Washing the dishes.

What activity can reduce a person's chance of dying of cancer by 16.6%?

Russian Roulette.

They say the feds track all internet activity and look out for keywords that indicate terrorism or otherwise

I wanted to test this out and Googled "how to kill President"

Few days later I received a care package containing ammo

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I had to go to the doc today for heart problems. Good news is my heart is healthy enough for sexual activity.

Bad news is my doc won't give me prescription.

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The wife said: "Bulls can engage in sexual activity more than 20 times in a day. I wish you could do that..."

And the husband replied: "Just remember they do it with more than one cow..."

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After years of speculation, researchers have finally published a journal article documenting how long people tend to spend engaging in sexual activity.

It’s about fucking time.

I took some pictures of a cop involved in criminal activity and brought them to the Washington Post.

Yes, Post. This officer right here.

My bird hospital was shut down by the city.

They said it was due to ill eagle activity.

What is atheism

A non-prothet activity

TIL that a chemical in blueberries stimulates mental activity

Food for thought

All the adults judged me because I jumped into the ball pit at the children's activity centre...

It's like they'd never seen a naked man before

Did you know that a cyclops’ favorite winter activity is sking?

It’s like skiing, but with one “eye”

Did you know Nebraska has the highest level of depression and extra-marital activity?

It's a sad state of affairs.

Credit: Paul Savage

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What’s a key activity in the comedic orgasm process?

Pun-ilingus

An expert on paranormal activity is doing a lecture tour.

He arrives at his most recent lecture location and goes inside to a packed auditorium.

He clears his throat and says "excellent, let us begin. How many people here believe in ghosts? "

Every hand in the rooms goes up.

" That's what I value, a truly open mind" he says. " Now, ...

I'm in jail because I beat my wife

The police showed up at our house because they got a call about suspicious activity in the area and stopped to see if we knew anything.

Officer: "We saw you both sprinting to the door of your home and thought we would make sure everyone is alright."


Me: *Speechless from not being ...

What do you call the activity where you insert a hairy rod in your mouth and at the end you spit out a white liquid?

Brushing your teeth.

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What activity does the owl mafia participate in?

Drive by hootings.

What’s a seal’s favorite social activity?

Clubbing...

I’m so sorry

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A plane made an emergency landing on water...

A plane made an emergency landing on water. The Air Hostess asked the passengers to slide down to the lifeboats, but the passengers refused; so she asked the captain to help. The captain being knowledgeable and experienced, guided her:
1. Tell the Americans this is an ADVENTURE.
2. Tell the Br...

I encountered some paranormal activity at the local airport.

My plane wasn't delayed.

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A woman wants her vaginal lips reduced in size

A woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were flapping in the breeze. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.

Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found three roses careful...

In their biology class, students are given an activity that introduces them to relative dating...

One Student: "Relative Dating? This isn't Alabama!"

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Latest scam warning.

Police are warning people of a new scam being perpetrated at various mall and supermarket car parks.

When the intended victim - almost always male - has loaded their shopping into their car they are approached by two or three female teenagers who will ask or beg for help. The story is usually...

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A man goes to the doctor complaining of abdominal pain.

While examining the man's abdomen, the doctor asks "Have you been doing any strenuous activity recently?"

"Well," the man replies, "I'm in the process of moving twelve pallets of cinder blocks for a shed I'm building."

"I see. Well, it looks like that's given you a pretty bad hernia. W...

Help! I need activity suggestions. I’m going to hang out with my father, first thing tomorrow morning. He’s a retired Naval officer and an alcoholic.

What do you do with a drunken sailor, early in the morning??

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What do you call a music group that has been participating in illegal activity online

The Black IPs

How many introverts does it take to change a light bulb?

Why must it be a group activity?

We were at Kyle's place last week and had an idea

You know how everyone has occasionally had the great idea to try and snort assorted things? Like pixie stix and rock candy? That's where this story takes place.

Somehow the topic of conversation wandered to the effects of cocaine and other substances on the nostrils. The attention seeker of t...

What's a depressed teenagers favorite activity?

Making their wrist look like their jeans.
(I'm sorry)

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What's Tom Brady's favorite sexual activity?

Deflatio

My bank just called me about suspicious activity on my account.

They didn't believe I bought a gym membership.

My colleagues wanted to do a team building activity, and someone suggested a ropes course.

A few folks were hesitant, but I'm happy to say everyone came. I've never experience such fantastic bondage.

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I wouldn't say pooping is my favorite activity.....

But it's a solid number two.

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What activity is easier as it gets harder?

Pissing on the ceiling

I'm trying to make out with my gf tonight without sucess. Any activity subjection?

Not movies.

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