My friend confessed to me saying that he was starting to develop a bestiality fetish...

Not wanting to kink shame him I ask “How did you get into it?”

“Well I did some research on the internet and ended up going down a rabbit hole”

Today I found out Karl Marx's sister invented the starting pistol

Her name was Onya

The head cook was also a proud linguist. He boasted to his team that he'd finally figured out that champagne and sugar are the only words that sound like "sh" without starting with "sh".

The assistant hesitated for a moment then replied-
.
.
.
"Chef! Are you sure?"

I said to my teenage son "There are two words I'm hearing a lot, and they're starting to grate"

"I'd like you to stop using them so much, please. One of them is 'cringe' and the other is 'epic'. Do you think you could manage that?"

He said "Sure, Dad -- what are the two words?"

I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her…

As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"

Arnold Schwarzenegger is starting a pest control business

It's bound to be successful, since he's an Ex-Terminator.

Dad, are we breaking the law by starting all these fires?

Yes, we arson.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 60 year old man was starting at a 17 year old teen, particularly his hair, on the bus.

The boy, who had just coloured his hair various shades started feeling uncomfortable by the old man's gaze.

Unable to take it anymore, the boy shouted - "What is it old man? Can't stomach when people do wild things?"

The old man replied - "I once fucked a peacock when I was a teen. Wo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man has a habit of starting every morning by breaking wind.

Of course, his wife finds this habit disgusting, and even as she asks him to stop, he only snickers, continuing the habit every morning.

After one of the husband's daily bouts of morning flatulence, the woman tells him that if he continues to fart every morning, his intestines will come out ...

So I heard the government is starting to put chips in people,

I hope mine is gonna be sour cream and onion!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My GF is really starting to remind me of my dog...

We cuddle, I take her out every now and then, we walk together, I feed her...

And in exchange, we have sex!

I'm starting a new pasta cult

May we praise the Noodle Lord for eternity. Ramen.

The amount of bad Covid-19 jokes being circulated is starting to reach alarming figures

Some scientists suspect that it might be a pundemic.

I’ve been dating a homeless woman recently, and I think it’s starting to get serious.

She just asked me to move out with her.

As I have gotten older and started thinking about all the people I have lost on the way I'm starting to think.....

Maybe becoming a tour guide wasn't the best career

I’m a fat man starting to feel spiritual

As I looked into all the different religions, I found that that all of them, in one way or another, involved abstaining from food. Hindus, for example all give up beef. Mormons boycott alcohol and coffee. As a Catholic you can eat anything most of the year, but have to give up the foods like most fo...

I tried starting an anarchist community.

Nobody would follow the rules.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’m on a date with a cute guy and we start talking about tattoos.

He asks me if I have any tattoos and I say “yeah, some stars on my right hip.” I ask him if he has any and he says “yeah, one on my dick and it says Shorty.” My face falls as I realize what this means just when we are really starting to hit things off. But then he says “when my dick gets hard it say...

I'm starting a protest against the evil capitalist structure promoted by Vietnamese soup salesmen.

We are Anti-Pho

A couple months ago, my girlfriend and I started experimenting with bondage. I was quite into it, but I could see she wasn't having fun herself. But we kept at it and now I think she's really starting to enjoy it.

She was bound to like it eventually

Businesses are starting to open up. In fact, the LEGO store is open now, but I recommend staying away for a while.

People will be lined up for blocks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tried starting a unisex cooking group focused on fried foods

But no one will join me in "The Battered Men & Women's Club"

My grandad is getting old and he’s “starting to have a hard time with all the stares”

It’s his own fault, I told him not to get that face tattoo.

I’m starting to make a robot that has a really high words per minute.

He’s a pro-to-type.

I’m starting a photography business from home soon

I’ll let you know if anything develops.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend draws beautiful nudes, starting from the feet, up. They're amazing art but he always throws them all away...

I think it's 'cuz he always finishes on the faces.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Starting a farm

A man decides to start a farm. So he walks into town to buy some animals. At the farmers’ market he first asks for a rooster.

“We don’t call them roosters here,” the clerk says snootily. “We call ’em cocks.”

So the man buys one cock, then points at another animal and asks, “What do you...

I'm starting a charity to teach short people maths

It's called, "Making the little things count"

A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman"

She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"

Delighted, the girl quickly ...

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