I'm starting a group for people who cannot climax.

Let me know if you cant come.

A young blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had
any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the
porch" he said. "How much will you charge me?"


Delighted, the girl quickly responded,
"How about $50?"

...

If you're having trouble starting conversations with girls on dating apps,

Try cocaine, it's usually a pretty reliable pick up line.

Nobody even noticed that Thailand announced they were starting a Space Force too....

Who’s really worried about Thai fighters anyway?

Robin: “The Batmobil isn’t starting!”

Batman: “Did you charge the battery?”
Robin: “What the hell is a tery?”

I’m thinking of starting a band with some guys I met online

We’re gonna call ourselves LinkedIn Park

I’ve been dating a homeless woman recently, and I think it’s starting to get serious…

She’s asked me to move out with her.

I am starting a new career as a “redneck rapper”.

Call me Lil Nas-car!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

John was starting to worry about his 12 year old son Jack.

Jack was a D student, and only because John helped complete all of Jack's homework. Jack wasn't good at sports. He didn't have many friends. And it seemed like once a week he was getting called into the principal's office for some sort of misbehavior. So John told Jack, in a last ditch effort to get...

I'm starting a discount amputation clinic.

I'm calling it Half Off For Half Off.

If you're worried about Trump starting WW3, don't be...

If the US starts the war they can't join three years late.

Thinking of starting a liquor brand and getting free advertising from the other major labels

I'm going to call it "responsibly"

My dad told me to stop petting the cat because its claws were starting to dig into his skin.

I kept petting the cat. Who am I to stop this poor soul from getting what it kneads?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Was in the pub a few months ago with my mate and these 4 huge bastards starting mouthing off at us.

"Pretend we're the Police" my mate said

I only got two lines into the first verse of Roxanne before they kicked the shit out of us.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 60 year old man was starting at a 17 year old teen, particularly his hair, on the bus.

The boy, who had just coloured his hair various shades started feeling uncomfortable by the old man's gaze. Unable to take it anymore, the boy shouted - "What is it old man? Can't stomach when people do wild things?"

The old man replied - "I once fucked a peacock when I was a teen. Wondering ...

What did the crow starting a charity say?

Would you like to support our caws?

What’s the deal with prisons and starting with the letter A...

I mean Alcatraz, Azkaban, Australia and Auschwitz.

Did you hear about he guy who was killed with a starting pistol?

The police think it may be race-related!

I think my wife is starting to get depressed with all this rain we’re getting. Everyday, I see her at the window with a sad look on her face.

If it gets any worse I might have to let her back inside.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A single mother asked her dad what she should do because her young sons were starting to curse like sailors...

He told her the next time one of them said a bad word to smack him in the mouth and send him to his room.

The next morning at breakfast the boys came into the kitchen and the mother asked them what they would like for breakfast...

The oldest son replied... I want some fucking Cheerios...

I'm really starting to hate these stupid Russian dolls

They're so full of themselves

An old couple are starting to lose their memories...

...so they go to the doctor. "You're fine," says the doctor, "but I think you ought to start writing things down so you can remember them more easily."

Later that night, the man and his wife are watching TV. The man gets up and says to his wife, "I'm just getting a snack, would you like one?...

I’m thinking of starting a social media network for chickens.

Not as a full time job just a way to make hens meet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A black man was shot in my local town last night with a starting pistol

The police think the shooting was race related.

Last night at dinner I thought I saw my father starting to gag.

Turns out it was just another dad choke.

My fast food addiction is really starting to cause me issues.

For starters, I can't find anywhere in New York that does a decent cheetah sandwich.

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