This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm starting to think Jews really do run this country

but don't want to jump to conclusions, this my first time visiting Israel

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Gay people are really starting to piss me off

They're always like "I'm not gay" and "I think you're projecting"

Like fuck me dude

I'm starting a job as a director..

.. of old McDonald's farm, I'm the CIEIO.

I'm starting a mail order bride service featuring women from around the world who have an STD.

Amnasty International.

I'm starting an asphalt company on Abbey Road

It'll be called Ringo's Tar

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I'm thinking of starting a business with focus on laxatives.

It just gets shit done.

I ran into an old friend from school today who immediately starting bragging about his wonderful life.

Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”

I said, “If you think she’s beautiful, you should see my girlfriend.”

He said, “Why? is she good looking?”

I said, “No, she’s a optician.”

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At first I found my girlfriend's kinks exciting but now they're starting to become a bit of a pain in the arse.

Bloody Peggy.

I think my dessert was starting to spoil

The flavor was really off pudding.

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My friends and I were drinking and starting asking Alexa stuff. Alexa, what is a blowjob? Alexa, what is rim job? Alexa, what is a golden shower?

That barmaid got pissed and threw us out.

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One day I was having trouble starting my car and my neighbor comes over and says “need a jump?”

Then he called over three of his friends and kicked my ass.

I'm teaching my Grandson the alphabet at the moment, starting with the hardest first four letters..

..the rest is just e-z

How do I talk to my girlfriend about her weight without starting a fight?

Whenever I bring it up with my wife she gets upset.

My Boyfriend said I’m starting to annoy him because I relate everything to Batman….

What a joker!!!

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I'm starting a support group for people who can't orgasm

Let me know if you can't cum.

Have you heard? Melinda Gates, Mackenzie Scott, and Justine Musk are starting their own rocket company!

They are calling it Space-Ex’s and their rockets are guaranteed to go pren-up up up.

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So over the past few weeks I've been mastering the art of ejaculating in various shapes. I've done squares, triangles, hexagons, but could not for the life of me form an oval. I was starting to get frustrated, but its fine now...

I came a round.

I'm starting to not like the Middle East.

The plot's too confusing and I can't connect with any of the characters.

UK police today arrested a man for shooting a starting pistol at someone.

They are treating the offence as race related.

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I'm planning on starting a strip club....

... in Poland. It will be called Pole Land.


I will hire people from ex law enforcement as strippers.


The slogan for the club will be: "Welcome to Pole Land, in Poland: Where Polish police polish your pole".

The slogan did pretty well in market research polls.

Mix up

An old man suddenly arrived in Hell in a burst of flames, looking lost and confused
The Devil looked at his paperwork, and frowned. He was unable to find this old man’s data file.

“This can’t be right,” the old man grumbled, looking at the Devil, “I’ve been a good man all my life.”
...

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Starting today I will be completely avoiding German porn.

I just want to train myself to have a Hans-free orgasm.

Been thinking about starting a program to rehabilitate felons through the power of writing

So I've been considering all the prose and cons.

Apparently Tucker Carlson is starting a new band

Rage sponsored by the machine

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Working on an offshore oil rig.

So the new guy is being shown around the offshore oil rig. And while being fascinated by the ship and machinery, he nervously asks the old-timer, "We're going to be out here for over month, and I don't see any women. Not one. What do we when we get horny?"

The old timer nods knowingly and ...

My friend came up to me and said, "Dude I'm starting a sweatshirts business. It's going to be huge".

I said "Alright make sure you have it in small and medium also."

How to get to Heaven from Scotland …

I was testing children in my Glasgow Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting into heaven.

I asked them, "If I sold my house and my
car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my
money to the church, would that get me
into heaven?"

"NO!" the ...

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