UPJOKE
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Starting Jokes

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I'm starting to think Jews really do run this country

but don't want to jump to conclusions, this my first time visiting Israel

I'm starting to doubt my marriage

A rich man, after 50 years of marriage, once looked at his wife and said:

\- 50 years ago, we had a small house and an old car. We slept on the couch and watched a small black-and-white TV, but every night I went to bed with a beautiful 19-year-old girl. Now I have a huge expensive house, ma...

Starting salary.

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what ...

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I'm starting a support group for women that can't reach orgasm.

If you can't come let me know.

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My fear of palindromes is really starting to affect my life, so I asked the doctor if he could prescribe me anything.

The bastard gave me Xanax.

My friend confessed to me saying that he was starting to develop a bestiality fetish...

Not wanting to kink shame him I ask “How did you get into it?”

“Well I did some research on the internet and ended up going down a rabbit hole”

I've been dating this homeless chick for a while now and it's starting to get serious.

She asked me to move out with her.

A boss tells his new employee, "I'll give you 15bucks an hour starting today and in three months….,

I'll raise it to 18bucks an hour. So when would you like to start?"

"In 3 months," the employee replies.

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Starting today I will be completely avoiding German porn.

I just want to train myself to have a Hans-free orgasm.

Canada's starting a space program to send a spaceship to the moon

They're calling the spaceship Apollo-G.

Starting Early

There was a little girl named Suzy and she liked to play with one of the little boys in her neighborhood named Jack after school. One day, Suzy comes home ecstatic and her mother asks, "Suzy, why are you so excited?". Suzy replies "I was playing with Jack and he said he'd give me a dollar if I climb...

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I'm starting to get self-conscious about my body odour...

On my last two dates the woman has sprayed me with perfume before we had sex. I can't quite place the brand but it had a distinct sharp peppery smell.

Before starting World War 3

The Russians should consider finishing World War 1 and upgrading their weapons

A man has been shot with a starting pistol...

The police are pretty sure it's race related.

I told my wife, "You're starting to act like my ex-wife"

She freaked out and said, "You never told me you had an ex-wife!"

I replied, "I don't."

I'm starting a gym where we bring exercise equipment right to your front door, whether you requested it or not.

I'm calling it "Jehovah's Fitness"

My Boyfriend said I’m starting to annoy him because I relate everything to Batman….

What a joker!!!

I'm thinking of starting a reading program for inmates...

...but I'm still figuring out the prose and cons.

My wife has an odd way of starting conversations.

She always begin by saying "Hey, are you even listening?"

I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her…

As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"

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(NSFW) People are starting to inject Viagra into their eyes.

It doesn't do much for their dick, but it makes them look fucking hard.

Hooters is trying to stay afloat during this pandemic so they are starting door to door service thus a name change is in order.

They will now be known as Knockers

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Tampax starting early

Just seen the new Tampax advert,

They're replacing the string on all of their best selling tampons with tinsel.

Bit early in my opinion,


when its only for the christmas period.

I'm starting a job as a director..

.. of old McDonald's farm, I'm the CIEIO.

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