My Boyfriend said I’m starting to annoy him because I relate everything to Batman….

What a joker!!!

UK police today arrested a man for shooting a starting pistol at someone.

They are treating the offence as race related.

Apparently Tucker Carlson is starting a new band

Rage sponsored by the machine

How can you tell your acne is really starting to get out of hand?

The blind start reading your face.

A professor was starting to read and grade the immense stack of term papers on his desk....

....when a young man approached his desk.

“Here’s my paper, sir,” said the student.

“I’m sorry, young man. That paper was due yesterday, and I do not accept late submissions.”

“Well, excuse me, sir,” the student said, haughtily. “Do you know who I am?”

“No, I do not,” re...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Starting today I will be completely avoiding German porn.

I just want to train myself to have a Hans-free orgasm.

I’m starting a cryogenics business. It’s called...

Icy Dead People.

A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?"

Blonde: "In three months."

COVID is starting to feel a lot like religion -

Less and less people are worries about it but it's still huge in India.

~Mark Normand

I'm starting a group to play basketball and then discuss philosophy

It's called "shoot first, ask questions later"

I'm thinking about starting a dating service in Prague

I shall call it "Czech-Mate"

I'm starting a charity to raise awareness of pyramid schemes.

Donate $100 to register as a fundraiser and you'll receive 10% of all donations you raise.

You know what I've turned into after starting to like bugs in my code?

A Spider

My boss told me we're starting drug testing next week..

I said no prob, but I ain't trying meth.

Hooters is trying to stay afloat during this pandemic so they are starting door to door service thus a name change is in order.

They will now be known as Knockers

I'm starting to suspect I was cloned from my older brother

All my genes are hand-me-downs

*Adapted from a song by His Royal Weirdness

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Going to have sex with my girlfriend tonight starting at 2:00am

That way she'll think I lasted an hour and two minutes.

What's the difference between a new stand-up just starting out and the US Air Force finding out they hit a hospital?

The stand-up might actually stop bombing.

I'm excited to announce I'm starting my new company that strictly replaces fuses.

When customers come to me to have fuses replaced I'll be able to refuse but still get paid.

My friend confessed to me saying that he was starting to develop a bestiality fetish...

Not wanting to kink shame him I ask “How did you get into it?”

“Well I did some research on the internet and ended up going down a rabbit hole”

An old Irish woman is naked starting at herself in the mirror

Her husband walks in and asks “what in the hell are you doing?”

“I had my physical today and my doctor told me I was a beautiful woman who should be proud of her aging body,” she replied.

“Yeah? And what did he say about your fat Irish ass?”

“You didn’t come up in conversation,...

I'm starting a social media website for religious people with a lisp

Faithbook

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