Flirt Jokes - 100 Hilarious Flirt Jokes

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Scottish Flirting

A couple went out to the pub in Scotland for a few drinks. The boyfriend went to the loo, leaving his girlfriend alone at the bar.

A sauced fellow approaches her at the bar. "Wow," he says in his thick accent, "you're so beautiful! If yous was my girlfriend, I'd kiss ye all over!"

The ...

A woman is flirting with a Russian man at a bar(a joke)

She says,

"Hi, handsome, what do you do for a living?"

The Russian replies,

"I work for KGB."

"Cool, tell me an interesting story!"

"About me or about you?"

How do ships flirt online?

They send deck pics.

This deaf girl used to flirt with me constantly, but I was oblivious to it.

I wish I could have read the signs.

I was flirting with this teenager on the internet...

...after a while, she tells me she's an undercover cop.

How cool is that for someone her age?

A man and a woman are painfully flirting

The restaurant was practically empty, save for them. The man and the woman sat in silence, each waiting for the other to begin.

The man started.

"H-Hi." **Oh god, I sound like an idiot.**

"...Hi." *My Voice! Please come out!*

"So...uh...um...do w-weather?" **What is wrong...

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A man decided to flirt with a woman

Unfortunately, on his way to her table, he tripped and broke his leg, 3 tables, and his confidence in a single move.

She rushed over concerned and he frantically thought of ways to recover.

Then it hit him. It was as if the secrets of all the Universe had been revealed. He smiled in an...

I don't flirt with nuns very often...

... but now that I've met Sister Ruth, I'm confident I'd enjoy getting into the habit.

What happens when a computer engineer fails flirting with a waitress?

Error in connecting to the server

How does one hacker flirt with the other

"I'll show you yours if you show me mine"

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What's the difference between flirting and sexual harassment?

Whether or not the woman finds the man attractive.

My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. "She obviously has COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked.

My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste."

A doctor and an archeologist start flirting

After a while of the doctor asks:
-“What do you do for a living”
-“Im an archeologist” she answers
The doctor responds:
-“Then I guess this isnt going to work out, you will constantly be dating other people”

I was flirting with a woman and asked her what's one thing she's most talented at

She said "I'm a great liar!"

I thought to myself, *yikes*, not a very good thing to admit.

But at least she's honest!

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A man went to the store to buy some raisins...

When he got there, he asked a cashier, "What aisle are the..."

"...raisins in?" she asked.

"How... how did you know?"

"I am a psychic. I can read minds."

"Really? Well then, what am I..."

"Thinking now? You're thinking about what I might look like naked."

"Y...

A man flirts with a mathematician

"Imagine you are a variable and your clothes are constants, and then you derive."

"Well, I would be naked but I would also have fewer curves."

My IT friend tried to flirt with a waitress and failed miserably

I guess it wasn’t the first time he couldn’t connect to the server

How does a technophile flirt?

Heyy Siri

Why did the blonde love to flirt with old men?

Because they made the best Theranos investors

if a girl is being nice to you it doesn't mean she is flirting

She might be a Canadian

I was at a restaurant and a cute waitress was flirting with me. She gave her email and told me to hit her up sometime. I tried to email her the next day but the internet was down.

I couldn’t connect to the server

My Version Of Flirting!

My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive and hoping they're braver than I am.

At a party, Bob was flirting with a girl

The girl's boyfriend walked over to Bob and pushed him. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Bob said, "I didn't know she was taken. I'm sorry." The boyfriend raised his fist and threatened, "If you touch my girl again, you're fiction."

Bob was confused, and asked, "Uh, don't yo...

How does ramen flirt?

They send noods.

Seen at a local restaurant.

How do you flirt with a calligraphist?

Say, "You have pretty I's!"

What message did the cyborg see upon his failed attempt to flirt with the waitress?

Error! Unable to establish a connection with server.

A doctor just flirted with me. She also said that i was really sweet.

Well her exact words were "severely diabetic" but I know what she meant. I got the hint.

I was near the local playground, and I tried flirting with the cute single mother.

It was a swing and a Miss.

A man meets a foreign girl, they flirt with each other, and end up sleeping with each other.

After the man came, he asked her 'you finish'?

She shook her head.

Dutifully the men got back to work, and after another round of lovemaking he asked her 'you finish?'

The girl shook her head again.

The man barely had any energy left, but continued the lovemaking none...

A physicist flirts with a fat lady.

Physicist: Hey lady, you know why you're hot?

Fat lady: (surprised and shocked) I don't know, why?

Physicist: (whispers) Thermal Expansion!

Fat lady: *slaps*

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How I flirt is how I run.

It's funny to watch, I have no form, and I end up sweating like a mother fucker whenever it's over.

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A young man on a plane is flirting with a nearby flight attendant...

"Hey, wanna join the Mile-High Club? *wink wink*"

The flight attendant responds "No thanks. And quite honestly, I don't give a flying fuck."

A guest flirts with the waitress in the pub. He has a very nice dog with him.

At some point he takes the waitress aside and whispers in her ear:
"This is a really great dog. He can even make women happy!"

The waitress is interested, and they meet in the back room after closing time. She undresses and lies down expectantly on the sofa.

He calls the dog:
"Ha...

What happened to the single IT technician when he tried to flirt with a barista at a cafe?

He was unable to make a connection to the server

I met a girl last night & after so flirting asked her if she wanted to come home with me to play "Doctor"?

So when we got to my place, I left her sitting on my couch with a bunch of out dated magazines on the end table for 2 1/2 hours before I came out of my bedroom.

I was flirting really well with this woman in the bar.

"Do you want me to show you a good time?" she asked.

"Of course, babe," I grinned eagerly.

"Get your stopwatch out then," she snapped, "and see how long it takes me to get to the other side of the club."

Guy: I’m hungover

Girl: Stop flirting with me on the walkie talkies, someone’s gonna hear us. Over.

I remember when two Asian girls tried flirting with me

They asked me if I wanted to sleep with them. They said it will be like winning the lottery. To my horror they were right... we had six matching balls.

Oxygen and Potassium went on a date, and apparently it was OK

But then we saw Oxygen getting together with Magnesium, and we were like, OMg Oxygen is cheating on Potassium! That is *not* OK!

But then when Nitrogen started flirting, Oxygen said NO.

A man and a woman are flirting in a bar

The woman asks the man what he does for a job to which he replies "I'm a vampire hunter"

"There are no vampires around here through" she says looking at him confused. He takes a long drink and says "you're welcome"

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A Koala is sitting in a bar...

A Koala is sitting in a bar enjoying his drink when a beautiful woman approaches him. She starts flirting and they chat for a few minutes before the woman looks at the Koala and says

"hey, you wanna get outta here?"

"Sure!" the Koala replied as he jumped off the stool and took her ha...

What's the difference between a fire wizard and someone who flirts with pastries?

One is a Pyromancer, the other is a pie-romancer.

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I just found out that I am seriously poor at 'reading' women. I was just sat at the bar earlier, when this stunning lass sat beside me. She leaned in to whisper something, and like a fucking idiot I automatically thought she was trying to flirt with me.

Turned out she just wanted to tell me how nice my arse looks in these jeans.

I was flirting with a girl at a party. My friend came over and whispered in my ear.

He said, "What's going on between you two tonight?"

I said, "A condom."

My mate from Newcastle told me he was good at flirting,

so I pushed him in the river but he started to sink...

The only thing I hate more than my teachers flirting with me...

Is being homeschooled.

It usually works when flirting, Bite your lip.

P.S. Your lower lip.

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A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house.

A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house. While there, a stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious ...

A woman recently tried to flirt with me using a electric mixer.

She said she was going to whisk me away.

Secret to a happy marriage is to go out for dinner twice a week, to flirt and have fun.

Wife goes on Mondays, I go on Fridays

Self Protection with heavy Flirt :- . . . . .

Teacher :- Why are u sleeping in the class ?
.
.
Student :- Your voice is so sweet thats why i am getting sleep .
.
.
Teacher : - Then why other students are not sleeping ?
.
.
Student :- They aren't listening to u mam ...........

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Young man moves into an apartment block….

On the first day he discovers the neighbour across the hall is a stunningly beautiful girl with a gorgeous body.

One day he’s just about to enter his apartment and his neighbour opens her door, she is just wearing a black lace negligee with matching panties, he can’t help but stare.

S...

A math professor was flirting with his girlfriend

Girlfriend: "Oh your mean!"
Professor:" No, I'm the median"

My wife doesn't mind me flirting with other women.

She finds the rejection quite entertaining.

They say that a good romance starts with a strong foundation, chemistry and flirting

Whereas a bad romance starts with a RA RA AH AH AH, ROMA ROMA-MA, GAGA OH LA LA

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Three guys are walking through the woods when they find a lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a genie. Delighted, the genie says, "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes."

The first guy immediately shouts out, "I want a billion dollars." *POOF*, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact $1,000,000,003.50.

The second man thinks for a bit, then says, "I want to be the richest man alive." *POOF*, he's holding papers showing his net wor...

Hey guys, What's the best compliment you can give to a girl you're flirting with?

"You remind me of my cousin"

But, it only works in Kentucky.

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Met a lady at a bar one night and after flirting a bit I suggested she comes to my house to suck my dick.

Only after dodging my puke did she realise I was dyslexic

A guy walks up to a woman at a bar. He flirts with her and made some small talk but she insists she isn't gonna go home with him

"What if I offer you $1 millon to sleep with me?" He asked

The woman's never had a millon dollars in her life. She stops and considers the offer very seriously.

The guy changes his mind and says

"What if I change my offer to a dollar instead?"

The woman is aghast

"...

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A single woman on her period decides that she does not longer want to sit around at home ...

... and that it is time to hit the town for some drinks. Maybe she will meet that special someone tonight? She decides to go to the local bar.

As she sits at the bar by herself a very drunk gentleman approaches and starts to flirt with her. It is clear the man wants to have sex with her. Howe...

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Crocodile.

A multi-millionaire, living in Australia, decided to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors... He also invited Brian, the only native Australian in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool, in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time, drinking, ...

I went to see my hot female doctor yesterday.

Pretty sure she flirted with me,

she said I have a cute appendicitis..

L.P.T. Servers and waiters aren't really into you. You may believe they are flirting by giving you more attention...

... but in reality they just want the tip.

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A man is walking along...

when he sees a ladder going straight up into the clouds. His curiosity gets the better of him so he starts climbing.

He reaches a cloud, upon which is sitting a stout, ugly woman.

"Screw me or climb the ladder to success," she says.

No thanks, thinks the man, so he climbs the la...

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[NSFW]After a round of golf...

a guy heads back to the club house. There, he sees a beautiful, blonde, big breasted woman, and naturally, he heads over to flirt with her. They hit it off, and decide to play a round together.

He is doing his best to impress, but she cleans his clock, winning by 9 strokes. Embarrassed, his m...

A man barged into a confessional booth

He sits down and says “father I need to tell you, last night I was at the bar drinking when a gorgeous woman approached me and we started talking. After flirting together for awhile she asked if I would come back to her place”
“Go on” said the priest.
“Well, as we were leaving she ran into he...

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Looks like f***ing up here

A man, his wife and a good-looking stranger are stranded on a desert island. The wife quickly loses interest in her husband and begins flirting with the good-looking stranger. The three start to build a watchtower.

The stranger offers to take first watch. While the husband and wife gather dr...

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There were two farms, one bordering the other.

On one side of the fence was an ox, flirting with the cow on the other side........

he couldn't take it anymore and wanted to go to the other side of the fence, which was very high, to trace the neighbor's cow......

One day he took courage, took distance and jumped the fence, got clo...

I know guys don’t really have game when it comes to girls...

...but ladies y’all don’t even have the controller when it comes to flirting.

Do you know what happened the first time Ed Sheeran started flirting with a girl before he was famous?

She ran.

A man went to jury duty. During a break in deliberations he and a female juror he had been flirting with snuck into the coat closet and she started giving him head. Someone knocked on the door, startling him, and he knocked himself out cold on the closet shelf.

When the jury filed back into the courtroom, the judge noticed one was missing. “What happened to my 12th juror?”
The jury foreman replied, “Head in-jury your honor, but I hear he just came to.”

Thankfully no one was hurt

A man and a woman get in a terrible car wreck.

Both of their vehicles were completely destroyed, but fortunately, no one was hurt.

Thankful, the woman says to the man in a flirting tone,

"We're both okay, we should celebrate."

So the woman gets a bottle of wine out of...

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A guy finishes shopping at the supermarket and goes to the register.

As he checks out, the girl takes notice of the items he is buying: cat food, a TV dinner for one, and a bottle of cheap wine.

The girl asks the man, "I bet you're single, aren't you?"

The man, sensing a possible flirt, asks, "Why yes I am, how could you tell?"

The girl looks him...

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Once, there was a French battle pilot, named Jean-Pierre

(I recommend reading the joke in a heavy French accent)

After the war, Jean-Pierre returned to live in Paris, above a local pub.

One night, he noticed a gorgeous blonde Parisian and went to flirt with her, which went well.

After a while of flirting, the blonde told Jean-Pierre,...

A man sits down next to a woman on a bus

The man starts flirting with her, and in the course of their conversation she admits that she's a nymphomaniac.

"Oh really," says the man, instantly more engaged in their conversation.

"Yeah", she confirms, "but I'm only attracted to Jewish cowboys. Anyway, my name is Mary-Beth, what's...

A guy and a girl go on a date and things get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place...

Some flirting and fooling around later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.

He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands. Watching all this the girl says, ”You must be a dentist."

The guy, surprised, replies, “Why yes actually. How did you figure that ou...

A Priest, a Rabbi and a Minister are on a train.

They chat for a bit when the priest suggests they all share their gravest confessions. He offers to go first.
"Sometimes, after communion service, I'll drink more of the wine than I should and flirt with the nuns."

The Minister replies, "mine's far worse. Sometimes, after taking collec...

NSFW While I was sitting in the bar one night drinking alone

A stunner of a woman walked up to the bar sat down right next to me. A booty to die for and rack that hadn’t fallen yet, I couldn’t help taking a glance at her. She smiled back at me, and not in an unkindly way.

I asked if I could buy her the next drink. She accepted. We started talking. She ...

I modified this KGB joke by myself (Not a repost)

**My friend told me this joke**

> A woman is flirting with a Russian man at a bar.

> Woman : "Hi, handsome, what do you do for a living?"

> The Russian : "I work for KGB."

> Woman : "Cool, tell me an interesting story!"

> Russian : "About me or...

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A man goes to get a few things for his wife before their party

On his way back from the store a beautiful blonde woman starts flirting with him out of nowhere. Him and his wife haven't been getting along lately and he finds himself flirting back with her, suddenly hooking up with her and finally finding himself the next morning in her apartment naked,
Desper...

“Hey Grandma, how was your doctors appointment?”

“I think the doctor was flirting with me. He told me I have acute angina!”

JUST DEPENDS

Two old people flirt at a seniors' singles bar. After a few drinks, the old man asks the old woman, "If I took you out for a full night of wining, dining and dancing, what would you wear?"

The old woman replies shyly, "Depends... ."

"Depends on what?" he asks.

"On my bottom -- w...

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Sportsman's Callenge

(25/M) I was at the bar the other night. Early. I could read my book, and drink my bourbon without distraction. I'm reading, drinking, enjoying my time.

About an hour in, a very good looking older woman walks in. She sits right next to me and orders a Bulleit bourbon, light rocks. As that's w...

Train ride

A man and a woman share sleeping compartment on a train ride.

The woman flirts with the man, and after a while, says she’s cold and asks if he could please give her a blanket, as he’s in the lower bunk.

The man smiles at her and asks: “Hey, how about if we play we are a married coupl...

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Two guys on a plane

Two guys get on a flight, and a sexy stewardess passes them.

"I gotta hit that!" says one to the other, gets up, flirts with her and then they go to the bathroom for 15 minutes.

Guy comes back to his friend and says "Nah, my wife's better.

The other guy says "Can't be, let me tr...

Hannah and Max are talking during recess...

Max finds Hannah really pretty. Thinking he's old enough for a girlfriend, he decides to try to flirt with Hannah.

"I just remembered, I had a dream about you last night!", Max did not, in fact, have a dream about Hannah last night.

"Oh, really? Was it a nice dream?", says Hannah, clea...

Mother Daughter Threesome

My friend Ethan recently met a beautiful woman at a bar. Ethan is 22. She’s 57. He’s never been “with a much older woman, but he thinks hey, why not, she’s hot. They drink and flirt all night. Suddenly she asks Ethan if he’s ever had a mother and daughter threesome. He says no.

They drink...

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A Japanese venture capitalist fell in love with a blonde

A Japanese venture capitalist was visiting the USA to evaluate a startup. The founder was desperate to get funding and to close the deal asked his blonde girlfriend to flirt with him.

The Japanese had never seen such a beauty before and instantly fell in love. The Japanese man asked the blond...

A woman on her bike was riding through the countryside during the middle ages, playing her guitar and singing songs....

...when she came upon a dashing knight in the woods, practicing his swordsmanship. The knight was struck by her beauty and started a conversation. which quickly turned into flirting.

The knight straddled the front wheel of her bike and started to passionately kiss her. The woman said "No we ...

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3 vacuum sellers are making their way towards a nearby farm

The three walk past a beautiful young girl, the farmers daughter, and go straight for the front door. They knock and the farmer opens up. They ask would he be interested in buying a vacuum. The farmer ponders for a moment and agrees to buy a vacuum, but on one condition. They don't try to flirt with...

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Three old guys are hanging out in the nursing home

They're old friends, and every day they sit together and shoot the breeze.

One day, Bob, the 70 year old, says "You know, I don't mind getting old. I can still play golf, flirt with the ladies - life's good! But you know what I miss? I miss peeing. Lord, I haven't had a good piss in years - I...

Do you know the way little children run towards the waves of the ocean but back up the very last second?

That's the exact same way I flirt with girls

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A newlywed couple was driving in the country…

As they’re driving along, the wife starts getting horny. She starts flirting with her husband and he starts getting horny. They both agree they have to have it RIGHT NOW. Being out in the country, out in the middle of nowhere to say little of being miles and miles from home, the husband pulls the ca...

Inheritance

Jack's grandfather left him $10 million, and the next week Diane agreed to marry him. After three months of married life, Jack noticed his beautiful new wife was ignoring him more and more. On the rare occasion she would go to bed with him she would be indifferent, or even worse, call out other men'...

Once a guy had a very important presentation.

He was getting late and couldn't find a spot to park his car. In desperation he began to pray to God.

"Oh God! If you find me a parking spot I promise to go to church every Sunday, I will not flirt with Sally next door and will never touch whiskey again."

Just as he finishes his prayer...

A man writing in his diary:

I am an ideal man. I don't smoke, drink, or go to night clubs. I have always been loyal to my wife and don't flirt with strange women. I sleep at eight o'clock and wake up early. I exercise daily and work regular hours. But all this will change as soon as I get out of prison.

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A student seemed upset so a math teacher walks up to him.

The teacher says hey tommy what's wrong?

Tommy says I'm having girl problems and I need help solving this issue.

The teacher says I'll do what I can.

Tommy says I don't want to tell you their names so let's call them x y and z. I like y and yesterday in the lunchroom I ran into ...

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A man sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar..

.. so he approaches her. They have a few drinks, flirt and laugh a little bit and after a while, the woman invites him to come to her apartment which the man accepts right away.

They go to her apartment and start having wild sex for hours. It was the best sex the man ever had. After they fin...

A man with a hunchback, limp and massive bald spot is sitting in a bar, drinking his beer

When a knock out blonde sits next to him, smiles and says "Hey, can I buy you a drink?" Man, dumbfounded, can only nod. He gets his drink and woman keeps flirting. Guy, thinking this must be some sort of prank isn't engaging when she suddenly asks if he wants to go to her place. "What the hell, why ...

Dad, i'm going to a party.

Son: Dad, i'm going to a party.

Dad: Will you be drinking?

Son: No.

Dad: Will you be smoking?

Son: No.

Dad: Will you be flirting with girls?

Son: No.

Dad: Then why the hell are you going?

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