This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?"

The bartender considers it, then agrees.

The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.

He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano.

The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

After the man finished his drink, he ask...

What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?

A labracadabrador

A man is up in court on a tricky litigation case, and his lawyer has warned him that the judge is very strict and correct. “He won’t stand for any nonsense and he knows all the tricks!”

“Well, would it help if I sent him a brace of grouse and a bottle of whisky?”

“Absolutely not!” says the lawyer. “He’s as straight as a die and completely in-corruptable!”

Come the day of the trial, the man wins his case easily, and afterwards says to his lawyer, “I knew that whisky an...

the day after halloween, a trick or treater knocked on my door.....

he was dressed in just red tights and a red spandex shirt, red sneakers, red hat.

i said to him, "sorry little buddy, halloween is over, i dont have anything for you today...what are you supposed to be anyway>?"

he said "im a period, sorry im late..scared ya didnt i?"


...

I took my daughter trick or treating (dad joke)

I took my daughter trick or treating. After we received candy from the neighbor lady she says “you’re daughter looks so cute in that costume”. I smile and say “thank you”. She then asks if I made it. I say “yes”, but the costume is from Amazon.

Why don’t ghosts go trick or treating?

Because they have no body to go with them

The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me."

The Doctor says: "I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just
swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes to see a prostitute. (unpleasant joke ahead)

"Is it true what they say about you?"
"Yes honey, absolutely. I can suck you off, and sing the Star-Spangled Banner at the same time. Wanna give it a go?"
"That sounds amazing. I've got to experience it for myself."

They go up to her place. They move to the bedroom immediately and he p...

An Englishman and an Irishman go to a bakery. The Englishman steals three buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the Irishman: “That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn’t even see me.”

“That’s just simple thievery,” the Irishman replied. “I’ll show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results.”

The Irishman then proceeded to call out the owner of the bakery and says: “Sir, I want to show you a magic trick.” The owner was intrigued so he came over to see the magi...

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives.

"Do you and your wife ever do it doggy style?" asked the one.

"Well, not exactly." His friend replied, "She's more into the trick dog aspect of it."

"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"

"Well, not exactly. I sit up and beg, and she rolls over and plays dead."

A young doctor had moved to a small town to replace a doctor who was retiring.

The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds so that the community would become used to their new doctor.

At the first house a woman complains, “I've been a little sick to my stomach.”


The older doctor says, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fre...

A magician performs magic tricks on the Titanic before it sinks.

In the crowd there is a parrot that somehow always knows whats going on.
He pulls a string of hankerchiefs out of his sleeve: "AWCK, he pulls it from his inner pocket!"
He pulls a rabbit out of a hat: "AWCK, A false bottom!"
He saws a girl in half: "AWCK, there are two girls!"
<...

Man Gets Arrested For Creeping This Lady Out On A Bus. His Explanation Is Perfect.

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained...

Wife stops husband from doing what he wants

Buddy and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year, and every year Buddy would say, “Edna, I’d like to ride in that helicopter.”

Edna always replied, “I know Buddy but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks.”

One year Buddy and Edna went to the state...

My friend decided to take up magic during COVID and he performs some pretty amazing disappearing tricks. He says it’s been hard but really…

I think he’s just going through a stage.

On the first day...

...God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
And Go...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man obsessed with trains finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people...

At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and sentenced to death.

Before he faces his sentence, he's offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him. The next day, he's led to the electric chair. They strap him in, pull the switch, and... nothing hap...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A husband notices his wife’s hearing is deteriorating and decides to visit her doctor for advice.

“I can’t speak to my wife directly as she might find it offensive, given our old age” he says to the doc.

“There’s a simple trick you can try to determine her hearing” explains the doctor. “Simply ask her a question at a distance and if she doesn’t hear you, move slightly closer and ask again...

A kid with a speech impediment is trick or treating on Halloween...

At his last door a nice elderly lady opens it and he says the traditional " Bick or beat!" She replied "Oh what do we have hear what are you dressed as little boy?" He proudly replied "I'm a Birate!"
"Oh you're a Pirate!" She responds "Well where are your Buckaneers?" He scowls at the lady and ...

My Dad was a professional magician who performed all the classic illusions. He used to practice the well-known, "Sawing a person in two" trick using us kids.

He always loved to halve his family in the act.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man invites some of his fetish club over for breakfast....

They are catching up on life and swapping stories about work, their grandkids’ birthdays, their recent stock market fortunes, and so on, when the subject of what they’re most proud of comes up.


Gerald, a 35 year old dentist, proudly exclaims, “Of everyone here, I by far, have the larges...

Want a surefire trick to break your nail-biting habit?

Take up plumbing

"Cut a Man in Half" Trick

I was strolling down a street, suddenly came to a stop to see a street performer getting ready to do the "cut a man in half" act. The performer starts cutting then separates the coffin. In amazement I asked," Wow that's insane how did you do that?" He said," A Mortician never reveals his secrets."

After trick-or-treating on Halloween, a teen takes a shortcut through a cemetery.

Halfway across, he's startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, he spots an old man chipping away at a headstone. "I thought you were a ghost," says the relieved teen. "What are you doing working so late?" "Oh, those idiots," grumbles the old man. "They misspelle...

3 captured soldiers are about to be executed by an enemy firing squad

The first captured soldier is taken in front of the firing squad and is about to get killed.

That soldier gets clever and thinks of a plan: right before the enemies fire at him, he yells “EARTHQUAKE!.”
The enemy firing squad gets confused for a moment thinking there’s an earthquake. By the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man scores a hot date

Not wanting to disappoint his date in the bedroom, he goes to the doctor to get his penis enlarged. The doctor says, "we happen to have a new experimental procedure that uses muscle cells from an elephant trunk that should do the trick." To which the man accepts.

Later on, the man and his dat...

A University lecturer is struggling to please his wife in the bedroom

He notices that a student in his class, Andre, is always speaking to the female students and seems very popular with the ladies. One day after a lecture he approaches Andre.

'Things haven't been great in the bedroom with the wife and you seem to be popular with the ladies. Do you have any adv...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did I tell you about my trick for getting to the front of the line at gas stations?

I call it my gas trick bypass.

Hunting camp always has a bob....

Every morning Bob would walk over to his favorite log to drop his morning log. While doing his business, he would fall asleep, when he woke up, he would have done his business in his sleep. It was a good system.

His buddies knew his morning routine and thought it would be fun to pla...

I lost 125 lbs with this one simple trick.

I broke up with my girlfriend.

Which came first? Having to do yard work or my drinking problem?

Trick question. It was my depression.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man named Steve is walking down the street and sees a clown walking towards him.

"Hey look, a clown!" Steve says. "Do you think you could make me laugh?"

The clown says, "Not now, I'm tired. I want to go home."

"Oh come on!" says Steve. "Show me a magic trick you sissy! Make me feel young again!"

Steve won't quit harassing him, so the clown reluctantly agre...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For my next trick I will disappear

Fuck you pear, you taste like shit

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men die and are standing in line at the pearly gates.

St. Peter tells them that the rules have changed, and they can only be let in to heaven now if they have had a really bad death. He then proceeds to get their stories one at a time.

The first man explains. "I live on the 25th floor of my apartment building. I came home from work early today, ...

My mom always used the "here comes the train~" trick to get me to finish my food and it was very effective...

because otherwise she wouldn't untie me from the tracks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Police tricked an anal rapist into confessing.

They caught him hook, line, and sphincter.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Australian guy with an alligator walks into a bar.

He goes up to the bar, sets the alligator on the counter and asks for a free drink. Bartender tells him "Sorry, we don't do free drinks here." Aussie says "What if I showed you a trick? " Bartender tells him "It will need to be a really cool trick if you want to earn a free drink."

So, the Au...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My new party trick...

I swallow two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my ass tied together.

I shit you knot.

I was really struggling to get my wife's attention....

So, I sat down on the sofa and looked comfortable. That did the trick.

There's an easy trick you can use to calculate your IQ

It's 150 minus the number of rolls of toilet paper you have at home.

Two families try to cheat a train ticket fee

Two families were on a trip together. They both would be taking the train, and one family bought a ticket for every member. But the father of the other family said, "Hey, you wasted money. Watch us."

That father bought only one ticket. Then he and his family boarded the train. When a PA...

Little Johnny - Ice Cream

An elementary school math teacher asked her class one day, "If there are three birds on a wire, and a farmer shot one, how many are left?"

One little boy said two, but little Sally, realizing it was a trick question, said, "None, 'cause everyone knows that if you shoot at birds they all...

There's a trick to eating hot air balloons.

They're really good when you get it down.

Smells fishy to me. Not my work.

Two prawns were swimming around in the ocean.

One called Justin and the other called Kristian.

The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area:

Finally one day Justin said to Kristian. "I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shar...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anna complained to her friend Julia how she sometimes found it difficult to initiate sex with her husband.

"I know a simple trick,” Julia said.
“Whenever I want to have sex with Peter, I gently put my hand on his dick and say:
*Your dick is very cold, do you want me to warm it up for you?*
And that's it! Works every time!”
Anna was impressed, and said she would try it when her husband...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Guy goes to the bar in the 100th floor

He orders a Beer, exes it and goes to the balcony and jumps off. A guy sitting in the bar sees this and wants to call 911 but the Guys comes out of the elevator. The guy is a bit confused but doesn't say anything. The other orders another beer, exes it and goes to the balcony and jumps off.

H...

My Uncle did a magic trick today.

He turned a six pack of beer into domestic home violence.

A man arrives at a hotel after a long train journey, exhausted. He comes into a communal room and sees three other guys who are drunk and talking loudly.

They are cracking anti-government jokes and laughing at Khrushchev. The man is annoyed that he can't sleep so he hatches a plan. He walks out into a corridor and asks a staff member to bring him a cup of tea. He then comes back into the room and starts talking to the noisy fellows:

"Comrades,...

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem, the captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show:


"Look, it's not the same hat!"


"Look, he's hiding the flowers unde...

I was going to play a trick on my roommate by filling their room up to the ceiling with ropes, but I didn’t have any ropes.

Now it’s just a ropeless home antic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar

(Stop me if you've heard this before)

Once seated on an bar stool, he proceeds to order a beer. As he's killing off his first beer with his head tilted back, he noticed a monkey on a ledge overlooking the mirror behind the bar. Right underneath the monkey, a sign with, "Monkey trick $5" writt...

I went trick or treating as Gandhi and kept all of my candy in a hat

And when someone tried to take the candy from my hat i told them "My hat my candy"

I got so fed up with the trick-or-treaters last Halloween that I turned off the lights and pretended I wasn't home.

My lighthouse, my rules.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A good psychological trick to find out if someone like you or not is by watching the direction of their feet when they're near you,

I'm still not sure if this guy that is kicking my ass like me or not.

A magician finally finished his show but had one trick left

On his way home, he turned into a driveway

On Halloween, a man and his son came to my house to trick or treat

I asked them what they were both dressed up as and the man said he was dressed as Predator from the movie. As I gave the man some candy, I asked his son what he was dressed as although they were wearing the same thing and he said he was a child predator.

As I gave him some candy I thought wo...

Little Johnny goes trick-or-treating by himself dressed as a pirate...

One of the many houses he visits, was an elderly lady in town. He rings the door bell and the lady opens the door.

Johnny: Trick or treat!

Lady: Ohhhh your a cute little pirate! But, where’s your buccaneers?

Johnny: *Sighs and points to his ears* They’re right here! Where’s you...

Why is Schrodinger's favorite holiday Halloween?

Because of the trick or treaters.

Interesting that the “picture everyone naked” trick to ease anxiety while presenting in front of a group of people...

...was taught by our elementary school teachers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Halloween trick or treaters knocked my door, dressed as Gloria Gaynor

At first I was afraid, I was petrified...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man on a train is sitting across a sexy young lady, with a short skirt on

The young lady uncrosses her legs and he notices that she isn't wearing any panties. She saw him look, and says "Are you looking at my pussy?"
The man shamefully says "I'm so sorry, it won't happen again!"
"It's ok," she says, "I can make it do tricks. Look, I'll blow you a kiss"
The ...

A little kid with a speech impediment goes trick or treating.

He walks up to the door and knocks. A woman answers the door and the kid says "bick or beat".

"What did you say", replies the woman.

The kids repeats, "bick or beat".

"Oh, you mean trick or treat", says the woman as the kid nods in response.

"What are you dressed as", as...

"Conservatives hate this one simple trick...!!!"

*Count every vote.*

A Spanish magician was doing a magic trick. He said, “Uno, dos…”

and he disappeared without a trace.

Doctor Doctor

A newly graduated doctor opened a clinic with a novel idea to bring in patients. If he were able to solve the patient’s problem he would charge them $500. However, if he couldn’t treat the patient, he would give them $1,000.


The new doctor was soon making more money than the old doctor’s ...

Jim Just Started a Class on Logic

On the Friday before the first weekend of the semester, the Professor announces that there will be a quiz the following week, and it will be a surprise. By a "surprise", he clarifies that while he knows when the quiz will be, the students **will not know** which day the quiz will be ahead of time, s...

I told a knock knock joke while trick or treating last Halloween

I only got a couple Snickers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pregnant woman boards a bus. After taking a seat, she notices a man smiling at her. She feels self-conscious and changes her seat, but he seems even more amused. She moves a third time, and he starts to giggle. On her fourth move, he bursts out laughing.

They both get off the bus at the next stop. The pregnant woman is furious and demands an explanation. "What exactly is so damn funny?" "I'm sorry, ma'am," replies the giggling man. "But I couldn't help noticing you're pregnant, and when you first sat down, you sat under an advertisement which read '...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Old Man Get's The Attention Of The IRS For Some Suspicious Activities

The old man arrives to his appointment with the IRS representative with his lawyer.

The rep asks how he accumulated so much money without working a job or owning investments.

The old man responds: "I make all my money placing bets"

Rep: "What kind of bets do you make?"

Ol...

That was your greatest trick.

There was once a magician who performed sleight-of-hand tricks on a cruise ship. He had a regular spot on the ship's cabaret evening entertainment. He was actually quite a good magician, but his routines were regularly ruined by the on-board parrot who would fly around squawking and giving away his ...

A Halloween joke for you

Little Johnny is out trick or treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He walked up to a house and said "trick or treat". The little old lady just gushed over his costume. She says to Johnny, "What a cute costume, but let me ask you....Where are your buccaneers?" Little Johnny says back, "They're ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had a bad habit of stealing salt from my local deli...

For some reason, I loved putting the salt all over me, even sleeping in piles of it. I talked to a therapist about this problem, and he suggested the first step is confessing it to the store owners. I told them about what I've been doing every time I visit their shop and that seemed to do the trick....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was talking to a friend when she asked “do you wanna see a trick?”

Interested in what it was, I reply “sure, what do you have”

She pulls out a penny and asks “ do you smell anything?” Puzzled for a moment I reply “no, not really” she smirks “you should, it’s a cent.”

She then puts a second penny in front of the first and asks “do you see any fruit?” A...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paul Simon, Art Garfunkel and Peter Fonda are hanging out towards the end of the Swinging Sixties...

*Easy Rider* has just come out, Simon and Garfunkel are about to release *Bridge Over Troubled Water*, and the three men are the epitome of counter-culture cool. They're all pretty stoned, and Paul Simon turns to Peter Fonda, and says, "Hey, Peter, you wanna see something really groovy?"

Pete...

It’s going to be dangerous to trick-or-treat this Halloween due to the coronavirus pandemic.

The only way you’re getting candy from a stranger this year is by putting on a mask and going to the grocery store.

A competition is held to determine who is the world's best magician

David Blaine performs first with his famous trick. He waves his hand, and, *poof*, the card disappears.

David Copperfield performs next. He waves his hand, and, *poof*, the Statue of Liberty disappears.

Finally, a guy with a beard dressed in rags and sandals comes on stage. Nobody expe...

Most iPhone owners don't know this one simple trick to save hundreds.

Buys android *

How do you trick a pervert?

Like this.

Just as I thought all the trick or treaters were gone for the night, a 12 year old boy came to my door dressed in all red....

Instead of saying trick or treat he told me “I’m your period, sorry I’m late”

What do you call someone tricked into signing a terrible deal?

The groom

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some guys tricked me into having sex with a bolt.

I can’t believe I got screwed.

I went trick or treating in the red light district.

All I got was tricks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The incredible trainer

It was a busy day at the bar. A lot of costumers were enjoying their breakfast. Until the door slammed open.
A shady trench coat with an almost as shady wearer appeared in the doorframe, a big bulge in both pockets. He approached the counter, as silent as the entire bar, exchanging glares with ...

I used to be a stalker

I’m not proud of it, but nowadays people are asking me for tips and tricks on stalking. So here it is:
In order to be a stalker, you need to do the following…

Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds later they come alight again,

well the other day there was a fire at the factory that makes them.

The NYPD is reporting that Antifa has painted convincing-looking tunnels on walls to trick New York's Finest into running into them at high speed

They're calling it "operation meep-meep"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A trick with a tie

Son: Dad! I learned an awesome new trick at school in science class. Can I borrow your tie?

Dad: Let's see it.

Son: if we fold your tie in half, and roll the fat end toward the middle, and the thin end toward the middle, we have two rolls - one big and one small, both the same length...

A Mexican magician was doing a vanishing trick.

He said he'd disappear on the count of three.

Uno.

Dos.

*Poof!*

He disappeared without a tres.

Magic trick

An Englishman and a Scotsman go to a pastry shop.

The Englishman whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed.
The baker doesn't notice.

The Englishman says to the Scotsman:
"You see how clever we are? You'll never beat that!"

The Scotsman says to the Englishm...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a man was in a party with his friend barney

he asked his friend: "how do you get women to like you so much?"

barney replied: "i have a trick, every time i meet them i squeeze them on the butt, it has some kind of pavlovian effect or something but it always works"

the man then went home, him and his wife haven't had sex for a cou...

When the magician failed at his trick, he could feel everyone's eyes on him. He never felt so embarassed.

He just wanted to disappear.

Three drunk men entered a taxi.

The taxi driver knew that they were drunk, and they didn’t give him the destination they wanted so he decided not to drive but instead he wanted to play a trick on them by turning on the engine and staying there for a moment.

A while after doing so, the taxi driver turned the engine off and t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A businessman was going on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone.

So he went to a sex shop and started looking around. He goes up to the clerk and explains his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, strap ons, eggs, bullets, wing-wangers and fling-flongers..."

The Businessman in...

What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?

A bae con.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A traveling salesman asked a farmer to spend the night.

The farmer agreed, but told him he would have to sleep in the barn.

The farmer, being a nice guy and knowing how horny traveling salesmen get told the man, "Look son, see that wall? It's got three holes in it. You can screw the first two but don't mess around with that third hole.

Go...

Magician: and now for my final trick! I will disappear!

Then he grabs a pear from under the table and says:

you're the worst fruit ever!

Three guys after a day of duck hunting

A scientist, an engineer and a civil servant started to brag about their dogs.
The scientist says “Watch this, Computer, come. Computer, take six cookies from this bag”

The dog does as commanded

The engineer says, “that’s good, watch this. Steamshovel, put these cookies into t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man thinks his wife cheats on him when he's at work...

He can't afford cameras, and he aint the brightest guy around, so he thinks a parrot will do the trick. He'll watch what's going on in the house when the man's away and tell him when he gets back.



He goes to a store and explains the situation.

\-I got a great selection of parro...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can predict your favorite movie with one simple trick..

This math test will determine your favorite movie.
Amazing!
This is pretty damn amazing. Mine turned out to be Gone With The Wind. Thats my favorite movie! I was surprised how this worked.
.
Be honest and dont look at the movie list till you have done the math!
.
Try this test and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A famous magician is doing a show one night in front of a packed audience. All is going well, the people love his acts, until this one guy shouts "Aaahhh, that's bullshit! That's not magic, that's just tricks! Any idiot can do that!"

Unfazed, the magician continues, doing another one of his best acts until the same unruly guy shouts "Oh come on! Everybody knows that's just tricks, that's not real magic!"


The magician, a little rattled at this point, decides to pull out his best ever act, and cuts a guy in half on stag...

Albert Einstein gets tricked

A man and Albert Einstein are sitting next to each other on a plane. Einstein keeps turning to the man and talking about how smart he is. Saying stuff like “oh people say in the smartest man alive”, or “I’m just so incredibly smart.” The man just ignores all of this and just reads his book. Finally ...

What's a dad's favourite magic trick?

The dissappearing act.

The Russian president is on a visit to the USA.

So he is taken on a tour of various tech companies to show him their superiority.

"This," says Bob, "is the smartest computer in the world. Ask it any question, and it will answer you correctly."

The Russian president is intrigued. So he decides to trick the computer and asks: "Who wil...

I used to be much more hesitant to teach my dog tricks.

It still gives me pause.

Little Johnny, the magician's son

"What's your father's occupation?" asked the schoolteacher.

"He's a magician, ma'am," said Little Johnny.

"How interesting. What's his favorite trick?" asked the teacher.

"He saws people in half," answered Little Johnny.

"Wow! That must be amazing to watch," said th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A trick joke to bitch slap somebody [long joke]

For a friend you want to bitch slap or anybody for this matter. Front hand or backhand, it's your preference. You tell them if they want to hear a joke or if they have yet to hear it, the joke about a pimp and his THREE hoes. So it goes like this:

So their was a pimp walking down a block that...

A rather crooked friend of mine said that he was gonna trick some nuclear researchers.

I was a little worried. I asked if it was a conCERN.

Michael and Jerry are two third graders in the same school. One day, Michael told Jerry: “I just learned a neat trick that made me twenty bucks yesterday.”

“Really? What’s the trick?” Asked Jerry.

“It’s easy.” Michael said “Just go up to an adult and whisper in their ears: ‘I know everything about that dirty little secret of yours, now give me ten bucks, or else’ ; I’ve tried it on my parents last night and it totally worked!”

Excited, Je...

What is a dictators best magic trick?

They make people disappear.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blind man walks into a restaurant

The waiter notices that he's blind and says "Would you like me to get you the braille menu sir?"

The blind man says "No, thank you. Just bring me one of your dirty forks and I'll decide what I want." So the waiter does that and the blind man smells it and says "Yes, I'd like the roasted lamb ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pothead, a math teacher, and a gym teacher all go to heaven.

God tells them that heaven is full and they will have to trick the devil to be let in. God calls the devil and the devil comes in and introduces himself. The math teacher tries first and gives him a hard equation. The devil solves it in 10 seconds and the teacher is sent to hell. The gym teacher ask...

When it comes to trick plays, you have to hand it to Tom Brady...

Literally. He can’t catch.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.