Guitar Player Jokes - 25 Hilarious Guitar Player Jokes

How do you get a guitar player to stop playing?

Put a piece of sheet music in front of him.

What is the difference between a guitar player and a savings bond?

The savings bond will eventually mature and earn money.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a good one from my dad

A guitar player walks into a bar trying to score a gig.
He meets with the bar owner for his audition, and proceeds to play a beautiful melodic song.

"Wow!" Said the owner, "that was amazing! Whats it called?"

"Its called 'You're slapping my wifes titties with a belt'" replies the gu...

What's the difference between a guitar player and a couch?

A couch can support a family.

I’m about to reveal a secret to being an excellent guitar player

Stay tuned

Why are guys always looking at girl guitar players?

They're checking out their G-Strings

A woman is arrested for killing her guitar player husband

She is accused of bashing her husband's head in with his guitars because he never paid any attention to her.

In her first court appearance, the judge looks at the woman and asks: “First offender?"

The woman replies: “No. First it was a Gretsch, followed by a Gibson, and then a Fender."

Why did the guitar player go to jail?

He fingered A-minor.

Hey guitar players, what's God's favourite chord?

Gsus

A Priest was explaining how much he loved Jesus to a guitar player.

The guitar player replied " I love Gsus2".

How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Ten: one to screw it in and nine to say, "Pssh, I can do that."

What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend?

Homeless

What do you call a prejudiced 4 stringed guitar player?

A racist bassist

Guy walks into a bar with an octopus under his arm

Bartender says "what's up with the octopus?" Guy says "this octopus can play any musical instrument you put in front of him." There's a band on the stage, so the guitar player walks up and puts down his guitar. Tentacles start flying, and the guitar starts making the most beautiful sounds you ever h...

Michael Jackson should have become a guitar player.

He loved fingering minors.

A guitar player was panicking because he couldn't play his open strings

His instructor told him don't fret

How do you make a guitar player's car more aerodynamic?

Take off the pizza delivery sign.

A man walked into a bar with his pet octopus.

He went up to the counter and bet everyone in the bar $50 that they couldn’t bring the octopus a musical instrument that it couldn’t play.

One man pulled an old guitar off the wall that hadn’t been tuned in years and gave it to the octopus.

The octopus took the guitar, tuned it right ...

How do you know when a drummer is knocking on your door? (What are your favorite musician jokes?)

The knocking gets faster as it goes on.

You hear a knock on your door, you open it to find a bass player standing there. What do you do?

Pay him for the pizza!

Two drummers walk past a bar...

How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
Put ...

Why is the bass player always the happiest person in the band?

The guitar player needs to know how to score weed

The singer needs to know how to score chicks

The drummer needs to own a van big enough for the gear

And the bass player gets weed, chicks, and a ride home

I was U2's bass player in their early days

One night I shoved Bono into our guitar player while he was doing a solo, and after tumbling over him, he got up and stabbed me with his pocketknife.

I thought that was a bit extreme, but guess I shouldn't have pushed him over The Edge.

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I ran into the drummer from my old high school garage band...

After the usual "we should get the band back together" bullshit, we started talking about how life has been over all these years gone by.

I told him my wife (coincidentally, also a guitar player) and I have 6 happy and healthy kids now. And how, oh so cleverly, we named them after the common ...

A bass player runs into a bar...

where the guitar player and the singer are busy setting up. Breathless, he says "We've got a big problem! I locked my keys in the van!" "Whatever, man" says the singer, "We've got a gig to do, we'll worry about it later." "No, you don't understand" said the bassist, "the drummer is trapped insid...

Band Jokes!

I'm a band geek and love terrible band jokes. Here are some of my favorites!

How do you get two piccolos to play in tune? Shoot one.

What is the best use for a clarinet? Kindling.

What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawn mower? You can tune a lawn mower.

What...

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So a horse is watching MTV...

So this horse is watching MTV. This is in the 90s where MTV actually had music on it. Anyway, the horse sees a segment on Jimi Hendrix, and decides there and then he wants to become an internationally-acclaimed guitar player (because, as we all know, all horses are left-handed).

So this horse...

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