Recreation Jokes - 55 Hilarious Recreation Jokes

Three engineers are arguing what type of engineer God is

The first says, "God is a mechanical engineer. Look at how we manipulate our arms, legs, lungs, and how blood flows through our bodies. God is a mechanical engineer."

The second says, "No. God is an electrical engineer. Our nervous system, heart, brain. Everything is run by electrical impulse...

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In the recreation room of a psychiatric hospital, there were three patients

...named Jimmy, Freddy, and Sonny. The doctor visited them to check if their condition has improved and if they're ready to be discharged.

He first went to Jimmy. Jimmy was writing something on a notebook. He asked "What are you doing, Jimmy?" Jimmy replied "I'm writing a poem, doctor." The...

What's Santa Claus's favorite recreational drug?

Candycain

*badum*

Whos on first recreation

Hello 911 what's your emerengcy?

There's some people over here robing the bank

Sir I got you using your cellphone where's the bank?

It's the Wellsfargo on Main st

Are you inside the building?

Yeah I'm hiding but they have hostages

Ok sir stay on the line I'm...

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A nun walks into the Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair.

She lets out a sigh, heavy with frustration.

"What troubles you, Sister?" asked the Mother Superior. "I thought this was the day you spent with your family."

"It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You k...

What is the difference between recreation and procreation?

Birth control.

Jack, a renown atheist, dies...

... and to his utter surprise ends up in hell where he's greeted by Satan himself.

Completely shocked he talks to the devil and says: "Welp, I've been wrong all my life and I guess I'm now to pay the price for my lack of faith"

Satan laughs and replies: "Awh it's not so bad down here, ...

My friend takes helium recreationally.

He speaks very highly about it.

Recreational marijuana is legal in 10 out of the 50 states.

That's 4/20th of the United States.

What’s Mark Zuckerberg’s favourite recreational sport?

Fishing

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Out of all of the millions of animal species on Earth, only humans and bonobos enjoy sex as a recreational activity

Don’t ask me how I know.

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The real reason Washington state passed Gay-marriage and recreational marijuana use.

Because the bible says when two men lie together, they should be stoned.

Ever since I was a kid I wanted to be good enough at skating, biking, surfing, or running to be chosen to represent a brand like Nike, Red Bull, or Under Armour. Recently the pandemic has allowed me to double down on recreation and hone my craft, and I finally got a sponsor.

Thanks Alcoholics Anonymous!

Being in the recreation and natural resources field, I enjoy this every time I hear it

Due to the recent increase of encounters with grizzly and black bears in the area, all hikers should wear bells so you don't sneak up and startle nearby bears. Hikers should also carry pepper spray encase of an encounter. The two bears have different characteristics to their droppings and you can te...

I had to traverse some recreational grassland and my friend asked if it was difficult.

I said it was a walk in the park.

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After a two year long study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on corporate America's recreation preferences.

After a two year long study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on corporate America's recreation preferences.

1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: Basketball
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: Bowling
3. T...

There's a fine line between being a drug addict and a recreational user...

...and I snorted the whole thing.

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An elderly couple in a senior's home used to visit the recreation room everyday. While there, the old lady would sit quite contently holding the old guys's penis. One day she goes down to the rec. room and is mortified to find her man with another woman holding his penis.

"What's she got that I don't have" she says. He looks up with a large smile on his face and replies "Parkinson's"

Who designed the female body - an engineer or a biologist?

An engineer, only an engineer would place a waste disposal site so close to a recreation area.

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Police: Viagra on the Rise as Recreational Drug Amongst Urban Youth

The Boys in the Hood are always hard.

If God were an engineer...

3 Engineers are sitting at the bar, having a conversation along the lines of "If God were an engineer, what kind of engineer would he be?"

The Mechanical Engineer: "Obviously he was mechanical. Look at the joints, the complex range of motion, the connective tissue. Mechanical Engineer for sur...

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A daughter takes her old father to a retirement home

A daughter takes her old father in a wheelchair to a retirement home for the first time. The nurse, expecting their arrival, greets them with, "Welcome to the Johnson family retirement home! We think you'll feel quite at home here! Please follow me and I'll show you around." The nurse pushes the...

Word of the Bible

Whoever lies with a man as with a woman must be stoned.

--- fortunately both recreational activities are legal in Canada

Three Engineers are eating lunch together and arguing.

The mechanical engineer is adamant that God must be a mechanical engineer because the human body is so well designed. The software engineer is just as sure that God must be a software engineer as the human mind is the most sophisticated software in the known universe. Suddenly they stop arguing and ...

An electrical engineer, mechanical engineer, and civil engineer are sitting in a bar

when the civil engineer wonders, "If god were an engineer, what type would he be?"

The electrical engineer says, "Oh, that's easy. Think of the human body: impulses in the brain, signals sent through muscles and nerves...god is an electrical engineer."

The mechanical engineer counters,...

Three Engineers are Discussing God

So, three engineers are sitting around a table at lunch, discussing God.

The first engineer says, "I think God must be a mechanical engineer." and proceeds to explain in depth how only a mechanical engineer could've built the muscle and skeletal system to work so beautifully together.
...

Three engineers are discussing God...

They argue over what kind of engineer God would be. The first engineer says, "God must be a mechanical engineer. Look at how the body moves with all its muscles, bones, joints, ligaments and tendons. The amount of coordination it takes to stand upright, walk and run! He's a mechanical engineer."...

Three Engineers are Discussing God

The structural engineer says "I think God must've been a structural engineer. The musculoskeletal system is perfectly designed to allow us to walk upright."

The electrical engineer says "Interesting, but you are obviously wrong. God is an electrical engineer. The nervous system is so compl...

The human body was probably designed by a civil engineer

Who the hell builds a toxic sewage pipeline through a recreational area ?

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Timber Land

A young woman from California purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land, so she started to climb the big tree.

As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her....

A guy walks into a psychiatric ward to visit his old man.

As he sits down in the recreation room with his dad, he spots a schizophrenic kid standing on the table.

The kid starts targeting each person in the room, busting out the freshest, most incredible 'yo mama' jokes he's ever heard; true originality at its best.

"That's incredible," he s...

My kind of guy

A new retirement home opened up in the community with separate floors for men and for women. After the first few weeks of being open all the residents were called into the recreation room so staff could explain the rules. It was emphasized that after hours there would be no men on the women's floor ...

Competitive

A guy walks up to me and asks if I do recreational drugs. I told him "no I only do competitive ones".

Family vacation

A family of five is going on vacation. They've rented an RV for the cross country trip.
They loaded the RV with household items, clothing, recreational gear, pets and food. Off they go!

The car crashes into a brick wall minutes after starting the journey. Everyone is killed except the pet ...

Two Americans enter a pub in England

Two Americans enter a pub in England which is having a trivia night

First question: What recreational activity has resulted in the most deaths

Answer moderator was looking for: Fishing

Answer given by Americans: Colonization

The Pope Dies and Goes to Heaven

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the reception committee and, after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available.

He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eo...

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Doctors advice

Jay's primary care doctor recently retired and that forced him to find a new one, which he did.

After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, Jay's new doctor said he was doing "fairly well for a man his age"… Having just turned forty-four in July, Jay was a little concerned about the doctor's c...

Some engineers were arguing about God.

One says, "God was clearly a mechanical engineer. Just look at the structure of the bones, how they're shaped to carry their loads without wasted weight, how the joints interlock to give free movement, how the muscles are optimally placed as actuators with the best leverage."

The second repli...

Center for Disease Control Warning

The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand and even electronically.

This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your collea...

What Engineer Designed The Human Body?

Four engineers are arguing over who designed the human body.

The mechanical engineer points to the ways the bones, the muscles, and the tendons are joined together and move so smoothly and efficiently, and claims it must have been a mechanical engineer.

The electrical engineer diagrams...

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A 30 year old guy goes to the doctor for a check up

After running some labs and checking vitals, the doctor asks the patient some questions.

Doctor: How often do you drink?

Patient: I've never touched the stuff.

Doctor: What about tobacco use?

Patient: Never tried it. Never will.

Doctor: Do you use any recreation...

By the book

Lady looks out her window and sees a couple of Parks and Recreation guys setting up cones before they start work.

They finish and one guy digs a big hole by the sidewalk.

He finishes, they chat and drink coffee, then he walks about 10 yards away and starts a second hole, meanwhile, the...

Three different types of engineers are debating which of their fields God must have worked in

A mechanical engineer speaks first. "Look at the joints, look at the tendons and ligaments, look at how strong our bones are. God was clearly a mechanical engineer."

An electrical engineer chimes in. "Are you kidding me? Look at the nerves, look at the way our brain can fire off a c...

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The engineers were discussing God's profession

The mechanical engineer said, "God must be a mechanical engineer. Look at your joints and muscle connections."
The electrical engineer said, "I believe God must be an electrical engineer because your brain, nerves, electrical impulses and shit, just take a look at neurons. No doubt there."
Fi...

Donald and Vladimir take a vacation.

Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin take a trip to Brokeback Mountain.

The two decide it's best for Putin to drive.

Half way up the sketchy mountain, Trump spots a donkey with it's head stuck in a fence.

"We need to do something!", Trump exclaims uncharacteristically.

"Ah y...

My one and only engineer joke.

Three engineering students were discussing what type of engineer created the human body. The first one said “well obviously it’s a chemical engineer because the body couldn’t function without all the chemicals and hormones and everything else.“

The second one said “no no no it’s definitely a...

Human Design

Three engineers went out for drinks after work. An electrical engineer, a mechanical engineer and a civil engineer. They rehashed their respective jobs, complained about the hours and all agreed about insane expectations and demands of clients. After a couple drinks they started loosening up, discus...

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Three Engineers Are Debating the Nature of God...

They are a mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a software engineer. They each speak their opinion on God's nature in turn.

The mechanical engineer says "God is a mechanical engineer". He proceeds to detail the workings of the human skeletal system, with its intricate joints and...

A group of engineering students were discussing the nature of God.

The first student asserts that God is an electrical engineer, because of all the complex information and control signals running around in our nervous system.
The second student explains that God is a mechanical engineer, because of all the different kinds of activities that the human body can be...

3 Engineers are discussing what type of engineer God is...

Engineer #1

Obviously a Structural Engineer,like me. Look at the skeleton! Its art!

Engineer #2

Obviously a Electrical Engineer, like me. Look at the Nervous System! Genius!

Engineer #3

He's not a City Planner, like me... You Never put a waste treatment center...

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The joke scene from The Bicentennial Man (1999) with Robin Williams

**Andrew Martin:** May one, sir? Is now a good time?

**'Ma'am' Martin:** What? A good time for what?

**Andrew Martin:** Last night, Sir taught...

**Sir:** No, no, no, don't blame me Andrew. Just... go ahead.

**Andrew Martin:** Thank you sir

**An...

A group of Engineers are in a bar and the conversation turns to religion,...

The System Engineer says, "God must be an Systems Engineer, look at the design of the human nervous system. Millions of signals flying back and forward at enormous speeds, all controlled by a massively powerful processing system that can make billions of calculations every second. Only the greatest ...

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An artist, an engineer, and a civil planner are arguing about God's occupation by observing the human body.

The artist says, "God is an artist. You only need to see the beautiful shapes of our muscles, the rich colors of our skin, the textures of our hair to see that."

The engineer says, "God is a engineer. You only need to see the wonders of the human body and its ability to grow and rebuild itse...

Engineer Jokes!

**#1**
An engineer who was unemployed for a long time decided to open a medical clinic. He puts a sign outside the clinic: "A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500; we'll pay you $1,000 if we fail." A Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic.

Doctor...

Modern Bible Stories: American Noah's Ark

…..And the Lord spoke to Noah and said:
” In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed, but I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark.”
In a...

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