Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight.

This would cause a mass confusion.

I decided to let my game download overnight, as it would take many hours.

When I woke up, there was a pop up asking me to confirm the download

If your Cell Phone is water damaged, try submerging it in rice overnight.

This should attract Asians, who will fix it.

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Two strangers, a man and a woman, are sharing a sleeper cab on an overnight train

At around midnight, as they are both trying to fall asleep, the man says to the woman:

"Excuse me ma'am, but it's really cold, would you mind passing me one of the extra blankets on the table beside you?"

The woman answers:

"I'll tell you what, I'm also feeling really cold, for ...

I read about a heartwarming story of several doctors performing an overnight surgery on a giraffe's knee.

I guess it was a joint operation.

Did you hear about the guy who left his phone charging overnight?

It overcharged, caught fire and burned the house down.

He was arrested on charges of battery.

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Why do you have to leave cannabutter alone to let it steep overnight?

Because a watched pot never boils.

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My phone always want to become the president whenever I forget to charge it overnight

Power hungry bastard

You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base ...

Redneck sits next to the silicon valley kid on the overnight train ride

Redneck really wants to sleep, but silicone valley kid won't shut up, describing the wonders of technology.

\- Nowadays I can find an answer to any question, no matter how hard, you just need to know how to use tech!

Redneck really wants to sleep. But the kid keeps showing his gadgets,...

What would happen if the United States switched from imperial to metric units overnight?

There would be mass confusion.

The owner of a new business comes to work one day to see that their "Grand Opening" banner had come undone overnight and fell to the ground.

"This is a bad sign" they remark.

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A female journalist is taking a tour of a new science facility.

Scientist: Here at our lab we've been testing what would happen to GMO foods if, instead of producing foods with genes intended for fast production, we could develop GMO foods into potentially another form of species.

Journalist: That's interesting what foods have you tested this on?

...

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A man is at work when he receives a call from the hospital informing him that his wife's been in an accident.

He rushes to the emergency room where he's met by the doctor. They sit down in the waiting room and the doctor, with a very solemn look on his face, says:


"Sir, I have very bad news. We did all we could. Right now she's in a vegetative state, which is likely where she'll remain for the ...

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A woman and man share a bunk bed on a train.

There’s a train that goes every night from New York to Chicago. It’s an overnight train,where you get your own room to sleep in.It leaves New York at 1 in the morning and gets to Chicago at 10 in the morning. A man checks into his room, and suddenly the door opens and a woman checks in. Normally, th...

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On the first night my girlfriend and I stayed togather overnight, we made a deal that whoever woke up first had to surprise the other with oral.

I dont understand why she was so pissed when she woke up with my Dick in her mouth.

A man is walking in a storm, alone and lost. He then comes upon a Monastery.

Having no place to go, the poor man approaches the wooden desolate door of the old Monastery and knocks upon the door. The door opens to a rather withered old Monk, who greets the man. “I am the Head Monk of this monastery. Can I help you?” The man asks for refuge overnight and is taken up into the ...

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It's very cold one night...

A little bird is sitting in a tree trying to get some sleep but overnight it gets very cold and the little bird freezes. Unable to use his wings, he drops out of the tree and falls to the ground below.



A nearby cow hears the thud and wanders over to investigate. Seeing the frozen ...

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There was an elderly nurse working overnight in an emergency room.

There was an elderly nurse working overnight in an emergency room. She had been doing this, and doing it well, for 45 years. She was a good nurse, always sharp as a tack, but she was getting to the point in life where she was just starting to get endearingly scatter brained. She would frequently get...

An airplane captain was helping a new flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip.

An airplane captain Zouma was helping a new flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip.

Upon their arrival, Zouma showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shopping, and stay overnight.

The next morning as Zouma was preparing the crew for the ...

Did you hear about the village that moved away overnight?

It was unsettling.

I got my student loans down from 100k to 50k overnight with this super easy life hack.

Divorce

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A blonde and her guide returned from an overnight hike

The blonde went straight to the hotel bar and ordered a stiff drink.

"You look frazzled," the bartender said. "Tough time on the hike?"

"TERRIBLE," she said after downing the drink. "The walking was hard, the weather was bad, and my guide almost died!"

"Really? What happened?" <...

Juan arrives at the Mexico/US border

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on a bicycle. He's got 2 large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"
"Sand," answered Juan.
The guard says, "We'll just see about that. Get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them ou...

LPT: If your phone gets water damage, leave it in a bowl of rice overnight.

When you're sleeping, Asians will come to eat the rice and will fix your phone for fun

What’s the difference between fedex, and a woman from Pennsylvania?

One costs $14.95 and delivers overnight, and the other delivers packages.

A lady decided to give herself a big treat for her 90th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice luxurious hotel..

When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00. She demanded to know why the charge was so high "I agree it's a nice hotel, but the rooms aren't worth $250..00 for just an overnight stay - I didn't even have breakfast!"
The clerk told her that $250.00 is the ...

Working the overnight shift is so tedious and boring

Every time I go in it's the same shift, different day.

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What do you call a book club that's been stuck on one book for years?

Church

My Friend Shipped Me To Egypt Overnight

I can't believe it! Its been two days and I'm still in De-Nile.

How do you become a millionaire overnight?

Start off a billionaire then make a bunch of bad investments.

Do you know why the USSR fell nearly overnight?

Because they stopped Stalin and were Russian!

Another “your mama joke”

So this morning I was switching off with the day shift supervisor (I’m the overnight supervisor for the mobile division of a security company) and he asked another of our coworkers “when did your car window get broken?” Before I knew the words had come out of my mouth I said “the same time as your m...

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Grandma and grandpa were visiting their kids

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight . When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills. The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad, they're very strong and very expensive." "How much?" asked Grandpa. "$10.00 a pil...

I was walking through the park the other day

(NSFW) When I saw a frog sitting on a rock. As I walked past the frog said to me "Here mate, come here a second" and I was shocked! "WTF!! How can you talk??" The frog replies "I'm a magic frog, ofc I can talk" and I'm like "There's no such things as magic frogs" and he says "Fine I'll prove it! I''...

A long-range trucker was returning home for the holidays

He was looking forward to seeing his family. However, the snows of December were coming in, and eventually it was a full blizzard. He decided to pull over and stay overnight in a little town. The next morning, he went to a diner to get breakfast. He saw eggs benidict on the menu. The waiter said it ...

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A joke told to me by my psychology professor...

I'll start by letting you know the backstory to this. It was the first day of class and my professor was giving a brief overview of physiological studies and theories. He then went into a very long description of a supposed psychologist who studied the training of dolphins and it went something like...

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Rooty the Rooster [NSFW]

Farmer John found himself in a bit of a rut. His crops weren't yelding like they use to, cattle prices had hit an all time low, and he was really strapped for cash. After discussing it with Mrs. Farmer John, they decided to salvage what they had, sell the farm, and move to greener pastures. He kisse...

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Jim walks into a bar with his arm in a sling.

He sits next to his friend Bill and orders two shots of whiskey.

Bill asks him, "How'd you break your arm, Jim?"

Jim downs a shot of whiskey and says, "Well, you see, about two years ago--"

Bill interrupts him, "Woah woah, two YEARS! You didn't break your arm two YEARS ago!"
...

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Sex is like a snowstorm...

Sex is like a snowstorm: It's advertised a beautiful, in reality gets messy very quickly, and if you take 10" overnight you are *not* moving the next day.

The metamorphosis

One day, Franz Kafka's sister goes to wake her brother up only to discover that overnight, he has transformed into a giant hideous bug. Terrified, she calls out "Mother! Mother! Come quick. Look at what has happened to Franz!"

Her mother rushes to her son's bedroom only to see him transforme...

Farmer Fred fertilizes

Fred was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young' pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.


This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his ...

We need to start investing more in solar energy

But it's not just going to happen overnight

Jane Smith

John Smith's wife, Jane, was very ill, so John brought her to the hospital, where he left her overnight. He returned the next day to pick her up, and the Doctor approached him. "Good morning, Doctor. How is Jane?" The Doctor responded, "Sir, we had a little mixup last night. There were two women tha...

1.What is Bruce Lee's favorite beverage?

WATAAAH!

2.What is Bruce Lee's favorite hamburger?
WHOPPAH!

3.Which hotel does Bruce Lee stay overnight?
HYAAAAATT!

So someone dropped a Chinese baby in a toilet?

My advice is to pop it in a bag of rice overnight...

George Bush is being briefed about world news overnight...

...by his men, 'Mr President, there's been a plane crash in Australia, two Brazilian soldiers have been killed in action, a major bushfire....' George Bush interrupts and says, 'hang on, did you just say two Brazilian soldiers have been killed???!!!'
To which the man replies, 'That's correct Mr P...

The Lonely Widow

Jack and Joe go on a road trip, but after driving for an hour, the car breaks down. They get it working, but they're seriously delayed and will never make it to the hotel they were going to stay at in time.

Upon seeing a farmhouse just off the road, they drive in, and ask if they can park in ...

You know what I want

A guy taking a overnight train settles down in his bunk in the sleeper car, he hears someone climb into the bunk below him. He looks down behind the curtain, its a beautiful blonde woman. She takes off her blouse and removes her falsies, she takes off her false eyelashes, she removes a fake eye, tak...

A Pakistani living in England (offensive)

A Pakistani who had recently moved to England had been feeling extremely ill for a week and so decided to visit the doctor. The doctor asked what was wrong with him and the Pakistani complained of a terrible headache and sickness. Upon hearing this the doctor told him to get a bucket at home and fil...

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