Falling Jokes - 46 Hilarious Falling Jokes

What do Millennials and Tarzan falling to his death have in common?

"I miss Vine."

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The chances of a kidnapped person falling in love with his/her kidnapper is about 8%

The chances of someone falling in love with me just went from 0% to 8%

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I think my deaf girlfriend is falling in love with a deaf friend of hers.

I’ve been noticing——the signs aren’t good.

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Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

A. 499

Q. What are three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

A. Open Door, put elephant in refrigerator, close door

Q. What are four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?

A. Open do...

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly woman's husband keeps falling asleep in church

An elderly lady's husband habitually falls asleep during the sermon, so she meets with the pastor one Saturday and tells him "Give me a wink every time you notice my husband falling asleep so I can poke him with a hat pin and wake him up." The pastor agrees.

The next day, sure enough, during...

I wrote a book about falling down the stairs

It’s a step-by-step guide

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I saw a sign that said "Falling rocks"

I tried. It doesn't.

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I just read a book called "how to survive falling down a staircase"

Yeah it's a step by step guide

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman who is constantly embarrassed by her husband falling asleep in church goes to the priest to ask for help.

The priest says, "Look love, if he falls asleep again, poke him with this hat pin. I'll nod to you as a signal to poke him.". The woman agrees to the plan.

So Sunday rolls around and sure enough, good old Mr. Jones nods off again. The priest notices and asks, "Who is our savior?" then nods to...

A falling battery killed a man today.

It was charged with murder.

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Someone was falling into a black hole

The gravity of their situation was really becoming apparent.

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Falling

Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water?
Because if they fell forwards they’d still be in the boat.

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A 5 step guide to falling down stairs

Step 1
Step 2
Step 5
Step 11
Floor

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How did na idiot survive after falling off a cliff?

He didn’t understand the gravity of the situation.

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What advice did Obi-Wan give Luke when Luke’s marriage was falling apart?

“Use divorce, Luke”

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This sub is seriously falling apart

I knew I should’ve gone to Subway

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A man died after falling into a vat of coffee.

His wife told reporters, at least he didn't suffer - it was instant.

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What's the difference between falling from the 1st floor and falling from the 11th floor?

The 11th goes:

Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!

CRASH!

And the 1st goes:

CRASH!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!

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I was fired after falling asleep.

Being diagnosed with narcolepsy ended my career as a skydiving instructor.

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I keep falling off my bike.

It's a vicious cycle.

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A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a £20 fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are £20 notes falling out of that bag.”

“Oh, really? Darn it!” said the little old lady. “I’d better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.
“Well, now, not so fast,” said the cop.“Where did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?”
“Oh, no, no”, said the old lady. “You see, my back garden is ...

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Falling For You

A construction crew were working on a new high-rise building, and joking about how high up they were. On a particularly windy day, they decided to play a little game.

"I bet you can't have a piss off the end of that platform"

"Sure I can, though you go first"

The...

Did you hear about Post Malone falling while performing?

He seems okay now. It was just a stage he was going through.

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What do you call a wizard falling down a staircase?

Tumbledore

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Aristotle, Plato and Socrates walk into a café during the decline of the greek empire.

Aristotle, Plato and Socrates walk into a café during the decline of the greek empire. The barista asks each of them why they think the empire is falling.

Aristotle gives a powerful speech about how the empire has failed to live up to its telos and deconstructs the very nature of what an em...

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Why do Russian officials keep falling out of windows lately?

Because they no longer have the iron curtain.

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I made a joke about falling

It went down well

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A man went to the doctor because he had trouble falling asleep.

The doctor told him to count to 1000 every night to help him fall asleep.

So that night, the man got into bed and started counting to 1000. When he got to 50, he started feeling very tired, so he got up, made himself a coffee, and went back to bed to keep on counting.

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a man was late to work because he was trying to stop his clock from falling down

before he knew it, his time was up

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy keeps falling asleep in church (Long)

So Charlie has a problem with falling asleep in church. He turns to his friend sitting beside him. "Here", he says handing him a straight pin. "Stick me with this pin if I fall asleep". His friend agrees, and Charlie settles in for the service.

The service goes on for a while, and the priest ...

Why is the oil price falling to below zero?

Imagine the following...you pay $500 today and commit to receiving an escort at your house in 15 days.
Cos your wife is traveling.
This is called a futures contract.

Unfortunately, lockdown came and your wife will be home for the next 60 days.

You do not want this woman to show...

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Mr. Smith, a very wealthy man...

Mr. Smith, a very wealthy man, is in town on business and towards the end of his trip he decides to take a walk on the docks and take in the ocean view.

As he's walking he comes up on a young boy, maybe 12 years old, crying on the edge of the dock.

Mr. Smith hesitates but decides to a...

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Daniel Craig has narrowly avoided death after falling into an industrial mixer whilst on a Martini factory tour. Fortunately the machine wasn't switched on.

He is reportedly shaken

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I had a falling-out with a fellow member of Contract Fetishists Anonymous...

... but we came to terms in the end.

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Carpenter wanted. Cabinet is falling apart

Address: 10 Downing Street

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Unintentional joke from a 2 and a half year old:

Oh no, I'm falling in the sink!

I'm sinking!

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A old woman visits a doctor after a falling down the stairs, injuring her hip.

Doctor: “you took quite a tumble, you are going to need to take it easy and definitely avoid stairs for several weeks while you heal.”

Woman: “I suppose I could sleep downstairs, but what if I realize I need something and it is upstairs?”

Doctor: “Do you have a neighbor you could ask ...

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when i die I want it to be from being hit by a falling piano

That way my life ends on a dramatic note.

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What’s the difference between a man falling from a 40 story building and a 4 story building?

One goes: “Ahhhhhhhhh.... Splat”
And the other goes: “Splat....Ahhhhhhhhh”

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What do you call a man falling down the stairs with a hard on?

Rock and roll

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Why North Korea falling in love with South Korea?

Because South Korea has a beautiful Seoul

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Who was asked to direct a gothic horror about a tree falling down?

Tiiiiiiiiiiiiimmmmmmbbbbbbbbbuuuuuurrrrrrrton.

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What do you call vehicles falling from the sky?

Van Halen

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Headaches.

A man strides into a bar, grinning from ear to ear. He sets down at the bar and orders a beer. "In fact, make that a round on me."

The bar cheers, and the bartender brings him his drink, he asks, "So, why the celebration?"

"I am reinventing myself! A new man! Just a month ago, I was m...

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What's the difference between 100,000 political jokes and a kid falling off a bike.

I still laugh every time I see a kid fall off a bike....
(For real this shit just ain't funny anymore fellas.)

3 elephants are falling from a cliff

Two land on ground the third on water.

Ba dum tss

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