What do you call an Irish dwarf whose limbs keep falling off?

A Leper-chaun.

How does Sisyphus deal with his boulder falling down the mountain?

He just rolls with it.

What do you call a royal pig that is falling asleep?

Prince Nodding Ham

A Russian plane is falling down....

One pilot says to the other
"AHHH WE'RE STALIN"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old woman was walking with two big plastic bags. One of the bags had a small tear, and 20$ bills kept on falling from the bag. A policeman saw this and he stopped her.

Policeman : Madam, you are dropping 20$ bills.
Old lady : Oh thank you so much sir.
Policeman : By the way, where did you get all of this money ? Did you steal?
Old lady : Oh no! Well it's a long story.
my house is next to a golf course. There is a hole on my fence. People keep coming an...

My friend got hit with a window installment falling on his lower back the other day

Said it was a huge pane in the ass

Two astronauts are falling into a black hole while telling jokes.

One turns to the other and says "I'm afraid we're not aware of the gravity of the situation."

I read a book about ants falling in love in Rome.

It was full of Rome Ants.

Dying by falling from stairs is just like regular death

But with extra steps

The highway sign said, “Watch for falling rocks.”

And I thought, OK fine, but I only have 10 minutes.

Dad joke alert: Why did the kids bike keep falling over?

It was two tired

The weirdest thing I saw last night was a Redditor tripping and falling on top of a clown.

It was virgin on the ridiculous.

A pastor was complaining to another pastor about people in his service falling asleep

So the other pastor invited him to his own church. The Pastor began to notice some of his congregation nodding off and gave a nod to the visiting pastor.

"Ahem, I'd like to make an announcement, er a confession really" Everyone began paying attention, nudging each other, straightening up and...

Carpenter wanted. Cabinet is falling apart

Address: 10 Downing Street

They should make a movie about two computers falling in love.

And it should be called ROM-com.

After falling on hard times, Mike Tyson decided to set up a "get punched by a celebrity" booth at the state fair, but sadly there was little interest.

Yeah he was hoping for a punch line too.

I accidentally called emergency services whilst falling asleep.

I had to burn down my house so I didn’t look stupid.

How to warn Pitbull of a falling tree?

Timber!

A man was doing some DIY work on his gas stove

When it all of a sudden blew up and sent him flying through his roof and up into the sky.

On his way up he passed a man falling down from the sky and asked him: “Hey, you know anything about gas stoves?”

The guy falling responded, “Nope, you know anything about parachutes?”

What’s the difference between a man falling from a 40 story building and a 4 story building?

One goes: “Ahhhhhhhhh.... Splat”
And the other goes: “Splat....Ahhhhhhhhh”

*coins falling from the sky*

Me: what is this?
Climate: change

What do you call a hundred old timey Irish railroad workers falling down a hill?

A navvy lanch

At one time a falling Apple lead to the Theory of Gravity

Now it's just a broken iPhone

Whats the difference between an emo kid and a leaf both falling from a tree?

Only the leaf reached the ground.

when i die I want it to be from being hit by a falling piano

That way my life ends on a dramatic note.

What do you call a wizard that keeps falling over?

Stumbledore

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There are japanese car parts falling from the sky here

It's raining datsun cogs

A guy kept falling asleep in church

A guy kept falling asleep in church, so his wife asked the priest what she could do. The priest gives her a needle and tells her to stab him with it when he’s asleep.

The next day, during the sermon, the priest asks the church, ‘Who is our Saviour?’

The guy falls asleep. His wife stab...

What prize did the man win for his pants falling down?

The no belt peace prize.

What do you call a male cow that keeps falling asleep?

A bulldozer.


I just made this up. I apologize for my self and my entire ancestory that led to this.

Did you hear about the mean woman who died after falling into a sausage making machine in Germany?

She was the wurst...

A preacher and soldier are on a plane that is falling out of the sky with no parachutes...

The preacher turns to the soldier and angrily says “God has failed us. I have devoted my life to him and he rewards me with this?” The preacher promptly throws his bible out of the airplane.

The soldier reaches over to comfort the preacher. The soldier looks at him and says “before we die, I’...

What was the partially blind man’s reason for falling into a well?

“I can’t see that well”

What's the difference between falling from the 1st and the 10th floor?

The former goes "Splat.....Ahhh!" and the latter goes "Ahhhhhhhh...........Splat!"

Why isn't anyone falling for my new Vietnamese prince email scam?

Maybe I didn't offer enough dong?

Falling in love is like eating paint chips.

Things might look pretty now, but in time you're going to feel dumb.

A man working in a brewery dies after falling in a vat of beer

The manager and CEO go to the mans house in the evening and knock on the door.

The mans wife opens the door and seeing the sombre look on the two men's faces cautiously asks *"Whats wrong!?"*

*"We have some bad news your husband died in a terrible accident at work today"* replied the m...

Why did Trump's IKEA furniture keep falling apart?

Fake screws

I heard it's so cold in Florida that frozen Iguanas are falling from trees.

I'll make sure to bring a coat next time Iguana visit Florida.

Someone told me that I can't survive falling off a 1,000 feet building.

Not with that altitude.

Why did the chemist's pants keep falling down?

He had no *acetol*.

I knitted a scarf after 4 days of blood sweat and tears out of floss only to find out it is just falling apart.

Sorry, wrong thread.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman who lives on the top floor of her apartment building is out on her balcony when she slips and falls...

...Screaming, she is caught a floor down by a man standing on his own balcony. "Will you suck my dick?" the man asks. "No!" she yells horrified. The man drops her. Screaming, she is caught the next floor down by another man standing on his balcony. "Can I fuck you in the ass?" the man asks."No!" she...

Hellen Keller falling down a cliff

Why couldn't she yell while falling down a cliff?

She was wearing mittens.

Two men are climbing a mountain. One of them slips and falls.

"Oh my god are you alive?!? Can you hear me?!?"

-- "Yes, I'm alive."

"Did you break your legs?"

-- "No, my legs are fine."

"Did you break your arms?

-- "No, they're OK."

"Well, thank goodness, climb back up!"

-- "I can't."

"Why not?"

-- ...

A falling battery killed a man today.

It was charged with murder.

I saw a sign that says 'Falling rocks'...

... so I tried. Apparently it doesn't.

The Chinese have lost control of their space station, Tiangong-1, which is falling out of orbit as it descends toward Earth,..

but, sure, nobody listened to me before, when I pointed out their red flag

What is the difference between falling from the roof of a house vs the roof of a building?

Falling from the roof of a house sounds like

"splat, ARGHHHHHHHHHH"

Falling from the roof of a building sounds like

"ARGHHHHHHHHHH, splat"

I was fired after falling asleep on personal documents.

Apparently you can't lie on your resume.

What's the difference between a guy falling from the 20th or the 1st floor of a building?

20th floor fall goes: *Aaaaaah, BAM!*
1st floor fall goes: *BAM, Aaaaah!*

I just watched an Imam trying to perform a tracheotomy on a Labrador while free-falling at 10,000 feet...

... I'm not sure extreme vetting for Muslims is such a good idea.

Books keep falling on my head....

I've only got myshelf to blame

My wife and I decided to see a therapist because our marriage was falling apart.

Therapist: So, what seems to be the problem?


Wife: I can't take it anymore. I can't live with him making Star Wars puns all the time.


Me: Divorce is strong with this one.

What do you call death by a massive pumpkin falling on your head?

gourd to death

What do you call a corn falling from an oak tree?

A corn

What's the difference between falling 2 ft and 200 ft?

200 ft: Aaaaaaaaa, bump
2 ft: Bump, aaaaaaaaa

(Yes, it's an old, really old joke. Surprisingly haven't seen it here, yet.)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a black woman falling down the stairs?

Tumblewieve

I regret falling in love with my British girlfriend.

You give your heart to her and she Brexit into a million parts.

So I'm writing a paper on suicide, namely falling to death

Its called "Jumping off Buildings: The Rise And Fall"

Instructions for falling down the stairs:

Step 1, step 6, step 7, step 8, step 12.

If you show me a piano falling down a mine shaft...

I'll show you Aflat minor.

What did the 2 earwigs say to each other while falling out of a tree?

earwig-o earwig-o earwig-o

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's worse than a girl falling asleep during sex?

A girl waking up during sex.

So if Lucy died 3.2 million years ago after falling from a tree...

...does that qualify her for a Darwin award?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Falling penis...

A woman comes home from work early, only to find her husband in bed with the tramp from next door for the third time.

"Lenny! I told you the next time I catch you cheating on me- it's coming off and it's going out the window!"

She runs to the kitchen, grabs a butchers knife and runs ...

Two guys in an asylum decide one night they're sick of living there, and decide to escape. They make their way to the roof, and just across this tiny gap are the rooftops of the town, glowing in the moon light. Freedom The first guy jumps right across but his pal didn't dare for fear of falling.

However, the first guy has an idea...
He says "Hey! I got my flashlight! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!"

The second guy just shakes his head and says: "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn off the light when I was halfw...

Whats the different between falling from the 10th floor and falling from the 1st floor ?

The sound you make

10th floor " AHHHHHHHHH *BOOM* "

1st floor " *BOOM* AHHHHHHHHHH "