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Only Child Jokes

Kylo Ren: I've always hated being an only child

Han: You're not an only child. You're a Solo child.

Little Jhonny was an only child.

After hearing from his friends that had younger siblings how fun it was to take care, play, and sometimes pick on them, he got extremely jealous and began to wish very badly for a little brother. So everyday he would beg his parents for them to have another baby. His parents, however, really didn't ...

What's the worst part about being an only child in Alabama?

Knowing that you'll always be single.

I was raised as an only child

which really annoyed my sister

I’m an only child

Finally...

Why is a Jewish Jedi Master always an only child?

Because he has no Force-kin.

I'm the only child in my family.

My mom said she learns from her mistakes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At school

At school, 5th grade classroom.
The new teacher is asking some questions to the kids just to know them a little better.

T: so, Lucy, tell me about your family.
Lucy: I'm the only child. Dad work in a factory and mom is a housemaid.

T: a typical family... Nice. And what about your...

My dad always told me he never made the same mistake twice

Must be why I'm an only child

I was raised as an only child.

My siblings took it pretty hard.

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I was brought up as an only child.

I enjoyed it, but it used to really piss off my sister.

A man with 12 kids was trying to rent a house. However, no landowner would allow him to rent their house due to the number of children he had. Frustrated, the man told his wife to visit her father's tombstone and bring all but their youngest child with her.

He then visited a property and told the landowner that he would like to rent the place.

"Is this your only child?" asked the landowner.

"No, I have 12 children" replied the man.

"Then where are the other 11 kids?"

"In the cemetery with my wife," he calmly replied.

An old man has been standing in line at the pearly gates for so long, when he gets to the front, he can't remember his name for St. Peter to look up in the Big Book...

Peter doesn't know what to do, so he gets Jesus to help him figure it out.

Jesus says "Tell us about your life, maybe that will jog your memory."

The old man says "Well, I only had one child, a son."

Jesus smiles and says "Heh, I was an only child too. Go on."

The man say...

I sat my daughter down and told her she was my least favourite child...

...she laughed and said

"Of course I am, but I'm your only child!"

I replied

"No, you don't understand, I mean globally"

My parents told me that they don't have a favourite child.

It was tough, considering I am the only child.

My sister walked up to me this morning and with disgusted look on her face said to me: ‘You’re on drugs again!!!’ She could be right..

I’m an only child.

I remember my mother telling me, “I have no favorite child.”

Harsh seeing as I’m an only child.

My mum always told me she didn’t have a favourite child.

Bit sad really. I’m an only child

The Barbies

Few days before Christmas the father of a lovely 9yo girls goes to best you shop in town. He walks the lanes untill he finds a nice girl and asks her for help.

Dad: good afternoon. Please, can you help me choosing a Barbie doll for my daughter?

Shop assistant (SA): Sure Sir! How much w...

I hear that you're supposed to learn from your mistakes

Probably why I'm an only child.

"Mommy?" little Johnny asks, "who is your favorite child?"

His mom replies: "Johnny, you know I can't answer this. I don't have a favorite child."

"But mommy," Johnny says, "I am your only child."

An American dropped into a pub in London for a drink and found it completely full of Brits.

An American dropped into a pub in London for a drink and found it completely full of Brits. After a few minutes, he saw a table for two with one middle-aged gentleman sitting at it. He walked over to the table and asked if he could sit down. The Brit replied, "Certainly. Please do."

The Ameri...

So Joe, the bartender tells his regular customer Fred, "I've got a new riddle for you."

So Joe, the bartender tells his regular customer Fred, "I've got a new riddle for you." Fred says, "Gee, I dunno Joe, I'm not good at riddles". Joe says, "This is an easy one, here goes. My mother had a child, it's not my brother, it's not my sister. Who is it?" Fred says, "I dunno. I'm an only chil...

Its pretty easy to tell who my dad's favorite child is.

Mostly because I'm an only child.

Why does the redneck not have a girlfriend?

He is an only child

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Car accident

A man is called to the hospital, his wife and mother in law were in an accident. His wife held over for observation, and the doctor asks if his wife has any siblings.

He replies "no she an only child"

Dr Says "well than I am sorry to tell you you mother in law is very bad off. She has ...

When I was growing up, we didn't have a sandbox, we had a quicksand box.

I was an only child....eventually.

(From my favorite comedian: Steven Wright)

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What do you call a virgin redneck?

An only child.

A sales representative stops at a small manufacturing plant. He presents a box of cigars to the manager as a gift.

“No, thanks" says the plant manager. "I tried smoking a cigar once, but I didn't like it".

The sales rep shows his display case and then, hoping to clinch a sale, offers to take the manager out for a round of drinks.

"No, thanks" the plant manager replies. "You know, I tried alcohol on...

Accident Elle

Elle grew up as an only child of an older couple, as all of her brothers and sisters had moved out by the time she was born.

One day, she asked why they had waited so long to have her.

Her mother told her they had decided not to have any more kids, so her father got a vasectomy, but th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The first time I got high was very intense. I was at the back seat of my brother’s car.

It must have been some really good shit, as I am an only child.

A boy asked his father a question.

"Dad, how does abortion work?" The father laughed and said "It's complicated, ask your sister." The boy was confused and said "But Dad, I'm an only child!" The father laughed again and said "Exactly."

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