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Connected Jokes

I am convinced that all junk drawers are connected.

For every person saying "What's this?", there's someone saying "I'm sure it was in here..."

I think I really connected with my inner self today…

That’s the last time I use cheap toilet paper.

Hey Reddit, are you connected to the CIA?

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I just found my old Nokia and connected it with my power bank.

The power bank is now fully charged again.

I've got a high tech toilet that's connected to the Wi-Fi and I just received a notification.

There was an unexpected log in...

I accidentally connected the drill to 220v instead of 110v.

When the fire alarm sounded, it was not a drill. Or was it?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think my wife and I are telepathically connected

Every time I feel horny she immediately gets a headache

I've found my old Nokia phone so I connected it to a powerbank.

Powerbank is now full. Phone still has 3 bars.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The computer is connected to watt?

A man calls tech support and says, "I unplugged my space heater, and then my computer just blacked out!"

Tech support: Is the power strip that your computer's plugged into still lit?

User: Yes

Tech support: What happens if you move the mouse or press a key?

User: Noth...

I decided to replace my belt with multiple watches connected together.

It was a big waist of time.

Who was the best-connected president?

Abraham Linkedin!

How do you call a Chinese cow thats connected to a computer network?

Moolan.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend met a prostitute who connected battery wires to his testicles.

I said, “Holy shit! How much did she charge you?”

As a kid, I connected all the dots on our Dalmatian.

Remarkably, it was a dog.

If you want to stay well connected, just take all your devices aboard the Titanic.

They'll sync really well...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Your ass and mouth are connected.

Biologically, of course, but also metaphorically in your case.

When future autonomous cars are connected on a network and speak to eachother, they won't need turn signals anymore.

... So BMW owners will have to figure out some other safety system to just not use.

Connected my iPod, named "The Titanic" to my computer.

"The Titanic is synching..."

Will Smith has been connected to an armed robbery in Philadelphia...

They found fresh prints at the scene of the crime.

As you grow up, you will start to see that people morality is not necessarily connected to their relation with the law.

While the outlaws are bad, the in-laws can be much worse.

Call me a luddite, but I feel the need to be vigilant about having too many connected devices.

Google accessing biometrics via wrist wear? Not on my watch.

My airport fetish has led to many connected flights

I'm constantly getting off

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men pass away in a tragic car crash

Their girlfriends are trying to figure out what to do with their ashes. The first woman says "hey, my boyfriend really loved nature. I'm going to spread his ashes throughout the forest so he can be eternally connected with the wilderness."

The second woman says "hey, my boyfriend was really i...

There’s this condition where twins are connected at the elbow and always laugh together, never separately.

It’s called conjoined Humor

Got my friend William to petal a bike connected to my TV.

You could say it runs on Will power.

They say if you've seen one connected group of stores

You've seen a mall

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman wants her vaginal lips reduced in size

A woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were flapping in the breeze. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.

Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found three roses careful...

Baby, are you a Caucasian teen with connected parents on trial for DUI manslaughter defended by a high powered attorney?

'Cause you got FINE written all over you.

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud toward him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?" The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefu...

What's a Pirate's least favourite letter?

Dear Customer,

Due to recent illegal activities that have been performed through your connection, your internet service has been permanently disconnected.

-Sincerely, your ISP.

Men are like Bluetooth, Women are like WiFi...

Men are like Bluetooth: he's connected when you're nearby, but searches for other devices while you're away..

Women are like WiFi: she can see all available networks, but will only connect to the strongest one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When are men the smartest?

During sex. Thats when they are connected to the main computer.

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