As you grow up, you will start to see that people morality is not necessarily connected to their relation with the law.

While the outlaws are bad, the in-laws can be much worse.

When future autonomous cars are connected on a network and speak to eachother, they won't need turn signals anymore.

... So BMW owners will have to figure out some other safety system to just not use.

Uninvited Guest

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud toward him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how ...

Call me a luddite, but I feel the need to be vigilant about having too many connected devices.

Google accessing biometrics via wrist wear? Not on my watch.

If you want to stay well connected, just take all your devices aboard the Titanic.

They'll sync really well...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The computer is connected to watt?

A man calls tech support and says, "I unplugged my space heater, and then my computer just blacked out!"

Tech support: Is the power strip that your computer's plugged into still lit?

User: Yes

Tech support: What happens if you move the mouse or press a key?

User: Noth...

There once was a man named Ulf, and he was the meanest Viking in all the land.

Time after time he proved his temperament, and so obnoxious was he that the world knew him as Rude Ulf.

Despite his prowess, the village soon found him unbearable, and even his mother had not a kind thing to say.

Amidst pleas and cries for Rude Ulf’s exile, the chief gave him an ultima...

How do you call a Chinese cow thats connected to a computer network?

Moolan.

There’s this condition where twins are connected at the elbow and always laugh together, never separately.

It’s called conjoined Humor

I have a friend who was obsessed with the moon.

Lunar cycles, werewolf lore, eclipse dates, he knew all about them and then some. The really strange part was he focused solely on the moon in this way, no other part of space.

Made him easy to shop for though. Werewolf movies, moon pies, he'd love them just for being tangentially connected t...

I just found my old Nokia and connected it with my power bank.

The power bank is now fully charged again.

I once connected all my watches together and used them as a belt...

It was a waist of time.

Hey Reddit, are you connected to the CIA?

[removed]

As a kid, I connected all the dots on our Dalmatian.

Remarkably, it was a dog.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend met a prostitute who connected battery wires to his testicles.

I said, “Holy shit! How much did she charge you?”

I've found my old Nokia phone so I connected it to a powerbank.

Powerbank is now full. Phone still has 3 bars.

Will Smith has been connected to an armed robbery in Philadelphia...

They found fresh prints at the scene of the crime.

I got the strangest recording when I called the phone company the other day.

It said, "You have been connected to the correct department on the first try. This is against company policy. Please hang up and redial."

Connected my iPod, named "The Titanic" to my computer.

"The Titanic is synching..."

Who was the best-connected president?

Abraham Linkedin!

A CEO needed Wi-Fi...

The CEO walks in on the 134th floor and quickly asked: “Does anyone have the Wi-Fi password?”

One of the employees say “Yes.”

Then the CEO then says, “Never mind, I’ve just connected to a plane’s wi-fi.”

Got my friend William to petal a bike connected to my TV.

You could say it runs on Will power.

Baby, are you a Caucasian teen with connected parents on trial for DUI manslaughter defended by a high powered attorney?

'Cause you got FINE written all over you.

Tech company mission statements be like

We're a customer centric organization and we deliver the value of IOT, cloud, big data, blockchain, machine learning, and artificial intelligence by using design thinking to drive digital transformation for the connected enterprise.

My airport fetish has led to many connected flights

I'm constantly getting off

Announcing the new Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge device, otherwise known as the BOOK.

It's a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even sitting in an armchair by the fire -- yet...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Your ass and mouth are connected.

Biologically, of course, but also metaphorically in your case.

My fiancee was holding my left hand...

And I told her, "You know, in a month and a half, that hand will be heavier and I might need help lifting it."

She replied, "The ring isn't that heavy..."

And I retorted, "Yeah, but the ball and chain connected to it is!"

Don't know how I'm still engaged or alive after that...

Who was the first person that was used technology?

Moses. He had two tablets that where connected to the cloud.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Life Without E-Mail

An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The manager there arranges for him to take an aptitude test (Section: Floors, sweeping and cleaning).

After the test, the manager says, "You will be employed at minimum wage, $5.15 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman wants her vaginal lips reduced in size

A woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were flapping in the breeze. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.

Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found three roses careful...

They say if you've seen one connected group of stores

You've seen a mall

A couple of years ago Barry went hiking across Europe

But as time passed by he never returned home. His many friends tried contacting him in any way they could imagine, but his phone was disconnected, he wasn't active on his social media accounts anymore - it was like he disappeared off the face of the Earth.

Ultimately, everyone had forgotten a...

A Bridge from the US to Europe

A man is walking along the beach when he accidentally kicks a bottle. The bottle opens, and a genie appears.

“Thank you for freeing me!” The genie exclaims. “I’ve been waiting 2,000 years for this moment! I am a genie, and will grant you one wish.”

The man doubtfully looks the genie up...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.