Call me a luddite, but I feel the need to be vigilant about having too many connected devices.

Google accessing biometrics via wrist wear? Not on my watch.

If you want to stay well connected, just take all your devices aboard the Titanic.

They'll sync really well...

How do you call a Chinese cow thats connected to a computer network?

Moolan.

There’s this condition where twins are connected at the elbow and always laugh together, never separately.

It’s called conjoined Humor

Two quarks separated by a great few light years remain connected by their pee.

Quantum en𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑙𝑒ment

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What is the difference between a fetish and a kink?

Having a fetish can mean that you use a feather to orgasm.


Having a kink means that the chicken is still connected.

Why is the elbow called the funny bone?

Becuase it's connected to the humerus

As a kid, I connected all the dots on our Dalmatian.

Remarkably, it was a dog.

I once connected all my watches together and used them as a belt...

It was a waist of time.

A man called the hospital where his pregnant wife was admitted. He was accidentally connected to the Lord's Cricket Ground.

"So how did it go ?", he asked.

The person on the other side of the line said, "We've got four out and expect to have the rest out before lunch. The last one was a duck."

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My friend met a prostitute who connected battery wires to his testicles.

I said, “Holy shit! How much did she charge you?”

Will Smith has been connected to an armed robbery in Philadelphia...

They found fresh prints at the scene of the crime.

A Bridge from the US to Europe

A man is walking along the beach when he accidentally kicks a bottle. The bottle opens, and a genie appears.

“Thank you for freeing me!” The genie exclaims. “I’ve been waiting 2,000 years for this moment! I am a genie, and will grant you one wish.”

The man doubtfully looks the genie up...

I just found my old Nokia and connected it with my power bank.

The power bank is now fully charged again.

Hey Reddit, are you connected to the CIA?

[removed]

I've found my old Nokia phone so I connected it to a powerbank.

Powerbank is now full. Phone still has 3 bars.

Who was the best-connected president?

Abraham Linkedin!

Connected my iPod, named "The Titanic" to my computer.

"The Titanic is synching..."

A christian father puts his daughter to sleep

But before sleep, she must pray.

At the end of the prayer, she says:
"And please god, bless my father, my mother, and goodbye to grandpa".

"Why goodbye to grandpa?" the father asks.

"I Don't know" the girl responds, and goes to sleep with a smile on her face.

The day a...

Baby, are you a Caucasian teen with connected parents on trial for DUI manslaughter defended by a high powered attorney?

'Cause you got FINE written all over you.

Got my friend William to petal a bike connected to my TV.

You could say it runs on Will power.

My airport fetish has led to many connected flights

I'm constantly getting off

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Jack is a cowboy working on a large ranch in a remote pasture in Wyoming.

One day as he’s overseeing the livestock on the ranch a brand-new 7 Series BMW suddenly advances towards him creating an enormous cloud of dust in the process

The car stops and the driver is a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses and YSL tie. He steps out of the car and...

Stouting

Bitoy: Why are you so stout?
Dagul: I have been an orphan ever since I was little.
Bitoy: How is that connected?
Dagul: Duh! No one helped raise me!

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Your ass and mouth are connected.

Biologically, of course, but also metaphorically in your case.

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The Doctor is Always Right

A man wakes up feeling sick, so he goes to an urgent care center.  The doctor asks what his symptoms are, and he tells her, "I'm not sure - I'm just not right."

The doctor immediately replies, "I need a urine specimen."

The man is taken aback.  "Why do you need a urine sample?  You hav...

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A woman wants her vaginal lips reduced in size

A woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were flapping in the breeze. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.

Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found three roses careful...

God gave a wish to a man

God gave a wish to a man.

The man asked, " I want the whole world to be connected by a road".

"Sorry son, it's technically impossible to engineer such a road. Ask something else" , he replied.

"Well then, I want Trump to think before he speaks something", he asked.

"You...

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A guy develops a dark spot on his forehead.

He goes to the doctor. The doctor looks and says:
“I’ve read about this before. In a month you’ll have a full sized penis growing out of your forehead.”
The man’s eyes go wide and he says:
“Well then operate! Get rid of it!”
The doctor shakes his head. “It’s connected to your brain. If I...

My office has had three label makers stolen in the past week.

We suspect it's connected to organized crime.

They say if you've seen one connected group of stores

You've seen a mall

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A devout Christian, Jew and a Muslim walk into a bar

The barternder approaches them as they get seated at the table.

The Christian guy: Jesus turned water into wine. It was the first miracle he performed. So I will go with some wine today.

The Jewish guy: Arak, the licorice flavored spirit is highly preffered in Isreal. It makes me feel ...

Hello, God?

In an effort to combat religious bigotry, the leaders of the world's largest religions decided to show solidarity by organizing a world tour, where they would all visit each other in their respective seats of power.

The first stop on the tour was the Vatican where the Pope welcomed the group ...

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A Couple Owns the Only Florist Shop in a Small Town

Being a small town, they obviously have 100% of the business. One day, a group of friars opens up a competing shop on the other side of town. The couple aren't too worried though, as they make a comfortable living as is.

A month goes by though and the friars prices are so competitive that the...

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