UPJOKE
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One Shot Jokes

A guy walks into a bar and says “Give me a shot of your finest Whiskey, and pour one for yourself on me!”

The bartender is surprised but pleased, so he pours two shots of the most expensive Scotch in the house.

They toast and drink up. After a few moments the man gets up and walks towards the door without paying. The bartender chases after him and says “hey what’s the big idea?! You haven’t paid...

Eminem has started a vaccine company

You only get one shot

I have only one shot to be found, hope someone sees this.

Dammit, wrong flare!

I heard they're not letting Eminem get fully vaccinated.

They told him "you only get one shot."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bet on a bullet (slightly NSFW)

A man walks into a gun shop.

"I want to buy a new scope and bullets for my rifle"

"sure" said the owner handing over a scope "if you look out the window, this scope is so powerful you can see into my house"

The man looks, then turns to the shopkeeper and says "sorry mate there i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar with a gun ...

A guy walks into a bar with a gun, fires one shot into the ceiling, then snarls: “Who’s the low-down dirty varmint who had sex with my wife?”

There is a long silence, until a guy in the back calls out: “You ain’t got enough bullets!”

An American and an Englishman are about to be executed

The American is put before the executioner and is asked: "What are your final 3 wishes ?"


The American replies: "My first wish is to smoke one last cigarette"



They bring him one last cigarette, he somkes it and the executioner asks him: "Your 2nd wish ?"



Amer...

A guy walks into a bar owned by Eminem...

He says,"Give me 2 shots..."

The bartender cuts him off saying,"You only get one shot."

I'm just glad Eminem will never be a mass shooter

He only gets one shot

his door-to-door entrepreneur became rather bored with his job of selling Bibles, so he decided to become a boss, hiring three people to sell Bibles for him.

He interviewed three people. The first came in and said, "I want to sell Bibles for you." "OK, you're hired. Here's your kit; go sell!"


The second came in and said, "I want to sell Bibles for you." "OK, you're hired! Here's your kit; go sell!"
The third came in and said, "I- i ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A redneck decides to go hunting. After a full day of hunting, he didn't kill anything to he decided to pack up and go home when all of a sudden, he sees a bear and decides to shoot it. He fires one shot, but misses.

The bear comes up to him and says, "You just tried to kill me!"

The redneck says, "no my gun went off by itself!"

The bear does not believe him and says,
"Now I'm gonna fuck you in the ass."

So after the bear is done with the redneck, the redneck says, "fuckin bear, I'm gonn...

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing

He is on the second hole when he notices
a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks
nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears,
"Ribbit. 9 Iron." The man looks around and
doesn't see anyone. "Ribbit. 9 Iron."

He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog
wrong...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Hitler storm off the golf course?

He quit after one shot in the bunker.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop and asks the clerk to show him a scope.

The clerk takes out a scope and says to the man, “This scope is so good, you can see my house up on that hill.”

The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing.
“What’s so funny?” asks the clerk.

“I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house,” the ma...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Coming Out

A man walks into a bar and orders one shot of whiskey. The bartender knows this man only drinks whiskey when he's upset.

"Something wrong?" the bartender asks.

"I just found out my son is gay," the man replies.

The next day, the same man comes in and orders two shots of whiskey....

A man steals a train and kill 5 people...

When the time comes for his last meal request, he asks for a single banana, nothing else. The prison guards oblige. The next morning, he's strapped to the electric chair. Guards flip the switch, nothing happens!

Since you only get one shot at the death penalty, the man is released. He goes ri...

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