I have only one shot to be found, hope someone sees this.

Dammit, wrong flare!

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A redneck decides to go hunting. After a full day of hunting, he didn't kill anything to he decided to pack up and go home when all of a sudden, he sees a bear and decides to shoot it. He fires one shot, but misses.

The bear comes up to him and says, "You just tried to kill me!"

The redneck says, "no my gun went off by itself!"

The bear does not believe him and says,
"Now I'm gonna fuck you in the ass."

So after the bear is done with the redneck, the redneck says, "fuckin bear, I'm gonn...

A new bartender is working the saloon in Dodge City

When a cowboy burst through the doors from the street shouting, "Look out everybody, Big Bill Johnson is coming to town!"

The saloon burst into a panicked commotion as everyone scrambled for the door. In the rush, the bartender is knocked down and passes out.

When he came to, he heard...

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A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle. He goes to a rifle shop and asks the clerk to show him a scope.

The clerk takes out a scope and says to the man, “This scope is so good, you can see my house up on that hill.”

The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing.
“What’s so funny?” asks the clerk.

“I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house,” the ma...

Why does Eminem prefer the Johnson & Johnson vaccine?

You only get one shot…

Everyone who gets the COVID vaccine has to get two shots, except Eminem.

He only gets one shot.

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You have 10 birds in the tree if one gets shot how many left?

Here the programmer version


You have 10 birds in a tree. You shot one. How many are left?

There is a programmer version for this question:

One day, when the teacher wanted to test the students' IQ in class, he asked a boy, "There are 10 birds in a tree. You shot one. How man...

Why did Eminem get fired from his job as a bartender?

He kept telling people “You only get one shot”

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Two guys are sitting in a tree

One of them is using binoculars to peek into the houses when he asks the other:

"Hey man, i was wondering what you would do if you ever caught your wife cheating?"

The other replies: "I'd shoot her in the head and him in the dick!"

And the first guy goes: "Well, if you hurry t...

A man goed bear hunting for the first time in a long while...

Hiding in the woods he spots a bear through the scope of his hunting rifle. He aims... shoots... and hits the bear!

Excited to hit the bear in one shot he grabs his gear and runs over to where te bear was hit. But to his disappointed, the bear is not there and not a single trace of blood can ...

A guy was hunting with his buddy ...

“Hey man I can see your house from here and your wife is cheating on you!”

“I have had enough of her, shot her in the head shot him in the balls.”

“I can get both in one shot.”

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After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists for the CIA assassin position — two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her." The first man said. "You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent replies, "Then you’re not the right man for...

An American and an Englishman are about to be executed

The American is put before the executioner and is asked: "What are your final 3 wishes ?"


The American replies: "My first wish is to smoke one last cigarette"



They bring him one last cigarette, he somkes it and the executioner asks him: "Your 2nd wish ?"



Amer...

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This guy's out hunting with his buddy.

He's got his scope up and says, "Oh my God, I can see your house from here and your wife's cheating on you with another guy!"

His buddy says, "I've had it with her. Shoot her in the head and shoot him in the private parts."

And his buddy replies, "I can get that with one shot!"

The Frog and Golf

A Canadian man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing

He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green.

He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, Ribbit 9 Iron.'

The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hea...

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A millionaire makes friend with a hitman

They get alone pretty well so the hitman offers the millionaire his sniper rifle to mess around. The rich guy looks out through the scope and finds out that his wife is fucking another man in his house 2 miles away.
The millionaire gets pretty mad and asks the hitman to shoot them. The hitman sa...

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Bet on a bullet (slightly NSFW)

A man walks into a gun shop.

‟I wanna buy a new scope and bullets for my rifle”

‟sure” said the owner handing over a scope ‟if you look out the window,this scope is so powerful you can see into my house”

The man looks,then turns to the shopkeeper and says ‟sorry mate there is a ...

My 5 year old daughter came home from kindergarten...

Dad, how do you kill 2 giraffes with just one shot?
Me: no clue, how?
You shoot one in the ass, then the other will die from laughter.

Not gonna lie, that is the first joke she has told, which made sense (and made me chuckle)

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An old man grabs a seat at the bar...

An old man grabs a seat at the bar and order a double scotch, which the barman promptly serves him. After drinking all his glass in one shot, he asks for another one, which the barman serves him.

The old man then say "How about a little friendly bet my friend?". The barman repond "why not" a...

Breaking news: Amidst all the chaos, Eminem just got kicked out of a very high end bar.

Apparantly he asked the bartender for 4 shots but the bartender refused service and said you only get one shot.

I was hiking once with my girlfriend

Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs. Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me.
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One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfort...

Florida Woman Stops 12' Alligator with a .22 cal Beretta Pistol

\[Long\] This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.

What's the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?

Here's her story in her own words:

"While walking along the edge of a pon...

A village is being terrorized by a man eating tiger.

All the villagers' efforts to catch this tiger have been in vain. They call an acclaimed hunter "One shot Bob" who is so named because rumor has it that he can disable or kill any animal with just one shot.

So the hunter arrives, all smug and self assured. He prepares for the hunt and perch...

JFK was killed before his second term in office.

He only got one shot.

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A black man from the USA, 200 cm tall, enters a coffee shop in Ukraine.

He sits down and orders a whiskey. An Ukrainian, 210 cm tall, enters the tavern, sits across the American and orders vodka.

The American, wanting to look superior, takes his whiskey and drinks it all at once.

So then the Ukrainian wanted to show that he can do it too, so he takes his v...

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Trump goes to Japan...

One day Donald Trump goes to Japan for a diplomatic meeting. On the night of his arrival, he decides to hire a young Japanese prostitute and take her back to his hotel. The girl does not speak any English, but that doesn't stop things from getting hot 'n heavy in the Presidential Suite. Their pas...

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Tarzan was swinging through the jungle high in the canopy and his vine breaks....

He fell hitting jagged branches and thorns for about a hundred feet or so and slammed into the ground below wounded and dying.

A few hours later a witch doctor comes across him and decides to drag his lifeless body to his hut to try to help him. The witch Dr. examines Tarzan and sees that dur...

Two men are hunting in the woods behind the house of one of them.

One looks through the scope of his rifle and says to the other, "Your wife is in their with another man."

The husband says, "Shoot her in the head and him in the balls."

The other man says, "That'll be easy. I can do that in one shot!"

A Man Asks for Three Shots At Once

One day a man walks into a bar and tells the bartender, “I’m gonna be having three shots, please. But, rather than one shot at a time, I’d like all three at once”

The bartender is confused by this request and asks, “why?”

The man replies, “Well, you see, I’m very close to my two brothe...

So a guy walks into a bar and sees three steaks taped to the ceiling....

He then asks the bartender “why are there three steaks taped to the ceiling?” The bartender says “well you get one shot, if you jump up and touch one of the steaks then you get free drinks for the rest of the day, however if you miss, you must buy everyone else’s drinks for the next hour.” The guy p...

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A Man Walks into a Bar

He walks up to the bar and stands there. "One shot of whiskey, my good man!"

"You're in a jolly mood today. What's the occasion?" Asks the bartender.

"Well, I just tried anal for the first time with my wife!" The patron exclaims.

"Hell, the first one is on me then, have a seat!"...

A man comes in a bar everyday for a couple of weeks, orders 2 shots of whiskey and leaves...

One day the barkeeper asked him why he never wants to drink something else? The man replied: „My best friend moved to australia a couple of weeks ago and we both decided to go to a bar everyday and drink 2 shots of whiskey so it‘s like we’re drinking them together.“ The barkeeper was amazed and said...

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A Brit, a Mexican, and an American are on a cruise ship.

The Brit pulls out a box of tea bags, places one in his mug, and tosses the rest overboard. “In my country, tea is so plentiful I never have to conserve it.”

The Mexican pulls out a bottle of tequila, takes one shot, and throws the rest overboard. “In my country, tequila is so plentiful I nev...

I live in Canada, so you encounter a lot of bears here. Me and my friend were walking in the forest, when we saw one, up close. I thought I was a goner, when I remembered my gun in my backpack.

One shot to my friends kneecap, and I was able to run away safely

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