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Mother Nature Jokes

Why is it called Mother Nature?

Because if it were called Father Nature it would be a lot more predictable.

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The world's two worst golfers are playing golf. The first one hits it all the way to the left. The second one hits it all the way to the right. The first guy goes to pick up his ball and sees that it hit a buttercup. Suddenly, Mother Nature pops up out of the ground in all her glory...

Mother Nature says "You, you horrible golfer! You hit a buttercup! One of nature's most beautiful creations. As punishment, you can never have butter again!"

The golfer is obviously upset by this and he turns away so Mother Nature won't see. Suddenly, he starts laughing.

"What's so fu...

When does soil get rich?

When mother nature makes it rain.

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Don’t mess with Mother Nature

On the 16th hole of the golf course, Fred had hit his ball into the woods. Harry, his partner had laughed and poked fun, but then somehow managed to hit his ball into the woods as well, just a few yards beyond.
Fred looked for his ball for a long time, getting angrier every minute. Finally, in a...

I guess Mother Nature watches a lot of Oprah.

Because it looks like everybody gets a hurricane.

Mother nature decides to buy a condo in Miami Beach.

Mother nature decided she would like to be a snowbird and bought a condo in Miami Beach. All of the mythological creatures were invited to her housewarming party.

Father time gave her a beautiful grandfather clock.
Jack Frost presented her with a state of art air conditioning system.
Th...

Why did Mother Nature trip the last day of summer?

To make it Fall.

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Best pals, Frank and Paul, are out for a day of golf. On the third hole, Paul accidentally putts the ball into a field of buttercups. Determined to get the ball back onto the green, he demolishes half of the flowers in the process. As he raises his club to take another swing...POOF! Mother Nature

appears. "What have you done?!! As punishment for destroying my precious buttercups, you shall have no butter for your toast ever again. No butter for baked potatoes either. Actually, no. You shall have no butter for anything...for the rest of your life!" And then, POOF! She was gone.

In tota...

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Thibodeaux and Pedro playing Golf

Thibodeaux and Pedro are playing golf. Pedro tees off first and his shot sails past the fairway and down into a patch of buttercups. Pedro goes down and starts rooting around in the buttercups. After 10 minutes he starts getting frustrated and starts swinging away with his clubs. Pedro is tearing up...

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Guys, don't pee in the woods....

You'd piss mother nature off.

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Beware of penalty strokes

A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off, and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in the process she hacks the hell out...

When you're morbidly obese, you get shut down by lots of people. But the worst is when it comes from parents...

MOTHER NATURE AND FATHER TIME.

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Pussy Willows

Two old friends hadn’t seen each other in years, because they lived so far away from each other. So they decided to meet in the middle, and take a weekend getaway golf trip.

They hit up a course tucked high up in the rockies, in a valley surrounded by white capped mountains. It was truly som...

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Humanity must have an Oedipus complex

Because they all want to fuck mother nature.

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Playing golf and sliced into a field of buttercups.

As I was ready to hit I heard a voice that said “don’t hurt any buttercups”

I asked “who are you?”

“I’m Mother Nature, if you can chip out of this field of buttercups without harming a single one, I will guarantee you have butter everyday for the rest of your life”

I responded “...

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MacGregor, the...

A man walked into a bar in Scotland, sat down and ordered a drink. Next to him was a leathery old Scotsman, well into the bottle in front of him.

The man asked the Scotsman if there was something the matter.

The Scot replied (in Groundskeeper Willy brogue); "Aye lad, indeed there is. Y...

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A golfer hits a ball off the fairway...

On the seventh hole, a golfer hits a ball off the fairway and it lands in a big field of flowers. He figures it's a playable lie, so he's winding up for a shot and he hears a voice behind him say, "Please don't hurt my buttercups."

The golfer turns around and he sees a woman in a flowing robe...

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Jim and Bob go golfing...

They're on the 18th hole and the score is close. Bob tees off.
Bob hooks the ball way off to the left where it settles in the rough.
Then Jim tees off and his is a wild slice near some shrubs. They both wander off to find their balls but Jim's is furthest from the pin.

Jim finds his ba...

The Atheist and the bear.

One beautiful morning, an atheist was walking through the forest, admiring nature's surroundings...
He looked up and saw the trees swaying in the wind high above him and smiled...
He saw the river glisten and the sun twinkle like a new born star and it made him warm inside...
He thoug...

I started a job today at the local cemetery...

The boss wanted me to start 3 graves for some upcoming burials. I went to the maintenance shed to get the backhoe. I didn't see it inside. I found the head of maintenance. A hippie looking guy straight out of the 60's. Long hair, tie dye shirt, peace symbol necklace, bandanna. The whole nine yards. ...

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Two old men are sitting in a field.

One turns to the other one and says, "You see that barn over there? That's a nice, sturdy barn. It could weather any storm Mother Nature throws at it. I built that barn with my own two hands, you know. Do they call me John the Barn Builder? No. No they don't." Next, John points to the fence next to ...

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Bob and Frank are out golfing one day

And Bob hits his ball straight into the woods. Bob goes looking for it and finds it nestled in a patch of buttercups. Bob decides "Heck, I'm just going to play on through." After a few swings, Bob finally hits the ball back on the fairway but he has destroyed the buttercups. As he is walking away, a...

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Dear Midwest Diary...

Aug. 1

Moved to our new home in Chicago. It is so beautiful here.

The city is so picturesque. Can hardly wait to see it covered

with snow. I LOVE IT HERE!

Oct. 14

Chicago is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are

turning all different colo...

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