More Than Jokes - 80 Hilarious More Than Jokes

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Why doesn't any man need more than one rooster?

A cock a dude'll do.

What does a girl want more than anything in the world?

Nothing. She's fine.

Why are reposts always upvoted more than original jokes?

You need to tell it to a redditor multiple times for them to get it.

My daughter just told me this and it made me laugh more than it should have...

Teacher: What was that noise?

Student: Sorry, my jacket fell on the floor.

Teacher: Why was it so loud?

Student: Because I was wearing it when it fell.

Late one night a police officer was patrolling a desolate area popular with young couples doing more than just sitting in the dark.

Catching his attention was a couple in a car with the interior light on. Moving closer, the cop could see a young man behind the steering wheel reading a newspaper. In the backseat a young blonde was knitting.

The lawman walked up to the vehicle and knocked on the driver-side window. The star...

I was always told as a kid “if you shake it more than twice you’re just playing with it”

If that were true I would still have my baby

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The vagina has more than 8000 nerve endings

But it’s still not nearly as sensitive as Reddit.

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Yesterday I was nothing more than a sad, teenage virgin

But today I turned 20

Doctor: "You're terminal. You haven't more than six months left to live."

"I want a second opinion."
"You're also ugly."

my friend was arrested for stealing luggage from airport, his trial didn't last more than an hour

It was a brief case

Who did Polyphemus hate more than Odysseus?

Nobody.

After waiting more than an hour and a half for her date, the young lady decided she'd been stood up.

Exasperated, she changed from her dinner dress into pajamas and slippers, fixed some popcorn and resigned herself to an evening of TV.

No sooner had she flopped down in front of the TV than her doorbell rang.

There stood her date.

He took one look at her and said "I'm two ho...

I'm a masochist. There's nothing I love more than getting up at 3 in the morning for a cold shower.

So I don't.

My SUV needs all 4 tires replaced at a total cost of $800. That's more than the stimulus they gave us and so the wife freaked out a little.

I told her that it's no big deal and we can just rent a SUV for a day and it would only cost $50.

She said I was an idiot and that we would need an SUV for more then 24 hours.

Then I explained to her that it's more then enough time for me to swap the tires.

Why can't a chicken coop have more than two doors?

Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

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Three friends were bragging about who has the most sex. The first guy starts, “Y'all ain't got nothing on me! I can go to any bar and bring home a new woman every night! Not only that, but I drive a corvette and have an 8 inch penis! I've slept with more than 1,000 women!”

Second guy fires back, “Oh yeah? Well I’m a top gynecologist at the highest rated hospital in the world. I make $800,000 a year, have patients and nurses who have sex with me every hour I’m at work. All the women compliment me on my 12 inch penis and I've slept with well over 5,000 women.”
...

Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced. “My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!” The bartender inquired. “What makes you say that?” Bill beamed with pride, “Last week, I had to take a couple of sick days from work..."

"Suzie was so thrilled to have me around, that every time a mail or delivery person came by, she’d run down the driveway waving her arms hollering, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!’”

Your dog loves you more than your wife does.

Want proof? Lock them both in the trunk of your car. Let them out an hour later and see which one is happy to see you.

What is something that is yours, but others use more than you?

A joke on this subreddit.

What do you call a joint you suspect has more than weed in it?

Dubious

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I love my children more than life itself...

And I can barely fucking stand my kids.

Green is my favourite colour. I love it even more than

Blue and Yellow combined

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The wife said: "Bulls can engage in sexual activity more than 20 times in a day. I wish you could do that..."

And the husband replied: "Just remember they do it with more than one cow..."

More than true?

“ My foot hurts “

My mom: it's nothing

Doctor: Take these pills

Psychiatrist: a problem in your childhood

Google: gravestones for sale!

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Never take more than one viagra at a time

I learnt that the hard way

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.

They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about...

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There was a couple who explored kinky sex but they finally decided they liked “oral” more than “foot fetish.”

They were “head over heels” in love.

A survey revealed that People who speak more than one language are considered more attractive.

Unless that language is Klingon

What does a girl want more than anything in the world?

Nothing. She's fine.

There’s nothing I love more than eggs with extra-durable yolks.

They just can’t be beaten.

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of

resting before you get tired.

My exceptional memory allows me to memorize a sequence of more than a million numbers

1, 2, 3, 4, 5...

A child is ill and the make a wish foundation asks what he would like more than anything. The child thinks about it and says, "I'd like to trade places with Donald Trump!"

They interpret as he wants to know what it's like to be president for a day.

So they ask Trump, he obliges.

Trump meets the child and asks, "So you want to know what it's like to be
president?"

The child, disappointed, retorts "No, I just wanted you to have cancer."

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I love getting my back scratched! I might like it more than getting a blowjob...

Maybe it's because I can't scratch my own back.

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I respect cancer more than I respect depression.

At least cancer has the balls to kill you himself.

An old Arab lived close to New York City for more than 40 years...

...He would have loved to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and weak. His son is in college in Paris, so the old man sends him an e-mail. He explains the problem: "Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, you would ...

Why can't your nose be more than 12 inches long?

Because it would be a foot.

Who do Canadians hate more than the French?

French Canadians

(I’m sorry)

I got charged way more than I was quoted for a new set of tires!

They said it was due to inflation.

Now more than ever, you’d be silly not to be investing in Russian automatic rifles.

Never fired, only dropped once.

I don't vaccinate my kids and they live to more than 80...

That's a lot of days.

I was having a beer with the wife last night, when I suddenly blurted out, "I love you more than anything on earth!"

She said, "I bet that's the beer talking, isn't it?"

I said, "No, it's me talking to the beer!"

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What do you trust more than the government?

The ads on Pornhub telling me girls within 3 miles of my location want to hook up.

Who's rooting for the Bengals to win the superbowl more than anyone?

Jared Goff.

Just found out that my parents love my twin brother more than me.

Still, it was nice of them to invite me to his surprise birthday party.

What do you call meat that is cooked more than 'well done'

Congratulations.

Not mine.. I saw it in some image posted a few weeks ago

Why are sperm donations worth more than blood donations?

Because they’re made by hand

A new study says humans eat bananas more than monkeys.

I believe it. I know lots of people who eat bananas and none who eat monkeys.

We are more than friends now!

One day at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skin-tight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight that she couldn’t get her foot high enough to reach the step.

Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, s...

If your election lasts more than 48 hours,

consult a physician.

Due to COVID-19, The Seven Dwarfs have been restricted to gather in a group of no more than six.

One of them is not Happy.

A little-known college basketball rule is that players are not allowed to own more than five pet chickens.

They will be ejected from a game if they have more than five personal fowls.

I’ve heard it’s impressive to keep your Reddit account more than a year without being banned.

To me it’s a piece of cake.

I'm serious about not having more than 1 beer on a flight...

It's a seal breaker for me.

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What food decreases sex drive more than any other?

Wedding cake.

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake

But at least now we can see your face

Why can't a Frenchman eat more than one egg?

One egg is un oeuf.

Why do Germans like sauerkraut and beer much more than they like Vladimir Putin?

Because sauerkraut gives them gas.

What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?

Magnets

Son: Dad, does every father know more than his son?

Dad: Of course.

Son: “So, who invented the electric bulb?”

Dad: “Thomas Edison.”

Son: “But why didn't Edison's father invent the electric bulb?”

Dad: “It was dark everywhere, he was busy inventing Edison.”

Men get paid more than women because they choose high paying careers like doctor, engineer, and CEO

Women pick low paying careers like woman doctor, woman engineer, or woman CEO

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Why do men seem to get away with their sexual promiscuity so much more than women do?

Men's underwear covers their asses

My wife is taking me to court because she said she’s fed up of me beating her and she “needs more than just love”.

The problem is, I’m just way better than her at tennis.

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Did you know the average blue whale has a 6 foot long penis and can produce more than 20 pounds of semen?

Turns out KFC isn’t the only animal that comes in buckets.

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Redneck learns more than he bargained for

Two Tennessee Rednecks, Bubba and Jim Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer. Bubba turns to Jim Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College, and sign up for some classes." Jim Bob thinks it's a good ...

A man walks into a bar and orders 10 times more than anyone else that night

the bartender says "wow, that's an order of magnitude"

The only thing Trump has bankrupted more than his businesses is

Half the the country's morals.

It bothers me more than it should when people put the first line of the joke in the title

It bothers me more than it should when people put the first line of the joke in the title then repeat it in the body of the post.

Why do men fart more than women?

Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up the pressure.

Why are 1980 pennies worth more than 1979 pennies? (Dads joke)

The same reason 10 pennies is worth more than 9.

What do you call jokes that make redditors laugh more than once?

Reposts.

There's only one thing I love more than dating single moms

Creating them.

What do zombie bodybuilders want more than anything?

GaaAAAiiNnns!!

If Mac users care more about the environment more than Windows users

Then why do Macs have a trash can and Windows has a recycling bin?

Why do people like Frieza’s brother more than him?

He’s Cooler

What sentence turns people on way more than it should?

"The kids are asleep."

Seems like there is always more than one fruit fetishist...

They come in pears.

Why is it dangerous to have more than one violin in your house?

Because it leads to domestic violins.

(From my 9 year old...)

What has more than three wheels and flies ?

Garbage trucks

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Today I decided my life is going to be about more than just my penis.

That’s huge.

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