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Least Jokes

What’s Icarus’ least favorite food?

hot wings

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Which month do men jerk off the least?

February. Because it’s the shortest

What is a pirate's LEAST favorite letter?

Dear Sir or Madam,

Your IP address has been flagged for illegally downloading movies. We will have to suspend your account, pending further investigation.



Sincerely,



The Internet Provider

What’s Sisyphus’ least favorite band?

Rolling Stones

I've noticed lately that women prefer men at least 6'

away.

My least favorite color is purple.

I hate it more than red and blue combined.

A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE: (the Washington Post competition)

I'll go first... I love you and the smell of your hair,Please don't be home when I get there.


EDIT- I have to say, the rhymes and creativity; you all are incredible, Now I have to wonder who's most edible...(no really great job to all)

What's a Pirate's least favourite letter?

Dear Customer,

Due to recent illegal activities that have been performed through your connection, your internet service has been permanently disconnected.

-Sincerely, your ISP.

What's a comedians least favorite drink?

Booze

An ancient Chinese joke, at least a thousand years old.

A man visits his sick friend, and finds him to now be well and energetic. "How wonderful!", his friend says, "What happened?". "Dr. Chang is the cause of my health.", he says gratefully. "Dr. Chang, what did he do?". "Well, Dr. Li came and gave me a special diet. And I got sicker. Then Dr. Won...

If electricity always follows the path of least resistance...

Then why doesn’t lightning only hit France?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have a friend who has sex 3-4 times a week. Works out every day. And reads at least two books a week.

But all this guy ever does is complain about prison.

The blonde's computer password had to be eight characters long and include at least one capital

So she made it "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyAlbany."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got voted "Least Likely To Succeed" by my high school class...

Fuck, I hate being a teacher.

I heard Reddit likes puns so I posted ten of them thinking at least one would reach the first page

No pun in ten did

What is the least spoken language in the world?

Sign Language

I think my neighbour is stalking me. I caught her Googling my name. At least I think she was...

The focus on my telescope is a little shaky.

Which one of Santa's reindeer do dinosaurs like the least?

Comet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day I'll pretend to be gay. I'll make lots of female friends, gain their trust. Become their confidant, and when they least expected...BAAM!!!

I'll fuck their boyfriends

In every koi pond of four or more, at least one is always fake.

You’ve got koi’s A, B, C, and then the D koi

What is matthew mcconaughey' least favorite part of interstellar?

"The girls get older, but he stays the same age"

-first attempt at a original joke (apologies if its a repost that I'm unaware of)

My friend always tells me "cheer up, at least you aren't stuck in a deep hole full of water"

I know he means well...

What is a tinnitus sufferer's least favourite piece of jewellery?

Earrings.

What is a pirates least favorite workout?

Planks.
His favorite is chest day.

What's the least trustworthy avian?

The lyrebird

To start a zoo, you need at least two pandas, a grizzly and three polars.

That's the bear minimum.

A man dies and goes to hell. Once there, he finds that there is a different hell for each country, so he tries to seek out the least painful one.

At the door to German Hell, he is told: "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."

He does not like the sound of that, so he checks out American Hell, Russia...

What's a dinosaur's least favorite reindeer?

Comet.

What is Captain Kirk's least favourite nut?

Pe-Kahn!!!!!!

What was Steve Job’s least favorite dessert?

Apple Turnover, he loved a big piece of that pie

Man and his wife join a weight loss club. They're told to try and lose at least 2 pounds by the next week.

When they return after a week the mentor asks them how much they lost.

The wife begins, "I lost 10 pounds".

"That's amazing! Well done, and you?" He says, pointing at the husband.

"Well, I actually gained 10 pounds", the husband responds.

"Oh, that's no good at all. H...

What is an anarchists least favorite part of the body?

The prostate.

The pro-state.

What is Jesus’s least favourite store?

Staples.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

John, the second least popular kid in our class tried to act over smart...

So, John decides to come up to me one day - out of the blue - and tries to up his status among the class by picking on the one kid that had no friends - again, me.

“So, I saw your father yesterday.”

This was curious. I knew my father was at work, so it was highly unlikely that John wou...

Which Soviet leader was the least efficient?

Joseph Stallin'

What is a pirates least favorite letter?

One from his manager saying he has been traded to the Mets.

Hopefully at least one more day of these Canada fires...

...I gotta brisket hanging on the porch.

Who's Leonardo Dicaprio's least favorite Sesame Street character?

Oscar

im so sorry

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Say what you will against pedophiles, but at least...

they drive slowly in school zones.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it.

He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"

"Well..., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Ferrari."

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?"...

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Comcast has received a notification by a copyright owner, or its authorized agent, reporting an alleged infringement of one or more copyrighted works made on or over Comcast's High-Speed Internet service (the 'Service'). The copyright owner has identified the Internet Protocol ('IP') address associa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pornhub now requires every user to watch at least one hour of dwarf-MILF content.

That's the bare mini-mum.

Why does Argentina have the least pollution?

Because they have Buenos Aíres

What's captain hook's least favorite app?

Tiktok

What’s Leonardo DiCaprio’s least favorite kind of wine?

Aged.

"Most adults are hiding at least one dark secret!!!"

At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.

Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whol...

What is a flat earther's least favorite flavor of gum?

Spheremint

6.9 is my worst and least favorite number

That is because it is 69 that was ruined by a period

What's a Jedi's least favorite smell?

Odor 66

What's the least diverse profession in the country?

Chief diversity officer

If you get lost in the Canadian wilderness, don’t panic unless you see at least one grizzly stalking you.

That’s the bear minimum.

What is an alcoholics least favorite part of a baseball game?

The bottom of the 5th.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

During the pandemic, I was using hand sanitizer at least five times a day.

But then my dick turned so red that I had to switch back to lotion.

Out of all businesses, I think the condom business is the least successful

They are killing their future customers

What is a squirrels least favorite time of year?

No Nut November….

What's Romeo and Juliette's least favorite fruit?

cantelope

What is Luke Skywalker's least favorite store

The second hand store

What’s an epileptic’s least favorite side dish?

Seizure Salad.

What was Jesus' least favorite Elton John song?

"Take Me to the Pilate"

What's the least sympathetic body of water?

The Crimea River

What's Donald Trump's least favorite band?

Foreigner.

What is your least favourite race?

Mine is the marathon... too many Kenyans

What is Gordon Ramsay's least favorite movie?

Frozen

Work has been tough just lately, but at least I'm sleeping like a baby

...waking up every couple of hours crying and needing a bottle.

Probably done before: What's a pirate's LEAST favourite letter?

Dear Mr Redbeard,

It has come to our attention that you have been illegally duplicating and reselling copywrited movies without permission.

As such, and utilising the full jurisdiction of the Federal Communications Authority, you are subpoenaed to appear before the Federal Supreme Cour...

Who is Anakin Skywalker’s least favorite politician?

BURNie SANDers.
I made that up like a year ago but if someone else thought of it, too, my apologies!

Joe Biden's Least Favorite Song?

Stairway to Heaven

Honda has the least pushy dealerships

You can always leave with your own Accord

What is Obi Wan Kenobi’s least favourite drink?

Absolute Vodka!

You know what my least favorite thing about network television is?

Find out after the break.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pornhub was just banned in Arkansas, but there's a catch. Before you can gain access, you have to watch at least one video of dwarf MILF content.

That's the bare mini mum.

What's a conservative's least favourite instruction?

Apply liberally.

What is plumber's least favourite vegetable?

Leeks.

What's Vladimir Putin's least favourite thing to eat?

Pea stalks

What is squirrels's least favourite month?

November

What's an eggs least favourite day?

Spanish Inquisition.

Russia has destroyed at least 21 HIMARS in Ukraine, based on past official reports

Ukraine has only 16 HIMARS in total.

At least little Johnny has manners

A teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said: "Just a minute I have to go pee."

The teacher respon...

Economists are still trying to figure out why the girls with the least principle

draw the most interest.

What is the Grinch's least favorite rap group?

Who-Tang Clan

Who's Donald Trump's least favorite family member?

Aunt Tifa.

What is depressed teenagers least favorite room?

The living room

What's the least likely way for a Stormtrooper to die?

Shooting himself.

what's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear Sir,

this is the federal prosecutor's office, informing you that you've been convicted and charged on seven counts of piracy

My grandpa died from a heart attack over the summer and I feel at least partially responsible.



He was having trouble navigating Amazon because they have so many different things available. I suggested that when he wants to buy something he should look for a more focused website so it's easier to find things.

But if it wasn't for me, during the heatwave back in August he never ...

The least specific name for a “Friends” episode:

“The one where Rachel’s nipples were erect”

Which month do wives complain the least?

February because it has fewer days.

My least favorite food?

Sausage, specifically from Germany.

They're the wurst.

What is Megatron least favorite streaming service?

Amazon PRIME

What is Henry Cavill's least favourite game?

Portal

Edit: Thanks for the coin, kind redditor!

Thanks as well for the coin gift!

What was the least trusted company in 2020?

Goodyear

I sat my daughter down and told her she was my least favourite child...

...she laughed and said

"Of course I am, but I'm your only child!"

I replied

"No, you don't understand, I mean globally"

What's the least likely profession for a trans person?

Mail man.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to his doctor and says, “My wife masturbates at least 20 times a day. She’s out of control!"

"Never sex with me, only her vibrator. What’s wrong with her? What do you even call that?"

Doctor: “A dick shun”

Which member of the Kardashian family has had the least plastic surgery?

Caitlyn Jenner

What is coffee's least favorite crime?

Muggings

What is Batman’s least favorite food?

A: Chinese takeout

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is quite unrealistic but at least they got one thing right

The moment Charlie found that ticket all the scalpers started coming out.

What shoes have the least friction?

Slippers

At least we know Kobe was a good dad

He wasn't a helicopter parent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a 17 year old kid just got a job at a Everything-plus kind of store. The manager tells him that he needs to sell at least $500 of their products per week.

The manager comes a week later and asks the kid how much he made, and the kid says he made $100,000. The manager asks how he did it. So the kid says that a man came in on Friday needing some fishing lures, so he sold him the most expensive pack of lures. He then said to the man “ You’ll need a good ...

What is the least stable element?

Pandemonium.

What was Jesus Christ's least favorite form of exercise?

Cross fit.

When you register on your birthday, so at least somebody congratulates you.

It's not going well.

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