Husband asks wife, "how many men have you slept with besides me?"
Husband really happy: "really?"
Wife: "yes, I only slept with you, the rest kept me awake"
Fun fact: besides humans, frogs are the only animal known to take their own lives.
In other words they'll Kermit suicide..
A man is walking besides the insane asylum
When he hears a commotion coming over the fence. The people inside the asylum are chanting
“FIVE, FIVE, FIVE, FIVE...”
He notices a small hole on the wall and curiously peeks inside to see what’s going on.
Someone pokes him in the eye with a stick. And then he hears chanting...
Hide and Seek
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the b...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Besides humans dolphins are one of very few species that have sex for fun..
But damn, I still don't like that weird silence in the car every morning I take them back to the zoo.
Besides eating honey... what do John the Baptist, Smokey the Bear, and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
They share the same middle name.
A Lesson in History
The king wanted to go fishing and he asked the royal weather forecaster the forecast for the next few hours. The palace meteorologist assured him that there was no chance of rain.
So the king and the queen went fishing. On the way they met a man with a fishing pole riding on a donkey, and the...
An optimist and a pessimist were riding a bus together when the optimist got hungry.
"Let's stop at the next restaurant," said the optimist. "Then we can take the next bus and continue our journey."
"I don't think that's a good idea," said the pessimist. "It could cause something bad to happen."
"Or it could cause something good to happen," replied the optimist, "and b...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A successful businessman is driving home and sees another man on the sidewalk eating grass.
He stops and asks, "Hey! Why are you eating grass?" The man replies, "I'm out of money, I lost my job and I haven't eaten in three days! Grass is my only option." The businessman thinks for a few second and says, "You know what, why don't you come with me to my house." The man, very grateful, replie...
A re-purposed religious joke for current events
A man went out without a mask, and was met with glaring eyes everywhere he went. He finally got to the store when someone confronted him as he got in.
"Sir, I'm going to need you to put on a mask. It's policy to wear one when you come in" said the guard blocking the doorway.
"No! I d...
My date took me to his house for the first time today, the most notable thing besides his wit and charm was his very expensive firearm and gunpowder collection.
I knew it as soon as I walked in, "This Guy Fawkes."
Another one translated from Russian...
Doctor: This medicine is for insomnia, this one is for nervous break-down, and also take this one for depression. Patient: Thank you very much, doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides vodka?
Besides their last name, what does Wiz Khalifa and the Burj Khalifa have in common?
They're the highest things on this planet.
What similarities do Donald Trump and Donald Duck have in common besides their name?
They’re both quacks.
"Sorry," says the bartender, "I've run out of jokes. Besides, haven't you got this backwards?"
A punchline walks into a bar.