Husband asks wife, "how many men have you slept with besides me?"
Husband really happy: "really?"
Wife: "yes, I only slept with you, the rest kept me awake"
Fun fact: besides humans, frogs are the only animal known to take their own lives.
In other words they'll Kermit suicide..
A man is walking besides the insane asylum
When he hears a commotion coming over the fence. The people inside the asylum are chanting
“FIVE, FIVE, FIVE, FIVE...”
He notices a small hole on the wall and curiously peeks inside to see what’s going on.
Someone pokes him in the eye with a stick. And then he hears chanting...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Besides humans dolphins are one of very few species that have sex for fun..
But damn, I still don't like that weird silence in the car every morning I take them back to the zoo.
Besides eating honey... what do John the Baptist, Smokey the Bear, and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
They share the same middle name.
Another one translated from Russian...
Doctor: This medicine is for insomnia, this one is for nervous break-down, and also take this one for depression. Patient: Thank you very much, doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides vodka?
What's the worst thing you can see when you bite into an apple besides a worm?
Half of one!
My date took me to his house for the first time today, the most notable thing besides his wit and charm was his very expensive firearm and gunpowder collection.
I knew it as soon as I walked in, "This Guy Fawkes."
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
There is a fella who is talking To his body and says, I don’t know what to get my wife for her birthday.
She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. I'm stumped." His buddy says, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" The first fellow does just that. The next d...
Besides their last name, what does Wiz Khalifa and the Burj Khalifa have in common?
They're the highest things on this planet.
What similarities do Donald Trump and Donald Duck have in common besides their name?
They’re both quacks.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with asbestos
My grandfather worked around asbestos for 60 years and never developed any health issues. It did take 3 straight days to cremate him, but that's besides the point.
"Sorry," says the bartender, "I've run out of jokes. Besides, haven't you got this backwards?"
A punchline walks into a bar.
Geoffrey, a middle aged British tourist on his first visit to Germany finds the red light district and enters a large brothel. The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain him.
They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away! Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the gentleman.
They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and ...
Why parents go grey
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss ask...
How ungrateful people are
My grandfather tried to warn everyone that the Titanic was going to sink. Besides not believing in him, they also expelled him from the movie theater!