What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?

Boo tea.

(Courtesy of my 6 year old)

Did you know that drinking tea while being too relaxed can kill you?

It's called a casual tea.

Three men are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.

The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.

After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and ...

How does Moses prepare tea?

Hebrews it.

What do you call a guy who only eats bubble tea balls?

Boba Fed

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What kind of tea do babies drink ?

Tit - tea

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A vampire walks into a bar...

A vampire walks into a bar and goes straight up to the bartender and asks for a large warm glass of blood. Luckily, it happens to be a bar that serves vampires and quick as a tick the bartender hands over a long glass of blood, to which the vampire slurps it down happily.

Sooner than later, a...

Ice cubes in ice tea.

It's almost time for him to pull out.

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An Englishman, a Scottish man, and an Irish man all walk into a pub with their wives.

They all sit down and order a cup of tea. The Englishman looks to his wife and says “could you pass the honey, honey?” The Scottish man thinks to himself how clever that was, then turns to his wife and says “could you pass the sugar, sugar?” The Irish man - not wanting to be out witted by the other ...

Anyone know how Jesus makes tea??

Hebrews it

What's the only tea an Englishman can't stand?


I invented a drink today called ‘the Shutter Island Iced Tea’.

It’s the same as a Long Island Iced Tea, but it has a twist at the end.

Remember to let your significant other drink lots of tea today!

It’s patriotic to put tea in the bae.

Three Christian mothers are having afternoon tea and boast about their sons.

The first mother says, "My son is the worship band leader. When he walks past the congregation, they go:

'Oh worship leader! Oh worship leader!'"

"Wow, that's great!" they exclaim.

Not to be outdone, the second mother adds, "Well, MY son is the pastor. When he walks past the chu...

Why does Thanos drink red bush tea?

Because reality is often disappointing.

Did you hear about the Native American who drank too much tea?

He drowned in his tea pee

An indian (native American) drank 50 cups of tea.

Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.

Made the mistake of offering my realtor some lipton iced tea

I forgot that he only drinks realty

A man goes to a diner and orders a grilled cheese and a room temperature ice tea.

The waiter returns a few minutes later with his food. The man takes a sip of his tea but finds it is scalding hot. He turns to his waiter and yells "I thought this was room temperature!" The waiter says "It is sir, the kitchen is on fire."

What type of tea is not in outer space


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If you think Alex Morgan’s tea cup celebration was distasteful,

You would have *really* hated the routine she had planned for Japan.

The Tea Party

Mom went shopping, leaving Dad in charge of their daughter. Suzie was about 18 months old and loved playing with her new tea set. Dad was engrossed in the evening news when Suzie brought him a little cup of 'tea' (really just plain water).

He praised her good 'cooking,' so she brought him...

Did you hear about the man who stole thousands of dollars worth of rare tea?

He went to jail for Oolong time.

Did you hear about the customer outrage when the grocery store ran out of tea?

There was a steep demand.

Why does Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey Tea?

Because all proper-tea is theft

What's the difference between a tea bag and the German football team?

A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...

Bit of British humour right there ;)

EDIT: happy to see this joke made people laugh, yes it's a classic joke but England have mainly been on the receiving end of it so nice to turn it around on someone else for a change (sorry Germany)


More Tea!

An old Native American Chief was meeting with some Colonists for the first time. He welcomes then into his teepee and the meeting begins. As a show of good faith they offered him some tea and he absolutely loved it! The meetings conclude and the Colonists leave him some extra tea so he can enjoy it ...

Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.

Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea. 
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.

Do you wanna know why my tea is so strong?

Because it’s my tea.

(Yes, this is a joke, not something stoopid.)

What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag

A tea bag stays longer in the cup.

How do Americans make their tea?

By throwing it in the harbor.

People get so heated up about if the milk comes first in tea or cereal

Personally i prefer to put the tea in first, then the milk, then the cereal.

What does an English pimp do, after having tea and crumpets?

Tally Hoes.

What is the Grim Reaper's favorite kind of drink?


What is weaker than French defences during WWII?

Tea made by an American.

What tea does Batman drink?


I’ll excuse myself now.

Why don't anarchists drink green tea?

Because it helps fight free radicals.

Why do you pronounce the word ‘tea’ like just ‘t’?

You have to pay for the ‘ea’

Tea Break

Paddy was driving his lorry (truck) when he saw a bridge with a sign saying “10 foot max. headroom.” He slowed down wondering if he could drive under it or not , ‘A Shure an’ Begorrah, I’ll give it a go,’ he thought only to find that his lorry got wedged tight underneath it. …

Paddy ...

A kindly old man is walking by the seaside when he sees three lovely young ladies crying their eyes out.

So he says, "Dear me, you poor things, so miserable on such a lovely day as this! Come and have a cup of tea and let's see if we can't make you feel better."

Won over by his twinkly-eyed charm, the three young ladies manage to dry their eyes and they follow him to a chintzy little seaside c...

While visiting England, Trump is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."

She phones Teresa May and says, "Madam, Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"


I tried to switch from instant coffee to tea...

But the time difference is steep.

What did the colonist say at the Boston Tea Party?

The price is too steep!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Greek and an Indian were drinking tea one day, discussing who had the superior culture...

The Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon".

Arching his eyebrows the Indian replies, "We have the Taj Mahal.”

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics." The Indian, nodding in agreement, says, "But we invented the number 0.”

And so on and so on unt...

What do you call an overly cautious cup of tea?


The British Royals are having tea

Queen Elizabeth says "Philip, I think you should see a doctor. I fear you have a touch of dementia."

"ME? *You're* the one who thinks she's the bloody Queen of England!"

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I went to a Tea tasting festival, the guy conducting said, the best way to enjoy a cup of Tea was to agitate the bag, so I went home.

And slapped her ass a couple of times.

I like my girls how I like my coffee

Just kidding, I don’t like coffee, I’d rather have tea bags

I saw some people building a new bridge near me. Every lunch break they would sit down for afternoon tea complete with tablecloth and napkins.

It was very civil engineering.

Did you hear the one about the Indian man who drank 12 gallons of tea in one night?

He went to bed and the next morning, he was found dead in his teapee

What do you call tea that tastes like freedom?


(Im not sorry)

Have you seen that awesome video of a Koala drinking tea high up in the trees?

It’s super high Koala-tea

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What do vampires use to make tea?

Used tampons

Macron and Mohammed bin Salman meet for tea

Macron: "I collect jokes people post about me"

Bin Salman: "That's funny, I collect people who post jokes about me"

Why is the Rabbi so good at making tea?

Because Hebrews.

What do you call a bag of tea that's gone through the wash?


I bought a homeless man a sandwich and a cup of tea...

and I forgot to take a picture and tell the Internet. Absolute waste of a fiver that.

What's a British caveman vampire slayer's favorite food?

Tea bone stake

Why don't murderers often attend tea parties?

They prefer a casual tea.

Which tea is the most popular in psychiatries?


What did the Jewish man do when he wanted tea?


What kind of tea do cops make?

Police brew tali tea.

My guests were complaining about the small amount of tea I served them...

I just told them "quali-tea over quanti-tea"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So, two vampires walk into a bar...

The first one orders a Bloody Mary. (Get it?! Cuz he's a vampire!)

The second one orders some hot water.

The first one turns to him, confused. "Why just water? Live a little."

The second one pulls out a used tampon and says "I'm making tea."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you describe a Jew making Tea?


What does Americans call tea?

Fish food

What do you call a dinosaur drinking tea?

A Chaiceratops

Why does Britain like tea so much?

Because tea leaves.

A family is well known for their tea

It is said that they make their tea in the finest teapots with the most precise amount of sugar and serve them in expensive cups. When a man asked "what's the secret?" they answered "its made in china"

A little girl is having a tea party with her teddy bear.... "Would you like anything to eat Mr. Bear?"

The bear responds:"No, I'm stuffed."

Waiter: Tea or coffee, gentlemen?

1st customer: I’ll have tea.
2nd customer: Me, too. And be sure the glass is clean!
(Waiter exits, returns)
Waiter: Two teas. Which one asked for the clean glass?

I entered a tea brewing contest

The competition was steep

During the revolutionary war, a foreign scientist published a paper discussing the environmental effects of the boston tea party.

Unfortunately the scientist did not understand the number system used by the americas at the time and tried to wing it.

People to this day talk about the base 10 massacre.

What do you call Tea made with weed and koala bears?

A High Koala Tea Beverage.

What's a Queen's favorite drink?


There was an attack on a commoner's tea shop yesterday.

There were 24 casual teas.

What kind of tea can be hard to swallow?


What did the cup of tea say to the other cup of tea during their conversation

You talk for oolong

What do you call it when obese statesmen end a war during tea time?

Peace of Cake.

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