Brunch Jokes

The friend complained that, due to the very old carpentry and fixtures in the home, she needed a pair of oversized drill bits but couldn't find them anywhere. The first friend pulled out a pair of huge drill bits from her purse and asked if they would do. The second friend was thrilled and asked whe... read more

...when the waiter comes over and says "ladies, is anything ok?"

A young man is at brunch with his sugar momma for the first time since they started seeing eachother. He had been nervous about being in public, but figured it would be fine. As they are sitting there having a nice time, another woman approaches the table and greets them. The young man looks petrifi... read more

1st woman says "girls I got so drunk last night, I went home and blew chunks".

2nd woman says "you think that's bad? After I dropped you two off, I drove home. I was so hammered I ended up driving through my garage door and kept going. Destroyed my garage, my husband says it's going to cost 5... read more

...being poor.

"ovaries-y"

The grandson looks over at his newlywed wife and asks her, "Will you pass the honey, honey?" She giggles and passes the honey.
The father, not to be outdone, looks over to his wife and asks, "Will you pass the sugar, sugar?" She laughs, "You old charmer," and passes the sugar.
The Grandfather... read more

I really misinterpreted that this morning

Three women are out to brunch, and they're talking about who has the best husband. One of them decides they should compare their respective husbands to soft drinks (sodas).

First woman: "My husband is like 7UP, because he's 7 inches and he's always up."

Second woman: "Well my husband i... read more

Accidentally got an Oedipal Arrangement and boy is this brunch awkward

They met for brunch for the next day.

Guy 1: I drank way to much, first thing I did when I got home I blew Chunks...

Guy 2: That's nothing, I wrapped my car around a tree on my way home.

Guy 3: I beat all of you, I was arguing with my wife and knocked a candle over! It destroye... read more

My daughter hates school.
One weekend she cried and fretted and tried every excuse not to go back on Monday.
Sunday morning on the way home from brunch, the crying, and whining built to a crescendo.
At the end of my rope, I finally stopped the car and explained, “Honey, it’s a law. If you d... read more

This middle aged, divorced woman from NY City is having brunch with her friends one day. One of them comments that she hasn't been herself lately. The others agree, and someone suggests she needs a change. The woman agrees and decides she is going to take a trip.

The next morning she visits a... read more

A Chef named Ted comes in early to work one Sunday morning, hungover from a crazy party the night before. In his tired state he begin to talk to all of the Breakfast food he's making for the brunch buffet about to start.

Ted looks over at the toast and asks "how are you feeling this morning ... read more