The 73+ Best Rice Jokes

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An Oriental man was sitting in a restaurant in Chinatown when a Jew suddenly came up and tipped a bowl of fried rice over his head.

"That's for Pearl Harbour" , said the Jew.
"But I'm Chinese", cried the man. The Jew was unrepentant. "Chinese, Siamese, Japanese, you're all the same!" At this, the Chinaman picked up his plate of sweet and sour chicken and threw it over the Jew.
"That's for sinking the Titanic", shouted the...

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Why do Japanese christians offer rice wine to jesus?

For christ’s sake

Ray Rice doesn't believe in giving women rights.

However, he has no problem giving them a couple lefts

A Vietnamese farmer was working in the rice paddy field when he sees his son running to him

'Father, father look' , the kid points to a newspaper and says excitedly ' The Americans have gone to the moon '.

The farmer drops his plough and asks excitedly ;

'All of them'

'No just 3', replies the kid

'Damn it'

The father shakes his head in disappointment an...

Did you hear that Kellogg is discontinuing some of their cereals like Rice Krispies and Pops?

When that news Cracked, their customers Snapped.

Everytime I eat rice, I run out of breath.

My doctor believes I am Basmatic.

Why was Seal’s face covered in Mexican rice?

Because he was kissed by arroz.

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A Japanese, a Russian, a Filipino, and an American went to test the magic swimming pool that turns the waters into any substance of your choice if you shout it out loud enough before jumping in.

The Japanese threw his wooden sandals aside and ran towards the pool shouting "Sakeeee!!" He landed happily in 5 feet of Japanese rice wine. The Russian threw his AK-47 aside and ran to the pool screaming "Vodkaaaa!" as he lept in the air. He happily swam and drank the purest Russian Vodka after. Th...

I've started buying store brand Spanish rice instead of the expensive stuff

As they say, "Arroz by any other name..."

Sheriff, my husband left the house earlier today to buy rice for lunch and he still hasn't come back. What do I do?

\- I don't know, maybe pasta.

A police officer is eating chicken with rice, sitting across from a stranger

While eating he says, "Boy do I sure love Jasmine rice."

The stranger sitting across from him says, "That's not Jasmine rice, it's Basmati."

The police officer replies, "Are you sure? Do you mind if I ask you some questions about it?"

To which the stranger responds, "No, I know ...

What are people who doesn't like rice called?

Ricists.

I told my girlfriend that brown rice was just white rice with a criminal record...

...she called me a riceist

My chiropractor makes me feel like a Rice Krispy treat

But that just may be the marshmallow spread he rubs all over me

What do you call someone who hates brown rice?

Ricist.

My cellphone got wet, so I put it in rice, but I don't think it's working.

The soy sauce just made things worse.

Christmas Joke... Three men died....

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it o...

My brother doesn't like brown rice

He's a rice-ist

I just got my first Christmas card in the mail. It was full of rice

Thats when I knew it was from Uncle Ben

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People in Asia hoarded rice, people in Europe hoarded flour, people in America hoarded toilet paper

Conclusion: Americans eat toilet paper.

Why did the grain of rice wet himself?

A jokester made him 'pilaf'

Chinese takeout $15.00, gas to get there $1.50

Getting home to find they’ve forgotten one of your dishes.

Riceless.

LPT: If your phone gets water damage, leave it in a bowl of rice overnight.

When you're sleeping, Asians will come to eat the rice and will fix your phone for fun

Do you like white rice? Or brown rice? Or yellow rice?

I love all rice equally. You're just Ricest.

You know being self quarantined isn't even that boring

But I am surprised that there are 7884 grains of rice in one pack, and 7892 in another.

If you drop your phone in water you should place it in a bowl of rice.

Asian people are attracted to the rice and are very good at repairing electronic devices.

NB. Thanks for being good sports Asian people!

Tim Rice and Tim Curry are going to open an Indian restaurant together.

They plan to call it 'Tim's'

In a very poor village in Vietnam, farmers had a feud because of a cow eating off the wrong rice paddy.

One farmer got so upset he hired the local hitman to off the cow. The village was so poor the hitman had no guns, so killed the cow by bashing it with a porcelain figure.

Police said it was the first case they ever saw of a Knick Knack Paddy Whack.

I never order shrimp-fried rice.

Call me old fashioned, but I like my food to be prepared by a human.

I told my girlfriend that I don’t like Spanish rice...

And now I’m ricest

I took a picture of rice but I decided to delete it...

It was too grainy.

A rice reply from my dad

Me: what do you think of the hotel californa

Dad: it sounds nice, but it’s hell to check out

Chipotle guy asked, "White rice or Brown rice ?"

I am not ricist, I said.

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A woman picks up a guy at a bar... Nsfw

And takes him back to her place. They start to get busy and he goes down on her. After a couple minutes he feels a piece of rice in his mouth but in his horny state just decides to spit it out and continue. A few minutes later he feels a pea in his mouth but once again decides to spit it out and go ...

It all starts innocently, mixing chocolate and Rice Krispies, but before you know it you're adding raisins and marshmallows

it’s a rocky road

Pasta is long and stringy. Rice is short and stubby.

Orzo you think

I asked the asian restaurant what the smallest portion of rice they had

They told me shrimp fried rice

I'm going to start my own brand of rice wine called "Shi Kitsune"

Of course we'll have to translate it for the US market, Four Fox Sake

I went to the Chinese for a take away last night, I ordered chicken chow mein, egg fried rice and Singapore crispy noodles. The bloke tipped it all loose in to a carrier bag. I said what the hell are you doing?

He said we're not allowed to put Chinese in a container anymore.

My son won’t eat rice unless it is white.

I told him that is ricest.

Why do Spanish people eat rice on Easter?

Cause Jesus Arroz from the dead.

My abuela said that I had to get up if I want some rice

So I arroz

How do you tame wild rice?

With a very small saddle.

If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice...

At night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you.

Recently, a beauty company added rice as an ingredient for their beauty masks.

The reason being is that when the mask is done, it’s easier to Pilaf.

This post is sponsored by Uncle Tom’s rice.

It’s like Uncle Ben’s, but a bit more racist

A Chinese, Indian, American, and African decides to have a party, each bringing in their own traditional food. The Chinese brings in fried rice, the Indian brings in curry, and the American brings in burgers. What does the African bring in?

An empty plate.

Dropped some rice in water

so I put it in a bag of cellphones to dry out

What's the difference between a musician and a bag of rice?

The bag of rice can feed a family of four.

Every time I go to dinner with my parents, they constantly argue about the mashed potatoes, rice or french fries...

And I always tell them that I'm not choosing sides…

What made Rice Krispies long before Kellogg’s?

The Atomic Bomb

Why did Logan Paul not give rice gum a hi five?

Because he likes to leave asians hanging

A murder-for-hire occurred in a rice field using small china ornaments as the weapon

It was a knick-knack paddy whack

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Ray Rice jokes for DAYS!

There's like maybe four or five jokes in this list that were already posted on the internet, but the rest of this list was pretty much made up by me while I was bored. Ray Rice's incident is a gold mine of humor....just not for him. Easily offended need not apply here. Enjoy.

1.) Ray Rice's w...

My girlfriend doesn't eat black rice because it's black...

She is a ricist

What do you call a murder over a set of porcelain figurines in the middle of a rice field?

A knick-knack-paddy-wack

(100% stolen from somewhere, I still think it's funny)

Why does some sushi have the rice on the inside of the seaweed wrap?

That's just how it rolls.

What do you call an Australian who loves white rice, but hates brown rice?

(*in an Australian accent*)

Racist.

What is the plural form of rice

Answer: Extra rice

A man was arrested for killing a cow in a rice field using only 2 small porcelain figures.

Police say this may be the first known case of a Knick-knack paddy whack.

Personally I prefer white rice in my risotto

I guess you could say I’m a little ricist

My librarian keeps a gerbil in a cage at the reception desk. I asked her, "Why did you name the gerbil Edgar Rice?" "Because," she responded,

"Edgar Rice burrows."

Why doesn't anyone trick or treat at Susan Rice's House?

Because she unmasks them all.

What did the fried rice say to the shrimp?

Don’t wok away from me!

What's the best rice to sleep on?

Pilau

I hate how my British friends make fun of Americans for losing an entire country to a bunch of rice farmers.

But then I tell them they lost an entire subcontinent to a guy who wouldn't eat.

When i was young, i think i ate to much of Rice Krispies

Because all my body does now is snap, crackle and pop

Hiroshima was making rice krispies long before Kellogs.

I'm going to hell for this.

If RiceGum was an adhesive, what would he be?

Flex Tape.

A out of control kid doesn't want to eat breakfast, so he throws cornflakes, rice krispies and nesquick out and burns them

Bloody serial killer

Why did the church change its sacrament to fermented rice?

For God's sake.

What is the one thing Spiderman can't eat?

Uncle Bens rice.

What's the worst thing about a Ray Rice joke?

The punch line.

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