Two friends went for a job interview.......

The first friend goes in and the person interviewing him looks at his resume. Then he asks him a few questions and then asks "imagine you are traveling on a train and it is hot inside, what will you do?" The guy replies "I will open the window"

"Great!" says the interviewer and then asks " ...

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Job Interview

A guy goes into the US postal service to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."

"OK, have you ever been in the military service?"

"Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for one tour."

Th...

Kelvin and Celsius had a job interview but only one of them got the job.

It was Celsius because he had a degree.

Three guys go in for a job interview.

The first guy goes in and kicks ass, best job interview he’s ever done in his life. End of the interview comes around, the interviewer says:

“By the way, do you notice anything strange about me?”

“Yeah,” says the guy… “You don’t have any EARS, man!”

“I’m sorry, says the intervie...

Job interviewer: So, how do you wish to explain this four year gap on your resume?

Interviewee: That is because I went to Yale

Job interviewer: Oh, that is impressive! You are hired!

Interviewee: Thanks! I really needed this Yob

I was at a job interview today...

When the manager handed me a laptop and said,

“I want you to sell this to me.”

So I put it under my arm, left the building and went home.

Eventually he called me and said, “Bring my laptop back now.”

I said, “£200 and it’s yours.”

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Went for a job interview for a blacksmiths apprentice

I was asked "have you ever shooed a horse before?" I said "no, but I once told a donkey to fuck off"

A man gets a job interview as an IT guy.

Why did you choose this company? It's the one with the highest pay.

Where do you see yourself on five years? Living in my own house with my wife and kids.

The interview goes on for a bit more...

One last question. Why should we hire you over everyone else?

I invited mysel...

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.”

“Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

Job Interview

"It says here you are fluent in Spanish."

"Oui, Oui."

"Ok, that's french."

"Better add that to my resume as well."

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I was asked during a job interview....

what is my greatest strength? I replied, " My greatest strength is my ability to give my opinion on anything regardless of other's feelings or concern. ".
The person interviewing me started to say," I don't see that as a strength rather it's weak...".
I quickly said, " I don't give a fuck what...

During a job interview at the 99 Cents store, my son was asked, Where do you see yourself in five years?

My son’s reply: “At the Dollar Store.” He got the job.

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2 friends go to do a job interview

Before the interview receptionist asks them for their basic details to fill in a form:

Reciptionist: Name?

First friend: Willy Ben Chen.

Receptionist: Sex?

First friend: 3 to 4 times a week.

Receptionist: *shakes* no, I mean male or female.

First friend:...

Tired of job interviews asking me how I overcame difficulties throughout the previous year

I don’t have 2020 vision

A koala is in a job interview

The interviewer asks the koala "what makes you think you are suitable for this job role?".

"I have all of the necessary koalifications".

What’s the worst thing to say in a job interview?

This place is 5k from a school, right?

And what do you think is your worst quality asks the job interviewer?

Honesty, answers the guy

Well, i don’t think that honesty is that bad chuckles the interviewer..

I don’t really give a f what you think…

Job Interviewer : Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Me : I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

The job interviewer asked me: "Would you rather trade intelligence for looks or looks for intelligence?"

I said, "I'd rather trade intelligence for intelligence."

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I had a job interview the other day and the interviewer asked me, 'What's your worst quality?'

'Honesty.' I said.

'I don't think honesty is a bad trait.' He replied.

'I don't give a fuck what you think.'

At a job interview."Can you perform under pressure?"

No ,but I can try Bohemian Rhapsody!

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I got turned down from my job interview for coming half an hour early

The porn industry can go fuck themselves for all I care.

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During a job interview the person questioned why my resume listed honesty as my weakness…

I told the interviewer I don’t give a fuck what they think.

My favorite question on the job interview with millenial is

What do you want to become after the burnout?

A guy walks out of a job interview

And immediately asks his friends what are testimonials

Friends: your letter of recommendation and stuff

Guy: damn, I showed them something else

I went for a job interview

And at the end they asked me, “So, last question: what would you say is your worst quality?”

“Worst quality?”, I replied, “well I’ve been told that I often jump to conclusions...”

“Hmm, ok. Well, thanks very much for coming in, we’ll be in touch”

“No problem! See you Monday!”

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I was at an important job interview today..

"Are you on facebook?" I was asked.

"Sorry, no. I'm not." I replied.

"Twitter?"

"Nope."

"Instagram?"

"Nah."

"Look, just put your fucking phone away, will you!?"

I had a job interview the other day and the interviewer says to me ‘How would you usually describe yourself at work?’

I said ‘With words, but today I’m going to use interpretive dance’

I've been in a Job interview

Interviewer: "What's your greatest weakness?"

Me: "Interpreting semantics of a question, but ignoring the pragmatics."

Interviewer: "Could you give an example?"

Me: "Yes, I could."

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How to nail a job interview

At a winery, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.


A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. The director of the winery wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink.


The drunk tried i...

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An Honest Job Interview

A man went to a job interview and was asked,

“What do you consider your strongest weakness”

He replies, “My honesty”

Interviewer says, “Well, I wouldn’t consider that a weakness”

The man replies, “Well, I don’t give a shit what you think.”

During the job interview they told me that the pay wouldn't be great at the beginning

During the job interview they told me that the pay wouldn't be great at the beginning but it would get better later.

I thanked them and told them that I will apply again later.

A man goes into a lumberyard for a Job interview.

The manager was impessed with his application, and called him in for an interview. The manager decides to put a blindfold on the man to test his knowledge...

The manager places a length of pine on the table, lets the applicant touch and smell it. Correctly the applicant calls it pine.
...

At a programming job interview, I was surprised to see the interviewing manager was a snake...

Nevertheless, I decided to roll with it, presenting myself as any other interviewee would. However, at the end, I couldn't help but ask:

"So, how did a snake end up working here?"

The snake smirked and replied "Ith really quith thimple. I goth my thart in the IT department and worked m...

It’s been 4 years since my last job interview

I’m beginning to suspect they got someone else

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A gentleman on his way to a job interview in Brooklyn breaks the sole of his shoe.

Not wanting to arrive at the interview with a broken shoe, he asks some by-standers where the closest cobbler is.

“You’ll want Olaf Von Gundersen.” says one gentleman. “He isn’t very close by but he’s quick and his prices are just right.”

Having no choice, the man with the broken shoe...

In a job interview, the interviewer said: It says here you can calculate large numbers quickly.

Applicant: That's right.

Interviewer: What's 250 times 467?

Applicant: 546320

Interviewer: That's wrong.

Applicant: How about that speed though?

I was asked at my last job interview if I was a natural born citizen?

I had to tell the truth: "Nope. Cesarean!

I was doing a pretend job interview with my 6 year old daughter and I asked her, “where do you see yourself in 5 years?”

She said: “in a mirror”



This really happened and I still laugh every time I think about it.

A Mathematician, an Electrician and a Lawyer are having a job interview.

The Interviewer asked the three Men, "What's the answer to one plus one?"

The Mathematician instantly replied, "Two!"

The Electrician went away, measured lots of things, and eventually came back and gladly said, "Two"

The lawyer looked around, closed the door, leaned in towards ...

Dude is late for job interview for a bus driver.

Dude: Sorry, I’m late.

Interviewer: you’re hired.

Why was the janitor late for his job interview?

He over swept.

I got asked during a job interview if I was responsible.

I yes.

When asked to provide examples, I said anytime something broke, or a shipment went out late, I told them I was responsible.

A mathematician, an engineer, a lawyer and an accountant were all up for a job interview

A mathematician, an engineer, a lawyer, and an accountant were all up for a job interview:

The mathematician was called in and asked as part of the interview, “What is 1+1?” The mathematician gets his calculator out and does the calculation and says “2.”

The engineer is then asked the ...

A man goes into a job interview, and presents himself well

The employer is shocked at how professional he is, "Wow, you have an incredible resume, and present yourself fantastically, but you seem to be missing 5 years on this part of your resume. What happened there?"

The man replied, "Oh that's when I went to Yale."

The employer is even more ...

It was a crisp autumn morning in 2015, I was in a job interview.

When the interviewer asked me where I'd be in 5 years, I said I'd be sad, lonely, locking myself at home and playing Animal Crossing.



I guess you can say I have 20-20 vision.

Starbucks job interview

"What's your name?".

"Alyssa".

"Could you spell that please?".

"L A R I S S A".

"When can you start?".

Me at a job interview

Interviewer: so do you have any special skills regarding this job?
Me: I have the exact amount of friends necessary for the job
Interviewer: You don’t need any friends for this job?
Me: Exactly!

I was at a job interview and the interviewer asked me about punctuality

I went on about how it was good to speak clearly and politely, and it was nice to use proper grammar in speech and writing.

A job interview

Interviewer: Tell me one of your weaknesses




Me: I can be very stubborn




Interviewer: Will you please elaborate?




Me: I will not

A man applies for a job interview.

Interviewer: So, tell me, what was your previous job?

Man: I was an Alien Hunter.

Interviewer: but Aliens don’t exist!

Man: you’re goddamn welcome.

I went for a job interview today.

The interviewer said to me, “What would you say your greatest weakness is?”

I said, “I think I’d have to say my listening skills are my greatest strength.”

What should a doctor wear during a psychiatrist job interview?

A straight jacket to show them you're committed.

Two guys go for a job interview

Joey and Frank are good friends who had worked together for over 5 years, but are now between jobs. They decide to go to a hiring agency together. Joey is called in to see the recruiter first, and after about 10 minutes in the room, he comes out elated. "I got the job!". Frank congratulates him and ...

At a job interview I filled my glass of water until it overflowed a little

“Nervous.” Asked the interviewer.

“No, I always give 110%”

I had a job interview at the city recycling center

"Why should we hire you?" They asked.

"Have you seen my r/Jokes posts?" I replied.

Why are bees so good at job interviews?

Because they know all of the buzzzzzzzz-words!

I had a job interview yesterday...

The chap conducting the interview had a copy of my CV in front of him. He said to me

"It says here you're a man of mystery"

"That's correct" I replied

"Would you care to elaborate?"

"No"

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An Irishman walks into a job interview.

A Irishman wants a job, but the boss won't hire him until he passes a little math test.

Here is your first question, the boss said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

"Without numbers?" the man says, "Dats easy."

[And proceeds to draw three trees.](https://qph.i...

A person goes for a job interview

The interviewer says: "your resume lists just a single employer?"

The person says: "yes, I was a switchman for the railroad. I got fired when I forgot to switch the tracks and two passenger trains collided."

The interviewer says: "OMG, you had *one* job!"

The person says: "yes, ...

The Job Interview

Three equally qualified applicants apply for a job. The interviewer decides to test their powers of observation.

He asks all three of them the same question. Look at me closely and tell me what you notice.

Applicant 1: If you don't mind me saying, one of your ears is higher than the ot...

Hilarious Job Interview Answer

**Interviewer :** Why did you leave your last job ..?
**Guy :** The company shifted the office and didn't tell me where it is....

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An Italian, an Irishman, and a Polack are in line for a job interview.

The Italian is up first. He walks into the boss’s office and notices the boss is completely ear-less.

The boss says to him “Mr. Marino, I don’t have a lot of time so I’ll get to the point. I like people who are observant and can speak their mind. Say one thing about me!”

The Italian sa...

I went on a job interview for a security guard. After spending 12 hours in the waiting room...

...they hired me.

Things a pilot can't say in a job interview

I'm down to earth

Job interview for a TV news anchor

At a job interview for a TV news anchor an applicant seems very qualified and well suited for the job. But the recruiters notice an uncontrolled wink in the man's right eye. They tell him that he'd be great for the job if it wasn't for the frequent winking, which probably won't go down well with the...

A Flat-Earther is explaining her views at a job interview.

She begins with: “So the reason the Earth appears round is because the windows bulge out, making it look round.”

The man shrugs.

“The cameras on satellites are also round, giving off the same roundness. We’ve never seen it blankly, so it must be flat.”

The man stares at her, bef...

During my job interview I was asked: “After a long week how do you normally recharge your batteries”

Apparently “through high voltage nipple clamps” wasn’t the answer they were expecting.

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So I had a job interview the other day...

I sat down in front of the interviewer, and immediately grabbed the pitcher of water. Slightly shaking, I poured the water to the brim of the glass...but then overfilled it, spilling a good portion of the liquid across the surface of the desk.

Smiling, the interviewer said: "Nervous?"

...

TIFU my IT job interview when I was asked to give an example of role-based security.

Apparently, six ply toilet paper was not the correct answer.

A man goes to a job interview.

"Well, everything looks great," the employer said. "But I see here there was an 8 year gap since your last job. What happened there?"

"Oh, I went to yale," the man told him.

"Neat!" The employer responded enthusiastically. "You're hired! You start on Monday."

"Yay!" the man excl...

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The job interviewer asked, "whats your full name?"

"It's Peter Fucking Bastard Piss Flaps Smith."

The interviewer asked me, "do you suffer from tourettes Peter?"

"No" I replied, "but the priest at my baptism did."

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Job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"

"Honesty."

"I don't think honesty is a weakness."

"I don't give a fuck what you think."

Source: [Jorgen Sundberg](https://twitter.com/JorgenSundberg/status/304345440017596418)

Three men attend a job interview to join the FBI.

The first man walked into the office, and the FBI agent who was conducting the interview explained: ‘To be in the FBI, you must be loyal, dedicated and willing to obey orders. Here’s the scenario: your wife is sitting on a chair in the next room, and I want you to go in there and shoot her with this...

Man is at a job interview

Interviewer: Well, to start out in the beginning, you will be at a $30,000 salary, but later that number could go up to $50,000 or even $60,000.

Man: Ok, I’ll come back later then.

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Job Interview

I went in for an interview and was asked "Do you have any special skills?"

I said "I perform under pressure well"

He replied "Can you give me an example?"

I started "Mm ba ba de, Um bum ba de, Um bu bu bum da de."

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I was in a job interview. The guy asked me if I was a risk taker.

I said yes.

He said how.

I said I once clicked the category 'Other' on PornHub.

A man walks into a job interview...

He sits down on a chair, and the interviewer starts questioning him.

"So son, where did you receive your education?"

The man replied "Yale".

The interviewer, pleasantly surprised, says "Yale? Hard to believe you went to Yale to become a janitor. So what's your name?"

The...

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Job Interviewer: In the event of a fire, which steps would you take?

Interviewee: Fucking big ones

I went for a job interview at EA Games today.

The interviewer said to me, “The second part of your resume is missing.”


I said, “For the second part, you have to pay $20.”

An man goes in for a job interview. Unfortunately, he is told that his degree and experience are not enough and he is turned away.

The man decides he's gonna get that job whatever it takes. So he first gets large round head, big furry ears and big black nose. Then, he begins to grow grey-brown and white fur all over his body and claws extend from his fingers and toes. Finally, he thinks he's ready. So clutching his eucalyptus l...

Job interview

A man is applying for a job and he has a very good resume

Interviewer: You have the qualities we are looking for and your resume looks great and we want to hire you. However, there is a 5 year gap in your resume. Can you tell us what you were doing during that time?

Employee: I went to...

Job interview

A company has a new role available so they start interviewing people. At some point one of the candidates is asked by the interviewers:
I: “Which is your biggest disadvantage?”
C: “I’m too honest.”
I: “Well, I think honesty it’s not really a disadvantage.”
C: “Well, I don’t rea...

5 years ago, I went to an important job interview

At the end of the interview, he asked "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

"Probably sitting at home all day playing video games." I told him.

Needless to say, I did not get the job but hey, look where we are now!

Tomorrow, I was at another job interview.

I replied "Time Travel."

"What're your strengths... Wait a minute."

Astounded he asked.

At a job interview,

Interviewer: There’s a gap in your CV. What were you doing in 2020?

Me: I was washing my hands...

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What is a line you can use in a job interview and during sex also

I have a habit of coming early

At the end of a job interview, the interviewer asks a young engineer from MIT, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"

Engineer: Around $150,000 a year, depending on the benefits package

Interviewer: Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Cor...

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Job interview

At a recent job interview:

"What's your name?"

"Dave Fucking Cunting Smith"

"Do you suffer from Tourette's Dave"

"No. But the Vicar at the Christening did."

I once had a job interview at a blacksmiths

The owner asked if I'm any good at shoeing horses.

I said "I'm not sure, but I once told a donkey to go away!!!"

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Job interview - "What is your biggest weakness?"

Them: What is your biggest weakness?

Me: I'm vague

Them: Can you elaborate?

Me: Yeah

In a job interview

- So, what would you say it's your best quality?

- Well, I am very perver... pervers... per... perverserin... perseing... perservering... persevering

George Bush, Barack Obama and Donald Trump are going for a job interview with God.

God asks Bush: “What do you believe in?”

Bush replies: “I believe in a free economy, a strong America, the American nation and so on ...”

God is impressed by Bush and tells him: “Great, come sit on the chair on my right.”

God goes to Obama and asks: “What do you believe in?”
...

A bespectacled man heads in for a job interview

The interview is going very well, as he is nailing all the questions.

The interviewer eventually asks him "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

The man, very prepared for this common question says: "Well, I see myself still working at this company having received a number of promoti...

It's down to two guys at a job interview.

Both of the men interviewing are equally qualified all the way down to eagle scout so the interviewer has an idea. "The one of you that can give me the better poem ending in Timbuktu gets the job." The first guy stands up and says, "Out across the desert sand went a lonely caravan. Underneath the...

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Job Interview

I went to a job interview the other day and they asked me what I thought was my most negative quality,
I replied, “it’s probably my honesty. “
The panel looked and discussed with each other and said, “we don’t think that’s a negative quality at all, we actually think that it’s a positive one...

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The Job Interview

Me: "Time travel"

Potential Employer: "What would you say is your greatest stre-WHAT THE FUCK?!?

Two Indians go for a job interview.

First one enters the room for the interview. After introductions, goes on to ask further questions.

Interviewer: Who was the first president of India?

Interviewee 1: Dr. Rajendra Prasad.

Interviewer: Who was the first female Prime minister of India?

Interviewee 1: Indira ...

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