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Interviewer: How do you explain this 4 year gap on your resume?

Guy: That’s when I went to Yale...
Interviewer: That’s impressive. You are hired.
Guy: Thanks. I really needed this Yob.

Interviewer: How much amount of milk does your cow produce?

Farmer: which one, black one or white one?

Interviewer: Black one

Farmer: 2 litres per day.

Interviewer: And the white one?

Farmer: 2 litres per day.

Interviewer : Where do they sleep?

Farmer: The Black one or the. White one?

Interviewer: The black on...

A lawyer was interviewing a doctor about the death of a patient

"When you examined the patient, did you check his pulse?" asked the lawyer.

"I didn't" said the doctor.

"And did you listen for a heartbeat?" said the lawyer.

"No, I did not" the doctor said.

"So in other words" the lawyer said "When you signed the death certificate you h...

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

A reporter was interviewing a 102-year-old woman

"What's the secret to your longevity?", he asked.

"Simple. The biggest cause of aging is stress, and the biggest cause of stress is arguing with people. So I never argue with anyone."

The reporter laughed. "That's ridiculous. That can't be the real reason."

The old lady smiled a...

During an interview the potential employer asked the young man “What you consider to be your greatest weakness"?

The job applicant replied “Honesty.”
The interviewer commented "Honesty? I don’t think honesty is a weakness.”
The young man replied “I don’t care what you think!”

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible"

"Well I'm your man" I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong they said I was responsible"

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A Newfoundlander shows up for a job interview in the middle of Alberta.

The foreman can tell right away by how he talks and thinks to himself, "Oh no, I don't want to hire a Newfoundlander.." so he comes up with an idea on the spot;

"Before I hire you, I want to see if you can pass a quick cognitive test. I'll give you a pen and paper, and you try to abstractly d...

Antiwork did an interview on Fox News to try to create a good public image of their sub

It didn't work.

The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.

I replied "No. Is that still required?"

I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me."

So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home.

Eventually, he called me on my phone and said, "Bring it back here right now!"

I replied, "£100 and it's yours."

My interviewer asked me to describe myself in one word.

I replied “vague”

He asked, “can you elaborate?”

I said, “yes.”

Interviewer: Is the glass half empty or half full?

Applicant: It's completely full.

Interviewer: We'd be glad to hire you. Welcome to the Lays factory.

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?...

I got a job at Chipotle by telling this joke during my interview.

What do Mexicans use to cut their pizza with?

Little Ceasars.

Interview

A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. “So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?” The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying. “Um ... 22.” The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. “And ...

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An interview with an old man .

An 80 years old man had an interview with the local TV channel and they told him : old man can you tell us about a happy memory from your youth ?

Old man : one time my donkey got lost and all the village went out to search for and when we found it we were so happy we all fucked it .

J...

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Once a Bright and Intelligent young man went for interview.There he was asked...

Q 1. When did your country got Independence?

He answered - The efforts started long back; but could succeed in 1928.

Q 2. Who were the persons, who played important role in this fight for Independence?

Answer - There are many people, who were involved and contributed in this. If...

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A blind man interviews for a job at a lumber company and the interviewer doubts the man’s abilities. He says, “how could you possibly be qualified for this job?”, to which the man replied, “I can tell any type of wood just by the smell. “

A blind man interviews for a job at a lumber company and the interviewer doubts the man’s abilities. He says, “how could you possibly be qualified for this job?”, to which the man replied, “I can tell any type of wood just by the smell. “
The interviewer doubts this and sets up a test of the m...

A homeless man walks into a job interview..

A homeless man walks into an interview for a truck driver position, the interview goes well.
The inteviewer said: well, I you meet our standards, just the last thing; what is your email address?
By which the homeless man replied: Sir, I don't own a computer, so I don't have an email address....

An interviewer asks an applicant for his greatest weakness and the applicant replied,

"I have an awkward sense of humor which causes me to laugh out of nowhere sometimes and some people take it to mean that I'm laughing at them or thinking something terrible"

The interviewer asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well," the applicant laughed as he said, "I've played this conversat...

a man was being interviewed for his dream job

"What is this 8 year gap in your resume?" The interviewer asked

"Oh that? That was when i went to Yale" He explained

"You went to Yale!? Youre hired!"

"Thank you so much! Ive always dreamed of having this Yob!"

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, and he couldn't return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "A million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T."

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million dollars. "I want to give a million to my family", ...

A man calls the police and reports that his girlfriend has gone missing

A male and a female police officer turn up at his house and begin to interview him. The female officer asks the man if he has any theories on where she might be. The man responds with “This is going to sound weird but I think she disappeared into the magic coffee table”
The officers look confused...

A guy interviews a man on the street

“Low Gas Prices or Protect Trans-Rights?”

“Low Gas Prices”

“Why?”

“Because It’s better for the Trans-mission”

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Man goes to a job interview

A man goes to a job interview. The interview is nearing the end and going great when the interviewer asked the man “what do you think your biggest weakness would be?”

Man: “my biggest weakness? Well I guess I’d have to say my honesty.”

Interviewer: “your honesty? I don’t think you bein...

A job interview

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer ...

The CIA is interviewing three potential agents…

The CIA is interviewing three potential agents -- two men and a woman. For the final test, they bring one of the male candidates to a door and hand him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions, no matter what," says the interviewer. "Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in ...

The new job

A Miami man seeking employment is passing in front of a job recruiting office when is stops to read some of the jobs being offered.


Suddenly he notices an intriguing offer.

“WANTED: GYNECOLOGIST’S ASSISTANT”

NO EXPERIENCE NEEDED

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES,

HELP TH...

The economy in the UK...

... is getting so dire that the elderly aren't getting to enjoy their retirement.

The BBC interviewed 73 year old Charles from Windsor: "despite having a generous government pension, I've had to start working today."

I wore glasses to my job interview

Because getting a good job is all about optics.

A man with a speech impediment sits down for a job interview

"Before we begin," says the man, "I think you should know I have a rare speech impediment."

"Shouldn't be a problem," says the interviewer. "Let's talk about your experience."

"I went to Yale," says the man.

"Amazing!" says the interviewer. "What did you go for?"

The man ...

The job interviewer asked me, what my weakness is.

So I told him that I am brutally honest.

He acted surprised and said he sees this as a strenght, not as a weakness.

But after that I was thrown out of the building only because I replied that I am not interested in the opinion of an incapable fat bald man.

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ME: one time I farted so long & loud I thought my ass would stop and take a breath...

INTERVIEWER: ...and what would you consider a weakness about yourself?

The interviewer asked me what I’d been doing for the last 3 years

“Yale” I replied

He thought this was wonderful and he offered me the position

I replied “That’s fantastic. I really need this yob”.

Interviewer: What are three words that describe you?

Applicant: Hardworking, intelligent and dishonest.

When the interviewer asked "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

apparently "In the mirror" wasnt the right answer.

A 100 year old man who lived next to a Formula 1 track all his life got interview by the local news

Reporter: "100 years is a long time, has this place had an affect on your life in any way?

The old man scratched his head and took a minute to think and said:

"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO".

(Works better when you tell it lol)

Here's one for those born before the 1980's...

The chief of a large Western African tribe flew into London for a state visit and was being interviewed.

“Welcome to our country, Your Excellency,” said one reporter. “Did you have a good flight?”

The Chief made a strange series of sounds – bells, whistles, hisses, pings in no apparen...

A terrorist commander is interviewing for a suicide bomber position...

"So good news-there is a sudden vacancy. We couldn't track down any of your recs, which is great. I just have one final question-where do you see yourself in the \*glances at watch\* next five minutes?"

During my interview today…

I poured some water into a cup and it overflowed a little bit.

“Nervous?” asked the interviewer.

I simply replied “No, I just always give 110%”

A woman goes into labor and at the hospital the doctor says "through the miracles of science, we've invented a new machine that will transfer the pain of childbirth to your husband. Would you be the first couple to try it out?"

So the husband and wife talk about it and agree that it's only fair that they share the pain together.

They get hooked up to the machine and as she gets further along the husband gets a little skittish and says "ok listen I know this is going to be super painful so let's start it at about 3."...

A reporter was interviewing a 104 year old woman.

"And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?", the reporter asks.

She simply answers, "No peer pressure."

A fashion designer was interviewing a cannibal...

"So what do you think would best complement a person?"
"Salt and pepper."

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Fox News recently interviewed Texas attorney general Ken Paxton....

Fox News recently interviewed Texas attorney general Ken Paxton and asked him if it was true that they were going to bring back sodomy laws. He answered: "No ifs, ands, or butts."

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What's something you can say during sex and at a job interview?

Is there enough wiggle room between positions?

Kelvin and Celsius had a job interview but only one of them got the job.

It was Celsius because he had a degree.

A Swedish man shows up to a job interview

The interviewer says, "Mr. Gustafson, could you explain the 4 year gap in your resume?"

"I went to Yale", he replied.

"Outstanding! What did you go to Yale for?"

"Yacking off in the library"

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A company was looking to hire someone for an important position so they interviewed dozens of applicants and narrowed their search down to three people from different parts of Canada.

In an attempt to pick one of them, they decided to give them all the same question to answer within 24 hours, and the one with the best answer would get the job.

The question was:

A man and a woman are in bed, nude. The woman is lying on her side with her back facing the man, and the m...

Kitty

A cat walks into a bar and orders coffee. The waiter is speechless and seeing this, the cat asks:

\- Is anything the matter?

\- Well, yeah.. you're a cat.

\- So?

\- You can talk..

\- I fail to see the problem. Please get me my order.

\- Right away, it's just...

At the interview they offered me a salary of $20,000 to work there. I told them to add two 0's at the end and they have a deal.

Now I make $20,000.00

A reporter tries to interview Trump at the White House.

She knocks on the door, and there's no response. Again, she knocks on the door, and she hears Trump reply, "I'm not here!"

She laughs and says, "You idiot, I can tell you're there! I know that's you!"

Trump opens the door and groans. He sighs, "If Mike Pence said I wasn't here, you'd h...

There were four guys who were in the final stages of interviewing for a prestigious job.

They were from Harvard, Yale, MIT, and Stanford. The company decided to fly them all in for dinner and a final interview.

Over dinner at a fine restaurant, the president of the company told the men that all were very worthy applicants, and that he wished he could hire them all, but that they ...

Job

Two smart, attractive, well-educated young law graduates, Sally and Edith, were competing for a prestigious job.

As part of the job interview each was asked why she wanted the job.

Edith answered that she wanted to work for a firm with a reputation of being concerned with truth and j...

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Being interviewed for a job, a man is asked,

"What would you say is your worst trait?"

"I'm honest to a fault", responded the man."

"Uhh well, nice try. I don't think that really qualifies as a '-WORST' trait. Try again."

Oh yeah!? Well, I really don't give a fuck what you think!

If a job interviewer asks about a time you worked as part of a team...

Don't tell them about the orgy.

A man goes to a job interview

The interviewer asks: "So, do you have any special skills?"

Man, pulling a dead hamster out of his pocket: "Taxidermy!"

Hamster: "And necromancy!"

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Went for a job interview for a blacksmiths apprentice

I was asked "have you ever shooed a horse before?" I said "no, but I once told a donkey to fuck off"

At the job interview, I asked what is the salary like. They said I'll start at minimum wage and make double of that in two years.

Ok, I'll be back in two years.

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I applied to manage the US Naval sperm bank in Bangkok. The interviewer said they couldn’t hire me, because I was a domestic civilian.

He said only an overseas seaman oversees overseas seamen semen overseas.

3 people are interviewing for a job at the CIA

All 3 have interviewed and performed extremely well and it's time for their final test. They arrive and see a door leading into a sound proof room.

"Enter the room, read the note card, and carry out your orders" the interviewing agent says.

The first applicant enters the room, closes t...

Interviewer: Can you explain these gaps in your resume?

Me : I believe those were caused by the space bar

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Job Interview

A guy goes into the US postal service to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."

"OK, have you ever been in the military service?"

"Yes," he says, "I was in Afghanistan for one tour."

Th...

Putin gets interviewed about the sinking of the Moskva

Vladimir Putin:] It’s a great pleasure, thank you.

[Interviewer:] This ship that was involved in the incident off Crimea this week…

[Vladimir Putin:] Yeah, the one the magazine detonated?

[Interviewer:] Yeah

[Vladimir Putin:] That’s not very typical, I’d like to make that...

Three guys go in for a job interview.

The first guy goes in and kicks ass, best job interview he’s ever done in his life. End of the interview comes around, the interviewer says:

“By the way, do you notice anything strange about me?”

“Yeah,” says the guy… “You don’t have any EARS, man!”

“I’m sorry, says the intervie...

A guy goes into a job interview...

And the interviewer is asking him the standard questions. The interviewer says "you've got a 4 year gap in your resume since your last job. Can you detail that for me?" The guy says "sure! I went to Yale for 4 years." The interviewer says "remarkable! You're hired!" The guy replies,

"Oh thank...

I decided to travel to the US.

At the Embassy for the visa interview...

Officer : Where to in the US?

Me : San Jose

Officer : It's pronounced as San Hosay. J is pronounced as H in the US.

Me : Oh, okay!

Officer : So how long do you plan to be in the US?

Me : From Hanuary to Hune or Huly.<...

A 90 year old man was being interviewed on the secret to long life

The TV cameras were rolling as he was explaining that his secret to long life was to never drink or chase loose women, when the back bedroom door opened and a barely dressed young woman ran out and grabbed an ice tray from the fridge.

A bellow from the back room came, “Woman, get back here!”...

All his life, Pedro had wanted to be a pirate. And when he got the opportunity to interview for a position on a pirate ship, he was overjoyed...

Arriving at the quay, Pedro and the other pirate hopefuls stood around and waited for the captain to call them one by one on board for their interviews.

The captain emerged, but much to Pedro's surprise, instead of conducting individual interviews one-on-one on board the ship, the captain bid...

An 88-Year Old Woman was interviewed by the local News after getting married for the fourth time...

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation.

“He’s a funeral director,” she answered.

“Interesting,” the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little ...

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A man goes to a job interview for a salesman position.

In order to prove he can do the job, the man is given a box of 100 toothbrushes, and told to come back when he's sold them all. He leaves, and returns in 2 hours and says "I sold them all." The interviewer is dumbfounded. "I have never had anyone sell that many toothbrushes that quickly! You get t...

A reporter interviews a monk who's 130 years old

Reporter : According to the Guinness world record book you are the oldest living person in the world right now. What is your secret?
Monk : Well, for starters I don't argue with idiots.
Reporter : No way!
Monk : No way.

After years of lobbying, a town finally got train service.

A county official noticed an increase in the town’s birth rate and went to investigate. After interviewing a few people he discovered that the explanation is noise from the 5AM express train: At that time it’s too early to get up and too late to go back to sleep…

I went for a job interview and the asked me to state my biggest weakness in three words

'Not very good at maths' I replied

A man walks into an interview

Interviewer: what are your strengths?

Man: I fall in love easily

Interviewer: okay… what are your weaknesses?

Man: That beautiful blue of your eyes

North Korea announced to have successfully landed a man on the Sun

During a live interview with Kim Jong-un, a reporter asked, "the Sun is very hot! How did you land a man?" Kim proudly replied, "we launch at night!"

Meanwhile, Trump tweeted while watching the live, "Haha what an idiot! There is no Sun at night!"

A blonde at a job application

Interviewer: Okay before we move forward with your application. We're just gonna ask you a few simple questions.

Blonde: Okay no problem fire away!

Interviewer: What's 2+2?

Blonde: Oh that's easy! 4!

Interviewer: Very good! And what's the square root of 100?

Blonde...

The Interview Question

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.

The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks: "What does two plus two equal?"

The mathematician replies: "Four."

The interviewer asks: "Four, exactly?"

The mathematician looks at the interviewe...

Elderly Einsteins secret…

As he grew older, Einstein grew tired of giving the same interview, the same lecture, over and over again. His chauffeur recognizes this and says he knows Einstein's speeches inside and out, he is an amateur actor and began to recite them. Einstein was enthusiastic and for the following years Eins...

Two girls are applying for a job interview, one was super beautiful while the other with super ugly,

The boss looked at them and said " I don't care about your looks, my only criteria is if you are qualified for the job, the one who answer my question will be hired"

Then he asked the beautiful girl " what is China's population?" the girl answered " 1,400 billion"

The boss said " good...

A man was at a job interview

The boss asked, How do you preform under pressure?

The man said, Well I try my hardest but I always end up singing “Ice Ice Baby”

A reporter interviews a 2000-year-old man

Reporter: “is it true you had over nine hundred wives in your life?”

2000 y/o Man: “Indeed”

Reporter: “out of all your wives, which one was your favorite?”

2000 y/o Man: “Hmmm… Shirley. Definitely Shirley.”

Reporter: “And what made Shirley so special?”

2000 y/o Man...

During interviews he seems like such a nice guy, but the actor who plays Wolverine is a real phoney

It’s a huge act, man..

Retail job interview (2012): Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

You mean after the global pandemic or before the war?

A policeman was interviewing 3 guys who want to become detectives.

To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh....

A man at a job interview was asked what he thought his greatest qualities were.

'My motivational skills' he replied ' At my last job everyone said they had to work twice as hard when I was around'

Interviewer: "Why do you think you are qualified to work as a physcologist?"

Me: "Well, why do *you* think I'm qualified to work as a physcologist?"

Interviewer: "You're hired."

The IRS Assigns an Agent to Audit a Synagogue

The agent sits down with the rabbi and starts asking his interview questions.

"What do you do with the crumbs left from the matzos?" The rabbi replies "we save them up and when we have enough we send them to the matzo factory and they send us back a free matzo ball."

"Ok, then wha...

I was in a interview and the interviewer asked me if I can perform under pressure.?

I say no but I can perform Bohemia Rhapsody.

A man is asked where he sees himself in 5 years while at a job interview

He replies his greatest weaknesses is listening

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Can I interview you?

Yes, of course.

Name?

Abdul

Sex?

3-4 times per week.

No, no.. Male/Female?

Yes, male and female. Sometimes Camel.

Holy Cow!

Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general

Isn't that hostile?

Yes, horse style, doggy style, any style
...

A television crew comes to the farm to make an interview with the shephard about his daily routine.

"Our viewers would like to know what a regular day here on the countryside looks like. Can you start right from the beginning?" Asks the reporter.

"Oh, yeah sure." starts the shephard, "So first I wake up, but I really don't wanna so I take a sip of my brandy to start off my day. Then I have ...

Peng Shuai was asked in the interview how is her life in China after this media debacle ?

She said "can't complain"

A reporter is interviewing a man on his 110th birthday.

She asks him how he did it, and he says he never raises his voice, indulges in alcohol, uses foul language or fornicates.

Just then there's a loud crash and curse and scream from an adjoining room. The reporter asks the man what's going on back there? The man says, oh that's nothing, it's pr...

The police chief asked, "Do you have any leads or suspects for the murder case?" The officer responded, "I'd like to interview the bartender wearing high heels and a leopard print dress."

The chief frowned and said...
"Please, just wear your police uniform."

A millionaire was asked in an interview the secret behind his success

He replied, "Well you see the first million is always the hardest to make, so I started from second"

Interviewed for a job and they forgot to drug test me

Guess you could say I slipped through the crack

I was in a job interview.

The man asked me to show him an example of leadership skills.

"OK," I replied. "I'm hired."

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Interviewer asked me if I ever lied about my penis.

Interviewer: Have you ever lied regarding your penis.

Me: Yes, once while rubbing the tip through my pant leg someone asked me what I was doing… I lied and told them I was scratching my knee.

100 year old gets interviewed on tv

"So what's your secret?"

"I once blew a guy for 20 dollars"

"No, no, your secret for your longevity!"

"Oh, fruits and vegetables"

My last internship interview

Interviewer: I hope you have manners. We sacked the last guy for disrespect. He compared me to a bird

Me: Wow, I can never do that ma

Interviewer: Good. So you're here for the mentorship program?

Me: Yes ma, take me under your wing

Interviewer: Get out of my office

If you’re interviewing for a fast food job and they ask about your short and long term goals

Short term : I want to work at McDonalds

Long term : I don’t want to work at McDonalds

Putin is asked by an interviewer, "Vladimir Vladimirovich, how did you get in the KGB?"

Putin replies, "You see, when I was a young man, I would listen to my friends tell political jokes and would write them down."

"Jokes?" asks the interviewer

"Not only jokes, but also the names of the joke tellers."

Interviewer: So, why should we hire you?

Me: cause y'all hiring.

A man was being interviewed for a job position.

Had you any illness?

No - said the man.

Any accidents?

No.

But you walked in here on crutches. Surely you must had an accident.

Oh that. That one wasn't my fault. The dolphin did it on purpoise.

What’s the worst thing to say in a job interview?

This place is 5k from a school, right?

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Herman Goering was interviewed shortly before the Nuremberg trials.

Goering was asked what he believed the outcome of the trial would be. He immediately told the interviewer that he was sure he would be found guilty and executed a short while later. The interviewer, shocked that such a seemingly confident man would be so sure of his demise asked him why he believed ...

The Iowa Wage and Hour Department claimed a man owning a small farm was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to interview him.

"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.
"Well, there are my hired hands. One has been with me for four years; the other for three. I pay them each $600 a week, plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a month plus ...

An unemployed guy sees an ad in the paper that says "Photographer wanted for Miami-based luxury bikini line". Thinking it to be a joke, the guy calls the number in the ad.

"Hello," he says. "Is that photographer ad a joke?"

"No," says the voice on the other line. "One of our photographers died suddenly last week, and we're looking for a new one."

"Cool! I've been looking for a new job for a while, and this seems like it could be a very fine job for me."<...

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I got turned down from my job interview for coming half an hour early

The porn industry can go fuck themselves for all I care.

Was asked in an interview if I could perform under pressure.

I said I'm not sure but I can definitely perform "another one bites the dust"

A man is being interviewed 'Where were you born?' Asks the interviewer. 'Belfast' says the man 'Oh yes' says the interviewer 'Which part?'

'All of me' replies the man

Man goes for an interview and there are two others already there when he arrives.

First guy gets called in and the interviewer says “tell me something you notice about me”. He replies “uh, you haven’t got any ears”. GET OUT!! the interviewer screams. NEXT!

Next guy goes in and the question is repeated: “tell me something you notice about me”. He also replies “uh, you haven...

After passing away, George Bush, Barack Obama and Donald Trump are going for a interview with God.

God asks Bush, "What do you believe in?"

Bush answers, "I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation!"

God is impressed by Bush and tells him, "Great , come sit on the chair on my right"

Next, God asks Obama, "What do you believe in?"

Obama answers, "I be...

I saw an interview on TV with a guy that got stuck in a cave and had to eat his own leg

The reporter said he was very brave and courageous, but I didn’t like him.

He was full of himself

Interviewer: "I heard you were extremely quick at math"

Me: "yes, as a matter of fact I am"

Interviewer: "Whats 14x27"

Me: "49"

Interviewer: "that's not even close"

me: "yeah, but it was fast"

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A man get pulled over with his young son in the back seat.

The cop comes to the window.

"Sorry officer, I was rushing tog et home. My wife is throwing a dinner party for very important guests."

The cop writes him a ticket anyway, wishes him a good day and walks back to his patrol car. As he walks away, the dad mutters "Bastard."

The lit...

Interviewer: Your resume says you take things too literally.

Me: “When the hell did my resume learn to talk?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was interviewing for a position with the CIA (Part 1)

He turns up to the interview and there are two other guys.

The first guy gets taken in for an interview and is asked: Who killed Jesus Christ? He replies "The Jews".

The second guy gets taken in and is asked the same thing, to which he replies "The Romans".

The third guy (our gu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was interviewing for a position with the CIA (Part 3)

It was day three of the interview process for the position with the CIA.

Our guy has to complete a practical exercise of jumping out of a plane.

He gets up there all strapped with the instructor at the jumping altitude. When it gets time to jump though he suddenly gets nervous. The ins...

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An Interview

INTERVIEWER: What's your greatest strength?

ME: Shapeshifting

INTERVIEWER: Is that so?

INTERVIEWER: Yes

INTERVIEWER: Holy shit

EDIT:
Source: @AndyAsAdjective on Twitter

a guy got an Interview for a job with EA

Boss: the second part of your resume is missing

Applicant: for the second part you have to pay 20$

Boss: welcome on board

Interviewer: What are your strengths?

Me: I can type 150 words per minute.

Interviewer: Wow! And what are your weaknesses?

Me: Every word is 'a'.

Elements of the periodic table are being interviewed

The interviewer asks Oxygen what they are. Oxygen says "I'm a gas."


The interviewer asks Copper what they are. Copper says "I'm a solid."


The interviewer asks Bromine what they are. Bromine says "I'm a liquid."


The interviewer asks Roentgenium what they are. Roentgen...

I was doing a pretend job interview with my 6 year old daughter and I asked her, “where do you see yourself in 5 years?”

She said: “in a mirror”



This really happened and I still laugh every time I think about it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was interviewing for a position with the CIA (Part 2)

It's the second day of interviews for the position at the CIA. The three men are ready for their next step.

The interviewers take the first man into the interrogation room where the is someone tied to a chair with a hood over their face. They say "This is a practical task designed to test you...

An applicant is being interviewed for an engineering position

Interviewer: Your resume says that you can solve math problems quickly.


Applicant: Yes


Interviewer: Okay, what is 35 x 8?


Applicant: 250!


Interviewer: That's way off.


Applicant: Well, it is, but as my resume said, I'm a quick solver.

The Priest, vicar and pastor

A priest, vicar and pastor are getting interviewed.
The interviewer first asks the pastor;
“How do you distribute the church money collected after a service?”
The pastor replies “well you see I get the money on the plate and go into the tabernacle, throw all the money into the air, and w...

A koala is in a job interview

The interviewer asks the koala "what makes you think you are suitable for this job role?".

"I have all of the necessary koalifications".

So I had an interview last year

The interviewer: You answers should be quick
Me: Ok
Interviewer: what is 1490/52?
Me:quick

A man goes into a job interview

A man goes into a job interview, and presents himself well.

The employer is shocked at how professional he is, "Wow, you have an incredible resume, and present yourself fantastically, but you seem to be missing 5 years on this part of your resume. What happened there?"

The man replied ...

Freddie Mercury auditions as Jason Bourne and lands the role in the latest film, which turns out to be a flop. When asked in interviews, what does he say?

"Sometimes wish I've never been Bourne at all".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new mutant is trying to join the X-Men.

To join, he must complete an interview with Professor X.

"What's your superpower?" asks Professor X.

"I can pull a rabbit out of my hat!" says the young man. He takes off his hat, and pulls out a fluffy white rabbit.

Professor X gets up, walks over, and examines the rabbit car...

A man with no arms and no legs always had a dream of becoming a firefighter.

His mother didn’t want to crush his dreams but she knew he would never be accepted. She let him set up an interview so he could be let down slowly. Surprisingly, she picked him up and he gave her the news that he got the job. She was shocked. On his first day of work, she wanted to check in on him s...

Starbucks job interview

"What's your name?".

"Alyssa".

"Could you spell that please?".

"L A R I S S A".

"When can you start?".

The three guys at an interview joke just posted here reminded me of another version we used to tell about 20 years ago.. is it a repost? I don't know, probably yes, but does anyone really care ;) ?

Three guys interviewing to be a detective.

The final step is with the chief inspector who says, "Ahh, so you wanna be detectives, eh? The first skill you need is perception, let's see how you guys do with that"

He calls them into his office one by one.

The first guy goes in and ...

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