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Explaining Jokes

Dude explaining how he made his first $10 million:

1. Get up at 5:00AM every day
2. 90 minutes of cardio
3. Take a cold shower
4. Journal
5. Schedule out your day
6. Dad owns Fortune 500 company
7. Meditate

Interviewer: Would you mind explaining this 4-year gap on your resume?

Me: I went to Yale during this time period.

Interviewer: Wow, excellent! You’re hired!

Me: Thank you! I really needed this yob!

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me.

It means a lot.

Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog.

You understand it better, but it dies in the process.

See what I did there was use the frog as an analogy to show that exposing the inner workings of a joke would essentially deprive it of its life in that it's not funny anymore. I'm drawing a parallel (and so is E. B. White) to how you basic...

If you are a man explaining something, you are "mansplaining." If you are a woman explaining something, you are...

"Wrong"

A teacher is explaining the concept of statistics with an example: "Statistically, every time I breathe out, someone dies."

Student: "Have you tried antiseptic mouthwash, sir?"

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.

She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening".

What's the difference between explaining to your kids how babies are made and explaining to your kids that you're getting a divorce?

One story starts with "Sometimes, when two people love each other *very much*..."

and the other story starts with "sometimes, when two people don't love each other very much..."

me explaining how military time works:

Me: so it goes up to 24 and then it starts all over

Leonardo DiCaprio: I love it, sounds amazing!

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My therapist said I should identify the people in my life that have hurt me, write letters to them explaining what they did and then burn them.

I feel so much better but I don't know what to do with all these letters.

A man is explaining to his coworker that he never realized how much his wife loved him until he was home sick from work the previous day.

“Really?” the coworker asks. “What showed you she really loved you?”

“She was just really excited to have me around,” the man replied. “Like when the mailman and FedEx guy came to the door she shouted excitedly, ‘My husband is home! My husband is home!’”

A dad joke was explaining the facts of life

A dad joke was explaining the facts of life to his pun.

"You'll be a dad joke one day when you become apparent after you're full groan."

I tried explaining to people why I bought a leg of ham through the mail.

But they weren't interested in my post-hock justifications.

Got a bizarre email this morning, explaining how to read maps backwards.

It was spam.

I created a graph explaining all my past relationships

It has an ex axis and a why axis.

Explaining Words



Poli.....Latin for "many"

Tics....blood sucking insects



Politics

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You've wasted your time explaining sex to me

I still don't get it.

This week in DC, Mark Zuckerberg is currently doing the hardest thing imaginable.

He’s explaining Facebook to old people.

Me: My name is Matt, and I'm an alcoholic.

AAA: This is AAA, not AA.

Me: Yeah, I was just explaining how my car got in the lake.

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An American, a Brit and a Mexican are sitting in a helicopter.

The Brit throws out a bag of tea, explaining to the confused others: "We have so much tea in England we can just throw it out!"



The Mexican proceeds by throwing a bag of peppers out, explaining "We have so much peppers in Mexico, we can just throw it out!"



The American ...

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Explaining politics to a kid

A little boy goes to his Dad and asks, "What is Politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The President.

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her The Government.

We are here to take care of ...

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A teacher is explaining biology to her third grade students.

She says “human beings are the only creatures that stutter.” A girl raised her hand, saying “I once had a kitty cat that stuttered.” The teacher knowing how precious how some of these stories were asked the girl to describe the incident.
“Well” she began, “I was in the backyard with my kitty , a...

My friend was explaining electricity

And I was like watt?

My drug test came back negative.

My drug dealer has some explaining to do.

I got a black eye from my wife just for explaining how much I love her…

I guess she just MissHeard me.

Explaining a Joke is like Dissecting a Frog

Everyone understands it better, but you killed it in the Process.

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When explaining a groin injury to your doctor...

It’s important to be clear whether it’s your scrotum or penis that is affected...

There’s a vas deferens between them.

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Explaining economics to children...

A young boy asks his father to explain the economy to him. The father thinks for a while before responding, "Son, think of our household as the economy. I earn the money, so I'm capitalism.

"Your mother deals with the day-to-day running of the house, so we'll call her the government.

"...

Explaining a joke is a bit like an STD at an orgy

Generally everyone gets it in the end but it’s not really funny

I ordered a book explaining clocks the other day

When it finally came I thought, "It's about time"

Daniel Craig was explaining why his character had grey hair for the first time ever in the franchise.

This comment has been overwritten and deleted forevermore by the user in response to the API changes June 2023.

It's hard explaining puns to a kleptomanic...

Because they always take things literally.

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him."Why do we have to learn this stuff?" the frustrated student blurted out."To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.A few minutes later the st...

People have had enough of me eating beans and drinking Chinese tea without explaining why I'm doing so

"This has been happening for far too long" they said.

"This has been happening for fart oolong", I replied.

A man is explaining the concepts of time travel.

He speaks of how you must not manipulate what happened before, because that is how the current events occurred. However, it may be possible to change what will happen, due to quantum uncertainty.

In summary, he passed the past, presented the present and featured the future.

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Odepius was explaining what a Freudian slip was.

In his words: "It's when you mean to say one thing but you accidentally fuck your mother."

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So a guy is standing there, explaining his story to another guy....

And he starts off "Yeah, so listen, it was crazy right? I got laid off from my job, and when I got home, my wife had taken all my stuff and moved out. She left some note, said she was done with me. What could I do? So I'm sitting there in my empty house, realizing my life has come down around me, an...

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that...

I'm tired of explaining to my spiritual Guru how E-mails work.

He can't just understand what attachments are!

A Priest was explaining how much he loved Jesus to a guitar player.

The guitar player replied " I love Gsus2".

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A man is being released from a US hospital.

As he is being escorted out by a nurse, he passes by a patient’s room with the door open and sees that the male patient is masturbating furiously. Confused, he turns to the nurse and asks, “what the hell is going on here?!” The nurse replies, “you see, this man has a serious condition where if he d...

Is it still mansplaining if you're explaining it to another man?

"Nah, bruh. Let me tell you... this is how it works..."

A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag.

“Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them."

"That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see stars, too."

I made a math equation explaining vice presidents

I call it Al Gore-ithim

What do explaining jokes and autopsies have in common?

They are both about dead things but at least you understand them better.

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A director was explaining to the porn star what her role was

“Get a load of this guy”

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