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Talked Jokes

I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks.

I didn't want to interrupt her.

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher.

He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there," as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!" ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I almost talked my way out of a speeding ticket by telling the women officer she looked stunning..

Then I fucked up by telling her "and that's not even the drinks talking".

My Girlfriend Said I Talked To Ghosts

She said I was a medium

My wife and I talked about it, and we decided we don't want children.

We're telling them tonight. Hope they understand.

A woman named Bechdel talked to her female friend

“How’s it going?” she asked. “I’m good.” her friend replied. And Bechdel was satisfied.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Louisiana Highway Department employees stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer.

The man in charge told the farmer, 'We need to inspect your farm for a possible new road.'
The old farmer said, 'OK, but don't get out in that pasture over there.'
The Highway Dept. employee flashed out his identification card andsaid, 'I have the authority of the State of Louisiana to go anyw...

The local county Judge talked a lot.

He talked on an on and on. He was known for giving out long sentences.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After my breakup I talked to my ex one last time and said: “Do you know what’s been the best thing since I left you, it’s-”

“Oh, I know. You’ve been out shagging anything that moves!” she said. “Sowing your wild oats, getting your prick into anything with a pulse. I know exactly what you’re all about!”

“-it’s that I’ve actually been able to finish a fucking sentence without being interrupted.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two women died and were waiting at the gates of heaven. They talked to each other.

“How did you die?”

“I froze to death. It was painful and took a long time. And you? How did you die?”

“A heart attack. I suspected my husband was cheating on me and I came home suddenly. He was alone in our bedroom. But I felt his girlfriend was somewhere! So I spend a long time lookin...

Lots of people get ads on their phone for things they talked about.

Why do I get ads for schizophrenia medicine??

Went on a date with a Zulu girl and we talked for hours

We just clicked.

Sven: I haven't talked to my wife for 3 days.

Olaf: Well whys that?

Sven: I don't like to interrupt.

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