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A Spanish maid begins to argue with her employer's wife to give her a raise

"Why should I give you more money?" The wife asks bitterly

The maid answers, " Well the way I see it, I have three good reasons. First, I clean better than you."

This made the wife a bit mad.

"Is that so? Who says?"

The maid smiles. "Your husband, miss."

Upset, ...

So my brother works at a research facility. His employer only stocks the bathrooms with single ply toilet paper.

They say it leads to the most breakthroughs

I think the Chinese employer liked jewellery...

He asked me what I could bling

Of course our company is an equal opportunity employer

We always make sure to have equal numbers of X and Y chromosomes

A guy was nailing his interview and the employer said "well application looks great but there's a 7 year gap since your last job, what happened?"

The guy says "oh I went to yale",
The employer: Oh great your hired you start Monday.

Guy: "Yay I got a yob!"

My employer has recently started testing their products on animals.

I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't work for a hammer factory.

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A man is told by his employer that he has to go see the company doctor in order to keep his insurance...

He reluctantly goes, and is amazed to find no examination table, just a wall full of computer equipment. The doctor walks in and says, "Just place your hand on the scanner here" and shows the man a screen. Bewildered, he places his hand on the screen and immediately the panel glows beneath his hand,...

I don't know why people say that no employer will be interested in your liberal arts degree.

I would love to hire someone who has clearly shown that they don't care at all about how much money they make.

When my employer asked if I had a criminal record...

...I guess "highest number of robberies in an hour" wasn't the answer he was looking for.

Employer: "In this job we need someone who is responsible."

Applicant: "I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

Strike Asks Employers to Imagine "A Day Without a Woman."

I knew traffic seemed smoother than usual this morning.

Relationship between Employer and Employee

They pretend they pay us, we pretend we work.

My employer treated me just like family...

After being with them for 18 years, they kicked me out!

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If you make $200 an hour you can't complain that your employer is fucking you

Because $200 an hour is a very reasonable rate for getting fucked.

An employer had just finished interviewing candidates for a job...

His secretary comes in to see the boss throwing out out half of the resumes he had received. She promptly asks, "Why are you throwing out those resumes?" To which the employer responds, "I don't want to hire unlucky people."

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He's getting the job . . All the jobs . .

Employer: What makes you think you are qualified to work in the Porn Industry . .

Man: I'm always hard at work.

why do pedophiles make good employers?

they don't mind if you're a little behind.

At the end of a job interview, the employer asks the future employee

"So, do you have any questions regarding the company ?"
"How many people are working here ?" "well, i hope that at least half of them are."

An Airbus A380 is on its way across the Atlantic.

It flies consistently at 907 km/h in 35,000 feet, when suddenly a Euro-fighter with Mach 2 appears.

The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot by radio: "Airbus flight, boring flight isn’t it? Take care and have a look here!”

​...

A Levels

Despite my A Level results being A B B A, it still seems no employer will Take a Chance On Me.

Moishe the actor

Moishe, a Jewish actor, is so down and out, he's ready to take any acting gig that
he can find. Finally, he gets a lead, a classified ad that says, "Actor Needed To Play
An Ape." "I could do that," says Moishe.
To his surprise, the employer turns out to be the Central Park Zoo in New Yor...

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Father O'Malley decides that he wants to skip out on confession duty to play some golf ...

... so he asks his new assistant if he'll man the confession booth for the morning ....

The assistant says, "I'm not a priest and I don't know anything about taking confessions or what sort of penance to give people!"

So Father O'Malley says, "It's easy. Just sit and listen. And when...

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Three people are called for an interview...

... Before the day of the interview the employer took the guys out for a fancy dinner to sense the strengths and weaknesses of his future employee.

The day of the interview.

The first guy went in. The employer asked several questions and the guy answered. The employer was impressed wit...

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A Priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner.....

A Priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner. However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while th...

The General's Butler

A retired four-star general ran into his former orderly, also retired, in a Manhattan bar and spent the rest of the evening persuading him to come work for him as his butler.

“Your duties will be exactly the same as they were in the army,” the general said. “Nothing to it, you’ll catch on aga...

A man goes into a job interview

A man goes into a job interview, and presents himself well.

The employer is shocked at how professional he is, "Wow, you have an incredible resume, and present yourself fantastically, but you seem to be missing 5 years on this part of your resume. What happened there?"

The man replied ...

Just another round of Union negotiations . .

Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract’s sick-leave provisions.

One morning at the bargaining table, the company’s chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, “T...

Looking for Office help..

So they put a sign in the window, that read:

HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist ...

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The Job Interview

Me: "Time travel"

Potential Employer: "What would you say is your greatest stre-WHAT THE FUCK?!?

The Captain's Parrot

There once was a captain of a large cruise ship that had a very intelligent parrot. To keep the parrot busy while the captain was working, he left him in the ballroom where the magician performed his act. The parrot would watch the magician at work, and over time, the parrot learned the secrets of...

A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks....

First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss he beats it to death with a
spade. Realising his employer won't be best pleased he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.

Moving...

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Job Application

Apparently this is an actual job application submitted by a 17 year old boy at a McDonald's establishment in Florida...

NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's avai...

Sheboygan sausage

A man approaches a cardinal at a Vatican fundraiser and introduces himself as a representative of the Sheboygan Sausage Company.



"On behalf of my employer, I would like to submit a million-dollar donation to the Catholic Church."



"That's extremely charitable of you," sa...

The owner of a well-established firm of wholesalers was interviewing people for a position in sales.

One candidate offered excellent references and experience and was well-dressed and well-spoken. The only catch was a disconcerting mannerism: the fellow couldn't seem to stop winking.

So the sales manager decided to be frank, "You've got all the qualifications for the job and I'd really like ...

R.I.P Bob

Bob was a bus conductor-cum-driver. He had been going through rough times, with his wife leaving him for his best friend. One day on the job, he saw a young woman, probably in her early 20's signalling for the bus. Bob couldn't hold his rage in anymore and vented his frustration on the pedal, killin...

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An Employee Is Called Into His Manager's Office

The manager sits him down and says "I have reports you have been using your computer for non-work-related activities."

"No sir, that simply isn't true," the man said.

"I have a lot of complaints about it though," the manager replied, unconvinced. "People say they see you playing solita...

A man goes into a job interview

A man, fresh out of college, goes into a job interview and presents himself well. The employer is shocked at how professional he is.

"Wow, you have an incredible resume, and you present yourself fantastically," he says. "Your present lack of experience in the professional world is unconcernin...

A chinese man walks into a job centre

A chinese man walks into a job centre, the person asks him "can you work in a shop?" the chinese man says "no no, can't work in shop" the person says "can you work in a restaurant?" the chinese man says "no no, can't work in restaurant" The person says "are you any good at supplies then"

The...

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A Peg-Legged, Hook-Handed, One-Eyed Pirate...

After thirteen months of sailing the seven seas, a battle-worn schooner filled to the brim with booty and booze makes port in the rag-tag pirate isle of Tortuga.

The captain - a buccaneer known the world over for his utter lack of mercy, his terrible greed, and his hearty girth - lumbers off ...

I used to work for a mad scientist

He was a real visionary, or so I thought at the time. Eccentric, yet fiercely intelligent. His work was on genetically enhancing marine mammals, especially dolphins. We were making them stronger, faster and above all *smarter*-and after all its well known that dolphins are already very intelligent. ...

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This guy was sitting in a job interview...

This guy was sitting in a job interview with a prospective employer. The interviewer asked a range of questions, and was really impressed with this guy's answers.

Finally, he asked "What would you say is your biggest weakness?"

The interviewee responds, "Hmmm I would say that it's got...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A graduate has an interview at a fancy restaurant

A young achiever recently graduated from university and is in the process of interviewing for her first "real" job. She made it past the preliminaries with one of her preferred employers and was invited to have dinner at a fancy restaurant with her potential boss. Naturally, she arrives early to mak...

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Joke my cousin told me today

There are two twin brothers, one is a very successful dentist and the other is an unemployed bum. The bum brother has no job and lives with the successful dentist. One day he makes the decision to go out and get a job, so he gets in his car and he starts driving to some possible employers to hand ou...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Twenty Dolla.

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. Her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clot...

Job Interview

I was at a job interview today, and my employer gave me a laptop and asked me to sell it to him. I then walked out the door with the laptop under my arm.
A few hours later, he called me at home and demanded that I give it back to him, to which I replied; "200 Bucks and it's yours."

Drug test

Employer- we need to take your drug test to see if there are any drugs in your urine

Employee- I'll pass, you won't check my nose right?

Job Application Humor

========================================================================

Cover letter: "I would be prepared to meet with you at your earliest
convenience to discuss what I can do to your company."

That's what we're afraid of ...

===============================================...

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An American, a Japanese and a Bosnian architect are looking at a mountain.

American: If we Americans started drilling on the one end of the mountain and on the other end of the mountain, we would build a tunnel in about two months.
Japanese: That's nothing, if we Japanese started drilling on the one end of the mountain and on the other end of the mountain, we would bu...

Employee's leave plan

Employee : Sir, my father died I need leave for a week.
Employer: sure.
After 6 months...
Employee : Sir, my mother died I need leave for a week.
Employer: okay .
After 6 months...
Employee : Sir, my father died I need leave for a week.
Employer: go on .
After 6 months...

Yet another dumb blonde joke.

A blonde walks into a department store. She walks over to an employee and says

"I'd like to buy that TV over there".

The employer looks at her and then says

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes here".

So the blonde leaves. The next day, she comes back with her hair died br...