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I Got Fired Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired from my job today for having sex at work.

My boss reamed me out and I said, "What was I supposed to do, she was just lying there naked!"

He shouted, "The autopsy! The fucking autopsy!"

Then he fired me and called me the worst Veterinarian ever.

I got fired from a sperm bank...

Every time someone walked in I'd say "get a load of this guy"

I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.

**Edit:** Did not expect this joke to take off. Made it to the front page for a little while.

**Edit 2:** Thank you for the gold kind stranger.

I got fired from my job at a bank today

Some elderly lady asked me to check her balance.


So I pushed her over.

I got fired from my job as a masseur.

There wasn't any specific incident, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

I got fired from the bomb squad today :(

It's too bad really.....

I had a blast working there!

I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.



Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.

I got fired from my job at the keyboard factory....

I got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.

They said I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday.

My boss said, “Clean our your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”

I don't know why I got fired from the suicide hotline...

I was doing a great job. They never called back for more help.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired for sticking my dick in the pickle slicer at work.

She got fired too.

I got fired from my job at the dollar store

My boss was angry that I consistently gave out the wrong change. Apparently, I lack cents ability.

I got fired from my job as a chef for stealing kitchen equipment.

It's a whisk I was willing to take.

I got fired from my job as a taxi driver.

Turns out my customers didn't like it when I tried to go the extra mile.

I used to be an executioner at the gallows but I got fired

I could never get the hang of it

I got fired from the catapult factory...

...because I'd been firing people from the catapult factory.

I had a job at the cemetery, but I got fired...

Apparently, my grave mistakes were dead giveaways.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired from my last job for arranging the vegetables into sexual position

Apparently that's "misconduct" for a special needs teacher.

I got fired on my first day as a car salesman

Customer: "cargo space?"

Me: " no, car no fly, car go roads"

Manager: " can I see you in my office?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I was telling my wife about how I got fired from the golf course earlier.

Her: How? What happened?

Me: They caught me putting my dick in the golf ball washer.

Her: \*laughs\* So then what happened to the golf ball washer?

Me: She got fired too.

I got fired from the top secret Heinz factory the other day...

I spilled the beans.

I got fired from my job finishing concrete

I can’t even

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I got fired for wearing a mini-skirt to work

They said the customers complained about my hanging dick

I got fired from my job as a cashier today...

This customer walked in, picked up something from the counter, walked up to the till and said, "I'd like to pay for a Bagel with Cream Cheese.."

I told him clearly, "I'm sorry sir, we only accept cash or credit"

I got fired from PC World today.

A guy came in the store and asked me what was the best thing for finding your ancestors.


“Probably a shovel” was not the right answer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired today, because my boss caught me masturbating with a vegetable

Apparently nursing homes have strict rules about what you can do with patients.

I got fired from my job as a math teacher

I was supposed to teach the kids what sine divided by cosine was, but I kept going off on a tangent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired just because I wore a mini skirt!

Appearently my boss doesn't want to see my dick.

I got fired from Arby's because I couldn't quit scratching my junk.

I don't see what I did wrong! I mean, I had gloves on.

I got fired form the zoo.

Apparently the sign "Don't feed the animals" was only meant for the visitors.

I got fired from the post office.

I should've seen the red flags.

I got fired from the candle factory

Told them I didn’t want to work wick ends

I got fired today because I asked a customer whether they wanted it "raw or well done"

I was informed I should have said "burial or cremation" instead.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired for not embracing diversity enough

Showing my pornhub search history didn't help.

I Got Fired From My Last Job

\- Why?

\- I Opened A Window.

\- Just Because Of That? Where Did You Work?

\- ...The Submarine

I got fired on the first day of my new job at the hospital

Apparently telling all the COVID patients to stay positive is not a good thing.

I got fired from the bank

I don’t know why, the people seemed to love me.

Everybody that spoke to me gave me a tip!

I got fired from my last job even though I always gave 100%.

Apparently that's not how you grade exams.

Once I got fired from my job just because I was eating chips while I was working.

And after that, I couldn't get a job at any of the other casinos either.

I worked at a restaurant that specializes in pizza, but I got fired for getting my finger caught in the dough roller...

...she got fired too.

I got fired from my job at Pepsi

I tested positive for Coke

I got fired from the unemployment department.

They're still paying me though.

I got fired from my job at the calendar factory a couple weeks ago.

I don't know why, all I did was take a few days off.

But it's okay, I think I'm going to become a mirror washer. It's something I can really see myself doing.

I got fired from my job for chasing away a stray cat.

Whatever, I never really liked working at the animal shelter anyway.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW: On a dare, I stuck my dick in the meat grinder at work and and then I got fired...

...And she got fired too

So I got fired from my job last night for being a 'Pervert'

I don't understand why, I'm always hard at work...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired from the keyboard factory yesterday

I wasn't putting in enough shifts, which I thought was some capital bullshit. They're such Ctrl freaks and now I need to find alternate work

I got fired from work today for taking the initiative.

It was a slow day so I thought why not let my team get some practice in to keep up their skills.

Didn't know it was against policy to set our fire station ablaze!

I’m not having much luck with jobs lately.

I wasn’t suited to be a tailor.

The muffler factory was just exhausting.

I couldn’t cut it as a barber.

I didn’t have the patience to be a doctor.

I wasn’t a good fit in the shoe factory even though I put my soul into it.

The paper shop folded. Pool maintenance...

I got fired from my job at the sperm bank today

Apparently dipping your finger in the sample cup and saying “oh this is spicy I actually asked for mild” is frowned upon

I got fired just for advising people to go with their gut

I don't know what the suicide hotline's problem is

I got fired from my summer job at M&M quality control

I threw out a batch of W's.

I got fired from my job as an animal rights activist

All I said was that sometimes it feels like you’re beating a dead horse when you try to get people to donate

I got fired from my job as a bingo number caller yesterday,

Apparently "dinner for two with a hairy view" wasn't an appropriate way to call out 69.

After working as a florist for a year, today I got fired.

They said I took too many leaves.

I got fired from my deli job cause the boss caught me sticking my finger in the pickle slicer..

..turns out he fired her too.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired at the sex shop today.

Apparently, telling customers to go fuck themselves was "offensive."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired from my job as a music teacher today

Called a student's house and told his parents, "you know, your son John is pretty good in my class. He reminds me of a young Elvis."

"Oh really? Is he really that gifted in music?"

"No," I replied. "I just found him dead on the toilet."

I got fired from my mail route today.

They said I wasn't picking up people's mail. I should have seen it coming though, there were red flags everywhere.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired from my job for putting my dick in a dishwasher.

I felt real bad about it, because she got fired too.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired from my job at the sperm bank. I was just trying to be helpful...

But apparently telling all the patients “It sure takes balls to do what you’re doing” wasn’t appreciated

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know the smallest things can get you fired, one time I got fired because I ripped up a crappy drawing I did

Boy am I never gonna be a tattoo artist again

I got fired from my Job at Panda Express for forwarding pictures of bad stir fry.

My boss said I should have labeled them Not Safe For Wok

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my buddy that I got fired for downloading porn at work and causing everything to crash...

"That's a bit harsh," he said.

I replied, "They don't screw around at Air Traffic Control."

I got fired from my job today, for helping a client.

Apparently, you aren't supposed to give ideas on how to die, when they call you at Suicide Helpline number.

I got fired from being an eulogy writer. Because the only thing I wrote was “plethora.”

I thought it meant a lot to a lot of people.

I got fired from my job by a jealous manager for breaking too many records.

I'm guessing that the vintage music industry is just not for me...

I got fired from the morgue.

They caught me with my cookie in the hand jar.

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